The Mierkolatory Files: Marked for Extinction

“The Mierkolatory Files: Marked for Extinction” - Episode 251

🚨 Kidnapped! Imprisoned! Robbed! 🚨

Stranded Earthling Nicki Rodriguez and the self-proclaimed Grate Gizzy, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, have fallen into the slimy clutches of the ruthless Markmen and their sinister leader, Bob!

Locked deep beneath the infamous Mierkolatory, Perswayssick County’s notorious mierk-processing facility, the unlikely duo face alien interrogation, bizarre thirteenth-dimensional technology, flaming energy weapons, political revenge, and a humiliating front-row seat to the Grand Oogitty Boogitty’s critically important farewell parade Gneeecey absolutely had to attend, to save himself, but now cannot attend.

As the Markmen use impossible technology to search Nicki’s belongings and uncover secrets she desperately needs to protect, Gneeecey realizes his enemies may have already stolen far more than his election... and Nicki's most valuable possession may be next!

Can they escape the Mierkolatory before the Markmen seize everything? Or is this the beginning of the end for Perswayssick County's most dysfunctional heroes?

🎭 Dark Comedy
 🚀 Science Fiction Adventure
 🐕 Sooperflea Universe
 👽 Alien Gangsters
 🎙️ Audio Drama Podcast
 🤣 Surreal Humor
 🌌 Interdimensional Chaos
 ⚡ Suspense & Cliffhangers

Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy is the long-running comedy fantasy sci-fi audio drama podcast where logic takes a coffee break and chaos runs the show! 🎧 Listen now https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧 perfect for fans of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and bizarre, story-driven audio fiction!

👉 Subscribe, like, and share if you enjoy hilarious sci-fi adventures, absurd alien worlds, eccentric villains, and laugh-out-loud storytelling.

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. Artwork Created by ChatGPT, featuring Gneeecey by Vicki Solá, and Nicki Rodriguez, based on Jay Hudson’s illustration.

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Transcript

Transcript / “The Mierkolatory Files: Marked for Extinction” - Episode 251, by Vicki Solá.

(Based on material from THE GETAWAY THAT GOT AWAY by Vicki Solá  (© 2011, Full Court Press) 

All content © 2026 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Our next-to-last episode left kidnapped Earthling Nicki Rodriguez and her zany canine-humanoid companion Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey trapped, in the slimy clutches of the evil alien Markmen and their sadistic leader Bob. The two find themselves imprisoned inside the creepy basement of Perswayssick County’s notorious mierk processing factory, simply known as the Mierkolatory.

SFX: [Scary Background II] [Horror Scary Moment]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  Brown-haired Mark plunked himself down behind the keyboard and rolled up his sleeves. SFX: [Computer Keyboard] “Okay, Doc—”

“That’s Diroctor—I’m a doctor an’ director of this here lousy county—”

“Shaaadup, Doc! Now, ya lost the election after ya guaranteed it would go our way—”
“Nuthin’s really lost,” squeaked Gneeecey. “Youse guys’ll find everythin’ ya need on her planet! I’ll stake her life on it!”
I bolted upright. “Now, you just wait a minute—”
Teeth bared, the younger Markman walloped my face with his meaty palm. SFX: [Body Slap]
“Ya been hustlin’ us,” continued the senior Markman, ignoring me as I sat stunned. “Playin’ us for fools.”
“No!” insisted Gneeecey. “Nuthin’ in life’s for sure—everything’s fifty-fifty! I learned that in my News Guessin’ Seminars! So, we’d either win the election, or we wouldn’t—”
“That ain’t wha’cha was tellin’ us the whole time—”
 “I mean,” spluttered Gneeecey, biting his knuckles, “You know—”
 “Don’t eat your hand like that, Doc. Ya gonna need it to reach in your pocket an’ return our deposit—all fifty-quadrillion bucks.”
 “An’ thirty-seven cents!” shouted the younger man, wielding a translucent, flame-filled pole.
Gneeecey recoiled. “Not the one wit’ the red handle!”
“Won’t hurt me.” 

“Stink’ noooo—”

The Markman’s dead eyes came alive as he poked Gneeecey’s left ear with the rod. SFX: [Fire] “Stinkin’ ooooooow!”  

“Hey—how dare you? Diroctor—are you alright?”

“You siddown, miss—ain’t nobody asked for your input!”

SFX: [Body Slap] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Horror Scary Moment]

“Whatsamatter, Doc? Ain’t real fire—not for us, anyway. Thought you were a scientist! It’s jus’ an eglonkerated field of emaxxicated energy. We’re talkin’ elementary thirteenth-dimension physics. Here—let’s try your other ear.” SFX: [Fire] Gneeecey slid to the floor, howling. “Yaaaaaaaaaah!”
“Stop!” I yelled.
“Lessee how you like it, ergzap!” The rookie touched his stick to my jacket’s down-filled sleeve. SFX: [Fire] The amber-skinned Markmen creeps slapped high-fives as I beat out flames. SXF: [Body Slap]
 “Okay, Doc, give us back our money,” ordered the senior Markman. “Every cent!”
“Caaaan’t,” wailed Gneeecey. “It’s all tied up—y’know, investipated. An’, uh. . .some’s, uh, missin’. . . .”
The rookie aimed his fiery weapon at Gneeecey’s bulbous wet black nose.
“Nooooo!” screamed the good diroctor. “The Ig there—she knows where the mon-ney is! An’ all them codes are in her papers!”
“We’re still waitin’ on them papers.”
“I’ll give ’em to youse, like I promised. but’cha gotta lemme outta here so’s I can go get ’em.”
“Nice try, Doc. But we got our own ways of gettin’ what we want.” The Markman’s laser-like pupils burned through him. SFX: [Sharp Scary Eerie Logo]
“I swear,” said Gneeecey, “sometimes it hurts even when youse guys jus’ look at me!”
 “An’ what you lookin’ at?” the older Markman asked me.
“I’ve nevoover—ugh—never seen a computer mouse like that.”
He rolled his luminous, crap-colored eyes. “Ya ain’t never seen an optically-saturnated muridian zlooper?”
“No.”
SFX: [Spaceship, Resonant] Gyrating geometric images raced up and down the screen as the Markman manipulated the neon-green outer ring of a gaseous orange sphere. He ran a hand through his greasy hair. “Heya Doc, ya wanna see somethin’ cool?”
Gneeecey leaned forward. “Yeah. I love cool junk!”
Mark clicked the ring down SFX: [Electronic Button] and pumped up the volume on two silver cylindric speakers. “Check this out.” SFX: [Parade Music]
Gneeecey’s mouth opened wide.
“There’s your parade, Doc—goin’ on wit’out ya.”
 A guttural sound escaped from Gneeecey’s throat.
 The Markman depressed his ring twice. SFX: [Electronic Button] “Let’s zoom in an’ see who’s ridin’ that priddy white horse there.”
 Gneeecey’s stallion pranced across the wall SFX: [Horse Neigh]—ridden by a triumphant Jacob J. Qwertyuiop, an orange-and-purple satin sash draped across his barrel chest. Jacob, Jr. sat in the saddle with him, his young face lit up with joy. SFX: [Audience Applause]
“Only the lousy Grate Gizzy’s supposed to ride that horsey an’ wear that sash!” shrieked the good diroctor, as he sprinted toward the door. “Lemme outta here! Stinkin’ now!”
The rookie Markman scooped Gneeecey up like a ground ball and chucked him back into his chair. SFX: [Cartoon Slip & Fall] “You ain’t goin’ nowheres.”
“An’ we’ll take care of them two witches,” vowed the senior Markman, pointing to sisters Verna Vlott and Vlotta Vern as they high-stepped their way down spectator-lined Veggie Burger Avenue. 

“Qwertyuiop, too,” added the younger Markman, aiming his deadly pole at the screen, “An’ his kid.”
“Where’s his holiness?” asked Gneeecey, biting up and down his left arm, spitting out fur. “Our Grand Oogitty Boogitty always rides right behind meee, the Grate Gizzy, ontoppa that Squiggleman’s Hardware barbecue float—”
“Your dumb oogey-boogey man took off awready,” replied brown-haired Mark. “Ya won’t see him for a whole ’nother year—that is, if you’re still around.”
 “But he always waits till after lunch to launch himself!”
 “Not this year. Let’s rewind.” Mark turned his ring counterclockwise. SFX: [Fast Rewind]
There, up on the wall, the expressionless holy spud crackled and hissed SFX: [Barbecue Sizzle], atop a state-of-the-art stainless steel grill, clutching his scepter and a Gnorks team lunchbox, as the crowd chanted, “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, blast off!” SFX: [Jet Engine] [Crowd Oooh & Aah] [Applause]
Gneeecey’s eyes glazed over as he watched his spiritual leader, and his hopes, disappear into the no-longer-lavender heavens.
“Let’s fast-forward back to the present,” suggested Mark. SFX: [Fast Forward] “Hey, ain’t that your buddy? The one all the chicks went nuts for? The one you always been jealous of?”
Gneeecey winced as Flubbubb marched past, striking his triangle with abandon. SFX: [Triangle] “Youse really know how to hurt a guy, don’t youse?! Youse guys ain’t really my friends, are youse? When I stinkin’ get outta here, I am stinkin’ gonna get youse!”
 Brown-haired Mark cleared his throat. “You threatenin’ us?” He clicked on a lightbulb icon SFX: [Electronic Button], and Gneeecey’s hot seat vanished into thin air.
“Stinkin’ ow! Wha—wha’ hapoopened?” inquired the good director as he tumbled to the cement. SFX: [Concrete]
Mark chuckled. “We don’t play.” Whistling, he brought my image—my live, three-dimensional image—up onto the screen. SFX: [Spaceship, Resonant] “Well, well, whadda we got here?”
I watched as the virtual me squirmed in her scorching seat, attempting to keep most of her weight on her insulated navy, multi-zippered jacket’s thick bottom hem. Just like the real me.
Mark rotated the ring. SFX: [Spaceship, Resonant] “Looky.”
I—and the shrinking series of virtual myselves up on the wall—gawked transfixed as the cursor dragged a shrinking series of dark objects out of a shrinking series of our virtual coat pockets.
Mark snapped his fingers. SFX: [Finger Snap] [Eerie Musical Logo]
My black V-neck blouse—the one I had stuffed into my pocket only hours earlier—unfurled and floated past my face, right into the Markman’s slimy clutches.
Winking, he threw my garment into a pile of mierk. “Whatsamatter, ya ergzap Earthling? I thought that was a pretty cool trick!”
“It was!” agreed an opportunistic Gneeecey. “Do it again!”
“We will—don’choo worry.”
I thought I was gonna black out.
“Okay, now we’ll try somethin’ different.” Rotating the ring clockwise, counterclockwise, then clockwise SFX: [Eerie Musical Logo], the Markman double-clicked on my virtual jacket SFX: [Electronic Button x 2] and snapped his fingers. SFX: [Finger Snaps] [Eerie Musical Logo]
Breath nearly sucked out of me—the real me—I swooshed up toward the ceiling.
“Ig,” whooped Gneeecey, clapping, “you’re flyin’! Like Sooperflea!”
An instant later, I landed hard, on my hands and knees. SFX: [Concrete] As I raised my head, I saw my jacket—my actual jacket—hanging from Mark’s index finger. My jacket, filled with all my precious possessions I’d managed to stuff in its pockets…including my ten thousand  dollars cash….

“C-cool trick,” I stammered, “but could I please have it back? I’m freezing!”
 “Yeah, sure.” He tossed my coat to the younger Markman. “After we search the pockets.”

My heart plunged into the pit of my stomach.

SFX: [Spaceship Mystery Tune] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###