The Words That Could Kill Her

“The Words That Could Kill Her,” Episode 246

She only needs four words to escape… But saying them could kill her.
 And reality is already starting to break. 💥In this darkly comedic sci-fi podcast episode of Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy, stranded Earthling Nicki Rodriguez faces her most dangerous decision yet… 💥🌌 After a sleepless night in Gneeecey’s freezing mansion, Nicki prepares for a high-risk dimensional escape back to Earth—armed with nothing but a multi-pocketed jacket, a fading hope, and four mysterious words that could either save her… or get her killed. 😨🌀 As Blirg season comes to a chaotic end and time finally lurches forward again, the pressure builds. Between Grimace holiday madness, sabotaged concert wiring, rogue kangaroos (yes, really 🦘⚡), and Gneeecey’s relentless demands, Nicki must navigate one final gauntlet through the bizarre world of Perswayssick County. But something isn’t right… Reality flickers. Objects vanish. Her body tingles with the threat of dimension burn. And with whipped-cream snow having fallen from lilac skies, Nicki realizes—this escape might cost her everything. ❄️💔 Will she make it back to Hackensack, New Jersey… or disappear between dimensions forever?

👉 Hit play for a twisted blend of sci-fi, fantasy, dark comedy, and surreal adventure—perfect for fans of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and bizarre, story-driven audio fiction! 🎧 Listen now https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧 🔥 If you're into surreal sci-fi, dark comedy, and wild dimension-hopping stories, hit LIKE and SUBSCRIBE — it helps this series reach more listeners! And tell me in the comments: would YOU risk everything to get home? 🌌

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. Artwork Created by Vicki Solá & ChatGPT, Nicki Rodriguez based on Jay Hudson’s The Getaway That Got Away book cover illustration. #ComedyPodcast  #SciFiComedy #FantasyPodcast #WeirdFiction #IndiePodcast #DarkComedy #SurrealStorytelling #hitchhikersgalaxyfans #montypython

Transcript

Transcript / “The Words That Could Kill Her,” – Episode 246, by Vicki Solá.

(Based on material from THE GETAWAY THAT GOT AWAY by Vicki Solá  (© 2011, Full Court Press) 

All content © 2026 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  After tossing and turning for hours, I shot out of bed. The mansion’s thermostat had been set so low, I could see my breath. In semi-darkness, I slipped Cleve’s ice cold watchband onto my right wrist.
 The afternoon before, I’d visited Saint Vlad’s Cemetery, kneeling at his grave and placing a red rose next to a temporary marker that read, Wheeler, C.–Plot 748s.
I was glad I’d never see the headstone. I would be unable to bear the sight of it.
I sighed. Heart aching, I fought the urge to open Cleve’s locket. I had to stay focused. After the concert, as Gneeecey saddled up his, uh, horsey, and St. Bogelthorpe’s off-key bells tolled, signaling the end of Blirg and backward time, I would disappear into the woods and say those four words. Those four words that might get me killed.
I strapped my cheap, plastic purple Blirg watch onto my left wrist. Soon, I wouldn’t need it.
Dressing with more care than usual—choosing my maroon turtleneck and least dilapidated pair of jeans—I wiggled into the multi-zippered navy jacket Flea had given me, triple-checking that my cash, passport, outline of my novel, and Cleve’s grandmother’s phone number back on Earth—in Hackensack, New Jersey—were zipped securely inside the bulky garment’s inner pouches. Couldn’t even imagine what I’d tell his Grandma Eleanor and sister Lauren—that is, if  I survived the jump back to my dimension.
 I felt as if I were wearing a fat suit—I probably looked like I’d gained twenty or thirty pounds overnight. Inhaling one last whiff of my little utility closet of a room’s caustic chemical odor, to remember it—don’t ask me why—I headed for the door. SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] 

As I crossed the threshold, I scrambled back to my flimsy cardboard dresser SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking], yanked its drawers open, and rifled through some of the hard-won possessions that I’d be leaving behind.
 I plucked out a silky, black V-neck blouse—a favorite of mine, an all-too-rare, two-armed garment I’d managed to find in Oddlottz—and I crammed it into one of my remaining empty pockets, along with a fleecy red pair of Flea’s socks.
 Suddenly, I sprinted behind my “night table”—an upside-down cardboard box— SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] and scooped up Cleve’s radio, amazed that I’d almost forgotten it. A split-second later, it dematerialized right in my hands. SFX: [Magic Summon] I stared and stared until, mysteriously, it reappeared. SFX: [Magic Glitter]
 “Sleep deprivation,” I muttered aloud, jamming the receiver into an inner pocket.
 Dismayed by the possibility that I might be losing my mind—and alarmed by a sudden tingly sensation spreading from the soles of my feet, up to my thighs—I stumbled out into the hallway. SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] Was my dimension burn really healed enough for me to make that jump back home safely?
 “Didn’t sleep good,” snarled the elbow-high Gneeecey, as my swinging fist collidedwith his fur-covered skull, in the lavender-lit corridor. SFX: [Golf Ball Into Hole] “Stinkin’ ow!”
“Sorry,” I mumbled, caught up in my own thoughts.
He looked me up and down. “Heya, Ig, ya musta gained twenny or thurdy pounds since I last saw ya!”
 “Like your teddy bear Yammicles?” I whispered.
 “Whaaaaat?”
“Uh, nothing.”
He scowled. “Guess I’ll hafta put one of them electronical comboobination locks on my refrigerator door, y’know, to keep yooou out. Food is expensive.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Now remember Ig, as soon as the concert’s over, yooou come right back here an’ throw up all them Grimace dekookorations—they’re in that plaaastic crate over there.”
“Yeah,” I replied, studying my new cobalt-trimmed gray Mierk-Tracker sneakers. “Uh-huh.”
“An’ make sure there’s purpoople tinsel on every chair in this house.”
 “Uh-huh.”
 “Things better look real Grimacey—his holiness, our Grand Oogitty Boogitty, gotta be real impressed.” Gneeecey stared me down. “It’s my laaast chaaance, y’know—after lunch, he jumps back onto the tail of his comet an’ goes gallopoopin’ around the whole lousy universe for a whole ’nother stinkin’ year!”
“Uh-huh.”
“So, everythin’ gotta go perfoofect!”
“Uh-huh.” I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“An’ by the way, Ig, our Perswayssick Civic Center jus’ called. After all them sound checks you an’ Stuey did, a buncha wild, unauthorizated kangaroos broke into the building an’ chewed up all the wiring an’ bit gigaaantical chunks outta the stage—”
“What?!”
“So, on your way to the auditorium, ya gotta stop at Schweinzimmer’s—gotta replace them new wrecked Glavorzian 320x cables that ya jus’ got.”
“How,” I asked, slumped against the wall, “can I go all the way downtown, then make it back in time to the audooditorium—ugh—”
“Jus’ do your job,” he snapped. “An’ leave the thinking to meee.”
“Can’t Stu go?”
“Nope. Stuey’s awready down there at the auditorium, testin’ out all the seats. An’ I tol’ him to go get dinner. Wit’ Blirg endin’, the poor kid’ll miss breakfoofast!”
Doing a slow burn, I held out my hand.
He looked at me like I had three heads. “Why’re ya holdin’ out your hairless Ig hand like that?”
“Last time I picked up those caboobles—ugh—cables—at Schweinzimmer’s, you never reimbursed me.”
“Never said I’d reimburse ya.”
 “You said you’d pay me back.”
“Pay ya back twice?”
“Huh?”
He sighed. “I mighta said I’d imburse ya—that means payin’ ya back once. Reimburse means—”
“You never even paid me back once—you owe me fifty dollars, plus what I’ll be laying out now.”
“I’ll imburse ya after the parade—when me an’ his holiness come back to the house for lunch.”
My heart sank. By then, I’d be history. And out a hundred bucks….
He belched. SFX: [Giant Burp] “Wha’chooo lookin’ at, Ig?”
 “Uh…nothing.” When I thought about it, a C-note was probably a pretty cheap ticket out of hell.
 “Oh, an’ Ig, Merry Grimace.”
 “Yeah. You too.”
 “Now git!”
“Uh-huh.” I’d be gittin’. Little did he know….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

Arctic air slapped my face as I gazed into lilac heavens. The low sun’srays streamed through breaks between dramatically shadowed cumulus clouds. Sympathy card skies.
 Slowly, my eyes wandered down to the ground. A blanket of white covered everything in sight.

SFX: [Magic Glitter]
 “First snow of the season!” shrieked Gneeecey, as he tore through the yard like a hyperactive third grader. SFX: [Mud Splash] “Our first snow always comes down as whooped cream!”
Snow would complicate everything. I hated the stuff. And this being Perswayssick County’s first snowfall of the season, it would be super slippery.  Actual whipped cream had fallen while we’d been sleeping.

The canine-humanoid stuck a digit into the chilly mess. The creamy stuff made his unwashed chalky fur finger look even dingier. “Mmmmmm—I was dreamin’ of a white Grimace!”
“Uh-huh.”

SFX: [Christmas Street]

“Where’s that music and—and noise coming from all of a sudden?”
 “It’s the magic of Grimace! Hapoopens every year! An’ now I’ll be able to see evil Mister Tree’s footprints—he’s been chasin’ me faster lately!”
 I pulled out my car keys. SFX: [Keys]
 “Yeee haaaw!” he howled, submerging his snout in the white glop. SFX: [Dog Eating]
“You’ll get sick,” I warned.
“Nah,” he replied, surfacing between slurps. “Gotta eat all this whooped cream up before it spoils! This whole county’s gonna smell priddy funky in a coupla days!”
I’d timed my departure perfectly.
“Now, git yourself down to Schweinzimmer’s to get them wires!”
My “As Seen on TV” Muck-Grabber soles were no match for the slick surface—my first mincing steps landed me on my knees. I whizzed down the driveway, right past my creamed-over Splodge. SFX: [Slip] [Cartoon Slip & Fall] [Comedy Boing] [Duck Horn]
Struggling to my feet, I executed a backward triple axel, followed by what must have looked like a quadruple klutz. SFX: [Slip] [Cartoon Slip & Fall] [Comedy Boing] [Duck Horn]
“Perfect form, Ig! I bet’cha can be a real clodympical champion if ya practice more!” whooped Gneeecey. “Do another!”
SFX: [Saxophone 1, 2] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###