Ain't Nobody Happy

“Ain’t Nobody Happy,” Episode 212 

✨🚽🛸 Welcome back to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy — the laugh-loaded, sci-fi/fantasy podcast where chaos, comedy, and cosmic canine-humanoid nonsense collide! 🌌😂

This week, the action warps us back to Holy Krapp Hospital, where things are about as normal as a flying outhouse. 🚑👃

👀 Highlights from this episode:

• 🐶 Superhero Sooperflea drags his cranky best frenemy Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey to the ER after strange double voices start sliding out of his snout at once.
• 💉 Meanwhile, the ever-rotten Nurse Maudlyn is STILL glued to her toilet—and her mouth is sealed shut! (Mercy for everyone else? Maybe. 😅)
• 🩺 The object of her affection, Doctor Frombilagonga, couldn’t care less—he’s too busy planning dinner dates and buying cryptocurrency. 🥂💸
• 🧠 Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas and Therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma,” weigh in: is Gneeecey’s bizarre vocal glitch physical, psychological, or just plain ridiculous?
• 👯 Enter Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay—Gneeecey’s pompous lookalike from Planet HyenaZitania—with “comfort reading” that only makes things worse.
• 💨 And just when it couldn’t get stinkier, a gas leak alarm blares, chaos erupts, and Urgl swoops in with his methane-powered flying outhouse! 🛸💨

👉 Tune in for an interdimensional mix of hospital hijinks, gas leaks, absurd sci-fi twists, and cliffhanger chaos—Perswayssick style! ✨ Don’t forget to like, share, and drop a comment! 🪐🎧 New episodes every week! 🎧 LISTEN: https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧

🎧 Perfect for fans of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python, Rick and Morty, and anyone who likes their comedy extra weird. 

Episode Artwork created by ChatGPT

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

#Comedy #fantasy #SciFi #dogs #dogsofInstagram #Podcast #hitchhikersgalaxyfans #montypythonfans #ParallelUniverse #FunnyAudioDrama #Multiverse #DimensionHopping #WeirdFiction #AudioTheater 

Transcript

Transcript / “Ain’t Nobody Happy” – Episode 212, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: As we alternate timelines, we return to that other parallel universe where there is no Nicki—(spoiler alert: yet). As two voices seem to be sliding out of Gneeecey’s snout simultaneously, Sooperflea has taken his angry, uncooperative pal to Holy Krapp Hospital, to be checked out. Also in the ER sits rotten Nurse Maudlyn, still glued to her toilet, with her mouth still sealed shut. Doctor Frombilagonga, the very disinterested, if not totally repulsed object of Nurse Maudlyn’s affections, specializes in treating bizarre caseslike hers. The nurse’s blood pressure rises when the doctor announces that before tending to her, he plans to go on a dinner date with “someone very special,” plus he needs to buy more cryptocurrency…. In short, ain’t nobody happy…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Hospital Room Ambience]

FLEAGLOSSITTY “FLEA” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”:  Well, Zig, at least they finally moved ya to private room, an’ it’s here in Holy Krapp’s brand new Gertrude Gruesomewalder Wing. 

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Stinkin’ whatever, Fleaglossitty. I ain’t happy. An’ they’re still workin’ on junk. I saw them workin’ on some alarm system on the ceilin’ up there! Like I said, I ain’t happy! 

F: Beats sittin’ in that hot, overcrowded lobby forever, don’t it?

NURSE MAUDLYN: Aaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! 

G: But, they hadda put me in a room across from hers—that lousy Nurse Maudlyn! I wish she’d shaaadup!

F: She’s probably mad that she’s still glued to that terlit of hers, an’ her big yapper is still glued shut, too.

G: An’ she’s proboobably real maaad that her boyfriend Doctor Frombilagonga ain’t come back to check on her. 

F: Yeah. Oh, looky, a nurse is goin’ into her room right now.

SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers]

NURSE: How are we?

NM: Aaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! 

N: I have orders here, from Doctor Frombilagonga, to start you on an IV solution of fifty units of Intergloptitude 3. Doctor’s pretty busy, but don’t worry, he should be able to see you sometime tomorrow. And we’re going to arrange to put your, uh, commode there, on wheels, so you can move around more easily.

NM: Aaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! 

SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers]

F: Oh, looky, Zig, it’s Doctor Idnas an’ Grandma! They’ve come to visit you!

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Diroctor Gneeecey! Flea! Tank Bogeltorpe you are both okay!

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah! As soon as Alexandra and I found out you vere here, vee came, right avay!

G: Thanks, Doctor Idnas an’ Graaaandma. That’s very nice of youse to be so thoughtful. Youse two really do care about me, an’ I won’t nebberd-kinnezzard, y’know, extra-never, forget it!

G: [a second voice coming out of his mouth, simultaneously]: La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me ! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! 

DI: Oh, dear, Ingabore, did you hear dat?

IS: Yah, Alexandra, I did! Two voices are coming out of Diroctor Gneeecey’s mouth at vunce!

F: This has been happenin’, ever since I helped rescue him from that rotten Nurse Maudlyn’s house. Somethin’s real wrong wit’ Zig!

G: Ain’t nuthin’ stinkin’ wrong wit’ me, Fleaglossitty! I need to get outta here—immediately! I got some real important polutical junk to take care of for this lousy county! An’ ya ain’t that much of a superhero—ya didn’t rescue me all by yourself!

F: Y’know, Doctor Idnas an’ Grandma, I got a theory. Youse remember, a couple of years ago, when Zig had that voice transplant because his voice never changed an’ he had that procedure at Voices of Magic Intertechnological Technologies—y’know, VOMIT—an’ it didn’t work, an’—

G: Shaaadup, Fleaglossitty, why’re ya always stinkin’ bringin’ thaaat up? Ya tryin’ to question my manhood? 

F: Well, Zig, appealin’ to your love of money, maybe ya can sue that Doctor V. Cord if they find out your failed voice transplant is makin’ ya talk outta both sides of your mouth now.

G: Hmmm, ya got a point there, Fleaglossitty, That is a de-stinkt possiboobability.

F: Zig, y’know I really care ’bout’cha an’ I always have your best interests at heart.

G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. You’re a good guy, an’ my best friend from the beginnin’ of time. I care ’bout’choo, too!

G: [a second voice coming out of his mouth, simultaneously]: La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me ! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me! La, la, la, I can’t hear me!

DI: You know, Diroctor Gneeecey, and Flea, I do not tink dis ees a physical problem. I tink eet ees more or less psychological. 

IS: I agree, Alexandra.

DI: Ya, Ingabore. I have noticed right avay dat Diroctor Gneeecey only talks over heemself vhen he ees saying something nice. Eet is a sort of self-censorship.

G: Youse sayin’ I can’t sue Dr. V. Cord? I wanna sue him! In a law of court! 

F: Oh, looky, Zig, it’s Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, your lookalike from Planet HyenaZitania, comin’ to visit ya.

G: My hideous lookalike?

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Oh, hello, old chap. Thought I’d drop by to try and cheer you up. I brought you this. SFX: [Rustling Papers] Latest issue of Murgatroyd Avenue Millionaires—why, you’re on this month’s cover! 

G: How dare they? I am not a lousy millionaire—I’m a stinkin’ zillionaire!

SFX: [Rustling Papers] [Phartz] 

F: Oh, Zig—speakin’ of stinkin’! 

G: Caaan’t help it, Fleaglossitty! Took ’em twenny years to bring me up this lousy hospoopital food—that jackass burger didn’t taste right! Proboobably didn’t cook it enough, an’—

SFX: [Fire Alarm] [Sneakers Squeaking]

ORDERLY: Everyone evacuate! Gas leak!

NM: Aaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! 

SFX: [Crowd Panic Mixed Group] [Crowd Panic Run] [Police, Ambulance, Fire Engine Sirens]

SFX: [MonsterLaughReverb] [SuperPowerFlyBy] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Spaceship]

F: Looky up there—above the hospital roof—it’s that monster Urgl, in his flyin’ outhouse!

URGL: My methane sensors have been activated again!

SFX: [Crowd—Oooh]

G: Don’t look at meee, Fleaglossitty!

U: My uncle’s steel skunk is hiding inside a green cardboard credit card. And I will get back my silver gloog. In two weeks. Thank you for your attention to this matter. 

SFX: [MonsterLaughReverb] [SuperPowerFlyBy] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Crowd—Oooh] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Terror, Tension]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Next week, we return to that alternate, simultaneous timeline where, due to Gneeecey’s trickery, Nicki Rodriguez has unwittingly dimension-jumped back to Perswayssick County—way too soon after her first time—and finds herself stranded there indefinitely. Afflicted with a severe case of dimension burn, she finds herself having to live with Gneeecey in his mansion, and work for him, too. She’s on her way to work this particular morning…. We hope to see you next week!

SFX: [Magic Spell] 

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###