Chaos Erupts on Planet Earth! Nicki's New Jersey Nightmare!

“Chaos Erupts on Planet Earth! Nicki’s New Jersey Nightmare!” Episode 200

🚨 Chaos erupts on Planet Earth! Nicki Rodriguez is back in New Jersey—well, kind of. After merging with her alternate-timeline self, she’s just trying to live a normal life. But when a shrill, otherworldly phone call from the not-so-good Doctor Gneeecey interrupts her morning, things take a turn for the bizarre... again. 🛸

🌀 In this comedy sci-fi podcast episode packed with dimension-hopping, magic spells, bizarre creatures, and intergalactic ransom notes, Nicki finds herself on a collision course with chaos. Her stolen portfolio contains more than just money—it’s the key to secrets she didn’t know were still in play.

🌌 Featuring:

• 🧬 Parallel universe problems
• 📞 A haunted phone call gone toilet-bound
• 🧠 Mad ramblings from the zany Diroctor Gneeecey
• 🎭 A vaudeville-style portfolio heist
• 🏃‍♀️ A tunnel chase through the grimy underbelly of suburbia

💥 Will Nicki recover her belongings—or her sanity?
 🧪 Is Gneeecey really working alone?
 🧠 And what twisted fate awaits in the alternate dimension?

🔔 Subscribe & hit the bell for more weird, hilarious, and unpredictable episodes from our fantasy/sci-fi comedy podcast series! ✨ Don’t forget to like, share, and drop a comment! 🪐🎧 New episodes every week! LISTEN: https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧

Episode Artwork created by ChatGPT

#Comedy #fantasy # SciFi #dogs #dogsofInstagram #Podcast #VickiSola #hitchhikersgalaxyfans #ParallelUniverse #FunnyAudioDrama #Multiverse #DimensionHopping #WeirdFiction #AudioTheater #DarkComedy

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. #ComedyPodcast #SciFiAdventure #FantasyPodcast

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Transcript

Transcript / Chaos Erupts on Planet Earth! Nicki’s New Jersey Nightmare! – Episode 200, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: We rejoin our protagonist, the dimension-burned Earthling human Nicki Rodriguez, who exists simultaneously in an alternate timeline after having merged accidentally with her double. Nicki has managed to make it back to her own world, her own New Jersey on Planet Earth, but all is not well. One particular morning as she tries desperately to return to something resembling a normal life, she receives a phone call that rattles her world…. SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune] [Phone Ring] [Hairdryer]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: The phone rang again, interrupting a new stream of thoughts. Like before, I held the dryer at arm’s length, answering more gently this time. No one seemed to be on the other end. 

“Hello?” 

One of those calls. My eyes narrowed.

Suddenly, high, squeaky words fired out of the earpiece.

“Bad mornin’, it’s meeeeeeeee!”

The dryer coughed out a puff of pungent gray smoke and died. SFX [Hair Dryer]

“Ig,” inquired the shrieky voice, “are ya there?”
  I felt the top of my head being pulled upward by some invisible force.
  “Ya didn’t think you’d stinkin’ get away wit’ this, did ya?”
  “Hah,” I managed to croak, “whaaa—”
  “Ya owe me big time, Ig! Big an’ Ig rhyme! Plus they both have I’s an’ G’s that could be spares—horizontally or vertically! Even verticazontically! But forget that—you’re gonna pay!”
  The nightmarish image of a cracked, puke-pink plastic Greek column reentered my consciousness. “Your column?”
  “Yeah, Iggarooney! You broke it, you bought it! Plus I got this here invoice—hadda dredge the whole lousy river to recupetrate your junk!”
  “Who asked you to?” I shouted, emboldened by wrath.
  “Hadda make sure your toxic trash wasn’t gonna deregenerate our river an’ poison the goonafish!”
  “Whaaa—”
  “Want’cha stuff, ya gotta buy it back! Where else could ya get a deal like that?”
  “I’ve got news for you—”
  “Nope, Iggleheimer, I got news for yooou—if ya don’t buy it back, I’m sellin’ it!”
  I stumbled backward, slamming my spine into the sink’s unforgiving porcelain.
  “I know how ya got to our dimension, too,” continued the screechy voice, “an’ I know all your other secrets.”
  “What secrets?”
  “Your little game is over.”
  “What game?!” The telephone, propped between my chin and shoulder, slipped and became airborne, plunging into the waters of the open toilet. SFX: [Water Splash] As the beige buoy bobbed, its antenna stuck straight up, like a periscope.
  “Y’know,” screamed the voice, oblivious to its nautical fate, “you’ll pay back summa what’cha owe by preforatin’ commonoonity service—that’s a fryable option. Look at all them abandoned shoppin’ carts lyin’ homeless in the streets! Jus’ cast aside! Rusted! missin’ wheeeels! You’re gonna get ’em ready for adoption!”
  Vision obscured by white spots, I dropped to my knees.
  “An’ ya owe me for incornvenience! Incornvenience is very incornvenient!”
  I flushed the toilet, SFX: [Flushing Toilet] knowing full well that the phone wouldn’t go down. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune] [FootstepsConcrete]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: I trudged up the driveway on leaden legs, squinting to shut out arrows of late afternoon sun as they shot between leaves and clouds. Still breaking my head trying to remember exactly what had knocked me for a loop earlier that morning, I clicked my key in the lock SFX: [DoorLockUnlockKeys], shovedthe door open SFX: [MetalDoorOpen] [DoorSlam], and scooped up the mound of mail piled on the ledge.
SFX: [HumanWalkDownstairs] Scrambling down the steps, I made a dive for my oversized swivel chair and slumped over my paper-covered desk.
Slowly, I summoned the courage to raise my head and sift through the day’s heap of bills and ads. SFX: [Rustling Papers] Tore open my mechanic’s statement. SFX: [PaperTear] Had to keep getting the car fixed or I couldn’t get to work to keep getting the car fixed—to keep getting to work. Maybe the Mustang could be trained to wait tables. Another income would come in handy—help pay off those pesky student loans.

SFX: [Rustling Papers] [PaperTear]
And there was the car insurance. Anytime I thought I had a couple extra bucks, there it was, without fail. SFX: [Rustling Papers] Muttering, I rifled through the usual assortment of insipid ads, repeats of one-time-only offers to send away for genuine replicas of things you wouldn’t want in the first place, even if they weren’t fake SFX: [Rustling Papers], and catalogs so dumb they flunked their entrance exams to get into bathrooms.
One last piece remained: a plain, white envelope bearing only my first name, sloppily typed and misspelled—without the letter “N.” No return address, no stamp, no visible postmark.

After examining the mysterious missive under the lamp— additional illumination revealing only a brown smudge streaked across the back—I ripped the thing open. SFX: [PaperTear] 
It appeared to be a ransom-style note. Glossy letters of various fonts, sizes and colors, cut crookedly from magazines and glued with lumpy paste, the misspelled message read: “Wancha stuff bak? Start puttin green piktshures of Grover an Ben together for me. Yull be gettin further instrukshuns whutta dooo necks.”
The letter was signed neatly, in purple ink, “Verrry turly yers, Dr. B.Z.Z. Gneeecey.”
With a dull thud, my head dropped to the desk. SFX: [Thud] [Music Eerie] I woke with a start and lurched forward, upsetting a Styrofoam cup and spilling icy, week-old coffee in my lap. SFX: [Water Splash 5] ] [Misgivings & Misfortune] In front of my bloodshot eyes sat the missing thing—my maroon leather portfolio. It was swollen and weatherbeaten.
Holy crap—it all came rushing back! I’d stashed L’Orange’s dough, plus payments from other clients—around ten grand in cash—into a secret compartment inside the case. Zippered inside the main section were a shorthand outline of my unwritten novel, and my passport.
Gulping, I extended a trembly hand.
“Now ya see it, now ya don’t!” shrilled an all-too-familiar, furry white-and-black apparition, whisking the case away in less than a wink.
My mouth opened.
The creature lifted a red high-top in my direction. “Trick or treat, smell my feet, gimme somethin’ good to eat!” Anger crept into his voice. “Well, ain’t that how yuz Earthlings greet each other this time of year?”
I jumped up.
“Ya surprised to see me? Did I scare ya? Haaah? I certaincerely hope so!” He hugged my portfolio to his chest. “Geez, don’t look so oogdimonious.”
“Dr. Gneeecey,” I whispered, memories of that lost weekend flooding back, “how the hell did you get here?”
“Whaaaaaaat?”
“How the hell,” I repeated louder, articulating each word clearly, “did you get here?”
“Hell had nuthin’ to do wit’ it—ya left your window open.”
Smiling defiantly, Gneeecey hoisted my treasure high above his head. “Y’know, I’ve always prided myself on sneezin’ correctly—phonetically. Watch—aaaah, haaah, haaaah, haaatchoooo!” An earsplitting nose honk followed SFX: [Duck Horn] as papers and other light objects flew off the desktop.
“Bless me!” He tossed the portfolio into the air and laughed wickedly as it grazed the low, rough-textured ceiling. “Heh hah, heh haah!” SFX: [SneakersSqueaking] Scurrying across the room, he made a grandiose catch, then looked my way as if seeking approval.
My stomach churned audibly.
“Entertaineratin’, huh, Ig? Ya like vaudeville? I visited once—gave my regards to Broadway.”
“Okay,” I growled, “give me back the case.”
“Nope—ya gotta earn it back, the ol’ fascist way, jus’ like I earned everythin’ I got!”
“I said, give it back.”
“I said nope—I’m takin’ it back home wit’ me!”
“You’ll do no such thing.”
“I’ll do yes such thing!” he countered, leaping out of range and flying smack into the side of a tall bookcase, toppling it. SFX: [Wood Demolition Bang] [Rustling Papers] A deafening deluge of hardcover books pounded the floor.
I clenched my fists.
Oblivious, Gneeecey skipped up the mountain of fallen tomes SFX: [Rustling Papers] and
kicked one down. After executing several hideous somersaults, Aristotle’s Metaphysics—leather-bound, a gift from Dad—landed open, face up, its gilt-edged pages mangled.

SFX: [Rustling Papers]
“Spilt books are worth two in the bush. Don’t cry over ’em,” he philosophized gleefully. “Cry for Argentina instead.”
He must’ve realized I wasn’t amused. Maybe he sensed homicide hanging in the air. S till clutching the case, he took several steps back.
I lunged at him.
“Toooodles!” he cried, bolting. SFX: [SneakersSqueaking]. I flew up the stairs and out the door. SFX: [HumanWalkUpstairs] My head spun in fifty directions, searching the darkness for any sign of the little creep.
Swift on his sneakered feet, Gneeecey was already halfway down the block, emitting high-pitched squeaks.
SFX: [Footsteps Running] My ankle nearly turned as I tottered down the uneven sidewalk in delicate red pumps. 

The October air had frozen my coffee-saturated jeans to my thighs, and my cramping calves threatened mutiny.
Just as my right knee buckled into a backward collapse, Gneeecey screeched to a halt. “Real Earth pumpkins!” he squealed, eyeing a neighbor’s stoop. “Jus’ like in them books I read, back on my planet!”
Pivoting, he headed west, toward the railroad tracks. SFX: [SneakersSqueaking] [Footsteps Running] Crumbled steps on each side led down into an unsavory tunnel, one that had a reputation for radiating putrid odors on nice days.
My heart plummeted through the pit of my stomach when I saw the parked freight train. Losing no time, Gneeecey scampered underground,  SFX: [SneakersSqueaking] whooping, “A tunnel! What funnel!”
I froze.
“Wan’cha stuff?” he taunted. “Come git me!”
SFX: [Footsteps Running] [Mud Splash]Tearing in after him, slop walloping my shoes, I ran hard, desperate to escape the stink, and the hellacious passageway’s fabled legions of vile, subterranean reptiles and multiple-legged insects—and two-legged thugs. Still breathing through my mouth, I threw myself up the steps and rolled onto the sharp, debris-littered stones outside. SFX: [Gravel]
Gneeecey stood over me, victory flashing in his bulgy eyes.
Before I could get up, the cackling cur howled something undecipherable and vanished with my portfolio into thin air. Five magic syllables, propelled by blind fury, exploded up from my depths. SFX: [Explosion] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Summon]  [Magic Spell][Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Next week, we travel back to that other timeline in that alternate dimension, where rotten Nurse Maudlyn’s two canine-humanoid hostages, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey” and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” attempted, but failed, to escape their captor’s house….

FLEAGLOSSITTY “FLEA” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Okay, Zig. Here we go. Climb onto my back, an’ hold on.

NURSE MAUDLYN: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

F: But what are we gonna do about her?

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Who stinkin’ cares? 

F: I always kinda like to do what’s right, Zig.

G: That’s your problem, Fleaglossitty. Ya always say that. Ya always say ya gotta do what’s right.

F: Like that’s wrong?

G: I usually think of jus’ meee!

NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

F: Once we’re outta here, we can call the fire department to get her offa that toilet so she don’t starve to death. Okay…. C’mon, Zig…hold tight…. Time to face the music….

G: Now, jus’ concentrate on makin’ it up to that real, real unstinkin’believaboobly high window up there! This is a real dangerousical undertakin’! C’mon, hurry! An’ try an’ sound more confoofident.

F: Okay…c’mon, Zig. Hold tight….

SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Passing Swoosh Exploding] [Metal Crash] [Crash Metal] [Bang] [CanTinBag] [CanMetalTin] [GlassShatter] [GlassDebris]

G: See? I told ya ya couldn’t do it, Fleaglossitty! I stinkin’ bet your tail ya couldn’t do it! Now, help me get outta this lousy recyclin’ bin!

NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

SFX: [Human Hiccup] [Slide Guitar] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###