The Glue That Holds the Lousy Universe Together

“The Glue That Holds the Lousy Universe Together,” Ep.196 

Welcome back to Perswayssick County, where chaos, comedy, and cosmic confusion collide! In this wildly funny and unpredictable episode, “The Glue That Holds the Lousy Universe Together,”  madcap canine-humanoid Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey hatches a sticky plan involving industrial-strength glue and a toilet seat—what could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile, dimension-fractured Earthling Nicki Rodriguez wakes up in a Mustang stuffed with autumn leaves, somehow back in New Jersey after a surreal timeline detour. As she tries to piece together her bizarre reentry into reality, the hilarity continues at 666 Van Pooop Lane, where evil Nurse Maudlyn is about to have a very unfortunate bathroom experience.

🌀 If you love absurd sci-fi plots, dimension-hopping drama, zany characters, and cartoon-style soundscapes, this podcast episode will leave you laughing and scratching your head—in the best way possible.

🎧 Subscribe for more episodes packed with fantasy, freak-outs, and futuristic fun! Don’t forget to like, share, and hit the bell so you don’t miss a single leap through space, time, or porcelain fixtures.

#comedy #fantasy #scifi #dogs #podcast #fun #alternatetimelines

Episode Artwork created by ChatGPT

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. #ComedyPodcast #SciFiAdventure #FantasyPodcast

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

Transcript

Transcript / The Glue That Holds the Lousy Universe Together – Episode 196, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In our last episode, “Vanishing Escape!”,  self-proclaimed genius, canine-humanoid Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, has a sudden brainstorm….

SFX: [Cartoon Snoring]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Me bein’ a certifiable genius, I just thought of somethin’. Perhaphoops ya remember laaast time we were prisoners in this lousy house, we put that real strong glue on her terlit seat?

FLEAGLOSSITTY “FLEA” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Yeah, Zig. Our only mistake was, we only put it on the seat. So she ended up freein’ herself, runnin’ around wit’ the toilet seat stuck to her big bimbus!

G: So, this time, we not only put the glue all over the seat, we also glue the seat to the terlit itself! I know where she keeps the glue! 

F: Zig, you’re a genius! 

G: I’m always tellin’ ya that, Fleaglossitty! I should win a nobular peace prize! C’mon!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [HumanWalkUpstairs] [Cartoon 1] [Human Hiccup] [Magic Spell] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: And, so….

SFX: [Cartoon Snoring]

G: Fleaglossitty, let’s stinkin’ hurry up an’ get this done while the ol’ gas bag’s still asleep!

F: Yeah, Zig, c’mon—let’s go!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] 

G: Here’s them big tubes. Fast dryin’ an’ slow dryin’. Says both hold up to three zillion pounds. You hold the seat up, an’ I’ll apply the fast dryin’ glue onto the rim….there…. think I’ll put some on the underside of the seat, too, jus’ to make sure! 

F: Good idea, Zig, but please don’t get none of that glue on my fingers….

G: Don’t worry, Fleaglossitty…I’ll work around ya…there…let’s press the seat down, now. 

F: Awright….wow, that glue works real fast. Seat don’t even move, now.

G: Now it’s time to coat the top of the seat wit’ the slower dryin’ glue…there. Both of these tubes of glue say these adhesives will last even longer than whatever materials ya glue ’em to! Glue like this is proboobably what holds the lousy universe together—take it from meee! I’m a renowndicated skientist!

F: Uh-oh….

G: Whaaat, Fleaglossitty?

F: I shoulda relieved myself first, before we did this….

G: You’re right, Fleaglossitty. Me too.

F: But looky—we’re in luck! She left her comfortable at-home shoes right here,  by the terlit!

G: Perfect! You take her left shoe…I’ll take her right shoe….

SFX: [Mud Drops] [Cartoon 1] [Hiccup] [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, the dimension-burned Earthling human Nicki Rodriguez continues to exist in that alternate timeline after having merged accidentally with her double. Sooperflea had shown her the only, possibly deadly way she could return to her own world.

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Heart racing, I lowered my head onto the steering wheel, then bolted upright and opened my mouth. Out tripped Flea’s four little words….

SFX: [Explosion] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Summon] After the blinding purple flash, I saw nothing.

SFX: [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

N: There was nothing but blackness. Blackness, accompanied by a suffocating woodsy scent. Whatever pinned me down felt soft yet crackled whenever I stirred the slightest bit. SFX: [Crackling Leaves] Freaked, I began thrashing. SFX: [Crackling Leaves] Then, it dawned on me that I might actually be inside my car. Leaning to my left, I groped for a handle, and one resonant click later SFX: [Slot Clunk] [CarDoorOpen] I tumbled sideways into harsh daylight. 

My watery eyes focused slowly. The Mustang was packed solid with leaves—bushels of vividly colored autumn leaves. 

Stumbling upright, I brushed myself off and looked around. Somehow, I’d materialized on the Garden State Parkway’s northbound shoulder—in my New Jersey—headed for home. I cleaned out my vehicle as well as I could with two hands. SFX: [Crackling Leaves] Flummoxed, I ventured out onto the highway. My busted wristwatch smiled up at me from the passenger seat. It was working again. Its cracked face, circled by a jerky second hand, read four twenty-three. 

I tuned in my all-news station—a real ordeal, manipulating razor-sharp screws that should’ve been covered by knobs. Knobs that I had punched and broken off, out of anger and frustration, back in Perswayssick County. I’m not proud of that…. “It’s seventy-five degrees, and we’ve got sunshine this gorgeous late summer afternoon,” proclaimed WXNY’s Stormy Summers. “But we’ll cool down tonight—temps will plummet through the upper forties. For back-to-work Monday, we can expect highs to recover only into the mid-fifties—if we’re lucky.” 

Great. So much for my first vacation in five years—my weekend at the Jersey shore that I didn’t just have. My weekend in Perswayssick County, instead. I do feel guilty saying that. I mean, I was so thankful to be back in my dimension. My world. Back home with my mom and family. 

“Get your umbrella out,” continued the meteorologist. “Drizzle will be steady tomorrow. With this system stalled over us, we can expect a pretty chilly, dreary week.” 

I hit the gas. SFX: [Engine Rumble] To this day, I have no memories of paying tolls. Or exiting. I do recall pulling onto the driveway, thrilled to see every crack and pothole, even the unsightly oil slick created by my Mustang’s leaky engine. And I recollect plucking leaves off my sleeves as I hobbled past my lanky, silver-haired landlord. Looking puzzled, Rico mentioned something about me having a terrible sunburn, then asked if I’d gone upstate instead of to the Jersey shore. 

I think I mumbled something about borrowing a rake to clean out my car. Floating down the creaky wooden staircase into the welcome darkness of my basement apartment—on my way to total shutdown—I must’ve brewed some coffee. Probably slapped something between a couple of slices of bread and gobbled every last crumb. I do remember leaning against the shower walls and gazing lovingly at the unsightly holes where the old faucets used to be.

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Digital Alarm Clock] [Pouring Rain Thunderstorm]

Pouring rain outside sure sounded more vigorous than meteorologist Summer’s predicted drizzle. 

SFX: [Scary Background] 

Hulking silhouettes, cloaked in the charcoal of dawn, played tricks on my eyes. Huddled under my covers, savoring the smoothness of my sheets, I watched meek lamps, and benign coat racks morph into savage, book-devouring dragons, their barbaric intentions reflected in my damp dungeon’s mirror. 

Unclenching my right fist, I became aware of a burning sensation. Gripped by a sudden nostalgia for something vague, something dreamlike, I pulled my monster-lamp’s chain and examined my hand underneath the warm, yellow light. 

A rust-colored, quill-covered Rindom Doodle stared up at me from the center of my bloodied palm.

SFX: [Scary Background]  [Magic Spell] [Pouring Rain Thunderstorm] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, back in that other timeline, at 666 Van Pooop Lane….

F: Listen, Zig—I think the ol’ battle ax is up!

G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty—I don’t hear no more snorin’ comin’ from upstairs! 

NURSE MAUDLYN: Oh, I don’t know how long I was asleep. I do know I needed that rest. And now, I need the bathroom….

SFX: [Door Open] [Toilet Flush]

NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! 

SFX: [Cartoon 1] [Human Hiccup] [Magic Spell] 

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###