Ya Can't Squeeze the Toothpaste Back Into the Tube

“Ya Can’t Squeeze the Toothpaste Back Into the Tube,” Ep.192

Welcome to another wild, laugh-out-loud adventure from the wacky universe of Gneeecey and Sooperflea! In this hilarious comedy/fantasy/sci-fi audio escapade, our clumsy canine-humanoid superhero, Fleaglossitty "Flea" Floppinsplodge (aka Sooperflea), regains some of his superpowers—but not his coordination! 💥

What’s in this episode? 🦴 Flea crashes through a window trying to save his tiny, fast-talking BFF Gneeecey
🧙‍♀️ Evil Nurse Maudlyn vanishes—but still sees everything
🚪 Trapped in a booby-trapped house with invisible enemies
🚀 Flashbacks to a chaotic trip to Opposite Earth
👟 Sneaky mice, puke pink columns, and super-size toothpaste disasters
🌎 Plus: the fate of Earthling Nicki Rodriguez in a twisted alternate timeline!

If you love: ✨ Whacky sound effects
 ✨ Surreal sci-fi storytelling
 ✨ Ridiculous superhero banter
 ✨ Talking dogs with bad attitudes
 ✨ And outrageously funny dialogue…

Then hit https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.comand get pulled into a dimension full of chaos, magic, and misfortune!

👉 Don’t forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and COMMENT with your favorite line from the show!
🎧 Available wherever you get your podcasts!

#ComedyPodcast #SciFiComedy #AudioDrama #Sooperflea #FantasyPodcast #WackyAdventures #IndiePodcast #PodcastEpisode #SuperheroComedy #FunnyPodcast #TalkingDogs #SciFiFantasy #PodcastLife

Episode Artwork created by ChatBox AI

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   And many thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

Transcript

Transcript / Ya Can’t Squeeze the Toothpaste Back Into the Tube – Episode 192, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [She Calls You]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In our last episode, “Mayhem, Mishaps, & Maudlyn,” red-caped, black-furred canine-humanoid Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, also known as Sooperflea, has seemingly regained some of his superhero powers, like his ESP and his flying abilities, but remains clumsy. He makes a grand entrance, crashing through evil Nurse Maudlyn’s window SFX: [Glass Shatter] in an effort to save his kidnapped childhood BFF, the white-and-black-furred, high-voiced canine-humanoid Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Sneakers Squeaking] [BodyFallHuman] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]

FLEAGLOSSITTY “FLEA” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Ow—my bimbus! What’s all that slippery stuff on the stairs! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Fleaglossitty—it’s yooou! Thank Bogelthorpe! 

F: I was aimin’ for the chimney but I was a little off—came through a second-story bedroom window instead.

G: Haaaalp, Fleaglossitty! I’m trapped—wit’ this horribooble woman—under this here lousy metal idotry!

NURSE MAUDLYN: That’s etagere, you dastardly canine-humanoid! And it will cost you a fortune to replace—if I let you live that long!

G: Fleaglossitty—haaaalp! Get me out from under this thing! It fell ontoppa us—

NM: Because you had to climb it!

G: Stinkin’ whatever! I been trapped under this thing, wit’ her, for hours! Haaalp!

SFX: [Magic Glitter]

F: You ain’t trapped wit’ her no more, Zig! She jus’ vanished—into thin air!

G: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! 

SFX: [Magic Glitter]

NM: Oh, but I’m still here, you two dastardly canine-humanoids. You just can’t see me. But I can see you! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] 

NM: And don’t think you can escape through this open kitchen window either. SFX: [Bang] [Wood Demolition Bang] Or any other way here. In addition to locking you in from outside, I’m setting my new Blunderbuzz alarm system here. SFX: [Intarface 2] [Electronic Button] [Electronic Cash Register] If it goes off, you two will be charged with tampering with an unsecured crime scene! 

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [DoorLockUnlockKeys] [Door open] 

NM: So, I’ll deal with you two when I get back. And you’d better not mess anything else up here while I’m gone—or else!

SFX: [Door Slam] [DoorLockUnlockKeys]

G: Fleaglossitty, what are we stinkin’ gonna dooo?

F: This is gonna be real challengin’, Zig….

G: Well, get me out from under this stooopid idiotry!

F: Okay, Zig. Like everything else, this is somethin’ ya literally brought on yourself—an’ us!

G: Shaaadup an’ jus’ lift this thing offa me!

F: First, ya made us come on your spaceship that wasn’t even really yours an’ ya didn’t know how to drive it. An’ then ya hit the launch button instead of the lunch button, an’ we ended up on that crazy Opposite Earth wit’ its evil orange leader Urgl sittin’ on that gold terlit in that flyin’ outhouse, an’ us losin’ our Nicki to another dimension an’ we’ll probably never ever see her again, an’ then you makin’ it so we got real, real bad dimension burn that even made you shrink! An' ’cause of me havin’ to save you, I left Professor Wallbang in the lurch, runnin’ away from a real important assignment he gave me! He’ll never trust or respect me again! An’ I’ve lost any chance of gettin’ that teachin’ position at the Superhero Academy he offered me!

An' look at’cha—you’re half my size now! Now, thanks to you, we’re prisoners again—in this rotten Nurse Maudlyn’s house! 666 Van Pooop Lane is our address again! All the dumb stuff ya done—it can’t be undone!

G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you! 

F: Lemme get this dopey thing offa ya….

SFX: [Metal Door Open] [Glass Debris]

F: Okay, Zig I’m holdin’ it up, so come on out. I’m jus’ gonna let it crash down again, ’cause that horrible woman don’t even deserve for me to put it back where it was….

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Metal Crash] [Glass Debris]

F: Now, we gotta put our heads together an’ come up wit’ a plan. 

G: Yeah. We can’t stinkin’ see her, but she can sure stinkin’ see us….

SFX: [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, the dimension-burned Earthling human Nicki Rodriguez continues to exist in that alternate timeline after having merged accidentally with her double. Finding herself in Perswayssick County seemingly for the first time, she and Sooperflea are leaving Gneeecey’s greasy dive, Gneeezle’s Restaurant, and are on their way to Gneeecey’s pet puppy’s condo, where she must stay until the red-caped superhero deems her healthy enough to attempt a perilous return to her own world. Gneeecey, right now, is very angry with Nicki as she’s broken a puke-pink plastic Greek column in his restaurant….

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune] [Restaurant Ambience] [Bang] Gneeecey kicked his cash register open and began scooping greenbacks and coins SFX: [Clinking Coins] into a King Oggle Supermarket’s sack. After a couple seconds, he jerked the entire tray out and turned it upside down. SFX: [Bang] “Tips in the bag, too,” he instructed diners. “An’ once your mon-ney’s in, I can’t give out no change—it’s against my policy. An’ I’m watchin’ youse—I count it all at home.” 

The way Gneeecey pronounced the word “money,” exaggerating the word’s two syllables, sounded really silly to me. As each departing patron paid, the canine-humanoid shouted angrily, “Bad night!” 

Flea, last in line, opened his purple rubber billfold. “Gee, Zig, prices really rose since last week!”

“Inflation hits everyone, even business maggots like me.” 

I opened my purse. “Here, Flea—” 

“No,” he replied, handing Gneeecey a pile of crumpled bills. “I told ya, it was my treat. Besides, ya didn’t eat nuthin’.” 

Gneeecey tapped his foot. “That’s thirty-five thirty-nine.” 

Flea scrounged through his pockets. SFX: [Clinking Coins] “Here—two quarters.” 

“Can’t give out change.” Gneeecey quadruple-knotted his bulging satchel’s drawstring, then marched over to a metal box and threw three giant switches. Gneeezle’s ghastly interior disappeared into darkness—a euthanasia of sorts, albeit temporary. 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: “Watch out for that treeeee!” warned Gneeecey, to no avail. Flea was already down. “Ya got astinkmatism in your left eye, don’cha?” 

SFX: [Duck Horn] replied the superhero’s nose. 

“I remember, Fleaglossitty, ya always wore glaaasses when we were kids,” continued Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, money bag wedged between his knees as he secured his precious Gneeezle’s Restaurant’s dozen locks and alarms. “Big, thick, funny-lookin’ glaaasses. Ya better thank your lucky gizzards that science came up wit’ contractin’ lenses.” 

“An’ you, Zig—you’re still allergic to fracas trees.” 

“Yeah—sneezed down four tonight. An’ I do pride myself on sneezin’ phonetically! Uh-oh, Flea, take cover—ah, hah, haaah, hatchoo!” SFX: [Duck Horn]

“It’s okay, Zig, in the superhero academy, they taught us how to duck.” 

“Y’know, Fleaglossitty, I’m hopin’ one day I’ll sneeze actual mon-ney! Heh hah, heh haah!”

As the two canine-humanoids conversed, Gneeecey’s giant delivery boy Altitude—a mouse— tiptoed over to his famous red bike, roped to a nearby lamppost. His excuse for being very late to work had been that he’d had two flat tires. Well, both of ’em appeared to be fully inflated. Stealing furtive glances over his shoulder, he unfastened his two-wheeler, hopped on, and flew down Murgatroyd Avenue and out of sight. 

“Let’s stinkin’ go,” barked Gneeecey, slinging his money sack over his shoulder. He tossed a handful of trash onto the sidewalk, at the black-furred Flea’s feet. SFX: [Metal Crash] Snout crinkled, the superhero pointed to the heap of rubbish. 

“Someone else’ll pick it up,” stated Gneeecey, with his usual air of self-importance. 

“Yeah…right.” Bulgy oval eyes rolling upward, Flea whisked up the litter and dropped it into a nearby receptacle. SFX: [Metal Crash]

“Told ya someone else would pick it up. I’ll meet youse at the condo.” Gneeecey shot me an icy glare, then dashed across the street. He began ripping “out of order” signs—a whole city block’s worth—off parking meters adjacent to his snakelike, fully articulated thirty-two-door white limo. 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell]

Miraculously, we arrived at Seemingwhale Towers intact. Flea’s already poor driving skills had deteriorated further after only a couple of hours away from the wheel. I was too weak to drive my own car. “Prndl was the prettiest girl in third grade,” he recalled, scraping my red 64-and-a-half vintage Mustang’s tires against the curb—struggling with the shifter and probably burning out my clutch. 

By the time we finally stepped out onto the pavement, Gneeecey was already dragging his loot up the walk toward the skyscraper’s entrance. 

“Bad evening,” simpered a patent leather-haired doorman, leaping out of the way when Gneeecey smashed the door open. SFX: [Bang] The slender middle-aged fellow’s accent and long, pointy incisors reminded me of a certain Transylvanian nobleman’s. 

Gneeecey pushed past him. “Baaad evenin’, Bogelthorpe. An’ I ain’t greasin’ your palm—ya didn’t hold the door.” 

“Wery good, sir.” We followed Gneeecey through the marble-floored lobby and into an elevator. Its neutral shades were most welcome after Gneeezle’s Restaurant. My eyes were still playing tricks on me after that whole visual nightmare. I studied the blinking, gold-toned control panel as Gneeeecy pressed buttons. I gulped. “Four hundred-fifty floors?!” This was one heck of a dream, I thought to myself. 

“You’re not dreamin’,” said Flea.

“Hey,” I shouted, “you assured me that you wouldn’t violate my mental privacy with your, uh, superhero ESP powers!” He was a good guy, but enough was enough.

“Sorry, Nicki. guess I jus’ guessed what’cha were thinkin’.”

 “Only the highest for my dog,” stated Gneeecey. “I can afford it. He lives on the four hundred-fourteenth floor.” 

“Really.” 

“When we built this place, we were real astoopt—we skipped from four-twelve to four-fourteen, so there wouldn’t be no four-thirteen.” He smiled condescendingly. “Woulda been bad luck, y’know?” 

I bit my tongue. 

“An’ it was my idea to make this one buildin’ insteada two. Cheaper. More cost-defective.” 

My fortunately empty stomach plummeted through the soles of my feet as the elevator continued its high-speed ascent. SFX: [Elevator Chimes] And Gneeecey suddenly appeared thoughtful. “Don’cha wonder,” he asked, studying the ceiling, “what would happen if ya jumped real high when ya were goin’ down real fast? Would the ceilin’ hit your head?” 

He jumped until our rocketing capsule, which he’d forgotten had been soaring upward, slid to a smooth halt. SFX: [Elevator Chimes]

Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and I exited into the plush corridor. “We put suite 414-A all the way down the hall, to fool burglars,” Gneeecey explained as we waded through ankle-deep crimson carpeting. “Putting it in the front woulda been too oblivious.” He dropped his sack and began fumbling with keys. 

When Gneeecey finally opened the door, there, on four paws, stood a tiny white-and-black pooch, absolutely identical to him, except for size. SFX: [Puppy Barking] The little yapper, who couldn’t have weighed more than two pounds, bounced into the air like a spring. The pup’s wildly wagging tail created a small windstorm. Gneeecey caught his look-alike in midair. 

“This is Oxymoron. I call him Spot for short. Conserves vowels, Oh, an’ I did the decoratin’ here, too. Did it up the same way I did the restaurant—wit’ lotsa classy downtown sophistiphoostication an’ junk.” 

Gneeezle’s had indeed metastasized its way uptown. Purple walls, orange beanbag chairs, and hot pink shag reigned supreme, accented by color-coordinated lava lamps and Grecian end tables. It wasn’t wise to look in any one direction too long. 

“Spot loves it here, don’cha boy?” 

“Grrrrr!” 

“Did the that lousy doorman Bogelthorpe feed ya that new food I sent?” 

“Grrrruff! Ruff ralph!” 

“You’ll get used to it—it’s a inquired taste. Freak O’Nature gave me fifty free cases.” 

“Urf!” 

“Did Bogelthorpe walk ya?” 

“Riff raff!” 

“I wish you’d learn to use your own bat’room. I better call down an’ remind ol’ Bogelthorpe that I’m jus’ visitin’—he might think I’m gonna take care of ya.” 

“Grrrrrrrrrr!” 

The air was thick with doggie smells, and mountains of shoes cluttered the living room. Crouching down, I read labels. The chewed-up pumps and oxfords were actually pricey French and Italian imports. “Spot takes after meee,” declared Gneeecey. “He’s too cultural an’ discrimulatin’ for toys.” 

Weak and dizzy, I braced myself against the wall. Gneeecey peered down his snout at me. “I only bring back the best luxurities when I visit your mudball plaaanet.” 

My eyes widened. “You—you visit my pl-pl—” 

SFX: [Slide Guitar] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: And back in that other timeline, at 666 Van Pooop Lane….

F: Geez, Zig, I’m really winded after carryin’ ya up all them stairs…. 

G: Well, Fleaglossitty, I need the lousy bathroom—real baaad! She don’t got one downstairs. 

F: Look how small ya still are, Zig…. I think you’re too small to use a regular terlit. Ya could fall in.

G: Yeah. Then I might drown. Think I’ll just use her comfortable at-home shoes here, then.

F: Yeah, me too. Might as well.

G: I’ll take the left one, you take the right one. SFX: [Mud Drops]

F: Okay, that’s better. Didn’t know I hadda go so bad. Now, Zig, I jus’ remembered here. I got this here high-tech planet gun clipped to my utility belt. Maybe I can shoot a hole through that kitchen window of hers an’ fly us both outta here. Lemme test it out on her bedroom lamp there…. SFX: [Metal Click 4] [GolfBallIntoHole] It ain’t workin’ right! SFX: [GolfBallIntoHole]

G: It ain’t doin’ nuthin’—it’s jus’ shootin’ out little plaaastic ping pong balls painted like plaaanets!

F: Musta been damaged back when we were on Opposite Earth! That’s your fault, too, Zig!

SFX: [Hiccup]

G: You’re hiccuppin’, Fleaglossitty!

F: ’Cause I’m nervous, Zig! 

G: As you told me, you ain’t hiccupped since the night you first met the Ig—

F: That would be Nicki—

G: An’ for some reason, I’m rememberin’ that night real good, now. That Earth girl busted my beaudiful fake plaaastic Greek column! She still owes me for thaaat—an’ she’s proboobably never comin’ baaack! My Gneeezle’s Restaurant ain’t never been the same since that night!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

F: Where ya goin’, Zig?

G: To the bathroom. Gotta brush my teeth.

F: When did ya ever care about brushin’ your teeth?

SFX: [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking]

G: Oh, looky! She’s got a gigaaantical tube of toothpaste right here on the sink, where I can reach it!

SFX: [Cartoon Slip]

G: Haaalp, Fleaglossitty, haaalp! 

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

F: What now, Zig? Oh, Zig…what a mess…. Ya got toothpaste all over the walls, the floor, an’ even the ceilin’!

G: Must be a trick tube! Ya heard what she said—she’s gonna be real maaad! Help me get it back into the lousy tube! 

F: Like everything else ya done, Zig, ya can’t squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube!

SFX: [[Intarface 2] [Electronic Button] DoorLockUnlockKeys] [Door Open] [DoorLockUnlockKeys]

G: Stinkin’ uh-oh….

SFX: [Hiccup] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###