Leader of His Own Free World

“Leader of his Own Free World,” Ep. 186

In this wild new episode of Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy, chaos reigns as a two-headed alien, a superhero duck, and power-hungry canine-humanoids battle over lost treasure, interdimensional mishaps, and an explosive custody dispute!

Stranded in Perswayssick County, the ever-scheming Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey is desperate to claim his title as Grate Gizzygalumpaggis, but furious alien Vloxx won’t let him go without payment for his wrecked spaceship. Meanwhile, the enigmatic longhaired dachshund Brunhilde arrives with a shocking claim—Gneeecey’s pet Space Duck is actually her long-lost "malted falcon", and she’ll stop at nothing to reclaim both the duck and its mysterious difalconiumyte necklace, a powerful cosmic artifact with unknown properties.

As tensions rise, Detective Clover Arlo Cookie, Perswayssick County’s dogged private investigator, finds himself drawn into the fray when Vloxx’s scanners detect something suspicious in his possession. But that’s not all—enter Professor Willard Wallbang, head of the Perswayssick Superhero Academy, who may hold the key to unraveling this bizarre mystery. What secrets does he know about the interdimensional anomalies plaguing the county? And why is Gneeecey suddenly growing to seven feet tall and bouncing uncontrollably?!

Meanwhile, lost in an alternate timeline, Earth human Nicki Rodriguez struggles to adjust after merging with a doppelgänger of herself. Rescued by the clumsy but well-meaning Fleaglossitty "Sooperflea" Floppinsplodge, she faces a bumpy ride—literally—as he speeds through Perswayssick County in her 1964½ Mustang, dodging glowing blue goonafish and grappling with his uncanny ability to read her thoughts. Can she find her way back to her original dimension, or is she stuck in this strange reality for good?

Packed with sci-fi humor, interdimensional adventures, and surreal comedy, this episode delivers hilarious banter, absurd situations, and an unforgettable cast of characters. Will Gneeecey claim his county throne? Can Space Duck escape the clutches of both an angry Gneeecey and a determined dachshund? And what other cosmic surprises are in store for Perswayssick County?

Tune in now to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy and immerse yourself in the wacky world of intergalactic misadventures! 🎧 Listen now and brace yourself for the unexpected!

Episode Artwork created by ChatGPT

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-bo

Transcript

Transcript / Leader of His Own Free World – Episode 186, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Music Eerie Drama]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:In our last episode, “Space Ducks, Doppelgängers & Dimensional Chaos,” there’s chaos aplenty…. Two-headed, silver-suited alien canine-humanoid Vloxx, furious that his spaceship had been skyjacked and destroyed, is holding dimension-burned Perswayssick County canine-humanoids Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, his Planet HyenaZitania lookalike, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, otherwise known as “Sooperflea,” plus Gneeecey’s pet mallard Space Duck, hostage, as he demands they pay up. 

And Gneeecey’s in a real hurry to get to the county courthouse so he can declare himself Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of Perswayssick County, now that the county’s elected leader Earth human Nicki Rodriguez is gone, having merged with a double of herself in an alternate timeline. Every time Gneeecey attempts to move, Vloxx zaps him with a laser.

It becomes more complicated when Beagle-humanoid Detective Clover Arlo Cookie and his mysterious but glamorous client, fellow canine-humanoid Brunhilde, show up. A custody battle is in store as she claims Gneeecey’s necklaced pet Space Duck is indeed her very own “malted falcon” that she’d hired Detective Clover to find. And she turns out to be just as interested in her “malted falcon’s” necklace as she is in her pet….

SFX: [Space, Mystery Tune]

BRUNHILDE: He eees mine! And so eees dat silver necklace he ees veering! I svear dat he eees mine, as I svear dat I am a longhaired dachshund canine-humanoid!

VLOXX: That mallard’s necklace is composed of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte, one of the most rare and powerful substances known in this universe.

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Vloxx also states that he believes that someone has something that is his….

SFX: [Space, Mystery Tune] [Intarface 2] [Electronic Button] 

V: As I get closer to you, Detective Clover, my sensors indicate you may have my missing item.

CLOVER ARLO COOKIE, P.I.: That’s impossible.

V: Well, no one is going anywhere until my demands are satisfied.

G: Oh yeah?

SFX: [Laser] [SciFi Laser]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Yaaaaaah! My lousy bimbus!

V: Try it again. I said, no one is going anywhere until my demands are satisfied.

SFX: [Music Eerie Drama] [Space, Mystery Tune] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: The situation becomes more complex when the Perswayssick Superhero Academy’s headmaster, Professor Willard Wallbang, shows up suddenly….

SFX: [Eerie Sharp Scary Logo]

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA: Professor Wallbang! What are you doing here?

PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: I believe that I may possibly be able to provide some answers here, Mister Floppinsplodge…. And, welcome home….

SFX: [Eerie Sharp Scary Logo] [Space, Mystery Tune]

F: Uh, thanks, Professor Wallbang. We’re a little worse for the wear, but we’re here…except for our Nicki….

G: Fleaglossitty, I stinkin’ told ya to forget about the lousy Ig—

F: Ya mean Nicki, Zig, an’ I been dreamin’ that she an’ I been talkin’. Maybe my superhero ESP is comin’ back, an’—

G: Fleaglossitty, I told ya to forget about the Ig. She’s in a different dimension an’ you’ll proboobably never see her again. An’ your lousy ESP stinks! It certaintaneously ain’t what it used to be!

PWW: Are you quite done, Doctor Gneeecey?

G: That’s stinkin’ Diroctor Gneeecey, ’cause I’m a doctor an’ director of this here dopey county.

PWW: Are you quite done, then, Diroctor Gneeecey? 

G: I’m never done! Nebberd-kinnezzard, as we say back on my native Planet Eccchs! Now, I’m busy, got lotsa important junk to do, so quick, tell us your plan! An’ it better not involve me payin’ back you and your superhero academy what the Ig owes ya for her tuition! She ain’t here no more! She ain’t never stinkin’ comin’ back! An’ I ain’t responsibooble for her dopey debts—

PWW:  —even though you insisted she enroll, so that she could be of more assistance to you. No,    Diroctor Gneeecey, that is not why I am here.

G: Well, I gotta get goin’!

SFX: [Laser] [SciFi Laser]

G: Stinkin’ ow—my lousy bimbus! Ya lousy two-headed alien!

V: Just a friendly reminder, Diroctor Gneeecey, that you need to shut your furry white-and-black snout and let the professor here share what answers he claims he has…. And, I will give you a break—I will ignore your last statement. Now, Professor, do tell us what you are thinking.

PWW: Certainly, Vloxx. I do believe this triangular fragment of a medallion—composed of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte—is what both you and Detective Clover are looking for.

V: That is mine!

PWW: Here, take rightful ownership of your metallic fragment. 

CAC, P.I.: Why, that’s the item that went missing from my pocket! The pocket here that I sewed up so well, even my wife approved! Right, Conrad?

SUN CONURE PARROT CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

B: Vhy, Detective Clover, I remember vhen you vere at my Falcon Farms and you found dat item on dee ground!

CAC, P.I.: So, Vloxx, I didn’t have your little piece of metal after all!

V: My—my difalconiumyte detector must be malfunctioning.

PWW: It is, indeed, Vloxx. If your difalconiumyte detector had been working properly, not only would it have directed you to that necklace-wearing mallard— 

B: —my malted falcon!

G: No—my pet Space Duck! 

SPACE DUCK: Quack! Quack!

B: Vee vill see, Diroctor Gneeecey! And see, he vants me! 

G: No, he don’t! Perhaphoops he’s jus’ proboobably hungry! Wants more malted cauliflower!

B: At my earliest opportunity, Diroctor Gneeecey, I vill call my attorney, Meester Albondigas!

G: That meatball? He ain’t no match for my attorney, John Smiff, Equestrian!

B: I vill beat you in court, Diroctor Gneeecey—you just vait and see! 

G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you!

CAC, P.I.: And I may retain an attorney to get paid, Brunhilde! Conrad and I put a lot of work into your case. And, y’know, it’s really awful, that Nicki Rodriguez is lost in another dimension!

SUN CONURE PARROT CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure] 

SFX: [Car Engine]

G: Looks like my giant mouse helper Altitude just stinkin’ drove away! I’ll stinkin’ fix him!

E: Bloody hell!

PWW: Quiet! All of you! I did you a favor, Detective Clover, by stealthily projecting myself your way and removing that item from your beautifully stitched -up pocket. Unless you are equipped with a specialized spacesuit like Vloxx here, carrying such a powerful metal on one’s person can result in great personal harm. Look at how it caused Space Duck here to temporarily expand to an unnatural height of seven feet, aboard the now-destroyed Starship Waterloo.

G: But, that was only tempooporary! He’s little again! 

B: My poor malted falcon! I vill never allow heem to be exposed to such danger again!

G: He’s mine! My Space Duck! 

PWW: I would suggest that this necklace—also composed of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte—be removed from the mallard and placed in a special vault. 

B: A vault registered to me! Dees ees of great importance to me!

G: Oh, stinkin’ yeah? Proboobably of more importance than my duck!

B: My falcon! My malted falcon!

PWW: With this particular powerful metal, enclosed spaces pose dangers. That is why—and my brief projections of myself did enable me to observe the happenings on the spaceship—Space Duck, when locked inside that lead-lined vault, grew to such an enormous, but thankfully temporary, size.  

V: Speaking of my wrecked spaceship, I demand—

PWW: I’m getting to that Vloxx. I have a proposal that shall potentially satisfy your demands. But first I must address—

SFX: [ComedyBoing] [Spooky Hollow Fear]

E: What the bloody hell—

F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! Zig! Ya musta grown seven feet tall jus’ now! You’re towerin’ over us!

G: An’ I can’t stinkin’ stop hoppin’! Must be this lousy dimension burn! Haaaalp!

PWW: As I had begun to say, first, I must address the fact that Diroctor Gneeecey here has in his possession that item known as “the silver gloog.” 

G: Stinkin’ yeah! It’s the lousy thing that Urgl—y’know, the evil leader of Opposite Earth who flies around in that outhouse wit’ wings—he was demandin’ it! He stinkin’ said he’d help us if we brung him the lousy gloog! But he turned out to be a stinkin’, diabolaboolical liar! He grabbed the gloog outta Fleaglossitty’s hands an’ saidhe couldn’t stinkin’ keep his end of the bargain an’ give us back our lousy missin’ spaceship!

E: Yes, he informed us that our flying machine was digested by a large, white-clad barbarian without shoes. And that turned out to be the wicked Nurse Maudlyn, who crashed the ship. 

G: Yeah! An’ then Space Duck here got maaad and flew up into the outhouse an’ got the gloog away from the orange monster! An’ then—

PWW: And then, during the course of the ensuing chaos—which, regretfully is all too typical of you people—that rather enormous gloog, composed of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte—ended up in an enclosed space, inside your rather abnormally large T-shirt pocket, too awfully close to your body, where it’s been all this time. 

F: I guess I’m lucky, Professor Wallbang. I was carryin’ that silver gloog on my person for a while.

PWW: Yes, Mister Floppinsplodge. Consider yourself to be quite fortunate. Perhaps your improving superhero ESP might have resulted from your brief contact with this object. Now, as for our hapless Diroctor Gneeecey here, his more prolonged physical contact with the item, coupled with his rather severe case of dimension burn, would account for his, uh, let’s say, present situation.

SFX: [ComedyBoing]

G: Haaaaalp! Here—stinkin’ take it! SFX: [Bang] An’ stop talkin’ ’bout me like I ain’t here! What do I do now? I can’t stop hoppin’ up an’ down, an’ I feel like I’m still gettin’ bigger!

PWW: Indeed, you are, Diroctor Gneeecey. I do consider myself to be a most highly evolved metaphysician, but even I must take time to give this matter some thought….

G: Well, wit’ all due disrespect, don’t take too stinkin’ long to figure it out!

SFX: [ComedyBoing] [Space, Mystery Tune] [Music Eerie Drama]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, Earth human Nicki Rodriguez continues to exist in an alternate timeline after having merged accidentally with her double. After surviving two accidents, one that transported her to the dimension of Perswayssick County, she finds herself in no condition to drive her red ’64-and-a-half Mustang. She meets Flea for what seems to be the first time. Friendly canine-humanoid Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, otherwise known as “Sooperflea,” who came to her rescue after an invisible force propelled her car off the Perswayssick River Bridge, is driving her, in her car, to Perswayssick City where he promises his best friend Zig will take care of her.  

The traumatized Nicki’s head is pounding as Flea hits every pothole and curb in sight. And his ability to read her thoughts feels like a real invasion of privacy. When she hears a high-pitched dentist’s drill of a voice pitching an ad on AM radio, then hears the same voice after she switches to FM, that’s the final straw.

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune] [Car Engine]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: I slapped the button to FM. That same high, nerdish voice babbled on. SFX: [Cartoon Chase]
“Bad afternoon, everyone! It’s a soooper Snatturday here on 109.3 FM, WGAS, GAS Radio! Yee haw—”
I punched one of the knobs so hard it popped off into my hand. SFX: [Boing] [Comedy Boing] Grunting, I chucked it over my shoulder.
“Flyin’ objects are dangerous,” Flea admonished as he sped onto the bridge.
My eyes rolled upward. 

“Y’know what’s weird, Nicki?” 

“Yeah, Flea,” I replied. “Everything’s weird.”

“Well, Nicki, I feel almost like I know ya.”
Suddenly SFX: [Screeching Brakes] Flea jammed on the brakes and his bulbous nose struck the
wheel, honking like a Model T’s horn. SFX: [Comedy Accents] We skidded hundreds of yards,
trailing stinky clouds of burning rubber. Splattered on the passenger’s side windshield was one of those luminous blue blobs from the river.
“Aw, I tried not to hit him,” cried Flea. “Poor goonafish. Little guys are really jumpin’ this time of year.”
My neck had locked, forcing me to stare at the road kill. The globbything was actually a fish, strange and two-tailed, with no apparent head.
“Ugh—can’t move,” I moaned.
The superhero reached over and grabbed me by my shoulders. After a rapid succession of twists, pulls and yanks, I was able to turn from the grisly mess.
“Th—thanks, Flea!”
“Been studyin’ to be a chiropractor—can’t keep this superhero stuff up forever.” 

He stepped out SFX: [Car Door] [Metal Door Open], scraped the smooshed goonafish off the glass, and tossed it back into the Perswayssick River, SFX: [Splash Water 5] giving it a proper burial at sea. SFX: [Metal Door Open] [Car Door] [Metal Click 4] [Car Engine]
After a few minutes, I spoke. “Why does this bridge span the length of the river? Whydoesn’t it cross over like a normal bridge? And why does this part go over land?”
“Jus’ the way it is,” answered Flea, stony-faced. He gunned the gas. SFX: [Sports Car Engine Rev] [Car Engine] My Mustang flew down the ramp, smoke billowing from behind.
“Don’t say it,” he warned, cheek muscles twitching beneath his fur.
“I didn’t,” I snarled, through clenched teeth.
He glanced up at the rearview mirror. “Hmmm. . .blue exhaust. . . could be engine trouble—”
I wondered, did the creature ruin my engine?
“I didn’t ruin it. I merely observed that the smoke comin’ from your tailpipe is blue. Ya might be burnin’ oil. Remember, Nicole, if it wasn’t for me, ya wouldn’t be here to give a deck of vlecks!”
“Sorry, Flea—I mean, I just—”
“I know what’cha meant. An’ I am not a creature!” He made a sloppyturn onto Street Road, an industrial thoroughfare neither scenic nor smooth. Never-green traffic lights adorned each corner. Each stop smacked my soggy gray matter up against the inside of my head. Theflop, flop, flop became a steady rhythm, a distraction of sorts. Almostmade me forget his driving.
Flea’s head whipped around. “Did’ja say somethin’?”
“No—not a word,” I replied, in the most convincing tone I could muster.
“Oh. Okay.”
I decided I’d better think as quietly as possible. But wasn’t I entitled to the privacy of my own mind? Wasn’t that a most basic right? I faked a cough to cover those last couple thoughts.
“Ya oughtta get that checked,” advised Flea. “Sounds bad.”
Uncomfortable with my deception, I turned my attention to the world outside. Street Road, more country-like now, had been graced by an early autumn. A chaotic carpet of riotous hues crackled under the Mustang’s sporty tires. 

“Perswayssick County’s so pretty this time of year,” proclaimed Flea, misty-eyed.
“Uh-huh.” Vision blurred by my own tears, I cradled my pounding head and cursed my luck.

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune] [Space, Mystery Tune] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, back in that other timeline….

SFX: [ComedyBoing]

G: I stinkin’ said, Wallbang, don’t take too stinkin’ long to figure this out! I can’t go to the courthouse like this! I won’t even fit inside the dopey buildin’! I gotta go reclaim my power! Wake up, Fleaglossitty! Can’cha see I’m in distress?

F: Oh, sorry, Zig…. Don’t know how I fell asleep, standin’ up, wit’ all this, y’know, commotion goin’ on ’round here…. I was dreamin’ that I was travelin’ wit’ Nicki…in her car. Not the old hunk of junk Splodge ya gave her to drive here, but this red car…. An’ I don’t think we were getting’ along too good….

G: Who could ever get along wit’ either one of youse! Now, someone haaaalp! I am important! I am the leader of my own free world! Didn’t no one stinkin’ digesticate what I just said? I said, I am the leader of my own free world! Ya hear me, ya realizate how important I am? I gotta go!

V: No one is going anywhere until my demands are satisfied. And I expect answers from the professor here. My difalconiumyte detector may be malfunctioning, but my laser guns are not. SFX: [Laser] [SciFi Laser] [ComedyBoing] [Space, Mystery Tune] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###