When Outhouses Fly: Adventures on Opposite Earth, Pt. 6

“When Outhouses Fly: Adventures on Opposite Earth,” Episode 169 

After trekking many miles, Nicki and her three canine-humanoid companions, Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer come across what appears to be a restaurant. But it turns out not to be what it seems. And, horror of horrors, once inside they see the previously missing, rotten Nurse Maudlyn, quarreling with staff. She spots the four before they can leave. Seems she knows more than she’s telling and answers cryptically when questioned about anything. Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer express their hostility openly. The rogue nurse threatens to leave them stranded if she should find their lost spaceship first. 

A mental projection of Professor Willard Wallbang, proprietor of the Perswayssick Superhero Academy, unexpectedly appears in their midst. Nurse Maudlyn despises him and dematerializes instantly. The professor reveals that due to enhanced metaphysical abilities, he may soon be of help, relative to their need to fulfill an urgent request. He then bids them farewell, disappearing as quickly as he had appeared. 

Shortly thereafter, Nicki, Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer see a winged outhouse flying though the magenta skies—headed for them.   

Episode Artwork created by ChatBox AI

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

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And many thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

Transcript

Transcript / When Outhouses Fly: Adventures on Opposite Earth, Pt. 6 – Episode 169, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Space Exploration] [SciFi Glimmer]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “You Can’t Eat Money,” human Nicki Rodriguez, her canine-humanoid companions “Zig” Gneeecey, his evil doppelganger from Planet HyenaZitania, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, and “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” crunch five miles through red glassy grass, in search of food, shelter, or anything on bizarre planet Opposite Earth that might make sense….  

SFX: [Space Exploration] [Footsteps Gravel] 

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: We musta walked five miles awready!

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: An’ we ain’t seen nuthin’ yet! Great plan of yours, huh, Ig?

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Well, what do you propose we do, Diroctor Gneeecey? Just stay where we are and wait for nothing? 

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Look—ahead! Straight ahead! There’s an eatery of some sort.

F: Yeah! The sign on the buildin’ says “Food”! C’mon!

SFX: [Footsteps Gravel] [Glass Debris]

N: Here we are!

G: Meee first! 

SFX: [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking]

NURSE MAUDLYN: What kind of establishment is this? I demand to know! The sign on this building says “Food”! And you’re telling me, Nurse Maudlyn, that I’m supposed to give you food so that you can give me money? Why, I haven’t eaten in a couple of hours! If I had food, I wouldn’t be here! I can’t eat money!

E: Bloody hell….

G: The ol’ gasbag’s stinkin’ right ’bout one thing—ya can’t eat mon-ney! Ya really shouldn’t!

N: Ssssssh—c’mon, guys! Let’s go—before she sees us!

SFX: [Space Exploration] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open]

G: Yeah! Let’s stinkin’ get outta here quick, before the ol’ gasbag sees us!

F: Quiet, Zig!

NM: Too late! I see you dastardly fools! And I’m rejoining you!

SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers]

E: Well, what if we don’t bloody want you?

G: Yeah. What if we don’t stinkin’ want’cha?

F: Yeah! What they said! C’mon, guys. Let’s start walkin’.

SFX: [Footsteps Gravel] [Glass Debris]

N: Nurse Maudlyn, we heard you say in there that you hadn’t eaten in a couple hours. So, that must mean you know where there’s some food on this planet. Perhaps you’ll share that info with us?

G: Quiet, Ig—

N: Name’s Nicki—

G: I’m in charge here now, rememboober? Okay, ya ol’ battle axe, we heard ya say in there that ya ain’t had nuthin’ to eat in a coupla hours. So, that must mean ya know where there’s some food on this planet. Perhaphoops you’ll share that info wit’ us?

NM: I might, and I might not, you dastardly canine-humanoid.

N: We can’t trust you. And look—at your feet! It appears that you’re wearing a brand new sparkling white pair of your, uh, “comfortable at-home shoes.” 

G: Shaddup, Ig. I’m askin’ the questions. Now, it appears that you’re wearin’ a brand new stinkin’ sparklin’ white pair of them, uh, “comfortable at-home shoes.” 

NM: So, what?

G: Well, ya left the ones you’d been wearin’ behind.

F: Yeah. But we made good use of them. We, uh, kinda relieved ourselves in them. 

G: Ain’t no men’s rooms ’round here, right, Fleaglossitty?

G & F [in unison]: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!

N: So, Nurse Maudlyn, where’d you get those new shoes, then?

G: Quiet, Ig. So, Nurse Maudlyn, where’d you get those new shoes, then?

NM: By not caring if I had any.

G: That’s the stooopidest thing I ever heard!

NM: You dastardly canine-humanoids, I have a good mind to leave you and go my own way. But rest assured, if I find our spaceship before you do, I shall lock myself in and fly away! I’ll leave you all stranded here.

F: Yeah, ya ol’ gasbag, when outhouses fly.

G: Ya mean, when out-hice fly, Fleaglossitty. Ya must always try an’ use propooper graaammar. Out-hice is the correct plural of outhouse. Less vowels, too. Look it up. Ya must not squander vowels.

SFX: [Logo Eerie Sharp]

N: Professor Wallbang!

NM: Oh dear—it’s that horrible man again! I am outta here!

SFX: [Magic Glitter]

F: She’s gone—dematerialized!

PWW: It is I, Professor Willard Wallbang—well, rather, a mental projection of myself.

G: If ya can do this, maybe ya can help us!

PWW: As a disciplined metaphysician, I am succeeding more and more in successfully projecting myself further, in terms of distance. My enhanced abilities may soon enable me to transport tangible objects across great distances. If indeed I am capable of this, I may possibly be of help to you relative to your fulfilling a recent, urgent request. That is all for now.

N: Professor Wallbang—please—wait!

PWW: Good day…. 

SFX: [Logo Eerie Sharp] [Space Exploration]

N: He’s gone….

E: And so is that obnoxious Nurse Maudlyn. If she finds our spaceship, I’ll eat me hat.

G: It’s my lousy spaceship, an’ you ain’t even wearin’ no hat. Now, quiet, everyone. Space Duck is still asleep in my here T-shirt pocket.

N: Okay, guys, let’s keep walking, then.

G: Hey, Ig, awready told ya, this lousy expoopedition—

F: Sure is, Zig, sure is….

G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ meee, Fleaglossitty. Okay, youse guys, let’s keep walkin’, then.

SFX: [Footsteps Gravel] [Glass Debris] [Crow]

N: Look up there—in the sky! There’s another one of those cloud-shaped black liquid pools, filled with white crows!

E: And look—right underneath is a bloody outhouse—with wings! Crikey—it’s flying toward us! 

G & F [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!

F: I didn’t really think outhouses could fly, when I said that!

G: Awready told ya, Fleaglossitty, it’s out-hice. That is the propooper plural of the word “outhouse.” 

SFX: [Magic Puff] [Magical Twinkle Tone] [Reverse Magical Spell] [Door Open] [Monster] [Animal Lion]

G: It’s that stinkin’ Urgl, sittin’ on his golden terlit! An’ he looks maaad—his orange fuzzy hair’s even more messier than mine! It’s stickin’ out in a zillion directions!

URGL: My blue peaches dissected the entire round building and shouted that I have to take your silver gloog until my elliptical dashboard reunites with the moon’s speeding dictionary.

SFX: [SuperPowerFlyBy]

SPACE DUCK: Quack!

G: My Space Duck! He vacuumed him from outta my pocket, right into his hands! Gimme back my pet duck!

SFX: [Reverse Magic Spell] [Magic Glitter]

E: Bloody hell….

N: Holy crap!

F: He’s gone!

G: Wit’ my poor pet Space Duck! All I got left of him is a lousy buncha feathers!

SFX: [Space Exploration] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###