Sweet Surprise: Adventures on Opposite Earth, Pt. 3

“Sweet Surprise: Adventures on Opposite Earth, Pt. 3,” Episode 166

Further confused by Opposite Earth’s three-headed alien Headless who confesses he misspoke earlier and actually wants them to “lead him to their taker,” Nicki and her canine-humanoid companions, Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer do the only thing they can. They keep walking, with Headless following. Suddenly, something red and shiny vrooms into their midst. But it’s not what it appears to be.

Back home, in the dimension of Perswayssick County, Beagle-humanoid Detective Clover Arlo Cookie and his trusty sun conure parrot assistant Conrad decide to try a new street spaghetti restaurant. When Detective Clover reaches into his pocket—the one he’s sewn up—horror of horrors, the strange piece of metal he’d put there for safe-keeping is no longer there. However, his pocket is still intact.

Back on Opposite Earth, as Nicki, Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer continue their trek, they’re in for another surprise—this one not so sweet. 

Episode Artwork created by ChatBox AI

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

Episode Artwork created by ChatBox AI

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Transcript

Transcript / Sweet Surprise: Adventures on Opposite Earth, Pt. 3 – Episode 166, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Space Exploration]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Nicki Rodriguez here….I swear, I’m so disoriented, I have no idea know what day it is anymore…. My canine-humanoid, uh, buddy, “Zig” Gneeecey, his spacecraft Starship Waterloo, which launched accidentally and then did a “soft hard crash landing” on this surreal planet Opposite Earth—well, it vanished into thin air almost immediately after we walked out of it. 

Everything in this magenta-tinged world is bizarre. At first, the grass looked green, but then turned red upon closer inspection. And after cutting my finger on one of its sharp, glassy blades, my blood quickly turned green after initially bleeding red. What looked like a lake turned out to be a sheet of glass when Gneeecey’s fellow canine-humanoid and BFF “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” plunged a furry fist into it.

Tree leaves are red and their trunks are bluish gray. At least the piles of orange rocks underneath these trees are soft, and the shade provided by these trees warms us. The brighter the multiple magenta orbs up in the sky shine, the colder we feel. And our stomachs are rumbling, but we’re not hungry or thirsty.

About the only good thing I can think of is that evil stowaway Nurse Maudlyn deserted the ship immediately after we landed. So, it’s Flea, Gneeecey, his scheming doppelganger from Planet HyenaZitania, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, and myself. And Gneeecey’s seven-foot-tall pet mallard, Space Duck, who suddenly shrank. Now three-inches high, he’s riding inside Gneeecey’s T-shirt pocket as we traipse through the crunching glass-like grass, searching for shelter—or anything or anyone…. And sure enough, someone did appear.

SFX: [Space Exploration] [Scary Dramatic High-pitched Metal Stabs]  

N: What on Earth—uh—I mean—

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY & “FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA” [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!

SFX: [Space Exploration] [Scary Dramatic High-pitched Metal Stabs]  

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: It’s a bloody three-headed purple alien!

HEADLESS: My name is Headless.

G: But’cha got three stinkin’ heads an’ you’re gonna scare my duck!

H: I said, my name is Headless. 

G: Well, guy wit’ three heads, I guess this proves there’s other life on this here planet!

N [whispers]: Diroctor Gneeecey, maybe don’t be so confrontational?

G: Shaddup, Ig! Now, guy wit’ three heads, take me to your leader!

H: No, I will lead you to our taker.

G: C’mon, guys. Perhaphoops he can take us to some food an’ shelter, an’ we can stinkin’ find out what’s goin’ on here. Let’s follow this dude. Purple guy, lead me to your taker.

H: No. I will follow you.

N, G, F, & E [in unison]: What?

H: Actually, I misspoke. You will lead me to your taker.

N, G, F, & E [in unison]: What?

H: Start walking. I will follow. 

N: I—I don’t understand. How are we supposed to know where we’re going?

H: Just walk and you will get there.

G: Stinkin’ whatever. C’mon, guys. One foot in front of the other.

F: Okay, Zig.

SFX: [Footsteps Gravel] [Glass Debris] 

E: Alright, old chap. I am inclined to agree. We’re just as bloody lost with him as we are without him.

N: I wanna know, how come wherever in this universe I go, everyone always speaks English?

H: That is because wherever you go in this universe, you hear what you expect to hear.

G: See, Ig? I always told ya that. But ya never wanna ackooknowledge that I know lots of junk.

F: Well, Zig, ya didn’t seem to notice the difference between the “launch” button an’ the “lunch” button, did ya? An’ that’s how ya got us all into this mess.

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty! Like yooou never made no acckookcidental mistakes in your dopey life?

F: Not like the ones you make in your life, Zig, ’specially this last one. Our lives are in danger! We’re in harm’s way! ’Cause of yooou! You, me, an’ Nicki coulda been home safe an’ goin’ about our business! But now our spaceship has dematerialized an’ we’re stranded here in a world that ain’t ours! 

E: True, I was a stowaway, but I didn’t bloody expect this either!

G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you! Ya done, Fleaglossitty? Now, changin’ the subject, flopposynthesis mus’ work different here. For stinkin’ instance my blue bushes on my gigaaantical beaudiful mansion’s propooperty are really green—on a normal planet, like our Planet Eccchs that got two suns—an’ the orange hydrants are red—that’s proboobably why they’re called hydrants —an’ as everyone knows, when ya subtract one inferior sun’s yellow from green, ya get blue bushes, an’ when ya add that subtracted yellow to the red hydrants, ya get orange. Not that I’m complainin’. Orange is neutral—goes wit’ everythin’. Ya know, us in Perswayssick County only got one lousy sun ’cause of the Ig’s stupid Earth grazin’ past our dopey atmosphere an’ creatin’ our new dimension of Perswayssick County, an’—

E: Will you get to the bloody point or belt up, you daft fool?

G: Hey, my hideous lookalike, ya wanna see who’s gonna belt up first?

N: Guys—guys! Stop!

H: Keep walking!

F: Yeah, c’mon, Zig. 

SFX: [Rumbling in Stomach]

F: That your stomach rumblin’ again, Zig?

G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. But I still ain’t feelin’ hungry.

F: My stomach’s still rumblin’ too, but I still ain’t hungry either. 

N: Same here.

E: And here as well, if I may say so, me self.

SFX: [Sport Car Engine Rev] [Screeching Brakes]

G & F [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!

N: What the—

E: What the bloody hell is that?

F: It looks like a beaudiful, modernistic, shiny red sports car!

G: One like I never seen nowhere else! Perhaphoops we can ride now insteada walkin’! C’mon!

H: It is not a car. It is a cake.

N: A cake on wheels? 

H: It knew you needed to eat, even though you’re not hungry. It knows you need the strength.

F: But it’s all shiny an’ metallic! How can we eat that?

G: Fleaglossitty, do I gotta remind ya? You an’ me, an’ all of us from Planet Eccchs eat metal all the time. Tire gauges, nuts, bolts, screws, an’ other junk! Look at my Gneeezle’s Restaurant menu. An’ don’cha remember the time you, me, an’ Flubbubb devooverated a whole motorcycle?

F: It is kinda comin’ back to me, Zig. The three of us were sophomores at the University of Hardenoxx.

G:  Yeah. Back on our Planet Eccchs, crammin’ for finals—pretty stressed out. Y’know, sophoophomoronic stress. 

F: Yeah, Zig. We went down to Rasputin’s Revenge to grab a bite. We ordered coffee, to stay awake, an’ we ordered a cherry red, chrome-plated motorcycle. An’ we ate that baby up!

G: Exactly, Fleaglossitty—so we can gobble this car up, too! C’mon! 

E: I think I’ll give it a go as well!

G: Maybe I can even feed some to little Space Duck! He gotta eat, too!

SPACE DUCK: Quack!

SFX: [Dog Eating] [Giant Burp]

G: This junk’s good! An’ under this shiny glaze is a whole buncha whooped cream!

F: Yeah! It reminds me of Mrs. Dammit’s Frozen Sloggenberry Pie, like we got back home—but it’s a cake, not a pie! 

SPACE DUCK: Quack!

H: Earth human, you need to eat, too.

N: I, uh, think I’ll pass….

H: If you don’t eat your cake, you can’t have any broccoli!

SFX: [Reverse Magic Spell] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, very far away, back on the ground, in Perswayssick County, Beagle-humanoid Detective Clover Arlo Cookie and his trusty sun conure parrot assistant Conrad have just left Gneeecey’s mansion after showing Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, also know as “Grandma,” an odd triangular piece of metal he’d found on the ground at Falcon Farms,, out in Booolabeeezia. During Detective Clover’s visit, two-headed, silver space-suited canine-humanoid alien Vloxx had materialized.

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

CLOVER ARLO COOKIE, PI: Well, I’m gonna put this little piece of metal back in my pocket here for safe-keeping until I can take it over to the lab to have it analyzed. Lucky my wife showed me how to sew. I recently repaired a big hole in this pocket. Wife said I did a pretty good job. Y’know, I still feel that Brunhilde is holding out on me. She knows a lot more than she’s telling me….

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

SFX: [Magic Glitter]

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS & THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA, “GRANDMA” [in unison]: Vloxx!

VLOXX: It is I, Vloxx. I felt magnetically drawn here. Detective Clover, I think you’re hiding something from me. I think you know something that I don’t know.

CAC, PI: Perhaps, Vloxx, if you tell me what you know, I’ll let you in on what I might know.

SFX: [Magic Glitter] [Magic Spell] [Restaurant Ambience] 

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

CAC, PI: Okay, Conrad, let’s try the street spaghetti here in this new place. It’s supposed to be pretty tasty. 

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

CAC, PI: Lemme put my car keys away before I lose ’em again. Wife says I need to be more careful. Says I should put ’em away in the same place every time…. Lemme put ’em in my pocket here that I just did such a good job of sewin’ up…y’know, where I put that strange little piece of metal, for safe-keepin’…. Hey—what the—it’s gone—that little piece of metal I put in my pocket here for safe-keeping—it’s gone! How could that happen? My sewing job held—there’s no hole in my pocket! 

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Space Exploration] [Footsteps Gravel] [Glass Debris] 

H: Keep walking.

G: I still don’t stinkin’ understand how we’re gonna lead yooou to our taker!

H: Any way you choose to walk will take me there, to your taker’s palace.

SFX: [PhartzzByFrank]

F: Oh, Zig!

G: Whaaat, Fleaglossitty, whaaat?

F: I predicted you’d contribute more methane to the atmosphere here!

G: Can’t stinkin’ help it—must be the whooped cream from that red car we ate!

F: Normally, we put gas in cars. Cars don’t normally put gas in us.

G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ meee, Fleaglossitty. 

SFX: [Underwater Bubbles] [Crow]

N: What is that up there in the sky? Looks like a cloud-shaped black liquid pool, filled with white birds!

H: This means we have arrived at your taker’s palace. 

G: That don’t look like no palace to meee! It jus’ looks like a common outhouse! Even has a lousy half moon carved on its door!

F: Yeah! This can’t be—

H: Oh, but it is.

SFX: [Door Wood]

E: The bloody door—it’s opening all by itself!

N: Holy crap!

SFX: [Animal Lion] [Monster, Growl] [Terror, Tension] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###