On a Collision Course with Opposite Earth: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 11

“On a Collision Course with Opposite Earth: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 11,” Episode 163 

Gneeecey’s pet Space Duck—who’s mutated into a seven-foot-tall mallard with supernatural powers—won’t allow Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and Ebegneeezer to eject rotten Nurse Madlyn from Starship Waterloo. Looks like the duck is in charge and has a conscience. In the midst of all this, sinister Professor Wallbang’s mental projection shows up and offers his unsolicited opinion on the matter, dematerializing as quickly as he had materialized. 

Meanwhile, very far away, back on the ground in Perswayssick County’s swanky Saint Bogelthorpe Parke, in Gneeecey’s four-story, silvery-stoned McMansion, Dr. Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma,” are so worried about their missing housemates, Nicki, Sooperflea, and Gneeecey, that they can’t sleep. Their 3 a.m. refrigerator raid is interrupted by silver space-suited, two-headed canine-humanoid alien Vloxx—terrifying them both. 

Back in space, a fistfight erupts among the three canine-humanoids but comes to a halt when the spacecraft’s alarm sounds. It looks like Starship Waterloo is being pulled into the gravitational field of some strange planet. 

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

Episode Artwork created by ChatBox AI

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Transcript

Transcript / On a Collision Course with Opposite Earth: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 11– Episode 163, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Spaceship Alien] [Spaceship Resonant] [SciFi Glimmer]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Would you believe, it’s still Day Six here aboard canine-humanoid “Zig” Gneeecey’s miserable runaway Starship Waterloo? Gneeecey’s pet that he found aboard the spacecraft, Space Duck, has grown into a seven-foot-tall mallard, one with supernatural powers. And Gneeecey’s evil stowaway lookalike, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay said that the duck’s necklace, comprised of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte—one of the most rare and powerful substances known—had interacted with the lead in the vault he was locked inside and had caused him to grow so gigantic—and escape.

When rotten Nurse Maudlyn had injected Ebegneeezer and me with some substance that knocked us out for a while, she thought she had it made. Her plan to not let spacewalking Gneeecey and Sooperflea back in to the spacecraft’s airlock was working perfectly, until the newly humongous Space Duck came marching thunderously onto the main deck. He pulled that giant red lever and let Gneeecey and his canine-humanoid BFF, “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge back into the spaceship. And the giant duck also succeeded in paralyzing Nurse Maudlyn—everything but her mouth, that is—by just giving her a certain look. And now, Gneeecey, Flea, and Ebegneeezer are determined to eject the villainous nurse out of the ship, into cold, dark, empty space, to get rid of her once and for all….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Spaceship Alien] [Spaceship Resonant] [SciFi Glimmer]

NURSE MAUDLYN: I demand that you help me! I demand that you get that dastardly duck away from me! 

SPACE DUCK: Quack! SFX: [Laser x2]

NM: Every time he looks at me with those eyes, he’s keeping me paralyzed! Help!

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Don’cha wish ya never escaped from prison back in Perswayssick County, ya ol’ gasbag? Don’cha wish ya never stowed away on this spaceship?

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: C’mon, guys, let’s keep rollin’ her toward the airlock so we can throw her out into space! She’s pretty easy to move now.

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Right-o, old chap. 

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

F: Yupperooney, Zig! C’mon!

NM: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

N: Ebegneeezer—

E: That’s Mister Eeeceygnay to you, Earth Girl! 

N: This isn’t the right thing to do! You even said once that murder isn’t a solution!

G: We’re doin’ this, Ig! We’ve had stinkin’ enough! We’re almost to the door.

N: You can’t do this! We can find another way to control her, but this is wrong! Totally wrong! If only you’d listen to me!

G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you.

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Spaceship Alien] [Spaceship Resonant] [SciFi Glimmer] [Wood Demolition x 6] 

SD: Quack!

F: Look! Space Duck is standin’ there in front of the entrance to the airlock, blockin’ us! 

G: He ain’t gonna let us push the lousy ol’ gasbag outta here! She stinkin’ tried to kill me an’ Fleaglossitty! So why can’t we stinkin’ try an’ kill her? Space Duck—listen to me!

SD: Quack!

E: That bloody mallard—I knew he was trouble! That’s why I locked him up!

NM: I’m glad this duck is on my side! Maybe he believes in justice!

N: Oh, puhlease, Nurse Maudlyn—what do you, of all people, know about justice?

SFX: [Laser x2]

NM: Ahhhhh—he keeps paralyzing me with those eyes of his!

SFX: [Logo Eerie Sharp]

N: Professor Wallbang—

PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: Just my mental projection, popping in here for several moments, thinking aloud. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. 

SD: Quack!

PWW: Good day…or evening…or whatever salutation is appropriate here….

SFX: [Logo Eerie Sharp] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, very far away, back on the ground in Perswayssick County’s swanky Saint Bogelthorpe Parke, in Gneeecey’s four-story, silvery-stoned McMansion….

SFX: [Cuckoo Clock] [House Residential] 

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Tree AM…. Let’s see vhat I can snack on here een Gneeecey’s refrigerator. I simply cannot sleep.

SFX: [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking]

DI: Ingabore! You startled me!

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Alexandra, I see dat you cannot sleep either! 

DI: No, I cannot. I tink vee are both sick vit vurry about Nicki, Flea, and Gneeecey.

IS: Yah. Dey have been missing for almost a veek now. Dis house ees so empty and sad vitout dem. I hope Detective Clover vill soon make more progress een finding dem.

DI: Yah, Ingabore. Vell, vee might as vell raid dee icebox here. Not dat food vill help….

SFX: [Magic Glitter] 

DI: Look—dere ees dat two-headed canine-humanoid alien een dat silver spacesuit! Coming right trough our valls again! 

IS: Vun of dese days I am going to have a heart attack! Vhat are you doing here? Vhat do you vant?

VLOXX: It is I, Vloxx. I have been looking for something valuable that I have lost. 

DI: And vhat vould dat be?

V: It is a metallic fragment, triangular, small and shiny, bearing part of a symbol. If you find it, just say my name and I will appear briefly to reclaim it. Goodbye.

SFX: [Magic Glitter] 

DI & IS [in unison]: Vait!

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Spaceship Alien] [Spaceship Resonant] [SciFi Glimmer]

F: Well, guys looks like we ain’t gonna be able to dump the ol’ battle axe out into space.

SD: Quack!

G: Guess we’ll hafta try an’ lock her up again, in that little cell up on Deck Two..

F: Ain’t gonna work, Zig. Ya know she’s jus’ gonna escape again! 

NM: Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!

SD: Quack!

SFX: [Laser x 2] 

F: So, Zig, ya self-proclaimed genius that got us into this whole mess, ya got any brilliant ideas to get us out of it?

G: I’ll ignauzeate your snarkasm, Fleaglossitty.

E: I quite agree with your, uh, friend, you high-voiced, dim lightbulb.

G: Hey! How dare you?

F: Hey! Zig can’t help that his voice never changed! And that his expensive voice transplant that he was so dopey to pay for failed—

G: I’m gonna get both of youse!

SFX: [Danube Fight]

N: Guys! Guys! Stop!

SD: Quack!

SFX: [Airplane Alarm]

N: Holy crap—look at the screen! Looks like we’re being pulled into the gravitational field of some planet!

SFX: [Airplane Alarm] [Sneakers Squeaking] 

G & F [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!

SD: Quack!

G: Ig, it looks jus’ like a photootographical negative of your planet Earth!

N: Like an “opposite Earth”!

E: Bloody hell—we’re on a collision course—with Opposite Earth!

NM: Well, do something! I don’t wanna get hurt!

SFX: [Airplane Alarm] [Terror Tension] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###