The Necklace: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 6

“The Necklace: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 6” – Episode 156

Troubles aboard Starship Waterloo increase exponentially when Nicki, Sooperflea, and Gneeecey find themselves locked up in a cell on the spacecraft’s second deck, at the mercy of Gneeecey’s merciless double from Planet HyenaZitania.

And Detective Clover Arlo Cookie, his assistant Conrad, Grandma, Doctor Idnas, and Clover’s mysterious and glamorous new client enjoy a meal together. No dessert, but there is an after dinner suprise.

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Transcript

Transcript / The Necklace: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 6 – Episode 156, by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Intro Blue Danube Fight]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Unintended Expedition, Day Five, aboard Gneeecey’s miserable Starship Waterloo… Nicki Rodriguez here… And yep, those two canine-humanoids, Zig Gneeecey and Flea, are still fighting, even in small spaces like we’re in now, despite the fact that we’ve experienced a most hideous turn of events that not even I couldn’t have imagined…. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Spaceship Alien]

N: Okay, we’ve got ol’ Nurse Maudlyn back in the holding cell. Let’s take a minute to catch our breath. Bad enough that the recirculating air on this ship’s so stale.

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”:   Yeah, Nicki. I’m really winded now. Worse than last time.

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Yeah, me too. Look at the ol’ battle-ax down there on the floor. She’s still out cold.

F: Yeah, Zig, your gas helped us this time, but I still say you’re gonna get us killed one of these days.

N: We’ve gotta lock her in and make sure she can’t escape again.

F: Yeah…let’s see how we can do this…. Any ideas, Zig, ya brilliant genius? 

SFX: [Bang] [DoorLockUnlock]

N: Holy crap!

F: Ebegneeezer!

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Looks like the four of you aren’t going anywhere!

G: Yooou stinkin’ let us outta this lousy cell right now!

E: I intend to do nothing of the kind!

G: An’ where’s my Space Duck? What have you done with him?

E: That is for me to know, and you possibly to never find out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a spaceship to fly.

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Spaceship Cabin Locked] [SciFi Spaceship] [Airplane Jet Continuous] [Music Accent, Terror Tension fade into Spaceship Alien and Snoring] [Stomach Rumbling]

N: What the—

G: It’s my lousy stomach rumblin’—woke me up!

F: Woke us all up, too, Zig!

G: I’m stinkin’ gonna starve to death!

N: We all are, Diroctor Gneeecey. We’ve gotta find a way to break out of this prison cell and take back control of this ship!

F: Not that we really had any control in the first place, right, brilliant genius Zig?

G: You gettin’ snarkastical wit’ meee, Fleaglossitty?

F: Yeah, Zig! An’ what’cha gonna do about it?

G: Come over here an’ say that, ya overgrown Iggleheimer—I’m gonna—

F: I aaam over here, ya high-voiced dopey dope—

G: Why yooooou—

N: Guys—guys—stop this right now! And, holy crap—where’s Nurse Maudlyn? She was locked in here with us before we all fell asleep! She’s gone!

F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! You’re right, Nicki—she’s a real escape artist! 

SFX: [Spaceship Resonant] [Laser] [SciFi Spaceship] [Airplane Jet Continuous] [Jet Airplane Flush] [BodyFallHuman] [Blow on the Table] [Bang] [Wood Demolition Bang]

N & F [in unison]: What the—

G: —Stinkin’ what the—

N: That freakin’ Ebegneeezer doesn’t know how to fly this thing—

SFX: [Spaceship Cabin Locked] [Sneakers Squeaking]

E: This bloody duck of yours! Each time I attempt to increase velocity and alter this crude spacecraft’s trajectory, this blasted mallard emits a signal that prevents me from doing so!

G: You gimme back my duck! 

E: In your dreams, you daft fool. Or more accurately, in your nightmares!

G: My poor Space Duck is gonna starve to death.

E: No, he’s not. The bloody thing even knows how to operate the replicator. He can’t seem to get enough of that malted cauliflower—which, by the way, I have! It’s rather appalling—the limited choices offered by this so-called food replicator. 

G: I stinkin’ programmed good food into this repooplicator! Jackass burgers wit’ melted cross-eyed cheese, malted cauliflower, an’ fermented Slog wit’ extra pulp! Remember, there are hungry people on other planets!

F: Speaking of hungry, ya gotta let us outta here! The three of us are starvin’!

E: I’ve got more important matters at hand right now, you daft fools. Good day.

N: Before you go—

E: I didn’t ask for your input, Earth girl.

N: Well, I’m gonna give it to you anyway. Thought you might be interested to know that Nurse Maudlyn has somehow escaped from this cell, and she’s on the loose here on this spaceship.

E: Oh, yes. I believe I do recall spotting her a couple of hours ago down on the main deck, collecting some medical supplies that she’d left behind earlier. Just as long as she stays out of my bloody way, we’ll be fine. Cheerio!

N, F, & G [in unison]: Wait! Come back!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Spaceship Cabin Locked] [Bang] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick County, around the kitchen table in Gneeecey’s mansion….

SFX: [Cuckoo Clock]

CLOVER ARLO COOKIE, PI: Well, Mrs. Scriblig—

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Please, please, as I alvays say, do call me “Grandma”!

CAC, PI: Well, Grandma, your whole grain rindom spaghetti and special sauce rival any street spaghetti I’ve ever tasted!

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: And eet sounds like your assistant Conrad agrees!

CAC, PI: Yep, Doctor Idnas. And I do have to thank you and Grandma for having us and our new client Brunhilde over for this delightful dinner.

BRUNHILDE: Yaaas, tank you dahlings! I know you have trouble understanding me veet my tick Booolabeeezian accent, but I really hope you can find malted falcon for me! I simply must have him back!

IS: Brunhilde, despite my expertise vit your language, I’m still not tinking dat you are referring to an actual falcon. I am vundering eef—

SFX: [Magic Glitter]

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

DI: Dere ees dat two-headed canine-humanoid alien een dat silver spacesuit vee told you about earlier, Clover!

VLOXX: It is I, Vloxx, just stopping by to say that I believe that my team and I, and Brunhilde share a mutual goal. I will see you in your office very soon, Detective Clover.

DI, IS, CAC, PI [in unison]: Wait!

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

V: Goodbye.

SFX: [Magic Glitter] 

CAC, PI: Brunhilde, do you know this guy?

B: No…. Vell, I’m not really sure, dahling….

CAC, PI: Well, it’s really funny. He seems to know you.

CONRAD: SFX: [Bird-Sun Conure]

SFX: [Music Logo] [Cinematic Boom A] [Magic Spell] [Spaceship Alien] [SciFi Glimmer]  [Spaceship Resonant] [Spaceship Cabin Locked] [Sneakers Squeaking]

E: More trouble with this bloody duck! I’ve determined there is something special about his blasted necklace. It emits a signal that prevents me from properly controlling this spaceship.

G: I imagine since his necklace is real gold, you’re gonna try an’ steal it. I know how your warped mind opooperates, my hideous lookalike! 

E: I’ve attempted multiple times to remove it, but each time, I am jolted by a force that nearly shatters my bones. This necklace is not gold. I’ve determined that it is  comprised of ninety-nine percent difalconiumyte, one of the most rare and powerful substances known. Therefore, for the duration of this flight, my most expedient course of action will be to lock your Space Duck inside a lead-lined safe vault I’ve recently discovered aboard this miserable vessel that you dare to call a starship.

DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!

G: Nooooooooo! You gimme back my duck! Right now! He ain’t never hurt meee!

N: You let us out of here immediately! 

F: Yeah! What she said!

E: I’ll do nothing of the sort. Cheerio!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!

SFX: [Spaceship Cabin Locked] [Bang] [Logo Eerie Sharp]

N: Professor Wallbang—what are you doing here?

F: This ship’s sensors didn’t detect no sixth person aboard!

PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: Greetings, Ms. Rodriguez. 

N: What—are you here to try and collect the rest of my tuition even though I was tricked into signing that contract that committed me to completing a year at your Perswayssick Superhero Academy—which I have no intention of doing? Like I don’t have enough trouble right now?

PWW: No, Ms. Rodriguez, no. I am merely here to remind you that although your performance at our venerable academy was rather dismal, you still do possess considerable powers that you perpetually seem to disregard. Down on the ground below, your Perswayssick County is in a mess, as you are presently, up here. Perhaps utilizing some of these powers might assist you in extricating yourself and your friends here from this predicament. That is all for now. Have a good day.

N: Wait! Don’t go! Maybe now that you’re here, you can help us! Unlock this cell, and—

PWW: I am not physically present with you. What you are seeing and hearing right now is a mere projection—emanating from my mind. And even I, as disciplined as I may be, do not possess sufficient energies to sustain this projection from such a vast distance. Goodbye, Ms. Rodriguez….

N: Wait! Professor Wallbang!

SFX: [Logo Eerie Sharp] [Magic Spell] 

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###