It's All About a Crisis

“It’s All About a Crisis” – Episode 128

Sooperflea and half the citizens of Perswayssick County have gone rogue. Seems civil disorder has suddenly taken over. And it's up to Nicki, Gneeecey, and Dr. Idnas to figure out why—and it’s up to Nicki to stop it!

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Transcript

Transcript / It’s All About a Crisis – Episode 128, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “New Year, New Flea,” “Zig” Gneeecey’s longtime pal, fellow canine-humanoid “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, also known simply as “Sooperflea,” has suddenly changed. This drastic change is evident one morning when the usually kind and thoughtful Perswayssick County superhero pounds his way downstairs and into the kitchen. When offered a Mrs. Dammit’s Sloggenberry breakfast turnover, he refuses angrily and flings the plate to the floor. Without apology, he sneezes directly into Inagabore Scriblig’s face. The therapist, also known as “Grandma,” is stunned, as are Nicki, Gneeecey, and Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas. Sooperflea storms out of the mansion…only to return minutes later….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Screeching Brakes] [DoorLockUnlock] [Wood Demolition Bang] [Door Open] [Squeaking Sneakers]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Fleaglossitty!

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA, “SOOPERFLEA: Forgot somethin’, pal.

G: What’cha forget?

F: Forgot to punch ya in the face! 

SFX: [FistFight] 

G: Ow! Ow!

SFX: [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ, DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS, & THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA [in unison]: Flea!

G: Ow, ya dope! Ya hit me so stinkin’ hard, ya made me fall on my lousy bimbus!

F: See youse all later—maybe! Don’t bother waitin’ up! I would never wait up for youse guys!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Wood Demolition Bang] [Door Slam] [Screeching Brakes] [Fail Horn] [Music Logo Big Band] [Cinematic Boom A] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, our stranded earthling Nicki Rodriguez has a full-fledged crisis on her hands—her first as newly elected Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of Perswayssick County…. It seems that county citizens are suddenly attacking each other—for no apparent reason. Former Grate Gizzygalumpaggis Gneeecey has beat her to the punch, intercepting and reading her classified morning briefing before she receives it, and himself dispatching county police to quell the violence. His unauthorized actions, bypassing Nicki’s authority and going over her head, have angered her. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock] [Human Walk Downstairs] [Sneakers Squeaking]

N: Well, guys, I just read my, uh, already-read classified morning briefing—

G: Ya don’t gotta say it like thaaat, ya Ig, so oogdimonious—

N: And that would be Nicki, uh, make that Grate Gizzy Nicole Rodriguez—

G: —an’ I even printed it all out for ya, Ig! You’re gonna need more ink soon! An’ paper!

N: Yeah, former Grate Gizzy Diroctor Gneeecey.

G: That’s former-soon-again-to-be-Grate Gizzy Diroctor Gneeecey!

N: Our city and county cops are stretched pretty thin now. I’ve had to dispatch more units—civil unrest has spread downtown. 

DI: For dee life of me, I cannot understand vhy, all of a sudden, our citzens are attacking each odder violently like dis!

N: Doctor Idnas, I can’t understand either. I’m probably gonna hafta call in the military.

G: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah….

N: Diroctor Gneeecey, I fail to find any humor here.

G: Well, heh, heh, ya said you’re gonna hafta call in the moolitary…. Heh, heh….

N: I didn’t mean it as a punchline. And I’m having trouble finding our moolitary—ugh—our military—in our, uh, system. Perhaps, as former Grate Gizzy, you could, instead of laughing, help me out here?

G: Perhaphoops, I could’ve, but I can’t, so I won’t. Heh, heh….

N: What do you mean?

G: Well, heh, heh, when I was still in charge, I deactivated the moolitary. Forgot to tell ya.

N: You what?

G: I didn’t think no one would dare attack us wit’ meeee in charge, an’ so I thought I could put our budget to better use. So, I offered lots of ’em buyouts, an’ sent the others, for less mon-ney, to help rebuild the parts of Perswayssick City destroyed by them giant ten-foot-tall kanga-dyna-roos—

N: That you invented—

G: Yeah, heh, heh…. That was a accident…. Why are ya clutchin’ your dopey human Ig head in your lousy hairless haaands like that? Yooou wanted to be Grate Gizzy!

N: No, I didn’t…. After you were disqualified from running for another consecutive term, you convinced me to run in your place—to keep the bad guys from taking this county over.

G: Well, obvooviously ya ain’t doing the job too good—looks like the bad guys have taken over! Why ya lookin’ at me like thaaat—all oogdimonious?

SFX: [Cell Phone Ring]

N: Hello, Grate Gizzy Nicole Rodriguez here.

POLICE OFFICER STEVE GOODMAN: Hi, this is Officer Steve Goodman from S.T.U.P.I.D., y’know, your Specialized Tactical Undercover Paranormal Investigative Division.

N: Yes, hello, Officer Goodman. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.

POSG: We’re doing our best to handle this situation in the Telephone Pole Hill district and now downtown, but we’re short-staffed.  Y’know, I was gonna call you anyway. We’ve been trying to reach Sooperflea but with no success. He’s a member of our team, and we could use his help, y’know, with those special superhero powers of his. He’s not answering our calls. I thought perhaps you could help here.

N: Officer Goodman, unfortunately, I have no idea where he is. He’s not answering my calls either. I’ll continue trying to reach him, and I’ll keep you posted. And I’m doing my best to find reinforcements for you.

POSG: Okay, thanks, Grate Gizzy Rodriguez. I’ve never seen anything like this in my thirty years in law enforcement. I’ll keep you posted as well.

N: Thank you.

G: Maybe I can get some of the moolitary guys to come back if I offer them certain incentifications.

N: Yeah….

G: Now, I wonder what’s wrong with Fleaglossitty? 

DI: Yah, vhat ees wrong vit heem? 

G: Maybe his girlfriend Prindl dumped him. 

DI: Diroctor Gneeecey. I tink eet ees bigger dan dat. Something ees affecting not only Flea but our entire county! Vhat do you tink, Ingabore?

IS: Vhy should I care? I’m sick of you stupid people! 

G: What’s wrong wit’ yooou, Grandma? Prindl didn’t dump yooou!

IS: And Nicki, your coffee stinks! 

SFX: [Dish Ceramic] [Splash Water 4] 

N: Grandma!

DI: Ingabore—come back here—please!

IS: Vhy should I listen to any of you idiots?

SFX: [Human Walk Upstairs] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]

G: Sounds like Graaandma fell on her bimbus!

SFX: [Door Slam] 

DI: Vhat ees going on een dis county? I’m going to give her a few minutes to calm down, and den I vill go upstairs and check on her.

G: I’m gonna go in The Grate Room an put on my giagaaantical screen TeeeVeee an’ see what my reliable GAS Broadcast Network Channel Three-an—a-half is reportin’! All the news ya wanna know, an’ then some. If there ain’t enough, we make some up, y’know, for ratings!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Metal Click 4] [Glass Shatter] 

VOICE: Breaking news now!

TV ANNOUNCER: We interrupt our already interrupted programming to bring you a special report. Our county residents continue to assault each other for no apparent reason. We have reports that civil unrest has spread to Veggie Burger Avenue, where three blocks of condemned high-rise apartment buildings are slated to be demolished today. Let’s go to our reporter on the scene, GAS Correspondent Stu Pitt.

G: Who promotated that donkey-humanoid dope from intern to GAS correspondent?

N: You did!

SFX: [FistFight] [Police Siren] [Helicopter] [Male Screams 3] [Scream] [Male Screams 6]

STU PITT: Ow—these people are hittin’ me while I’m tryin’ to do this special report! Knock it off, guys! There appears to be a standoff here. Demolition guys got their wreckin’ ball aimed right at one of these apartment buildings even though someone inside’s refusing to come out! 

DEMOLITION GUY: We got orders to demolish this buildin’. If ya don’t come out now, we’re gonna aim this wreckin’ ball right at that oversized head of yours—an’ we’re gonna enjoy it!

SFX: [UtterAstonishShock]

F: Ain’t comin’ out! Awready told youse!

SFX: [UtterAstonishShock]

N: That’s Flea! 

G: Yellin’ out the busted window of his lousy old condemned inefficiency apartment!

DG: Hope ya got plenty of aspirin up there, buddy, ’cause you’re gonna need some in a minute when we get through wit’ ya!

SFX: [UtterAstonishShock] [Police Siren] [Music Logo Big Band] [Cinematic Boom A] [Magic Spell] 

G: It’s meee, Gneeecey! Stinkin’ thanks for listenin’! An’ if you enjoy this podcast, you’ll proboobably enjoy them two books that the Ig, Vicki Solá, wrote. Y’know, that these podcast epoopisodes are based on, You Can’t Unscramble the Omelet and also The Getaway That Got Away. You can find ’em both on Amazon! But don’t believe none of what she wrote ’bout meee, except if she wrote anything possiboobly good.

SFX: [Rock Logo] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###