Broken Dishes

“Broken Dishes” – Episode 94

As their lives seemingly return to normal, “Zig” Gneeecey treats Nicki and Flea to a glitzy night out on the town. First, they attend a poorly acted play that makes little sense. Afterward, for dinner, he doesn’t take them to his greasy spoon of a dive, Gneeezle’s. He’s made reservations at a restaurant where the food is not horrible. And that makes Nicki and Flea suspicious. Sure enough, when the threesome returns to Gneeecey’s mansion, it becomes evident that the zany canine-humanoid has something up the short sleeve of his grimy T-shirt.

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

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https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

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This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / Broken Dishes – Episode 94, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: And so, with their lives seemingly returning to normal, “Zig” Gneeecey treats his faithful fellow canine-humanoid pal “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, otherwise known as “Sooperflea,” and stranded Earthling employee-slash-boarder Nicki Rodriguez, to a glitzy night out on the town. First, it’s a play at the Perswayssick Civic Center….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Dish Ceramic Plate]

MALE ACTOR: ’Tis a tragedy that such an empty, meaningless victory looms before my ultimate defeat! Take this, you heartless wench!

SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Dish Ceramic Plate] [Utter Astonish Shock]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Uh, Zig, is this supposed to be a comedy or a tragedy?

G: Quiet, Fleaglossitty! Can’t I take ya anywhere? 

SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Dish Ceramic Plate] [Utter Astonish Shock]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!

MALE ACTOR: I sayeth unto you, woman, you are indeed a heartless monstrosity!

FEMALE ACTOR: I do indeed at least possesseth a heart, and it does breaketh in two!

MA: That is better than three, I suppose.

FA: We shall see!

F: What poor acting!

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty! Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Are we, uh, supposed to understand this play?

G: This lousy play is called “Busted Dishes.” What’s there to stinkin’ understaaand?

N: I, uh, just wondered….

G: Don’t brush a gift horse’s teeth, Ig.

N: Uh, that would be Nicki.

G: Quiet, Ig. The lousy play’s almost over. These compooplimentary tickets were expensive. Don’t wanna miss the end. An’ busted dishes are supposed to mean good luck.

MA: The rage inside me boileth over. Now, I shall retreat into the dark of night, an utterly broken man whose very spirit has been shattered, just as have been my prized periwinkle dishes!

FA: But wait, here’s more to send you into this, your darkest night of eternal despair—your most favored chalice! And also your most prized periwinkle teacup! Taketh this!

SFX: [Shatter Glass]

FA: And this! 

SFX: [Dish Ceramic Plate] [Utter Astonish Shock]

G: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!

 SFX: [FinaleEpicSound] [Applause] [Magic Spell] [Car Engine] [Car Horn Honks]

G: Ah, what a lovely stinkin’ night at the theater, an’ now, dinner, wit’ my, uh, two favorite peopoople. Why are youse two lookin’ at each other like that?

N: Uh, who’s looking at anyone?

G: Ig, I saw you an’ Fleaglossitty lookin’ at me an’ then at each other!

F: Uh, anyway, Zig, thanks for, y’know, takin’ Nicki an’ me to the, uh, play. I’m still tryin’ to understand it. An’ thanks for hirin’ a limo. 

N: Yeah, we’re really traveling in style here!

G: Only the best for my, uh, two favorite peopoople. Why are youse two lookin’ at each other like that again?

F: Uh, where are ya takin’ us for dinner, Zig? Your Gneeezle’s Restaurant? 

G: Nope. Wait till youse see!

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Restaurant Ambience]

N: Wow, Diroctor Gneeecey, I still can’t believe we’re sitting here in Burt and Mary Shisskey’s new café—

F: An’ that you’re payin’ for it all, Zig!

G: Uh, yeah…almost forgot that part. SFX: [Giant Belch] ’Scuze me, heh, heh….

N: It’s so great that Burt and Mary expanded their bakery into this cozy café! There’s actually food here that an Earth human like me can eat! Tasty food!

G: Ya sayin’ my Gneeezle’s food ain’t tasty, Ig?

N: Uh, no…just that—

F: Zig, ain’cha afraid that Burt an’ Mary’s place here is competition for your Gneeezles?

G: Nah, Fleaglossitty. Burt an’ Mary can’t possibly serve the junk I do. Now, I’m really more nervous about the implooplications of that Rasputin’s Revenge openin’ up right across the street from my Gneeezle’s. I hear that their sautéed rusty nails an’ special tea rival our junk at Gneeezles. 

F: Yeah. Too close to what you serve. They’re gonna give ya a real run for your money, Zig.

G: An’ proboobably the runs. An’ I got another dilemnical probooblem. 

F: What’s that, Zig?

G: Well, ya remember back in school, that kid who always bullied me?

F: Piggy Banks, the rotten kid who set your propeller beanie on fire while you were wearin’ it? 

G: Yeah, him. One an’ the same. Anyways, I hear he’s back in town, that’s all….

MARY SHISSKEY: Can I get you three anything else?

G: Nah, Mary. Jus’…jus’… I caaan’t believe I’m sayin’ this…just’ the bill.

N: Mary, my veggie burger was out of this world! Seasoned exquisitely!

F: An’ the Sloggenberry pie was amazin’! Didn’t even need no chicken-flavored ice cream or whooped cream on top!

M: Thanks, guys. I’ll tell Burt. He’ll be happy. He’s back there in the kitchen, working hard.

SFX: [Scary Ambience]

F: Uh-oh—

N: It’s that Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark—

F: An’ look who’s wit’ him! Doctor Frombilagonga!

REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: Hey, can’t no one get no service here in this dump? I’m gonna complain to management.

SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Dish Ceramic Plate] [Splash Water 4]

M: Don’t worry, Diroctor Gneeecey. I’ll clean that up. We have plenty more dishes here at Shisskeys.

G: Sorry, Mary. But proboobably good luck for me. I guess. Gotta go to the men’s room. 

SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers] [Slip] [Slip and Fall] {Duck Horn]

G: Jus’ slipped in that spilt soup there an’ fell on my lousy bimbus.

M: Diroctor Gneeecey, are you all right? 

G: Yeah, Mary. Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna sue youse in a law of court. Be back in a few.

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Wood Door Slam 3]

N: You know, Mary, these evil Markmen aliens had been keeping a low profile for a while, but now they’re back.

F: Yeah, in full force. An’ they’ve infiltrated our Perswayssick Police Department. Again.

M: I know. These waxy-faced guys are comin’ in here quite a lot these days. They’re rude and arrogant. And that tall older man with him over there—the one with the greasy hair—I think he’s a doctor or something from Florence Ferguson Memorial up the street. He’s kind of strange too. Always smirking. And he asked me if I want to buy some cryptocurrency.

SFX: [Flushing Toilet] [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] 

G: Okay, Mary, put it all on my account. Busted dishes, too. An’ tell Burt I said hi. 

M: Sure thing, Diroctor Gneeecey. Now, I’d better go see what those two up front want.

G: C’mon, Ig…c’mon, Fleaglossitty, we’re goin’ home now. Got some real important junk to disgust wit’ youse guys. Why are youse two lookin’ at each other like that again?

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Door Lock Unlock] [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Cuckoo Clock] 

G: Home stinkin sweet home….

N: Yeah, it’s good to be home. 

G: Yeah, wit’out our lousy doubles.

N: Always remember, our doubles are our shadow sides, and they’ll always be with us. Always part of us. We just have to make sure we love and honor ourselves.

G: Stinkin’ whatever, Ig. I always love an’ honor myself.

F: An’ speakin’ of home, I guess I’d better be gettin’ back to my little Veggie Burger Avenue apartment.

G: No, Fleaglossitty. That’s part of what I wanna talk to youse about. Let’s all go into the kitchen an’ siddown. Why are youse two lookin’ at each other like that?

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

G: Okay, everyone. Siddown. Youse two are proboobably wonderin’ why I brung youse out to see that play—

N & F [in unison]: Yeah!

G: No snarkasm, please!  

N & F [in unison]: He said, “Please”!

G: I brung youse two out for a night on the town…because…because…because….

F: Because what, Zig?

SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]

G: Because I stinkin’ need your help! Now, lemme tell youse what I’m gonna do for youse, first. Fleaglossitty, you can stay here in my mansion for the forstinkable future.

F: But, Zig, I’m happy to return to my modest little efficiency apartment. It might not look like much to you, but it’s all I need. I’m happy there. 

G: Ya won’t be hapoopy there when it comes crashin’ down on your dopey head in the middle of the night.

F: What are ya talkin’ ’bout, Zig?

G: You know as well as I do that Perswayssick County an’ in partikookular, Pwerswayssick City, are both in recovery mode. 

F: Oh, ya mean because of all them giant ten-foot-tall kangaroo monsters ya invented by mistake? The ones that wreaked great swaths of destruction all over our city?

G: Yeah. Them. An’ they were kanga-dyno-roos.

F: So, what does that have to do wit’ me?

G: Well, that annoyin’ Bassett Hound, Jacob J. Qwertyuiop, informed me that your buildin’, an’ all them other ones on Veggie Burger Avenue, are in danger of possiboobly collapsicatin’ an’ gotta be inspecticated to see if they’re haboobitable. It’s a dangerousical situational situation, an’ it’s gonna take a real long time. Us in charge here don’t wanna be held liabooble if anythin’ bad hapoopens. So, you’ll stay here wit’ me, rent-free. 

F: Okay, Zig.

G: An’ ya can serve as my bodyguard too. I’m gonna need one. An’ you, Ig—

N: That would be Nicki. 

G: Okay, now, you, Ig…. You can stay here rent-free, too. An’ I am gonna give ya a pay raise—a small one—at our GAS Broadcast Network. An’ eliminizate your parttime job at Gneeezle’s.

N: This must be a freakin’ dream.

G: I’ll ignauzeate that remark, Ig. Now, I realize that Purple Pelican Insurance said your ol’ ’75 Splodge is totaled, y’know, after that dumb accident—

N: You mean when that evil nine-foot-tall clown Three fell on his bimbus right on top of your garage, and my car got wrecked because you decided to put it in there? Without asking me?

G: Yeah. But like I said, it jus’ needs a whole ’nother engine, transmission, chassis, steerin’ system, suspension, radiator, catalytic converticator, gaaas tank, an’ brakes. An’ body…. So, I’m gonna slip Zeke’s Pizza an’ Transmissions a few extra bucks to fix it up for ya.

N: Seriously? I really don’t think it’s worth it to put any money into such a wreck—

G: Don’t brush a gift horse’s teeth, Ig. This way, you’ll have two cars. An’ if ya get skillful enough, ya can drive ’em both at once an’ get twice as much done!

N: I, uh, really don’t think—

G: An’, Fleaglossitty, I want the Ig here to audit classes at your Perswayssick Superhero Academy.

N: I, uh, really don’t think— 

G: Well, Ig, you’re gonna hafta learn to think. 

F: Uh, Zig—

G: Arrange it, Fleaglossitty. An’ make sure she learns to use her powers propooperly. An’ Fleaglossitty, I want you to track down all my missin’ mon-ney! Y’know, the half-zillion dollars that deadbeat Nurse Maudlyn owes me for the Gneeezle’s meals she ordered but didn’t pay for. An’ them missin’ zillion dollars I had stashed away inside my teddy bear Yammicles. I know she or her double still got it.

F: Y’know, Zig, hearin’ this all jus’ got me real tired. I gotta lay down. Can ya show me to my guest room?

G: No. Do I gotta remindicate ya, you’re my bodyguard? You an’ the Ig are both stayin’ wit’ meee, up in my fourth-floor bedroom. I’m gonna need protection. Bad people are after me.

N: Okay, Diroctor Gneeecey. So then, can we go upstairs now and get some rest?

G: No. Ain’t finished yet.

F: Ya mean there’s more?

G: Ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins] 

F: Bless you, Zig.

G: Fleaglossitty, would you go close that window over there? My allergies are kickin’ up again. Musta jus’ sneezed out five bucks worth of dimes.

F: Okay, Zig. SFX: [Blow on Table] Now, tell us what else ya gotta tell us, so we can finally get some sleep!

G: Youse might not sleep after youse hear this. Youse both know that I am the Grate Gizzy of Perswayssick County here. Leader of this lousy county.

F: Yeah. You’re our Grate Gizzygalumpaggis.

G: Fleaglossity, how many times do I gotta tell ya, it’s been shortened to Grate Gizzy? We’re tryin’ to conservate vowels an’ consonants! 

F: Okay, okay….

G: So, anyways, I found out that while we were away recently, y’know, stranded in them other dimensions, they passed a lousy amendment to our county constitution.

F: Who passed an amendment? 

G: Vice Quality of Life Commissioner Jacob. J. Qwertyuiop, who was in charge when we wer3e gone, an’ them two twins, Verna Vlott an’ Vlotta Vern, an’ the rest of them sneaky, power-hungry polluticians. 

N: And what does this new amendment change?

G: It says that a Grate Gizzy may not run for more than two consecutive terms! An’ I’ve awready served three stinkin’ consecutive terms.

N: So, this means—

G: This means, Ig, that yooou are gonna run for Grate Gizzy an’ win! An’ of course, yooou will always report to me ’cause I will actually still be runnin’ the county, behind the scenes, of course. Then, after your very successful term, I can run again. An’ by then, I can get rid of that lousy amendment. Election’s comin’ soon! I’ll help ya.

N: This is crazy—I can’t—

G: Ya wanna let this county get into the hands of all the baaad peopoople, Ig? May I remind ya ’bout them vicious Markmen an’ my hideous double from HyenaZitania, that Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeeceygnay, an’ them evil clowns Three an’ his pal Sulak, the Demon Clown of Terlits? An’ now we got that lousy Doctor Frombilagonga, too, in cahoots wit’ them Markmen! Gimme an’ answer, Ig. Either ya will or ya won’t not!

N: I—I—

SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris]

N: What the—

F: Look! Someone tossed a big dinner plate right through our closed window here! An’ there’s a note taped to, well, its now-busted pieces.

G: What’s it stinkin’ say, Fleaglossitty? Well, spit it out!

F: It says, “You will hear more from us soon!”

G: Someone’s been in here! That’s one of my own dishes!

N: I thought you said busted dishes meant good luck.

G: Yeah. When they’re someone else’s dishes.

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.  

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###