Abnormal is the New Normal

“Abnormal is the New Normal” - Episode 62

Sooperflea and Nicki find themselves sucked through a tunnel, out of the magical dimension of Whatever-You-Want-Land, by a mysterious, invisible force—without Gneeecey. Stunned, the canine-humanoid and Earthling experience a hard landing in Perswayssick City, a municipality in ruins. During their absence, the bad guys have taken over but are turning on each other. 

We thank Sam Leviatin for contributing to this episode, producing Gneeecey and Sooperflea’s “music”! And we thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And much thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / “Abnormal is the New Normal”- Episode 62, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Drone] [Magic Ringing] [SciFi Glimmer]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Earthling Nicki Rodriguez and her red-caped canine-humanoid companion Sooperflea, otherwise known as Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, are being sucked through an unearthly tunnel at supersonic speed from the dimension of Whatever-You-Want-Land, by some mysterious, invisible force—without their canine-humanoid pal “Zig” Gneeecey. He’s gone missing!

SFX: [Jet Engine] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Summon] [Magic Glitter] 

NICKI RODRIGUEZ & SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE [in unison]: Help! Help! Pleeeease!

F: We’re zoomin’ away in some kinda tunnel—we’re bein’ sucked right outta this dimension—

N: —without Gneeecey!

F: Haaalp us, Zinfandel—we’re beggin’ ya! We can’t go back wit’out him! Please, oh please, ya gotta help us! We can’t leave this place wit’out Zig Gneeecey! You’re our Planet Eccchs leader—you know everything! You’re all powerful! Haaaalp!

ZINFANDEL, LEADER OF PLANET ECCCHS: I’ve already told you! I cannot override the force of your will—you both wanted to go more than you wanted to stay! The deepest parts of both your spirits realize that your beleaguered Perswayssick County needs you desperately! Now!

F: But—but—pleeeease—

N: Please—we—

Z: There’s nothing I can do! How many times do I have to state this? Your Zig Gneeecey’s desire to remain and attempt to rekindle his failed romance with his former fiancée Goonafina Blopperdang overpowers his desire to return to Perswayssick County. Our simply making a wish will not enable him to return to you or to his Perswayssick County. I’ll say it again. It is only true, pure desire that powers any wish made…. Now, this time, I really must leave you!

F: Zinfandel! Zinfandel, please don’t go! Don’t leave us in our time of need—pleaaase!

Z: I’ve already told you, Fleaglossitty, that you and your Earth friend here are special! You both have the power—you’ve had it long before you arrived in Whatever-You-Want-Land. Never forget that you have this power—you’ll both need it immediately! Goodbye!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Closing x 2] [Dramatic Space Ambience] [Comedy Boing] [Police Sirens] [Ambulance Sirens] [Fire Engine Sirens]

N: Oh…Flea….

F: We landed hard…. Lemme help ya up, Nicki….

N: Thanks…. Where are we?

F: It…it looks like we’re home…back in Perswayssick City…downtown….

N: Yeah…. And, wow, look—just about every other building looks damaged! Demolished! Destroyed!

F: Yeah, by them monster kangaroos that Zig invented. Looks like they stomped on half the city! SFX: [Comedy Boing] There goes a couple of ’em now…. Strange…look how tiny they’ve become! 

N: Must be six inches high. Not ten feet tall anymore, that’s for sure…. And, gosh…no sign of Gneeecey…. He’s really not with us! I can’t freakin’ believe that he’s in some other dimension and that we may never see him again! Oh, Flea…. Flea—Flea?

F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe—

N: What, Flea, what? 

F: We’re right on my street—Veggie Burger Avenue! There’s my buildin’—looks okay, too. Let’s go inside…we need to take cover before anyone notices we’re back. After you, me, an’ Zig escaped from them bad ten-foot-tall monster kangaroos an’ all the bad guys, we musta been gone for weeks.

N: Yeah, first in that horrible dimension of Dworkvilletown where those two rotten dog catchers kidnapped you and Gneeecey and tried to make money, forcing the two of you to perform in their stupid carnival—

F: An’ from there, we escaped to that paradise-like dimension of Whatever-You-Want-Land, wit’ that beaudiful beach where Zig rode away into the sunset on that runaway jackass.

N: And where that jackass came back without him. And now here we are, back in this dimension of Perswayssick County, without Gneeecey. Oh, Flea, what are we gonna do?

F: C’mon, Nicki. Let’s go upstairs to my studio apartment—we’ll regroup an’ come up wit’ some kinda plan. We gotta!

N: You still got your key?

F: Yeah, I always keep a spare underneath that dead potted plant in the lobby…. C’mon….

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking x 2] [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Drone] [Magic Ringing] [SciFi Glimmer] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: And sure enough, back in the idyllic dimension of Whatever-You-Want-Land, that jackass continues, day and night, to trot up and down the pristine white-sanded beach, riderless…without “Zig” Gneeecey…. 

SFX: [Heavenly Crystal Balls with Music] [Magic Ringing] [SciFi Glimmer] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Donkey] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] [Comedy Boing] [Police Sirens] [Ambulance Sirens] [Fire Engine Sirens] [Door Open]

F: Welcome to my humble little home here, Nicki—it’s an efficiency apartment. Everything’s here in this one room, ’cept the bathroom. Make yourself at home, please.

N: Thanks, Flea. Your place is very cozy.

F: You can sleep on the couch. It’s actually more comfortable than my Murphy bed here by the bathroom—it folds up real nice into the wall here. Has springs an’ opens an’ closes wit’ this special switch here. See? SFX: [Beep] [Boing] Just don’t hit the switch by mistake when I’m in the bed, like Zig once did. Slammed me right up into the wall—I almost turned into a pancake!

N: Don’t worry, Flea.... I’ll be careful. I promise….

F: Zig! Our Zig…. SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]

N: Flea, do you suppose that here in this dimension of Perswayssick County, you could still make a magical wish and materialize another interdimensional TV, like you did back in Whatever-You-Want-Land—y’know, so maybe we can see where Gneeecey is right now? And what he’s doing?

F: I don’t know, Nicki, but it’s worth a try. I wish, I wish, for an interdimensional TV! SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] Pleeeeease! I wish, I wish, for an interdimensional TV!  SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] Oh, Nicki, it don’t work here in this dimension.

N: What are we gonna do?

F: I thought Zinfandel said we had special powers. Poor Zig…poor us…. Looky here, Nicki, I got this little recordin’ of Zig an’ me practicin’ our music, y’know, him on violin an’ me on piano. Y’know, the track our pal Sam Leviatin produced for us. Zirbert Shriekensobb’s classic “Plight of the Goonafish.” SFX: [Shriekensobb’s Plight of the Goonafish] Oh…I can’t even bear to even listen to this now! An’ tomorrow is Zig’s birthday! What are we gonna dooo, Nicki? What are we gonna dooo? SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]

N: Flea, we’ll put our heads together and come up with some kind of plan—in the morning. We have to. But now we’ve gotta get some rest—we’re exhausted!

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] 

N: Thanks, Flea. That little breakfast should keep us going for a while.

F: Yeah, Nicki. Sorry I didn’t have no coffee for ya, but at least them last two frozen Mrs. Dammit’s Sloggenberry Turnovers were still good. Thank goodness for microwavin’. Okay, let’s go….

SFX: [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Police Sirens] [Ambulance Sirens]

N: Yep, to Doctor Idnas and Grandma’s office we go. Only plan we could think of—to team up with the few good people we know and try to figure things out together. Can’t go to Gneeecey’s mansion. We saw on that interdimensional TV back in What-Ever-You-Want-Land that the bad guys—those evil members of STEM—Sulak the demon clown of bathrooms, his nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clown pal Three, plus Gneeecey’s diabolical double from Planet HyenaZitania, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, and the alien gangster Markmen have taken it over.

F: No public transportation runnin’. Luckily, Doctor Idnas an’ Grandma are in walkin’ distance—Murgatroyd Avenue is only a few blocks away. Wowzickles…look at our poor city. Smashed, wrecked buildin’s…. Looks like a war zone! 

N: It’ll take a lot of time and a whole lot of effort to try and make things normal again….

F: Yep, Nicki. I’d say abnormal is the new normal…. Ah, here we are….

N: Look—their office door is open—that’s highly abnormal!

SFX: [Scary Ambience]

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Nicki! Flea!

INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Oh, tank goodness! 

REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: Welcome to da party, youse two! The more, the merrier! Looks like Doc Idnas’s little group therapy session ain’t quite goin’ the way she an’ Grandma planned! Ya wasn’t able to hypnotize us too good! Haaah, haaah, haaah!

SFX: [Trumpet Music] [Scary Clown Laughter] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [A Clown Horn] 

M: An’ look who jus’ arrived! Them other members of STEM that wasn’t even invited to our little get-together—the double-crossin’ Ebegneeezer, Sulak, an’ Three—I hear Three outside—outside ’cause he’s too big to fit in da buildin’ here! 

SFX: [Scary Clown Laughter]

M: Well, he ain’t gonna be laughin’ much longer—an’ neither are youse two! I know who da mole is! An’ he’s been playin’ it both ways! Why ya backin’ up against da wall an’ lookin’ away from all of us like dat, Brown-haired Mark? Haaah?

BROWN-HAIRED MARK: I swear it ain’t me, Mark! 

F: You guys, untie Doctor Idnas an’ Grandma right now!

N: Yeah, right now! 

M: In your dreams! Oh, looky, another uninvited guest has arrived! Our charmin’ an’ luckily very ineffective Vice County Quality of Life Commissioner, Jacob J. Qwertyuiop! C’mon in, ya sorry wimp of a Bassett Hound canine-humanoid! Haaah, haaah, haaah!

EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Why, I, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, as Grate Gizzygalumpaggis and County Quality of Life Commissioner, took the liberty of inviting my subordinate, Mister Qwertyuiop, to this little gathering, in order to announce that I have returned from my brief absence and therefore shall resume leadership of Perswayssick County.

M: Brown-haired Mark tol’ me all ’bout you, too, an’ the double-crossin’ plans you an’ them two clowns have. An’ we both know ya ain’t really Gneeecey, ya lyin’ alien creep. 

E: Oh, but I am. And speaking of lying miscreants and their miserable fates, I happen to know just how to cause the utter destruction of your type of individual! You Markmen are merely a criminally inclined population of displaced aliens! You are nothing more than floating eyeballs who rather unwittingly destroyed your own planet, Planet of the Marked Men. You have come to Perswayssick County to take advantage of its seemingly endless supply of mierk found in abundance all along the riverbanks. You slather the toxic, mucky substance all over your invisible bodies in order to give yourselves visibility in this dimension as you carry out your nefarious activities.

BHM: Don’t look at me, boss—I swear on a pile of mierk that I didn’t tell them nothin’ about us zogulatin’ to make our skin an’ bodies!

E: Oh, but you did, old boy! And you told us so much more!

BHM: Hey! Ya jus’ double-crossed me—after I helped ya! I mean—I mean—

M: You’re done, Brown-haired Mark—you’re done, ya stupid, brainless jerk! Hey, Sulak, ya demon clown of toilets, get outta my face! 

JACOB J. QWERTYUIOP: Gentlemen, gentlemen, surely we can solve this amicably! 

M: Yeah, Qwertyuiop. Fat chance.

SULAK, DEMON CLOWN OF BATHROOMS: Hey, Mark, let’s take this outside! I dare ya!

M: Okay, ya clown—you’re on! Let’s go, guys—outside, as this idiot clown says! An’ Blond Big-nosed Mark, put these here cuffs on Brown-haired Mark an’ bring him outside wit’ us. An’ don’t let him outta your sight. We’re gonna deal wit’ him later—got somethin’ special for him!

BLOND BIG-NOSED MARK: You got it, boss! 

DI: Nicki and Flea, tank you for untying us! Unfortunately, my little plan for covert group hypnosis vas not big enough!

IS: Yah! Tank goodness you two showed up vhen you did! Vhere ees Gneeecey?

N: We’ll tell you all about that later!

F: Yeah! We’ve gotta get out there right now! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking x 2]

E: And furthermore, old chap, your good Brown-haired Mark informed us that the mierk you slather all over yourselves is highly flammable!

BHM: I did not! I swear I did not!

M: Shaaaadaaap!

S: You’re all a buncha sorry mierk-covered dopes, ya Markman creeps!

M: Come up in my face an’ say dat, clown, why don’cha?

S: I’ll come up in all your stupid faces an’ say dat! 

M: Bold, ain’cha?

S: Yeah, especially wit’ dis cigarette lighter I got! SFX: [Fire Ignite] [Male Screams 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5] 

F: Wow, Nicki, look at all them disembodied eyeballs flyin’ up into the sky!

N: Yeah, Flea—creepy neon-colored ping pong balls zooming high up into the clouds!

M: We’ll be back! We’ll be back—when youse least expect it!

S: An’ now, we’re gonna deal wit’ them two. That dopey Sooperflea pal of Gneeecey’s an’ that pesky Earth girl, right Ebegneeezer? Ebegneeezer! Ebegneeezer?

THREE: He’s gone, Sulak. Looks like it’s jus’ you an’ me now.

S: Yeah, Three. Y’know, I never trusted that Ebegneeezer guy. He’s always been out for himself. Well, me an’ you can destroy these two little dopes here, an’ then we’ll take charge. If Ebegneeezer ever shows his snooty face again, it’ll be two against one!

T: Ya got dat right, ol’ pal! Hey, look—them two are whisperin’ to each other! An’ lookin’ at us all funny! 

S: What youse two lookin’ at? Soon you’re both gonna be lookin’ at nuthin’! From six feet under!

F: Oh, yeah, ya clowns?

N: It’s gonna be the other way around! SFX: [Lasers. Laser] [Space Laser Lab]

N: Both totally dematerialized—right in front of our eyes! Shows what two powerful entities can do, joining forces and concentrating together. 

F: Yep, Nicki. Like Zinfandel said, we have the power! And we’ll never forget! SFX: [Epic Music Finale] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###