Fishy: Monster on the Loose, Part 6

“Fishy: Monster on the Loose, Part 6” - Episode 53

Hauled into Dworkvilletown police headquarters and unable to produce any ID or satisfactory answers, Nicki faces loitering and vagrancy charges—and arrest. Meanwhile, canine-humanoids Sooperflea and Gneeecey, who have mysteriously become regular dogs, languish in an animal shelter, despairing because dog catchers Matt and Dave have adopted them. The shady guys plan to “make a bundle” displaying the two talking dogs in carnival freak shows. 

Back in Perswayssick City, Doctor Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma,” notice that the kangaroo monsters unwittingly created by Gneeecey are becoming smaller as they replicate. And sure enough, the miniature versions of Nicki, Gneeecey, and Sooperflea streaming in from beneath their office door are tinier. Dr. Idnas is unnerved when she receives a phone call—from Nicki’s cellphone—from a gravel-voiced man claiming to be Nicki. 

With nothing to lose and everything to gain, Nicki decides to see if her powers are working again.

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And much thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / “Fishy: Monster on the Loose, Part 6”- episode 53, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Police Station] [Police Sirens]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  I can’t believe you’ve taken me here to your police station. What am I, under arrest? 

POLICE OFFICER: Ya might be, if ya don’t stop givin’ me these fishy answers. Now, let’s start again, from the beginnin’. An’ remember, everything ya say may be used against ya. Now, who are ya?

N: I’m telling you for the tenth time. My name is Nicki Rodriguez—Nicole Rodriguez.

PO: So, show me some ID. 

N: I already told you, it’s missing—my friends and I were in this, uh, explosion, and now my pockets are empty! My ID, my phone, and my money—what little I had—are all missing!

PO: Uh-huh. How old are ya? 

N: Already told you that, too. I’m twenty-five years old.

PO: Years? What’s a year? 

N: I don’t know what you mean—I’m, uh, not from here…

PO: Evidently. So, where are ya from?

N: Uh…Earth, originally….

PO: Earth? Never heard of it. 

N: Well, actually, my most recent address is Three Bimbus Crack Drive, in Saint Bogelthorpe Parke, a suburb of Perswayssick City—in Perswayssick County, part of New Jersey—but not regular New Jersey.

PO: You gotta be kiddin’ me…. one fishy answer after another. Now, what’s your occupation?

N: I—I work in radio. At the GAS Broadcast Network. On Edgar Vompt Boulevard, in Perswayssick City. Owned by my friend Zig Gneeecey. Now, can I go look for him and Flea?

PO: No. We’re chargin’ ya wit’ loitering an’ vagrancy. 

N: But—but—look, like I said, I was just here walking, minding my own business, looking for my friends. They were snatched away from me—kidnapped! Maybe you can help me!

PO: An’ tell me again, who might these friends of yours be?

N: I told you. Fleaglossitty “Sooperflea” Floppinsplodge—he’s a superhero back in my Perswayssick County— and my boss, actually he runs Perswayssick County, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey. The three of us were walking down the road together, lost, and then these two dog catchers came and mistook them for dogs! Just snatched ’em both! My friends are not dogs! They’re canine-humanoids, distinguished, important citizens of Perswayssick County, and—

PO: This is such a fishy story. Are ya sure ya don’t write science fiction for a livin’?

N:  I’ve gotta find Gneeecey and Flea! I can’t freakin’ believe those two jerks mistook ’em for regular dogs and carted ’em off to the animal shelter. Please, I’m begging you! Where is the Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter? Can you help me find it? Please?

PO: We’re gonna help ya find a nice, comfortable little holdin’ cell to sit in while we sort this all out. See—like the one over there they’re puttin’ that guy in? SFX: [Police Station] 

N: No—you can’t—

PO: John, come over here an’ watch her a minute? I’ll be right back.

JOHN: Sure, Mike.  

N: Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter… Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter… Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter….

SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Jet Engine Start-up] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Summon] [Magic Glitter] 

PO: What the—what happened? I told ya to watch her. Where is she?

J: I dunno, boss. She—she—kept sayin’ “Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter.” Over ab’ over again. Her eyes were all shut tight, an’ then there was all this crazy racket—an’ now she’s gone! Jus’ disappeared into thin air!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Dogs Barking in Shelter]

SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Oh Zig, what are we gonna do? Here we are, somehow supernaturally turned into regular dogs, an’ we’re locked up in this cage in this animal shelter! An’ now them two dog catchers Matt an’ Dave have adopted us! 

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Try usin’ them superhero powers of yours again, Fleaglossitty. That’s our only stinkin’ hope—even my superior brain can’t think of nothin’ else.

F: Okay, Zig…. Here goes. SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare x 2] Still ain’t workin’! Mus’ be a combination of severe dimension burn an’ us bein’ transformed from canine-humanoids to regular dogs! Red superhero cape’s still around my neck, but of no use….

G: SFX: [Annoyed Cartoon Character Crying x 2] 

F: Why ya walkin’ back an’ forth like that, Zig? 

G: I’m thinkin’ Fleaglossitty…I’m stinkin’ thinkin’…. SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow—looky what’cha did! Ya distractipated me! Made me fall on my lousy bimbus!

F: Only you could be on four legs an’ still manage to fall on that lopsided bimbus of yours. Don’t blame me for your legendary clumsiness.

G: Stinkin’ cement floor is so hard! Uh-oh—here come them two bad guys, Matt an’ Dave! Let’s be sure an’ bark in front of them instead of, know, talkin’, like we usually do. If we act like regoogular dogs, maybe they won’t want us no more.

F: You’re right, Zig. SFX: [Cartoon Dog Bark]

G: Woof! Woof! Grrrrrr! Woof!

F: SFX: [Cartoon Dog Bark]

G: Woof! Woof! Grrrrrr! Woof! Stinkin’ uh-oh—ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins]

MATT: Y’know, Dave, I think you’re right. For now, let’s jus’ adopt this one—y’know, the white an’ black one here wit’ the silly voice that sneezes dimes. Cheaper to adopt jus’ one.

DAVE: Yeah, Matt, we’ll make a ton of money with the one that sneezes dimes! Hah, hah, hah! Right, little guy? We might even give you some of the money we make—if ya listen to us!

G: Really? You’ll share some of that mon-ney wit’ me? I’d say fifty-fifty’s a fair deal. Fifty percent for youse two, an’ fifty percent for meee!

D: We’ll see. That black dog wit’ the torn-up red cape around his neck can stay here for now. Maybe someone else’ll adopt him. He acts more like a regular dog. 

M: Okay, little white an’ black guy, you’re gonna come wit’ us now. You’re gonna be famous! Ya like carnivals?

G: Yeah—they’re fun, especially if I’m gonna make mon-ney an’ be more famous than I awready aaam! 

M: Okay. Say goodbye to your, uh, little superhero friend there. Well? Whassamatter? Why ya grabbin’ onto him like that? This is kinda fishy. 

G: I ain’t leavin’ my friend. I love mon-ney, but me an’ Fleaglossitty been best friends since we were kids back on Planet Eccchs—before we got straaanded in the dimension of Perswayssick County. An’ me an’ Flea are still best friends—we always will be. I ain’t gonna leave him here!

D: C’mon, Matt, let’s jus’ take both of ’em like we originally planned. We can always jus’ give each one of ’em half as much food. Y’know, to cut expenses.

SFX: [Annoyed Cartoon Character Crying x 3] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick City, in the Murgatroyd Avenue office of Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, otherwise known as “Grandma” ….

SFX: [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] [Comedy Boing] [Police Siren] 

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Ingabore, does eet appear to you dat deese kangaroo monsters dat our Gneeecey created are seeming to be a little beet smaller as dey continue to replicate? 

INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah, Alexandra! And hopefully, like a replicating virus, dey vill become a bit veaker, too! Deir jumping sounds a little different.

DI: Yah! And look! Dere are more of deese tiny creatures crawling into our office here from under dee door! You know, dose miniature versions of Nicki, Gneeecey, and Flea!

IS: Yah, and dey are smaller, too! Much smaller!

DI: As vee estableeshed, Nicki, Gneeecey, and Flea have been replicating in dee monsters’ pouches—along vit dem—constantly creating new generations of demselves! As dee monsters become smaller, so do Nicki, Gneeecey, and Flea.

MINI-NICKI, MINI-GNEEECEY, & MINI-FLEA: Help! Help! Monster kangaroo had us! Monster had us! We escaped from Bob’s pouch! Help! 

DI: Let’s catch dis new batch and put dem in dat big old empty aqvarium along vit dee odders.

IS: Yah. I vill break up more of my veggie meatballs to feed dem. Dee little people vee already have here seem to like dem.

DI: Good idea, Ingabore! SFX: [Cell Phone Ring] I vunder who could be phoning me now—eet ees nearly midnight!

IS: I hope eet’s our county’s Vice Qvality of Life Commissioner, Jacob J. Qvertyuiop, vit an update about dis awful situation in our city here! Vee need some good news!

DI: Yah. Vait—dis call appears to be from Nicki’s phone! Hallo, Nicki?

GRAVELLY VOICE: Heya, Doc, yeah, it’s me, Nicki. Haah, haah, haah….

DI: You are not Nicki! Who are you? Who ees dis? Dey hung up! Dis ees vary feeshy!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Magic Glitter] [Magic Eerie Gong] [Magic Ringing] [Sci-Fi Glimmer] [ShoutFx Alien] [Dogs Barking in Shelter]

N: Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter… Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter… Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter…. What the…. How long have I been out? My powers…they worked! Here I am…standing right in front of the Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter… on Fishyflock Road. Time to get back on my feet, go in there, and save my two friends! Gneeecey and Flea, here I come! 

SFX: [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###