Flight of the Bumble Gneee: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 7

“Flight of the Bumble Gneee: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 7,” Episode 38

Can Gneeecey fly a helicopter after watching a video? After asking himself, “Am I a mouse or a canine-humanoid?” the zany zillionaire decides to fly off to Booolabeeezia himself in hopes of finding Nicki and Sooperflea. 

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And much thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / “Flight of the Bumble Gneee: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 7,” episode 38, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] 

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Am I a mouse, or am I a canine-humanoid? Am I a canine-humanoid, or a mouse? I, Diroctor Zig Gneeecey, doctor an’ director of this here lousy Perswayssick County, am a canine-humanoid! An’ I have made up my mind ’bout what I’m gonna dooo—an’ no one can stop me! Excep’ meee, if I chicken out from not doin’ it soon enough. SFX: [Chickens] I have learned through the years never to think….

SFX: [Cell Phone Ring] 

G: Smello? If you’re a clown or wanna buy crypooptocurrencey, I ain’t here!

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Hallo, Diroctor Gneeecey, dis ees Doctor Idnas, calling to see how you are doing after your accident last night. I understand dat your attorney got you released from jail dis morning. Your terapist Grandma ees on dee line vit us, too. You know, a conference call.

G: Why, smello Doctor Idnas an’ Graaandma, thanks for callin’. Yeah, my attorney John Smiff, Equestrian, finally got me sprung from the clink on my own reckogoognizance. Y’know, me bein’ the Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of this here Perswayssick County, plus Quality of Life Commissioner. An’ zillionaire business maggot big shot.

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Vell, Diroctor Gneeecey, how are you feeling after all dat?

G: Wit’ my hands. Well, actually, my bimbus is priddy sore from sittin’ on that lousy wood bench all stinkin’ night. Plenny of splinters I hadda pull out. 

DI: Ees dere any vord on Nicki? Ees she still missing? Do dee police have any updates for us?

G: Yeah, the Ig— 

IS: You mean Nicki!

G: Yeah, the Ig is still missin’. An’ now, so is Fleaglossitty! He disappeared right before my accident on Vompt Boulevard when I crashed into that manure truck an’ split it in half. I was runnin’ from that evil clown Sulak—y’know the Demon Clown of Bathrooms—an’ Fleaglossitty jus’ dematerialized into thin air!

DI: Oh no! Have you notified dee police about Flea?

G: Yeah, Doctor Idnas, right after I got, y’know, sprung from the hoosegow. 

IS: I vunder eef his disappearance and Nicki’s are related?

G: I dunno, but I’m stinkin’ gonna find out! The Ig’s Splodge ain’t parked in 98.6 Normal Radio’s lot no more—the cops tol’ me an’ Fleaglossitty yesterday that they spotted her car travelin’ fast on the Perswayssick Turnpike, past Knapsackville, towards Booolabeeezia! 

DI: My goodness, dat ees on dee outskirts of Persvassick County! I am vary vorried! 

IS: Me too! I can’t help but vunder eef she ees being held against her vill and vas forced to drive somevhere!

G: Cops say they can’t do nothin’ ’cause she’s over eighteen an’ so she don’t gotta come home.  

DI: Yah, eef dey cannot prove dat her disappearance vas involuntary, dey really cannot do much. I vould still speak to dem again about our concerns.

G: I’m gonna do better than that! I’m goin’ lookin’ for the Ig an’ Fleaglossitty myself!

DI & IS: Vhat?

G: Youse two heard me! I got a real funny feelin’ somethin’ fishy’s goin’ on an’ that the Ig an’ maybe even Fleaglossitty are near my high-tech vacation cabin in Booolabeeezia. After the accident, they impounderated my car, but I’m still gonna get up there.

DI: How vill you do dat?

G: I’m gonna fly!

IS: Fly? 

DI: Dere are no airports or airfields dere! Dee terrain dere ees nothing but mountains and forests!

G: No probooblem. I’m gonna fly our GAS-TV Channel Three an’ a Half News chopper there myself. I’m gonna land on my cabin’s roof!

DI: Diroctor Gneeecey—you cannot try to fly a helicopter! Eet ees vay too dangerous!

IS: As your therapist, I agree! 

G: It ain’t really that dangerousical. Or difooficult.

DI: Eet most certainly ees! You don’t know how to fly, and dat helicopter ees so decrepit! Vasn’t eet previously damaged een a crash?

G: Yeah, but after my intern Stu Pitt crashed it—y’know, into the ol’ Mierkolatory factory, I got it repooparated. Zeke’s Pizza an’ Transmissions fixes copters, too—cheap! 

IS: I recently saw dat helicopter on your GAS Broadcast grounds—eet does not look safe.

G: A coupla rotors are a little bent an’ rusty, but it flies. Stu says ya jus’ gotta compoopensate a little. An’ in jail, I watched a video on how to fly a helicopoopter. Y’know, on my smellphone. An’ I’ve watched Stu. I’m priddy sure I can do it. 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Helicopter]

G: Heya, Stuey, thanks for the ride.

STUART “STU” PITT: Anything for you, boss. An’ here’s the notes I promised you, y’know, on how to fly this copter. An’ I started her up for ya.

VOICE: Don’t try this at home, boys and girls!

G: Stinkin’ what was thaaat?

S: Oh, that was just my phone, boss. In my pocket. Videos an’ junk sometimes turn on by themself. 

G: Okay, Stuey, like they say on the Ig’s plaaanet, tally ho!

S: They really talk like that on her planet?

G: Yupperooney, Stuey, they certaintaneously dooo! 

S: Boss, ya sure ya don’t wanna let me fly this thing for ya?

G: Nah, Stuey. Wit’ your notes an’ the video I watched, I can’t go wrong. An’ on my way over this mornin’, I picked up this here used paperback at OddLottz. “How to Fly a Chopper Wit’out Really Tryin’.” Only twenny-five cents. Now, you be sure an’ hold down the fort at TV an’ radio while I’m gone!

D: Will do, boss. Bon triage!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Helicopter]

G: Okay now…. Am I a mouse or a canine-humanoid? I am a canine-humanoid! An’ I am gonna stinkin’ find Fleaglossitty an’ that lousy Ig! Now, lessee, hope I got all this straight ’bout usin’ all three of these important controls…three is my lucky number! Ain’t got no flyin’ license, but there ain’t no cops up in the sky—or manure trucks to hit—an’ besides, I’m in charge of this here Perswayssick County, that’s how I got sprung from the clink…I’ll proboobably be talkin’ to myself this whole time, jus’ to make sure I agree wit’ myself an’ everythin’ goes right…. I’ll proboobably be jus’ as good at aviation as I am wit’ drivin’ on land…. Okay, ready for my vertikookal takeoff! Yeehaw!

SFX: [Helicopter gets louder] 

G: Hmmm…. Left foot forward to turn left, that’s in the direction of Booolabeeezia…. Says here, right pedal is the power pedal….I don’t really got much time to learn all this…an’ my feet wit’ them big red high-top sneakers of mine are kinda almost too big for these little pedals, an’ I gotta coordinate ’em wit’ my haaands, which luckily ain’t too big for them controls…. Hmmm…the warnin’ lights should stay on green… yeah, book says red is usually a color of troubooble… guess they mean the lights on the control panel here…ain’t no traffic lights up here in the sky….

SFX: [Helicopter With Engine Trouble] 

G: Whoops, heh, heh…push forward…lever tilt forward…all this tiltin’ is makin’ me dizzy an’ kinda nauseous… airsick. Forgot to bring a barf bag. Lemme try goin’ up…an’ sideways…,

But stinkin’ no! Hmmm…the cyclic…I don’t really wanna fly backward…what’s this wit’ the pitch an’ rotor blades? Stuey’s notes here say I gotta compoopensate for them bent rotors….

Gotta remindicate myself to raise an’ lower the stinkin’ collective stick an’ pitch the angles of each of these stoopid rotor blades…too stinkin’ much to do all at once. Mayboobee I shoulda let Stuey fly this rusty, dilapoopidated piece of junk…aviation’s for the birds….

SFX: [Helicopter]

G: Think I got her staboobilized for now…. Hmmm…what are these papers here? More notes? SFX: [Rustling Papers] Says on ’em, “Thank you, Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte, for being generous supportin’ members through BuyMeACoffee.com!”

Hmmm…here’s some more papers…says somethin’ on ’em ’bout torque. Wonder if that has anythin’ to do wit’ turkey… I’m real hungry…ain’t been to my high-tech cabin for a while, but all them jackass burgers an’ Missus Dammit’s Frozen Sloggenberry Pies should be waitin’ for me in my freezer. I can jus’ nuke ’em when I get there. Hmmm. Sloggenberry pie wit’ turkey-flavored ice cream…. Torque keeps remindin’ me of turkey. Ah, she’s flyin’ good, now! Fleaglossitty, bein’ a superhero, don’t know how lucky he is that he can fly, wit’out havin’ to learn all this junk. An’ the lousy Ig, when I find her, she’s gonna get a earful! This is all her stinkin’ fault… An’ that lousy demon bathroom clown Sulak told the Ig somethin’ ’bout some dopey clue. Another word for “stalk,” he said. An’ that she’d be even more scared when she figures it out! An’ it’s a noun, not a verb! I stinkin’ hope the Ig is okay, as mad as she makes me. Geewhizzicles, the pages ’bout landin’ this chopper are missin’ from this book—musta fell out somewheres…well, guess I don’t gotta worry ’bout landin’ till the end, when I get to it…oh, stinkin’ no—the whole lousy book an’ some of Stuey’s notes jus’ flew out the door sideways! Kinda windy up here—messin’ up my hair even though it’s short, an’ makin’ it harder to drive this thing….

SFX: [Crows]

G: Looky, there’s a buncha them lousy crows flyin’ down there—wit’ my luck, proboobably to my lousy house… it’s all Fleaglossitty’s fault for feedin’ ’em them peanuts all the time…When I find that Sooperflea Fleaglossitty—jus’ wait! Wowzickles, looky at how little them crows look from so high up! 

SFX: [Helicopter gets louder] 

G: Looky at all them priddy skyscrapers glitterin’ down there, like diamonds. An’ looky at all them little different-colored ants travelin’ in lines down there—whoops—they’re getting’ bigger—they’re actually cars—on streets! I’m havin’ some trouble stayin’ at the same height…phew—fixed that! A stitch in nine saves time!

An’ now it’s gettin’ greener down there…we’re movin’ away from Perswayssick City. I’m real proud of myself—I’m drivin’ this whirlybird priddy good, now! An’ looky, all them rooftops down there look so little. An’ there’s our county’s sparklin’ blue Lake Gizzagoola! Means I’m gettin’ closer to my secret luxury cabin hidden in them woods by them mountains…An’ there goes a choo-choo train down there. Looks like a silver snake from up here! Ah, of course, it’s the Perswayssick Occasional Overland Passenger Train--POOPT, for short.  

SFX: [Scary Ambience] 

Stinkin’ uh-oh, looky down at them gleamin’ creepy clusters of disembodied eyeballs—lime-green, mustard yellow, electric-orange, an’ blood-red—that’s Mark, Mark, Mark, an’ Mark, floatin’ ‘round lookin’ for more of our county’s precious gumpy muddy mierk, to make bodies for themselves…. Fleaglossitty don’t trust any of ’em, but I still think they’re my friends…. 

An’ that trail of brown liquid down there, that’s our lovely Perswayssick River. I can see all them luminous blue blobs leapin’ up outta the water…our county’s beaudiful famous two-tailed goonafish. We breed ’em purpooposely not to possess unsightly heads…they don’t got no brains, neitherwise, which is good. They can't think or get maaad at us for mistreatin’ ’em…wowzickles, I’m real, real hungry now…proboobably got some goonafish in the freezer, too…. 

SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] 

SULAK: You’ll have to wait till we get there! 

G: What are yoooou stinkin’ doin’ here, Sulak, ya lousy demon clown of terlits? 

SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] 

S: Enjoyin’ the scenery, like you! But, see this neck brace I’m wearin’? Got whiplash from your stupid car accident! Ain’t stickin’ ’round for this crash— 

G: Ain’t gonna stinkin’ crash, ya lousy—

S: And your dorky long canine-humanoid feet are too big for those pedals! See ya later! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] 

SFX: [Magic Summon]  

G: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe—he’s gone! Jus’ like that! Oh, stinkin’ no—I’m freaked, an’ now it’s gettin’ kinda foggy! I can jus’ ’bout see my cabin now, gonna land on its roof…which luckily is flat…uh-oh—ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins] What a lousy time to sneeze dimes—oh, no, a bunch of ’em jus’ flew out the door! That stooopid clown brung me baaad luck! 

SFX: [Helicopter With Engine Trouble] 

G: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe—I’m spinnin’ now! Pitch angles an’ tail rudder blades an’ rotor blades…an’ collective sticks…an’ throttle controls…fixed RPMs…an’ power pedals…. Control rotations! Control rotations! Gotta try an’ control the rotation wit’ them pedals—but my stinkin’ feet are too big! I hate to admit it, but I, the Grate One, am kinda confused right now….

G: Hmmm…found the last page of Stuey’s notes here…jus’ in time ’cause we’re awready here…What lousy handwritin’ even for a donkey-humanoid…

Trynna read an’ fly at the same time ain’t easy! I may throw up! Looks like it says somethin’ here ’bout hoverin’ above, starting down an’ stayin’ stable an’ then lightly touchin’ down—

SFX: [Helicopter Crashing Into Building] [Large Shatter Glass] [Glass Debris]

G: Yaaaaaaaaah! Jus’ busted through my cabin’s gigaaantical picture window! Chopper’s stuck an’ blockin’ all the light. Lemme get outta this thing…lucky I can…. Only things busted are my watch an’ this chopper…I don’t think she’ll ever fly again, unless we can get her fixed real cheap…. Wowzickles, it’s real stinkin’ dark in here! 

SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow! Fell on my bimbus! 

SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]

S: To be continued!

SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Magic Spell]

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Hallo, Doctor Alexandra Idnas here again. Now I am vorried about Nicki, Sooperflea, oddervise known as Flea and Fleaglossitty, and our Gneeecey. I do not have a good feeling. Gneeecey has not yet contacted me to let me know he has gotten safely to Boolebeeezia. 

Vell, vee hope dat you enjoyed dis veek’s episode of “Persvayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy!” And vee tank you for listening. Please do help us spread dee vord—please tell a friend about us! Vee appreciate every single download! And if you happen to hear from Nicki, Sooperflea, or Gneeecey, please ask dem to call me—dey have my number.

Eet’s time now to turn it back over to our dear, missing Nicki’s alter ego, Vicki. I really hope vee find all of our friends vary soon! Until next veek, please be vell and stay safe!

SFX: [Magic Spell] 

Vicki here again. Thanks so much for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to subscribe and tell a friend! And keep on laughing!

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###