Transcript / Space Duck: Unintended Expedition, Pt. 4 – Episode 154, by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2024 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang…
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Intro Blue Danube Fight]
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Unintended Expedition, Day Three, aboard Gneeecey’s Starship Waterloo… Nicki Rodriguez here… Gneeecey and Flea continue fighting, even though the superhero’s wish did come true—that he and Gneeecey could face a common enemy once more in order to be friends again.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Airplane Alarm]
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: That’s possiboobly proboobably nuthin’. Ain’t no one else on this lousy ship ’cept the three of us. Ah hah, haah, fiduciary!
SFX: [Clinking Coins] [Airplane Cabin] [Sneakers Squeaking]
NURSE MAUDLYN: Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that! Ah, ha, ha, ha!
N: Looks like you got your wish, Flea.
G: It’s stinkin’ evil Nurse Maudlyn!
NM: That’s right, tis I, Nurse Maudlyn! And I’ve lost everything because of you! So, I have nothing left to lose now! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
SFX: [Terror Tension] [SpaceshipResonant] [Spaceship Alien]
NM: This is an ideal opportunity for me to get even with you two dastardly canine-humanoids!
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Nurse Maudlyn, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.
NM: Oh yeah? I didn’t ask for your input.
N: Well, you’re getting it.
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Yeah. This ain’t your house. We’re in charge here!
G: Ya mean, I’m in charge, Fleaglossitty! It’s my lousy spaceship!
F: An’ it is lousy!
NM: It sure is!
F: Shaddup, ya ol’ gas bag! I’m here fightin’ wit’ my friend!
G: Yeah, ya ol’ battleaxe. Stop interrupticatin’ me an’ Fleaglossitty when we’re busy havin’ a fight an’ bein’ rotten to each other!
F: Yeah, we both agree to that!
G: An’ stop assumin’ junk all the time, Fleaglossitty. The word “assume” means you’re an ass, not meee!
F: Oh yeah, Zig? This whole thing’s your fault. We didn’t even wanna come here. We didn’t wanna have lunch here, an’ then you pressed that stupid launch button instead of the lunch button, an’ here we are. Flyin’ outta control through space!
G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, I can’t hear you!
NM: This is all rather amusing, if I say so myself. Almost worth the price of admission. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
F: Shaddup, ya ol’ hag!
G: What he said! An’ yooou didn’t pay nuthin’ to come aboard. Your presence is unauthorizated!
F: Yeah! What he said! Now, back to you, Zig, an’ your humongous mistake which puts all our lives at risk—
G: Are you sayin’ I made a mistake, Fleaglossitty? You dare to say I ain’t perfect?
F: Yeah, Zig, that’s jus’ what I’m sayin’!
G: Why you—I’m stinkin’ gonna—
SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers] [Intro Blue Danube Fight]
NM: Get me some popcorn! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
N: Guys! Guys! Stop! You’re playing right into her hands!
F: You’re right, Nicki….
G: Stinkin’ whatever.
SFX: [PhartzzByFrank]
F: Oh, Zig—ya gotta stop doin’ that!
G: Told youse, I caaan’t stinkin’ help it—the food from the repooplicator don’t agree wit’ my system!
F: We’re all gonna die ’cause of you passin’ gas in this pressurized space!
NM: I have a little cure for that, too! You know, I may have lost my home and all of my possessions—all because of you two dastardly canine-humanoids—but before I snuck onboard here, I managed to gain access, undetected, to Florence Fergison Memorial where I managed to retrieve some of my, let’s just say, medical supplies. I can inject you with a med that will not only end your odoriferous flatulence, but it will end you! You’d better not dare close your eyes—any of you! I’m going to take off my new comfortable at-home shoes and make myself at home here! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
SFX: [Fail Horn]
F: See, Zig, I told ya you were gonna get us killed!
N: Guys—guys! Please! We’ve gotta stick together!
NM: Oh… this air—if you can even call it that—is so stale…. I’m beginning to feel lightheaded….
G: Ain’t got ’round to repooperatin’ the ventilization system yet. Didn’t think we’d be travelin’ so soon.
NM: Yaaaah! I’m suddenly floating!
G: Ain’t got ’round to repooperatin’ them lousy gravoovitational controls neitherwise.
SFX: [BodyFallHuman] [Wood Demolition Bang]
NM: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
G: Gravoovity’s workin’ again! Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!
NM: Why you—when I pick myself up off this floor, I’m going to show you a thing or two—
SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]
NM: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
SFX: [BodyFallHuman] [Wood Demolition Bang]
F: Looks like she knocked herself out.
N: At least that’ll buy us some time….
SFX: [Magic Spell] ] [SpaceshipResonant] [Spaceship Alien]
F: Good ya remembered that little onboard detention lockup on the second deck, Zig.
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty, I know this spaceship like the back of my haaand. Oh…what’s that?
F: Dirt, Zig. Dirt.
N: Good thing there’s an elevator here. It was hard enough, the three of us, dragging her on and dragging her off. I’m kind of winded.
G: Yeah. Me too. Thank Bogelthorpe for that evoovilator.
F: Y’know, Zig, I need the bathroom, but I’m too exhausted an’ winded even to walk back to the elevator an’ take it back upstairs to the bathroom.
G: Me too, Fleaglossitty.
F: There are her comfortable at-home shoes. Right there.
G: You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
F: Yeah, Zig. It’ll be jus’ like old times.
N: Guys, this isn’t gonna be too pretty, y’know, the next time we lose gravity.
G: Don’t ruin our fun, Ig! Okay, Fleaglossitty. You take her left shoe, an’ I’ll take her right shoe. Ironical, ain’t it, someone else’s shoes savin’ us steps?
SFX: [Mud Drops x 2] [Magic Spell] [Airplane Cabin] [Blue Danube Silly Kazoo] [Sneakers Squeaking]
N: There’s that weird music again.
F: It’s Zig. He’s back….
G: When I was up on the second deck jus’ now, checkin’ to make sure the ol’ gasbag ain’t escaped from her little prison cell, looky who I found!
DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!
N: A duck!
F: Looks like he ain’t from Perswayssick County. He’s wearin’ a space helmet, aviator shades, an’—
G: An’ a expensive gold necklace. I think he musta came wit’ this spaceship. I found him clingin’ to some equipment up there.
DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!
G: He seems priddy friendly. I think we can let him roam free here. Looky, there he goes. He’s priddy faaast! I will name him Space Duck.
F: The sensors on this ship must’ve picked him up as the fifth person aboard. So now we know, it’s jus’ us three—you, Nicki, an’ me, plus that rotten Nurse Maudlyn, an’ your Space Duck.
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty, you’re proboobably right. These high-tech, sophistiphoosticated sensors are priddy sensitive. They picked up the duck, even though he’s kinda light. I’m gonna go over to the repooplicator an’ see what I can feed Space Duck…. Let’s see…maybe I’ll start him off on some malted cauliflower…hope it don’t give him gas.
DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Spaceship Alien]
EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Can someone do something with this bloody duck, before I do?
DUCK: Quack, quack, quack, quack!
G: It’s Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay—my hideous, evil lookalike from Planet HyenaZitania!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###
