“Please Gimme Day” – Episode 120
Utter chaos rules in Judge Robert R. Blobert’s courtroom until Nicki’s powers mysteriously freeze the perpetrators in their tracks. But it just turns out to be another calm before another storm.
Afterward, Nicki treats Gneeecey, Sooperflea, Doctor Idnas, and Grandma to a Thanksgiving meal. Gneeecey decides that he has nothing to be thankful for. And he’s in for a surprise at the end.
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Transcript / Please Gimme Day – Episode 120, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Boxed In]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “Mayhem,” during a recess, chaos erupts in Judge Robert R. Blobert’s West Hell courtroom….
SFX: [Fist Fight] [Ceiling Fan]
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA” & DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY [in unison]: Ow! Ow!
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Guys! Stop! Please!
NURSE MAUDLYN: Hahaha! Look at those two stupid canine-humanoids going at it!
G: Shaddup an’ mind your business, ya gasbag!
N: And speaking of gasbags, Nurse Maudlyn, I will also inform Judge Blobert that you are creating illegal duplicates of yourself with that Dimeosacion drug that you and that Doctor Frombilagonga are processing in that lab of yours and—
NM: You leave my Gongilafromba out of this!
N: And that’s how you managed to vote five zillion and three times!
G: That dopey Doctor Frombilagonga don’t care about yooou, ya ol’ gasbag! He only cares about his cryptocurrency an’ all his real girlfriends!
NM: Why—why—I’m so furious, I’m going to—
N: Wow—no damage to anything around here! Flea, I think we have our answer about what’s been causing all these invisible explosions.
G: Fleaglossitty was too stooopid to solve it himself—that’s why he’s wit’ our police department’s STUPID division!
F: That’s not stupid, stupid. I’m wit’ the Specialized Tactical Undercover Paranormal Investigative Division! Y’know, STUPID, stupid!
G: Why you—
G: An’ look at all them crows that jus’ came in here—they’re flyin’ circles around the ceilin’! One jus’ pooped on my dopey noodle! It’s your fault, Fleaglossitty!
F: How’s it my fault, Zig?
G: You’re nice to them dopey birds—ya feed ’em, an’ now they came to help ya!
F: They ain’t dopey, Zig! They remember people who are nice to ’em! You’re dopey!
G: How dare you?
SFX: [Fist Fight] [Crows]
F & G [in unison]: Ow! Ow!
N: Guys! Stop! Please! Oh, it’s no use! Enough! I said, enough!
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Nicki—Nicki—vee are back!
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Oh, my goodness, Alexandra—she doesn’t hear or see us!
DI: She ees rigid and has a far avay look in her eyes!]
SFX: [Jet Engine Startup] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Closing] [Magic Glitter]
N: Holy crap—I did this?
SFX: [Magic Spell]
DI: Yah, Nicki, you did! Everyvun een front of us ees totally frozen! Simply amazing!
IS: Dey all look like a bunch of statues! Silly vuns! You even stopped that industrial ceiling fan up dere!
N: I—I was so angry—so freaking disgusted—suddenly all I saw was a blinding white haze, and…and….
DI: You’ve done dis before, Nicki.
IS: Yah, you have special powers.
N: Why…why do I keep forgetting that I have these powers? I… I do feel much calmer now….
DI: Oh, look, Nicki—as you become more calm, everyvun een front of us ees beginning to move again!
IS: Yah! Dee statues are coming to life!
N: I—I’ve really gotta learn to control this!
SFX: [Slow Circus Loop] [Boing] [Fist Fight] [Crows] [Glass Shatter]
F & G [in unison]: Ow! Ow!
N: Guys! Guys! Please!
SFX: [Door Open]
JUDGE ROBERT R. BLOBERT: Order! Order! SFX: [Wood Demolition Bang] I’ve been watching this whole idiotic circus from behind my one-way mirror there! I declare a mistrial! You’re all a bunch of idiots! I want all of you outta my courtroom—right now!
JRRB: Order! Order! SFX: [Wood Demolition Bang]
JOHN SMIFF, EQUESTRIAN: But, Your Honor, be that as it may, in any event, I’m suffering one loss here ’cause my client Nurse Maudlyn unexpectedly exploded and therefore will be stiffing me, but I still got my other client here—Diroctor Gneeecey—and I can still make money off of him—I mean, pursue justice for him! Please, Your Honor—
JRRB: Order! Order! SFX: [Wood Demolition Bang] Request denied! I want all of you out of my courtroom here right now before I go in the backroom and wake up my court officers—and fire them! And make sure you take that blasted kangaroo with you!
SFX: [Boing] [Music Logo] [Cinematic Boom A] [Magic Spell] [Restaurant Ambience]
DI: Nicki, how nice of you to treat dee four of us to dinner here at Shisskey’s Restaurant!
IS: Yah, Nicki! Vee really appreciate dis!
N: Y’know, temperatures are dropping—the air’s so crisp, it reminds me of the holiday season back on my planet. I’ve been here in this dimension of Perswayssick County so long that I’ve really kind of lost track of what month it would be back on Earth. Right about now, people there are probably celebrating Thanksgiving. Y’know, getting together with family.
F: Ya look kinda sad, Nicki. Right now, ya got us. We’re your family.
DI & IS [in unison]: Yah!
N: Aww, thank you so much.
G: Y’know, Ig, we got a holiday season here, too. We hang purple glitter-sprayed dead rubber chickens an’ exchange purple rubber wallets—an’ whoever gets the most wins!
N: Yeah, the Grimace holiday season.
G: An’ it starts off wit’ Please Gimme Day an’ goes all the way to Grimace Day. Our biggest retail season. I think that youse Earth people proboobably stole thaaat custom from us, too. Y’know, when your dumb planet grazed our beaudiful Planet Eccchs’s stinkin’ atmosphere an’ created this here dimension of Perswayssick County—strandin’ fifteen million of our snitizens here?
F: Zig! Zig! C’mon—let’s have a good time. The food’s great here at Shisskey’s!
G: No, it ain’t! Ain’t nuthin’ here I can eat! No goonafish melts, rotzels, slug nuts, or algae-covered tire gauges! No Zurt! No pizza a la mode with malted turkey-flavored ice cream. No Freak O’Nature products at all! We shoulda gone to my Gneeezle’s Restaurant!
F: Happiness is a choice, Zig, so let’s jus’ try an’ be happy tonight!
G: How can I have any stinkin’ hapoopiness? My voice transplant didn’t work, an’ I lost a buncha mon-ney.
F: ’Cause like your attorney John Smiff, Equestrian said, ya didn’t bother to read the fine print when ya signed them papers an’—
G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty! An’ on our way here, youse guys dropped my support kangoogaroo off at a aminal refuse place? Ya jus’ threw him out!
N: It’s an animal refuge. A live kangaroo has no place living in our third-floor library.
G: It’s my lousy third-floor lyeberry ’cause it’s my house, an’ don’t you forget it!
N: He’ll be much happier in the refuge.
G: Bob, Junior was hapoopy in my lyeberry. Y’know, he had all them nice books to color!
DI: You know, Flea, you are right! Dee food here at Shisskey’s ees delicious!
IS: Yah! Absolutely delicious!
G: Don’t try an’ change the lousy subject!
N: We don’t have to. Look who’s walking toward our table….
PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: Why, good evening, Ms. Rodriguez. That was quite some display you put on at the courthouse this afternoon, wasn’t it?
N: Uh, hello, Professor Wallbang….
PWW: As dismal as your past performance has been, I do detect a slight glimmer of promise.
N: Uh, thank you… I think….
PWW: Whether you like it or not, as you do seem to possess a rather short memory—and perhaps that is merely due to your stubborn refusal to accept reality, which ultimately must be accepted in order to change it—I must remind you again, that your so-called political triumph and new title, short-lived as they may prove to be, neither absolve you of financial responsibility for damages to our school property caused by your rather glaring ineptitude nor do your new circumstances allow you to dishonor the contract you signed quite willingly, legally committing yourself to attending and thereby financing a full load of classes for this entire academic year.
It is actually my opinion, after witnessing today’s rather entertaining presentation, that we at the Perswayssick Superhero Academy might quite possibly be able to educate you to utilize that wasteland of yours that masquerades as a mind. Good day, Ms. Rodriguez. Enjoy your meal.
G: Well, Ig, you’re on your own wit’ payin’ for that dopey superhero school.
N: Yeah. That you insisted I attend so that I could be of more use to you…. Well, I’m not gonna let that nasty, sinister creep ruin our celebration tonight.
G: What’s there to stinking smellebrate anyways, Ig?
N: Plenty, Diroctor Gneeecey. You may celebrate Please Gimme Day here in this dimension—
F: I think Zig made that up.
G: Did stinkin’ not!
F: Well, I never heard of it.
G: Well, ya did, now!
F: Oh yeah?
G: Come over here an’ say that!
F: I am over here!
N: Guys! Guys—please! Let’s enjoy ourselves! As newly elected Grate Gizzy of Perswayssick County, I declare this to be a Thanksgiving celebration!
DI: Yah, vee have much to be tankful for!
G: Ain’t got nuthin’ to smellebrate! An’ you jus’ got elected Grate Gizzy ’cause I wasn’t allowed to run for another lousy term!
N: And because you had me run in your place, and I won! Now, let’s all go around this table and say what we’re thankful for. I’ll start. I’m thankful for good health and that my dimension burn is lessening.
DI: Yah, Nicki, your skin no longer glows purple!
N: And I’m thankful to be sharing a meal with you guys, my family!
F, DI & IS [in unison]: Aww….
N: I’m thankful for a roof over my head—
G: My stinkin’ roof, an’ don’t forget it!
N: And for having basics like food and clothing. And, as Grate Gizzy, for having a chance to make a real difference for the citizens of Perswayssick County!
G: Ig, what can yooou possiboobly do to help our dopey snitizens?
N: If you remove your elbow from my soup, I’ll tell you.
G: Sorry, Ig, but that hurt me more than you. Ow! Now, you’re only gonna be Grate Gizzy of this lousy county till I can run again an’ win! Which will be soon! An’ you’re gonna see, it ain’t that easy to get stuff done!
N: Diroctor Gneeecey, I am determined to work hard for our citizens! And my winning kept the bad guys from taking control! Doctor Idnas, what are you thankful for?
DI: Vell, I am grateful for all of you and all of dee blessings I have een my life. I am grateful for dee opportunity to halp odders.
IS: Yah, I feel dee same, Alexandra. And I am also grateful to be not only a terapist, but to own my vary own veggie meatball business!
G: Gratitude, schmatitude!
F: An’ I’m happy to call youse all family. An’ even though my own Veggie Burger Avenue apartment buildin’ has been condemned ’cause of the damage done by them giant hybrid kangaroos Zig invented, I’m grateful to have a roof over my canine-humanoid head—
G: My stinkin’ roof, Fleaglossitty!
F: Yeah, your stinkin’ roof. An’ I’m grateful me an’ you got offa them weird islands—y’know, Itchy Zit Island an’ that scary island inhabited by them vicious hyenas! An’ I’m grateful, Zig, that you, my best friend, made it outta that commercial jetliner crash alive!
G: That was only because of my skill as a inexperienced pilot, Fleaglossitty. I flew that baby right into—
F: —right into the water….
G: Well, ya don’t gotta say it like thaaat, Fleaglossitty, so oogdimonious!
F: Well, Zig, ain’cha thankful we got through all this an’ we’re still alive?
G: Stinkin’ whatever….
F: An’ I’m also thankful that—
G: Ya got stinkin’ more, Fleaglossitty?
F: Yeah. I do, Zig. I’m thankful that we stopped fightin’ almost to the death wit’ our doubles ’cause they turned out to be our shadow selves, an’ when we made peace wit’ ’em, they merged back into us.
An’ I’m thankful that you, me, an’ Nicki made it outta Florence Ferguson Memorial Hospital alive wit’ that rotten Nurse Maudlyn tryin’ to hurt us! Ain’t you? An’ speakin’ of that evil woman, I’m thankful that me an’ Nicki made it outta Nurse Maudlyn’s lab, y’know, below her basement on 666 Van Pooop Lane! An’ I’m also thankful for—
G: Ya got more, Fleaglossitty?
F: Yeah. I’m thankful that Prindl, y’know my girlfriend all the way back from Missus Forkworthy’s first-grade class on Planet Eccchs, the prettiest red-haired Irish terrier canine-humanoid girl I ever seen? I jus’ recently found out she’s here, in Perswayssick County! We’ve reconnected—I ran into her in Seemingwhale’s Department Store! We were both shoppin’ for tail warmers an’—
G: Yooou got a girlfriend, an’ I don’t?
F: Well, Zig, I can’t help that your former fiancée that jilted ya by interdimensional email, Goonafina Blopperdang, is all the way back on our Planet Eccchs, an’ even if she decided to take ya back, ya still can’t be wit’ her—
G: I stinkin’ heard enough! I’m goin’ to the lousy bathroom!
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Door Slam]
N: Uh, Flea, when he comes back, can we, uh, give him a break and change the subject?
DI: Nicki’s right.
IS: Yah, vee hit a sore spot.
F: Okay, guys. You’re right.
N: Maybe when Diroctor Gneeecey comes back, we can talk about how lucky it is that because we saw that Nurse Maudlyn gasbag—one of her many duplicates—explode in Judge Blobert’s courtroom, causing no damage, we now know what’s been causing all these invisible explosions in our county. That’s one less Nurse Maudlyn we have to deal with.
SFX: [Flushing Toilet] [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]
N: Uh-oh…. Speaking of Nurse Maudlyn, look who just came through the front door!
G: Yaaaaaah—jus’ fell on my lousy bimbus! Ain’t got nuthin’ to be thankful for!
NM: You really don’t, Diroctor Gneeecey! And I might add that was a perfect somersault you just performed. Amusing but perfect! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###