“Earned My Red High-tops” – Episode 111
Candidate Nicki Rodriguez, Doctor Idnas, Grandma, Sooperflea, and Gneeecey sit huddled in front of the TV in The Grate Room, anxiously awaiting election results. Who will be Perswayssick County’s next Grate Gizzy? Nicki or the federation of evil individuals listed on the ballot as The Surprise Party? Who will wear the coveted red high-top sneakers awarded to the victor?
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)
https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)
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Transcript / Earned My Red High-tops – Episode 111, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In our last episode, “Vote For the Ig,” it was election night, and Perswayssick County’s soon-to-be former Grate Gizzy “Zig” Gneeecey, his pal Sooperflea “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas, therapist Ingabore Scriblig, also known as “Grandma,” and Earthling candidate Nicki Rodriguez sat huddled around the TV in Gneeecey’s Saint Bogelthorpe Parke mansion’s Grate Room. With ninety-five percent of precincts reporting, the election was still too close to call. It wasn’t looking so good for Nicki, also known as “The Ig” …
SFX: [Magic Spell]
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Ugh…so far, Mary Shisskey’s the only one who came out for us.
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Vell, no vun polled us, right, Ingabore?
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Dat’s right, Alexandra!
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: An’ no-stinkin’-body counted the votes casted in terlits like my high-tech Electric Water Cyclone 3,000!
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: I hope I hit the “vote button” before I pressed “flush,” Zig!
G: I hope ya did too, Fleaglossitty! An’ speakin’ of stuff, Ig, when ya win—an’ ya better—ya don’t get no special privileges as Grate Gizzy! No perks come wit’ these government jobs! An’ remember, I’m still Quality of Life Commissioner…an’ y’know, I need a new limo—got my eye on this sleek silver thirty-six-door beauty wit’ two built-in wet bars an’—
SFX: [Large Shatter Window]
TV ANNOUNCER: Breaking news now! We interrupt our election coverage to bring you more election coverage! With ninety-five percent of precincts reporting, this election for Grate Gizzy is too close to call! It’s a real nail-biter! Back to our regular GAS-TV Channel three-and-a-half election coverage, already in progress!
N, F, DI, & IS [in unison]: Nooooo!
G: Oh, stinkin’ noooo! Ig, we’re gonna lose everything! Ya shoulda made that lousy speech I gave ya—word for word!
SFX: [Comical Scary Clown Laugh] [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
N: Oh no—what’s that? Sounds like it’s right outside!
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Police Siren Fading]
N: You clowns come back, and I’ll call the cops on ya again—ya hear me? I know you guys are from The Surprise Party! You think you’re gonna intimidate me? Well, freakin’ think again—ya gonna hafta try harder than that!
SFX: [Door Slam]
F: You told ’em, Nicki!
DI: Yah, Nicki, you sure did!
IS: Nicki, you vill be a strong leader for our county!
G: If she stinkin’ wins! An’ she better or them baaad guys’ll end up winnin’ an’ ruinin’ our beaudiful county! An’ it stinkin’ stinks that I can’t run for another lousy consekookutive term as Grate Gizzy! I’m gonna have the Ig change that law when she wins! Hey—looky, Fleaglossitty! You ain’t a orange no more!
F: An’ Zig, you ain’t a lemon no more! Them evil clowns musta scared us back into bein’ ourselves! We’ve morphed back into canine-humanoids!
G & F [in unison]: We ain’t fruit no more!
N: Well, this is really great news!
DI: Yah! And speaking of news, let’s go back into dee Grate Room and see how dis election ees going!
N, G, & F [in unison]: Yeah! C’mon!
SFX: [Glass Shatter]
TV ANNOUNCER: More breaking news now! We interrupt our election coverage again to bring you even more election coverage! With ninety-six percent of precincts reporting, this election for Grate Gizzy is still too close to call! It’s still a real nail-biter! We may not know who will win the Grate Gizzy election—and the coveted red high-top sneakers that come with victory—for a while! Votes are now coming in from the rich part of Perswayssick County—the Saint Bogelthorpe Parke area—where residents often cast their votes via expensive electronic toilets—
G: That’s us!
F: Quiet, Zig!
TV ANNOUNCER: And we’ve received reports of voting irregularities in the Telephone Pole Hill District. Unidentified sources tell us that a Nurse Maudlyn of 666 Van Pooop Lane has been arrested and charged with voting at least five-zillion and three times. Now, back to our regular GAS-TV Channel three-and-a-half election coverage that we just interrupted!
N: Uh, Diroctor Gneeecey, what about those five zillion an’ three campaign calls you said you, uh, made on my behalf earlier today?
G: Uh…heh, heh… I mighta accidentally called the same number five zillion an’ three times.
F: Oh boy…this whole thing is gonna go on an’ on for hours.
DI: Yah, Flea. I’m sure dis vill go on all night and eento dee morning.
IS: I’m glad dis couch ees so big and comfortable!
G: I only buy the best junk.
N: I’m really nervous, but at the same time, fighting to keep my eyes open….
SFX: [Cartoon Snoring] [Cuckoo Clock] [Rooster Crow]
F: What time is it?
DI & IS [in unison]: Yah, vhat time ees eet?
G: I didn’t even stinkin’ know we had a rooster!
N: My lap! My lap’s on fire! Help!
F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! Someone help her!
G: Oh, forgot to tell ya, Ig—them red high-top sneakers magically materialize in the winner’s lap, in a big bunch of flames!
G: Don’t worry, Ig—them flames ain’t really real! It’s skientifically soopoopernatural make- believe fire! But it hadda be magical fire to bring them high-tops here. Don’t worry, Ig—your pants ain’t really on fire!
F: Zig, Nicki’s pants would never be on fire. She’s honest. She always tries to do what’s right.
G: You sayin’ I ain’t an’ don’t?
G: Whose side are ya on?
F: The side of doin’ stuff right.
G: Oh, you’re always stinkin’ like thaaat….
SFX: [Glass Shatter]
TV ANNOUNCER: Even more breaking news now! We interrupt our election coverage again to interrupt our election coverage! With ninety-nine percent of precincts reporting, we can now project Nicki Rodriguez as the winner of this election. Nicki Rodriguez has defeated The Surprise Party and will be Perswayssick County’s next Grate Gizzygalumpaggis!
F, N, DI, & IS [in unison]: Whooo-hooo! Yay!
G: Hey! I’m still stinkin’ Grate Gizzy an’ I could fine or at least fire that guy for usin’ all them unauthorizated vowels an’ consonants! We’re tryin’ to conservate them!
DI: Nicki, dose red high-tops are beautiful!
F: Yeah, look at them gold laces! Yours used to be like that, Zig. Till ya got nervous an’ turned ’em yellow. Y’know, washed away all the glitter when fear made ya lose control of your—
G: Shaaaddup, Fleaglossitty.
SFX: [Helicopter] [Police Siren]
TV ANNOUNCER: We have reports that crowds have gathered outside the soon-to-be-former Grate Gizzy Gneeecey’s Saint Bogelthorpe Parke mansion, where Nicki Rodriguez resides.
G: I don’t like the sound of “soon-to-be-former Grate Gizzy”!
F: Well, Zig, ya better start gettin’ used to it!
G: At least I’m still gonna be Perswayssick County Quality of Life Commissioner, an’ the Ig is really gonna be jus’ a figurehead. I’m still gonna run junk, but from behind the scenes. Why ya lookin’ at me like that, Ig? C’mon, we better go outside an’ greet our snitizens! But first, I gotta run upstairs an’ change into a new dirty T-shirt!
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Bodyfall Human] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn]
G: Fleaglossitty! Stinkin’ help me up awready!
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Door Open] [Police Siren] [Helicopter] [Utter Astonish Shock] [Audience Applause]
G: Fiends, country peepooples an’ fine snitizens of this wonderfooful County of Perswayssick, we are all assemboobled here for a very momentical occasion, where me an’ the Ig will make our pollutical speech an’ tell youse all what we’re gonna accompooplish in my new term—I mean, her new term—as Grate Gizzygalumpaggis, hereby stinkin’ again shortened to Grate Gizzy, to conservate vowels an’ consonants!
N: Hey—Diroctor—I should be speaking! SFX: [Fail Horn] [Rock Logo] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###