Election Day

“Election Day” – Episode 109

It’s finally Election Day in Perswayssick County. Back home, sitting comfortably in the mansion’s kitchen, canine-humanoid-turned-citrus pals “Zig” Gneeecey and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, AKA “Sooperflea” entertain relieved humans Nicki Rodriguez, Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas, and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma” with stories of what actually happened while they were missing and presumed dead.  

They’re interrupted when that strange stubble-faced, hairy-legged Dorothy shows up, making new demands. And the Perswayssick Superhero Academy’s sinister Professor Willard Wallbang stops by as well, offering Nicki an interesting piece of information. Who or what is The Surprise Party, listed on the election ballot as her opposition? He supplies her with a hint—one word that fills her with dread.   

 Gneeecey and Sooperflea are beginning to morph back into canine-humanoids but are glad they can vote remotely. All they need do is run upstairs and vote from Gneeecey’s high-tech toilet—his Electronic Water Cyclone 3000 

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And many thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / Election Day – Episode 109, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Cuckoo Clock]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: It’s so good to have you guys home safe! 

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: I’ll tell ya, Nicki, there were times me an’ Zig didn’t think we were gonna make it! An’ like I said, we got plenty to tell the three of youse! Right, Zig?

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Yupperooney, Fleaglossitty, we sure do! There were lotsa times we didn’t think we’d ever stinkin’ make it back alive!

N: I always believed you both were alive—no matter what anyone else said!

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Yah! Vee never gave up, right Ingabore?

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Dat ees absolutely right, Alexandra! And vee stayed here in your mansion, Diroctor Gneeecey, vatching over Nicki as she recovered from her head injury. And dee whole time, vee never lost hope.

F: An’ thanks, Doctor Idnas an’ Grandma, for buyin’ us from that weird Dorothy from the Perswayssick Girls club. Ya saved us!

G: Yeah, that Dorothy stinkin’ didn’t even plan to sell us. She wanted to keep us, to exploitate us—y’know—me an’ Fleaglossitty bein’ talkin’ fruit wit’ arms an’ legs!

DI: You two are wery velcome. Vee could not and vould not allow you two to be sold or kept by dat strange, I believe, no-good Doroty. 

IS: And eet ees remarkable how you bot are slowly morphing back eento canine-humanoids. You, Fleaglossitty, are changing from an orange back eento yourself!

F: Yeah, Grandma, an’ my black fur is awready growin’ back! An’ my tail an’ ears, too!

DI: Yah, Flea, and Gneeecey’s vhite-and-black fur and triangular ears are returning, an’ his tail, too. Soon he vill no longer resemble a lemon. And you bot appear taller dan you vere last night! I vill have to research dose Bumpybutt trees you told me about and learn more about vhat happens ven eets fruit ees ingested!

G: Told ya we shouldna ate that ugly, disgustipatin’ fruit, Fleaglossitty!

F: Well, we were both starvin’, an’ I didn’t hafta twist your arm, did I, Zig? You gobbled it up quite willingly!

G: Oh yeah?

F: Yeah!

N: Guys, guys…c’mon…

DI: Anyvay, Ingabore and I vill continue to stay here until tings are more or less stabilized.

G: I noticed youse musta cleaned the lousy kitchen while I was gone!

IS: Yah, vee did.

G: Ya know how I could tell? I noticed my socks ain’t stickin’ to the floor no more! Gotta be more careful when I walk now—I could stinkin’ slip an’ fall on my bimbus!

N: Well, uh, Diroctor Gneeecey and Flea, you guys said you had plenty to tell us about—

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]

N: Now, what?

G: Well, get the door, Ig. I ain’t answerin’ it, lookin’ half like a lousy lemon an half like meee!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]

N: I’ll get it…

SFX: [Door Open] [Scary Ambience]

REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK (DOROTHY): It’s me, Dorothy, from, y’know, da Perswayssick Girls Club.

N: Uh, Dorothy, what can we, uh, do for you? This, uh, really isn’t a good time.

RBM (D): Youse always say dat.

N: I see you bought yourself that new dress. 

RBM (D): Bought a few wit’ all dat money the doctor an’ therapist gave me for dem two weird pieces of fruit. Y’know, the talkin’ ones wit’ arms an’ legs?

N: You, uh, look just like your namesake from the Wizard of Oz, now. So, you have what you wanted, then. So, you can go.

RBM (D): But I want more.

N: Huh? 

RBM (D): I can’t go yet. I still want them two weird pieces of fruit.

DI: But vee paid you for dem, and you’ve apparently already spent dee money.

RBM (D): Yeah, but besides my beaudiful dress bein’ destroyed when the doc’s outhouse out back, y’know, exploded, I coulda got seriously killed an’—

N: Well, you didn’t—

G: My lovely stinkin’ outhouse blew up while I was gone?

RBM (D): Hey, I know dat high, nerdy voice! Welcome home, doc!

G: My voice ain’t high an’ nerdy!

RBM (D): It is, doc, an’ next time I hear it, it’s gonna be in a law of court when I sue ya for emotional damages! Unless, y’know, one of youse hands me over dem two stupid pieces of talkin’ fruit!

N: We will do nothing of the sort. So, I suggest you and your sorry self leave—now!

RBM (D): An’ by da way, I ain’t forgot, it’s Election Day here in Perswayssick County. An’ I hope you lose big! Ain’t no one gonna vote for you, especially a girl, to be Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of this here county! 

G: That’s stinkin’ Grate Gizzy! We’re tryin’ to conservate lousy vowels an’ consonants! That’s part of our platform! An’ besides, yooou ain’t authorizated to use that many!

F: Quiet, Zig!

N: You leave now before I show you what a girl can do!

RBM (D): I’m goin’…I’m goin…but youse ain’t seen da last of me! An’ your speech at da rally was stupid!

SFX: [Door Slam]

G: I ain’t got a high, nerdy voice! 

F: Well, ya kinda do, Zig…

G: Well, Fleaglossitty, after this here election is over an’ I’m normal-lookin’ again, I am certaincerely gonna go get me one of them voice transplants. 

F: Oh, Zig—

G: Then, maybe peopoople will take me serious when I stinkin’ say junk. An’ my outhouse out there in the backyard blew up while I was gone?

N: Uh, yeah, with Dorothy in it. She wanted to come in the house here to use the bathroom, but I wouldn’t let her. It’s pretty suspicious that she was in it, y’know, when it blew up. The police are still looking into it.

G: Ya know how maaad this makes me? 

DI: Diroctor Gneeecey, vhy don’t you and Flea tell us all about your adventures?

G: Speakin’ of stinkin’ explosions, the whole lousy island of Guadalulu blew up when we were escapin’ from them vicious hyenas who stole my flyin’ hat an’ red high-top sneakers an’ put me in a cage, but it didn’t have no floor so I was able to run away holdin’ it up over my hatless head till I figured out it didn’t have no floor so I could jus’ chuck it over my dopey noodle an’ run faster, but I hadda climb a tree ’cause them lousy hyenas had woke up an’ then Fleaglossitty landed in the tree an’ we escaped from the island in his little rubber dinghy an’ headed toward Guadalulu where I planned to petition General John J.Krapp to delay our lousy election ’cause the Ig here—that’s you—

N: Uh-huh..,

G: You were incapacipoocitated wit’ that head injury an’ couldn’t hit the campaign trail in my place, an’ then in front of our lousy eyes, the whole island of Guadalulu blew up—kaboom!

F: An’ worse yet, we found out from the island’s custodian that General John J. Krapp not only was never on Guadalulu, but General John J. Krapp been dead for a couple thousan’ boingtangs—if he was ever even alive to begin wit’! The guy said legend has it that back on Planet Eccchs, in ancient days, he was the head of King Oggle’s army, an’ he helped save Strainerland from them Iggleheimers. Y’know, them monstrous three-legged troglodytes that came ground-poundin’ outta the Yelps Mountains an’ into the Bozovian valley? General John J. Krapp might’ve jus’ been a legend!

G: So, I stinkin’ risked my dopey life for nuthin’! Ya shoulda seen, a short time after I got on that plane—that Bimbus Air Flight 333—an’ my favorite number three was not lucky for me that stinkin’ day—everyone on board—’cept meee—even the lousy pilots, blew up! An’ I hadda fly that baby myself! Did a priddy good job, too! I laaanded that gigaaantical commercial jetliner—

G & F [in unison]: —right into the water! SFX: [Water Splash] 

G: Why’d ya say it like thaaat, Fleaglossitty, so ooogdimonious? Jealous? Anyways, resourceful individual that I aaam, wit’ such great leadership qualities, I found myself in the middle of the Stomachian Sea! An’ before the lousy plane sank, I managed to escape even though I wasn’t listenin’ to all the safety junk the stewardess said! An’ it’s worth notin’, sheee blew up too! Anyways, I didn’t have no time to try an unscrew the dopey chair from the floor before the plane sank but I did wit’ my ingenuity find the dopey overwing exits, an’ so I swam all the way to that island infestated wit’ them hyenas who worshipped me like royalty but they jus’ wanted my Bimbus Air pilot’s hat an’ sneakers, an’ I’ll need to buy some new red high-tops ’cause Fleaglossitty wouldn’t let me steal my stuff back when we were escapin’ an’ wound up on that Itchy Zit Island wit’ them dumb Bumpybutt trees whose fruit turned us into fruit an’ then this big Freak O’Nature Fruit cargo ship came an’ these baaad guys threw us in a bag an’ then we ended up on a truck in Booolabeeezia an’ got drove to your political rally, Ig, where luckily, Doctor Idnas an’ Graaandma bought us from that Dorothy an’ her stupid fruit stand an’—

SFX: [Doorbell Ring]

N: What now? I know, Diroctor Gneeecey…I’ll get it.

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Open] [Sharp Eerie Scary Logo]

N: Why, uh, Professor Wallbang…what brings you here today?

PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: Ms. Rodriguez, rest assured, I won’t keep you long—I just wanted to supply you with a tidbit of information regarding today’s county election.

N: Yes?

PWW: I was indeed present at your rally and recall that you were wondering who was actually running against you. Who is The Surprise Party? I’ll give you a subtle hint…stem….

N: You mean STEM? Sulak the Evil Clown of Bathrooms, his rotten nine-foot-tall three-armed, three-legged clown pal Three? And Diroctor Gneeecey’s wicked lookalike from Planet HyenaZitania, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay? And the alien gangster Markmen?

PWW: Smart girl…possibly you do possess an unanticipated modicum of intelligence that we at the Perswayssick Superhero Academy might build upon. Best of luck in your quest to become Perswayssick County’s next Grate Gizzygalumpaggis!

G: That’s stinkin’ Grate Gizzy! We’re tryin’ to conservate lousy vowels an’ consonants! That’s part of our platform! An’ besides, yooou ain’t authorizated to use that many!

F: Quiet, Zig!

PWW: Oh, my. I do believe I recognize that high, nerdy voice—that of our soon-to-be former Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of Perswayssick County. I surmise that our Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey has rather unexpectedly survived his little aviation mishap. Well, it is a discussion perhaps for another day, but nonetheless, that day shall come, and sooner than he would wish. He will indeed be held responsible for damage to our school property.

G: Hey—

F: Quiet, Zig! Your high, nerdy voice ain’t helpin’ ya here!

PWW: Good day, Ms. Rodriguez, and again, best of luck in your quest to become Perswayssick County’s next Grate Gizzygalumpaggis!

N: Yeah. Good day!

SFX: [Sharp Eerie Scary Logo] [Door Slam]

G: Ig, yooou stinkin’ better win this lousy election so I retainerate control in this here county! Me an’ Fleaglossitty can’t go out to vote in person lookin’ like citrus fruits, but luckily we can vote from my high-tech terlit. Y’know, my Electronic Water Cyclone 3000? Great feature, we jus’ press a coupla buttons on the tank, drop our ballots into the bowl, an’ flush—an’ through the beaudiful magic of technology, our votes are automatically counted! C’mon, Fleaglossitty, let’s go upstairs an' vote for the Ig!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Upstairs] [Rock Logo] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###