“Loopy Fruity Freighter” – Episode 106
Canine-humanoid-turned-fruit pals “Zig” Gneeecey and “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, AKA “Sooperflea,” find that life aboard a cargo ship ain’t no fun, especially when a couple members of the crew want to peel and squeeze you.
Meanwhile, back home, as earthling Nicki Rodriguez prepares to hit the campaign trail in the missing Gneeecey’s place, that strange, stubble-faced, raspy-voiced Dorothy comes knocking at the door, demanding reimbursement for her dress that was pretty much destroyed in an outhouse explosion in Gneeecey’s backyard.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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Transcript / Loopy Fruity Freighter – Episode 106, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “When Life Gives You Lemons…,” stranded, starving canine-humanoid pals “Zig” Gneeecey and “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” decided they had no choice but to chance eating some of the gross fruit hanging from the branches of Itchy Zit Island’s unappetizing bumpybutt trees. “How much more stinkin’ trouble can we get into?” asked Gneeecey. Well, the results were astonishing. Almost immediately, Flea turned into an orange, and Gneeecey morphed into a lemon. And then….
SFX: [Horn, Boat] [Ship Freighter]
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: What’s that sound?
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: It’s a cargo ship—a Freak O’Nature Fruit cargo ship! An’ it’s come real close to the shore here!
G: Some guys are gettin’ out!
F: An’ runnin’ straight toward us!
SFX: [Crunching Leaves]
GUY 1: Look at them two pieces of fruit on the ground!
GUY 2: Never seen nuthin’ like this! An orange an’ a lemon—wit’ arms an’ legs!
GUY 1: An’ wearin’ clothes! Pick ’em up, Bob! Throw ’em in the bag here!
F & G [in unison]: Halp! Halp!
GUY 1: They talk, too!
SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Horn, Boat] [Ship Freighter]
G: Here we are, kidnapped on a cargo ship in a lousy burlap bag full of all this stinkin’ fruit!
F: An’ we’re fruit!
G: Don’t stinkin’ remind me, Fleaglossitty! A lot of this is your fault!
F: An’ how’s that, Zig?
G: Ever since I got on that Bimbus Air flight to Guadalulu, everythin’s been all goin’ wrong! You’re a superhero wit’ superhero ESP! Ya stinkin’ found me here, didn’cha?
F: You’re welcome, Zig.
G: Hah? Don’t change the subject!
G: This is all your fault! Ya shoulda stopped me from goin’ on the trip in the first place!
F: I assume that—
G: To assume is to make an ass outta you but not me!
G: Has it ever occurred to you that we might die to death?
F: Don’t be silly, Zig.
G: Yooou suggesticated that we eat them hideossical bumpybutt fruits!
F: Well, I didn’t have to twist your arm. You were starvin’ an’ quite willin’—
G: I’ll dice ya!
F: I’ll squeeze ya!
G: I’ll freeze ya~
F: Zig! Zig! C’mon! We gotta stick together!
G: We stinkin’ are, Fleaglossitty! Your sticky orange juice is stickin’ yooou to meee! Kinda like that time I spilled a gallon of orange juice on my kitchen floor an’ when I went to check on it a coupla days later, my socks were stickin’ to the lousy floor.
F: Y’know, Zig, it’s quite fittin’ that ya turned into a lemon ‘cause ever since I known ya, you’re such a sour puss!
G: Oh yeah, ya sickly sweet stuperhero? Come over here an’ say that!
F: I am over here, an’ I’m gonna—hey, quiet, Zig! I hear footsteps! An’ voices!
GUY 1: Let’s see if we can find them two weird pieces of fruit—y’know, the talkin’ ones wit’ arms an’ legs?
GUY 2: Yeah. I’m in the mood for a refreshin’ little drink!
SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Back home in Perswayssick County, recovered earthling Nicki Rodriguez has decided, in Gneeecey’s absence, to take to the campaign trail to run in his place as he wanted her to do for the high office of Grate Gizzygalumpaggis, to try and prevent the bad guys from taking over. Nicki’s found the speech Gneeecey had left for her to make but sees that she has to do quite some major tweaking…
SFX: [Magic Spell]
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: “An’ antidisestablishmentarianistically speakin’ concernin’ my following Grate Gizzy Gneeecey’s metaphorical rise to power, I’m hapoopy to serve now in his place, wit’ all due disrespect. So, I thereforthically pledge, yeah-an’-a-half, to continue to conservate vowels an’ consonants, in order to bring more eckookoonomical an’ alphoophabetical equality an’ justice to our fair county! It’s a new stinkin’ day! I promise youse two pots in every garage an’ two garages in every pot! An’ driver’s licenses for chickens!”
SFX: [Rustling Papers]
Oh, gee…I can’t go to rallies and say this…
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock]
N: Well, Grandma, I’ve lucked out. You know, with the permit for my rally in Seemingwhale Square!
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Dat’s great, Nicki!
N: Gneeecey had put in for the permit before he left. Oh gee…Gneeecey…and Flea…
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Nicki, vee vill have to do our best to remain strong. Now, vhy don’t you go upstairs and vurk on dat speech Gneeecey left you.
N: Yes, Doctor Idnas…it needs major reworking…that’s for sure…
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
N: Now what…I’ll get it…
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound] [Door Open] [Scary Ambience]
REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK (DOROTHY): Hey, it’s me, Dorothy.
N: Uh, hi, Dorothy. I’m really kind of busy right now.
RBM: Youse people always say that whenever I come ’round, an’ I’m gettin’ kinda tired of dat.
N: Well, what can I do for you, Dorothy?
RBM: Ya see my formerly beaudiful dress here?
N: Uh, yeah… I mean, it looks like just a bunch of charred strands of fabric, uh, hanging off you.
RBM: Dat’s the point.
RBM: Dis beaudiful dress of mine got all busted up on your property in dat outhouse explosion. I’m gonna be sellin’ food an’ junk at dis upcomin’ pollutical rally in Seemin’whale Square, an’ I can’t be representin’ our Perswayssick Girls Club lookin’ like dis! Youse people owe me a new dress!
N: We don’t owe you anything. That outhouse explosion was pretty suspicious—the police are still looking into it. And this property belongs to Diroctor Gneeecey, not me. It’s up to him to make any decisions like this.
RBM: I don’t think he’s gonna be makin’ no decisions no time soon…heh, heh, heh…looks like dat plane he was on dat went down had no survivors.
N: Diroctor Gneeecey is not dead! Ya hear me? He is alive! Now, get out of my sight!
SFX: [Door Slam] [Magic Spell] [Horn, Boat] [Ship Freighter]
GUY 1: Here’s that orange wit’ the red cape! I’m gonna peel him!
GUY 2: An’ lemme give that lemon a little squeeze!
GUY 2: That lemon sure has a high, nerdy voice! Very annoyin’.
GUY 1: Jus’ our luck to be workin’ on a loopy fruity freighter wit’ talkin’ fruit!
GUY 2: Yeah. Ready for a refreshin’ little drink, Bob?
GUY 1 & GUY 2 [in unison]: Ha, ha, ha!
SFX: [Horn, Boat] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###