“Itchy Zit Island” – Episode 104
After canine-humanoids “Zig” Gneeecey and “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, AKA “Sooperflea,” watch helplessly from their dinghy as Gneeecey’s do-or-die destination, the remote island of Guadalulu, blows up before their disbelieving eyes, another unexpected and exceedingly unpleasant surprise comes their way.
Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick County, Dr. Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma,” attempt to comfort guilt-ridden earthling Nicki Rodriguez after she finds a note Gneeecey left her. Gneeecey states that because her head injury will prevent her from campaigning in his place for Grate Gizzy, he'd have to fly to Guadalulu and beg General John J. Krapp to delay the election to keep the bad guys from taking over. Gneeecey's plane was finally located in the depths of the Stomachian Sea, with no apparent survivors. And now Flea, who has gone looking for Gneeecey, is missing, too.
Speaking of notes, on her way out, Doctor Idnas discovers one taped to the door by the Perswayssick Girls Club’s Dorothy. It offers condolences upon the loss of Gneeecey’s outhouse, and Dorothy’s need to be reimbursed for her dress, destroyed in the explosion.
And yes, Gneeecey and Flea wash up on the shores of another island.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies. For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!
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It's a one-woman show! Vicki does all the writing, character voices, and audio production!
Transcript /Itchy Zit Island – Episode 104, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Last week’s episode, “Gas Explosion,” found “Zig” Gneeecey and his rescuer pal “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge,” also known as Sooperflea, afloat on the Stomachian Sea. The two canine-humanoids watched helplessly from their inflatable rubber dinghy as Gneeecey’s do-or-die destination, the remote island of Guadalulu, blew up before their disbelieving eyes.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Okay, Zig. Them hyenas are still asleep, an’ the dinghy is inflated an’ in the water. You get in, then I’ll give it a push an’ jump in. An’ I’m glad I convinced ya not to try an’ take your hat an’ high-tops offa that sleepin’ hyena.
SFX: [Splash]
F: There! Water’s pretty calm right now.
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. Looks extra wet. An’ look out there—see that land mass? That’s Guadalulu!
F: Yeah, that’s correct, accordin’ to the coordinates on my GneeePS here. Says we should arrive in fifty-two an’ a half minutes.
G: Good, Fleaglossitty. I’ll sit here an’ watch while yooou keep rowin’ wit’ them collapsible oars ya so intelligently brung along.
SFX: [Explosions]
F & G [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!
F: An explosion!
G: Multipoople gigaaantical explosions! Guadalulu jus’ blew up!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
G: Oh, stinkin’ nooooo, Fleaglossitty! Everythin’s lost! My hopes an’ dreams jus’ done blown up wit’ that there island of Guadalulu! I ain’t gonna be able to get General John J. Krapp’s permission to delay the upchuckin’ election, an’ our whole future will be lost! Ruint! The baaad guys will take charge, an’ Perswayssick County will be flushed down the gigaaantical terlit of history!
F: Oh, looky, Zig! I see somethin’ floatin’ toward us—
G: A little man—an’ he’s gettin’ bigger an’ bigger!
F: He ain’t a little man, Zig. Jus’ looks little ’cause he’s far away, but he’s gettin’ bigger an’ bigger ’cause—
G: ’Cause he’s growin’?
F: No, Zig, ’cause he’s gettin’ closer an’ closer.
G: Ya don’t gotta say it like thaaat, Fleaglossitty! An’ I’ll ignauzeate your oogdimonious tone! Now, hopoopfully that’s General John J. Krapp himself, escapin’ from that dangerousical explosion, an’ when he gets closer, I can ask him ’bout delayin’ the lousy election!
F & G [in unison]: Hallooooooooo!
MAN IN DINGHY: Hallooooooooo there!
F: You awright?
MAN: Jus’ managed to escape wit’ my life after that first explosion!
G: You must be General John J. Krapp himself! I bow to you, your legendary excellence, an’—
F: Siddown, Zig—you’re gonna capsize the dinghy!
G: Shaaadup, Fleaglossitty! Oh, legendary General Krapp, I got a real, real important favor to ask ya! I beg—I absitively posilutely beg ya to gimme permission to delay our Perswayssick County’s upchuckin’ election that’s bein’ held in half a fartnight an’—
SFX: [Male Long Hard Laugh]
F: Why’s he laughin’?
G: Yeah! Why ya laughin’, General Krapp?
SFX: [Male Long Hard Laugh]
MAN: I ain’t General Krapp!
G: Ya mean, ya left him there to die on that explodin’ island?
SFX: [Male Long Hard Laugh]
G: Ain’t funny!
F: Yeah—it’s kinda real unfunny!
MAN: I don’t know what books youse guys been readin’, but General John J. Krapp been dead for a couple thousan’ boingtangs—if he was ever even alive to begin wit’! Legend has it that back on Planet Eccchs, in ancient days, he was the head of King Oggle’s army, an’ he helped save Strainerland from them Iggleheimers. Y’know, them monstrous three-legged troglodytes that came ground-poundin’ outta the Yelps Mountains an’ into the Bozovian valley?
F & G [in unison]: Whaaaaat?
MAN: Ain’t even no evidence Krapp ever lived. All I know is, I’m kinda glad Guadalulu blew up. Now, I don’t gotta clean all them pigeon droppin’s offa all them statues of ol’ legendary General Krapp no more! Or clean that lousy, moldy museum dedicated to him. Perswayssick County’s Grate Gizzy paid me pennies to do all that dirty work! If I could get ahold of him….
G: Ya mean…ya mean…there wasn’t never no one there on Guadalulu to help me?
MAN: Ain’t no one there wit’ no authority to help no one wit’ nuthin’—’cept for Krapp Airfield’s air traffic control. An’ they all been gone since flights were suspended ’causa some big passenger plane goin’ down in the water between here an’ Perswayssick City.
F: Zig! Zig! You awright? Hey, mister, where ya goin’? Don’t know where we are or where we’re goin’ now! An’ there’s dense fog risin’ off the water!
MAN: Follow me, guys!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] [Cuckoo Clock]
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Ingabore, I vill be back after I see a couple of patients een our office…. You and Nicki take care, and please don’t open dee door for anyvun. I have keys.
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Okay, Doctor Idnas….
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Alrightsky, Alexandra.
DI: And Nicki, you still need to rest. I know dat you are vary upset after finding dat note Gneeecey left for you.
N: How could I not be, Doctor Idnas? His note said that because my head injury would prevent me from campaigning in his place, he was flying to Guadalulu to beg General John J. Krapp to delay our election to save our county! To keep the bad guys from taking over. If it hadn’t been for my stupid accident—if I had done a better job flying over that wall—Gneeecey would still be here with us! He’d still be alive! And Flea wouldn’t have had to run off to look for him! Now they’re both missing! And it’s all my fault!
DI: Nicki, you must not blame yourself! Your head injury vas dee result of an accident totally beyond your control—certainly not anyting you deed on purpose!
N: I’ll carry this guilt with me for the rest of my life….
IS: Nicki and I vill keep discussing dis, Alexandra.
DI: Tank you, Ingabore. I vill return as soon as I can.
SFX: [Door Open]
DI: Oh, look! Somevun left a note taped to our door here. Eet says, “My condonuses—vhass ees dat?—on dee tragic loss of your outhouse. Sincerely, Dorothy of dee Persvayssick Girls Club. PS—You guys also owe me for dee loss of my beautiful Vizard of Oz dress dat got ruined in dat beeg gas explosion.”
IS: Alexandra, I tink you should share dis note vit dee authorities.
DI: Yah, Ingabore. I certainly shall.
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Crickets] [Insect Flies]
G: Well, Fleaglossitty, now we gone from the fryin’ pan to the griddle. Stinkin’ stranded again!
F: Looky, Zig, I tried to follow the guy, but that fog an’ rain made it impossible! At least we washed up on some land here!
G: Well, now what’re we gonna do? We ain’t got no food—I’m starvin’! SFX: [Rumbling Stomach] An’ all them creepy bugs makin’ all this noise are makin’ me real itchy!
SFX: [Crickets] [Insect Flies]
F: At least we ain’t seen no hyenas!
G: Yet! Y’know, I need to get back to Perswayssick County stinkin’ immediately! I’m gonna delay this lousy election myself!
F: An’ how ya gonna do that, Zig?
G: I’ll think of somethin’. Or make up somethin’. I wish I had a airplane to fly right now! Fleaglossitty, ya shoulda seen me fly that Bimbus Air jetliner all by myself after everyone else blew up! I put on that flyin’ hat, strapped myself in, grabbed control, an’ flew that big baby right into the water—
F: Right into the water!
G: Why ya sayin’ it so oogdimonious like thaaat?
F: Look, Zig, we gotta figure out what to do next. It’s gettin’ dark. We’re tired.
G: An’ starvin’—to death!
F: Accordin’ to the coordinates here on my Gnee-PS, an’ from what I read, we’re on Itchy Zit Island.
G: Itchy Zit Island?
F: Yeah. The largest of a chain of islands blemishing the Stomachian Sea. An’ see all them palm trees wit’ lumpy trunks?
G: Yeah.
F: These are, accordin’ to what I read, bumpybutt trees. Mosquitos an’ other pests are very attracted to ’em. SFX: [Crickets] [Insect Flies] When the sun comes up, we’ll set out for Perswayssick County’s mainland, Booolabeeezia. I hope….
G: Y’know, Fleaglossitty, ya know-it-all, for all your stinkin’ readin’ an’ researchin’, how come ya didn’t know that General John J. Krapp wasn’t real—that he was proboobably jus’ a stinkin’ figurehead lousy legend that never really lived?
F: Why didn’t you, ya self-proclaimed certifiable genius? You know that you an’ me both didn’t pay no attention in school. We must’ve got what was in our history books mixed up wit’ what was in our mythology books. You an’ me did jus’ ’bout good enough to barely pass our exams.
G: Our minds were on other junk! I was more interesticated in science. An’ you were busy payin’ detention to that redheaded Irish Terrier canine-humanoid girl, Prindl.
F: Prindl was the priddiest girl in Missus Forkworthy’s class. She liked me, too. An’ you had a crush on that Golden Retriever canine-humanoid Goonafina Blopperdang, even back in them days.
G: Don’choo dare let the name of my ex-fiancée come outta your mouth!
F: Zig, ya can’t argue here. You an’ I, we studied as little as possible. Did barely enough to jus’ get by. Now, the last laugh is on us—especially you!
SFX: [Nasty Laugh] [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###
