“Gas Explosion” – Episode 103
Canine-humanoid superhero “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, AKA “Sooperflea,” continues to be plagued by the spotted hyenas chattering incessantly within the confines of his skull. Meanwhile, Dr. Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, AKA “Grandma,” continue caring for stranded earthling Nicki Rodriguez who’s been zigzagging in and out of consciousness, unaware that her employer and landlord, canine-humanoid Grate Gizzygalumpaggis “Zig” Gneeecey’s plane went down. She didn’t even know that he’d left for the remote island of Guadalulu to try and delay Perswayssick County’s upcoming election.
The Perswayssick Superhero Academy’s arrogant headmaster, Professor Willard Wallbang, comes calling to inform Sooperflea that if Gneeecey has not survived the “aviation mishap,” his estate will bear sole legal responsibility for destruction to school property and medical expenses stemming from injuries sustained by Nicki when she slammed headfirst into the six-foot-tall cinderblock wall she failed to fly over.
That strange, raspy-voice, stubble-faced Dorothy shows up yet again, asking to come inside Gneeecey’s mansion because she needs to use the bathroom. Sooperflea denies Dorothy’s request but says she’s free to use an outhouse nestled in the backyard. Needless to say, Dorothy’s gas problem was pretty severe.
After the cops and firemen leave, Sooperflea runs upstairs to check on Nicki. Turns out that the explosion outside jolted her back into reality. She, Sooperflea, Dr. Idnas, and Grandma happen to be watching Gneeecey’s station, GAS-TV Channel Three-and-a-half. Programming is interrupted by breaking news—Gneeecey’s plane has been located in the Stomachian Sea, and it appears that there are no survivors. Gneeecey is specifically named as a passenger on the ill-fated Bimbus Air Flight 333.
Nicki, Dr. Idnas, and Grandma are in shock, but Sooperflea refuses to accept that his childhood best friend has perished. The superhero believes that his faulty superhero ESP is functioning again and that the spotted hyenas are trying to tell him something. He does some quick research and zooms off to Pimplesplotch Island, the only place between Perswayssick City and Guadalulu inhabited by spotted hyenas.
Sooperflea lands right in the pimplepuke tree Gneeecey’s hiding in. When the hyenas nap, the two canine-humanoids make a break for it and jump into the inflatable dinghy that the superhero packed. Afloat in the Stomachian Sea, they can see the landmass that is Guadalulu Island. But what happens next makes Dorothy’s gas problem look like child’s play.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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It's a one-woman show! Vicki does all the writing, character voices, and audio production!
Transcript /Gas Explosion– Episode 103, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “Cage-Free But Not Free-Range,” Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas and therapist Ingabore Scriblig, also known as “Grandma,” continue caring for stranded earthling Nicki Rodriguez as she recovers slowly from a severe head injury resulting from her headfirst crash into the cinderblock wall she had attempted flying over at the Perswayssick Superhero Academy. As she remains indisposed and unable to campaign for the office of Grate Gizzy in his place as he’d planned, canine-humanoid Perswayssick County leader “Zig” Gneeecey boards a flight to the island of Guadalulu. There, he intends to visit legendary General John J. Krapp to obtain permission to delay the election. This way, he has a fighting chance to keep the bad guys from taking power. But alas, his plane, Bimbus Air Flight 333, goes down in the middle of the Stomachian Sea.
Gneeecey’s childhood best friend and fellow canine-humanoid “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge,” also known as Sooperflea, is devastated by the thought of the loss of his pal. His superhero ESP has been on the fritz, but he believes the chattering of spotted hyenas he’s begun hearing in his head may be trying to tell him something.
Meanwhile, Gneeecey has managed to swim to a hyena-infested island but ends up taking refuge in a tree surrounded by the laughing beasts.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Leaves Crunching]
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: I stinkin’ swear, I’m gonna get one of them voice transplants so that I’m taken more serious. But first, I gotta figure out how I’m gonna get to Guadalulu. It’s too stinkin’ far to try an’ swim. An’ my arms are killin’ me! Holdin’ this lousy cage over my head as I run ain’t easy! Wait a stinkin’ minute… Meee, the certifiable genius jus’ realized somethin’…this stupid cage ain’t got no floor, so I can jus’ throw it over my head an’ run wit’out it! [SFX: Leaves Crunching] There! An’ lemme get my propeller beanie outta my pocket an’ put it on—it’ll help me run faster!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Stinkin’ uh-oh—them hyenas are back—an’ they see me! Lemme climb up this here tree! Halp! I’m surrounded! Where’s that stinkin’ Fleaglossitty when I need him?
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Nasty Laugh] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] [Cuckoo Clock] [Doorbell Ring]
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Comin’! Comin’! Can’t a canine-humanoid ever suffer in peace? I still got them hyena voices in my head!
SFX: [Doorbell Ring]
F: For Bogelthorpe’s sake, I stinkin’ said I’m comin’! Oh, geez, now I sound like Zig…oh…my buddy Zig…. SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] Why, Professor Wallbang—
PWW: Yes, ’tis I, Professor Willard Wallbang. I’ve just dropped by to see how Ms. Rodriguez is faring after that unfortunate head injury she brought upon herself due to a lack of confidence resulting in her failed attempt at a very elementary, basic exercise, I might add, to fly over a six-foot-high cinderblock wall. Why, Mister Floppinsplodge, even you, one of our skin-of-the-teeth graduates, accomplished this feat rather clumsily, I must say.
F: Nicki ain’t been doin’ so good, Professor Wallbang. Me, Doctor Idnas, an’ Grandma are carin’ for her here in Zig’s mansion, but she—
PWW: I must also inform you that in the event that your Diroctor “Zig” Gneeecey has not survived his aviation mishap—and any favorable odds are lessening by the hour—payment for any damages to our school property as a result of Ms. Rodriguez’s unfortunate accident, and any medical expenses incurred, or worse, shall be solely and legally the responsibility of the good diroctor’s estate.
F: Zig ain’t dead! He’s alive! An’ I know it! I know it!
PWW: So, Mister Floppinsplodge, I take it then that your superhero ESP, faulty as it has proven to be, has, shall we infer, resumed functioning somewhat?
F: I’m hearin’ these hyenas—in my head! Constantly! SFX: [Hyena Laugh] Can ya hear ’em?
PWW: No. Are they, by any chance, laughing?
F: Yeah. Hysterically. An’ real loud too, Professor Wallbang.
PWW: Then those would be spotted hyenas. Rather bloodthirsty creatures, I might add.
F: What about your ESP, Professor Wallbang? Maybe you can help find our Zig?
PWW: Mister Floppinsplodge, I may be proprietor and headmaster of the esteemed Perswayssick Superhero Academy, but truthfully, I would be of little use in helping to find your Zig. My expertise lies in the field of metaphysical flight, or in rather vernacular language that you would comprehend, the ability to fly safely over high obstacles and not into them.
F: As our poor Nicki did.
PWW: As a result of her own rather glaring deficiencies. Good day, Mister Floppinsplodge.
SFX: [Door Slam]
F: That guy may be runnin’ our superhero academy, but I’m losin’ all respect for him. Lemme go upstairs an’ see how our poor Nicki’s doin’.
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Upstairs] [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
F: Now, what?
SFX: [Bodyfall Human] [Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Fabric Tear] [Duck Horn]
F: Ow! I swear, I’m gettin’ more like Zig every day. Jus’ busted another pair of trousers…an’ my lousy tail!
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
F: For Bogelthorpe’s sake, I’m comin’! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Scary Ambience]
REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK (DOROTHY): Hey, it’s me again, y’know, Dorothy, from the Perswayssick Girls Club. Ya know, sellin’ garbage to do good junk to the community?
F: Uh, Dorothy, this really ain’t a good time.
M: Well, I’m jus’ stoppin’ by here ’cause I need da batroom.
F: What’s that gotta do wit’ us?
M: Well, I been walkin’ ’round doin’ good junk to our community an’ eatin’ an’ drinkin’ lots—
F: Sorry, Dorothy. Ain’t gonna let’cha in Zig’s house here.
M: Aw, c’mon. It’s kinda urgent.
F: Nope, Dorothy. But there is a little wooden shack wit’ a half-moon carved on the door. In Zig’s backyard there. Right between the gazebo an’ that giant oak. Y’know, Mister Tree? Ya can go use that.
M: If ya say so….
F: I say so.
SFX: [Door Slam]
F: Gotta ridda him. Now, lemme go upstairs an’ check on Nicki.
SFX: [Explosion]
F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe—what the—
M: Sorry—gas explosion! Hah, hah….
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
F: Y’know, Doctor Idnas, even them loud hyenas laughin’ in my head didn’t keep me from hearin’ that explosion in the backyard!
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Yah, Flea, vee heard dat big explosion out dere, even though we have dee TV on here for Nicki.
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: It kind of jolted me back into reality!
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah, Nicki has finally come around! And Flea, tank goodness you didn’t let dis Dorothy into dee house here to use dee batroom!
F: Well, the fire department left, an’ the police took a report. Zig’s outhouse is totally destroyed.
N: Gee, speaking of Gneeecey, where is he? Can you get him in here for a minute? I wanna ask him something. Y’know, about this election that’s coming up and the campaigning he needs me to do.
F: Uh—
DI: Look—on TV—
N: They’re breaking in with a special report!
TV ANNOUNCER: Breaking news now! SFX: [Glass Shatter] GAS-TV Channel Three-and-a-half breaks into regular programming with explosive news! The sunken wreckage of Bimbus Air Flight 333 has been located in the Stomachian Sea. Search and rescue teams report there appear to be no survivors. Our station owner and CEO, the Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of Perswayssick County, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey was a passenger onboard Bimbus Air Flight 333 en route from Perswayssick City’s Saint Bogelthorpe Airport to the General John J. Krapp Airfield located on the remote island of Guadalulu. We’ll keep you posted as this is a developing story. Now, we join our program already in progress, “Shopping at Home With GAS.”
N, DI, IS, F [in unison]: Nooooo!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience] ]SuperPowerFlyBy][Closing] [Leaves Crunching] [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare]
G: Fleaglossitty! How’d ya find me an’ even this lousy tree I’m hidin’ in?
F: Zig, my ESP kicked in! I knew ya weren’t, y’know, not not alive like everyone, even on the news was sayin’! I refused to believe that! An’ I had started hearin’ hyenas laughin’ in my head!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Nasty Laugh]
F: Like them guys down there lookin’ up at us right now from the bottom of this tree. Only now it’s them I hear an’ not the ones in my head. An’ I did some research online an’ found that between Perswayssick City an’ the island of Guadalulu, there’s only one single island that’s inhabited by spotted hyenas—them ones that laugh, accordin’ to Professor Wallbang who’s turnin’ out to be a jerk—an’ that’s right here, this real obscure, really tiny an’ remote place—Pimplesplotch Island.
G: This island ain’t that tiny when ya gotta keep runnin’ from them lousy hyenas, holdin’ a cage over your dopey noodle. After a couple miles, I realized there wasn’t no floor to the cage an’ so I chucked it. An’ them little creeps stole my stinkin’ red high-tops an’ my airplane pilot flyin’ hat.
F: Yeah, Zig. I see one of ’em down there wearin’ all your stuff now.
G: Yeah. They made him into their leader.
F: Well, at least ya got your propeller beanie safe on your head.
G: How’s the Ig?
F: As of today, she’s doin’ much better. But she, Doctor Idnas, an’ Grandma have been worried sick ’bout’cha! An’ heartbroken when a little while ago your GAS-TV Channel Three-an’-a-half reported that your plane was found sunk in the Stomachian Sea—
G: So, my geographoophical guess ’bout my location was correct—
F: An’ they said there were no survivors! But I refused to believe that, Zig!
G: I hope at least they said nice junk ’bout me. An’ thank Bogelthorpe, your superhero ESP an’ flyin’ are finally workin’ again! Fleaglossitty, you’re my hero!
F: Aww, Zig….
G: When we get back home, you an’ me are gonna do somethin’ real special! I’ll pay my half. But first, I gotta take care of this lousy election—yaaaaaah! The lousy election! How long I been gone, Fleaglossitty? How long I been gone?
F: ’Bout a week, Zig.
G: That means the election’s in half a fartnight! We gotta get to Guadalulu an’ that General John J. Krapp Buildin’ to get permission from the legendary general himself to delay the election. I read the county bylaws or some other famous book, an’ he’s so important that even I, the Grate Gizzy of Perswayssick County, proboobably gotta answer to him. How we gonna get there?
F: Well, Zig, I thought that out beforehand. I knew my arms would be real tired from flyin’ here, An’ they are. So, in my backpack here, underneath my red cape, I packed this small inflatable rubber dinghy.
G: I hope ya packed a thermos an’ some saaandwiches too. An’ some cake.
F: Well…uh….
G: Well, guess we’ll hafta wait till we get to Guadalulu to eat, then.
SFX: [Hyena Laugh] [Nasty Laugh]
G: But we’ll hafta wait till these lousy hyenas start nappin’ before we can climb down from this stinkin’ tree.
F: It’s a pimplepuke tree, Zig.
G: Nice name for a tree. Or even a restaurant. How apoopetizin’.
F: Yeah. I really read up on this island.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
F: Okay, Zig. Them hyenas are still asleep, an’ the dinghy is inflated an’ in the water. You get in, then I’ll give it a push an’ jump in. An’ I’m glad I convinced ya not to try an’ take your hat an’ high-tops offa that sleepin’ hyena.
SFX: [Splash]
F: There! Water’s pretty calm right now.
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. Looks extra wet. An’ look out there—see that land mass? That’s Guadalulu!
F: Yeah, that’s correct, accordin’ to the coordinates on my GneeePS here. Says we should arrive in fifty-two an’ a half minutes.
G: Good, Fleaglossitty. I’ll sit here an’ watch while yooou keep rowin’ wit’ them collapsible oars ya so intelligently brung along.
SFX: [Explosions]
F & G [in unison]: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!
F: An explosion!
G: Multipoople gigaaantical explosions! Guadalulu jus’ blew up!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###
