“King of the Hyenas” – Episode 101
Gneeecey’s plane has gone missing, and the search and rescue effort underway may become a search and recovery operation. Distraught, Sooperflea, Dr. Idnas, and Grandma continue caring for Nicki.
That strange raspy-voiced Dorothy calls again, demanding payment for the Freak O’Nature snacks he’d left with Gneeecey. As it’s not a good time, an exasperated Sooperflea slams the door in the girl’s unshaven face.
Meanwhile, Gneeecey has managed to escape his sinking jetliner and swims to a tiny nearby island inhabited by spotted hyena-humanoids. The noisy creatures immediately begin worshipping him, most likely he believes, because they’re impressed by the glitzy airline captain’s hat still on his head, and his red high-top sneakers..
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies. For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!
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It's a one-woman show! Vicki does all the writing, character voices, and audio production!
Transcript / King of the Hyenas – Episode 101, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In last week’s episode, “Flight or Fright Mechanism,” Perswayssick County’s leader, Jack Russell-type canine-humanoid “Zig” Gneeecey finds himself all alone aboard a commercial jetliner—and having to try and land it himself. Here he is after he finally discovered how to communicate with Air Traffic Control….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Radio Static]
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Okay, I certaintaneously dooo want youse to help me. This is Bimbus Air, Flight 333, left Saint Bogelthorpe Airport in Perswayssick City stinkin’ late at six a.m., headed for Hokuspokusville’s General John J. Krapp Airfield on the remote island of Guadalulu.
SFX: [Radio Static] How many souls on board? Told youse, they’re all souls, now. Everyone else on board blew up ’cept for me or I wouldn’t be here talkin’ to youse. An’ how much fuel do I got? Dunno. Plane feels priddy heavy to me. After all, Bimbus Air’s slogan is “Got the Gas to Get’cha There.” SFX: [Radio Static] Oh, that screen in the middle there? Says somethin’ like four tons of fuel. An’ nope, no hazmat junk on board, not no more. Told youse awready, it all blew up. SFX: [Radio Static] Core selectors? Altitude window? I got a giant mouse named Altitude workin’ for me. Well, makin’ believe he’s workin’. He’s real lazy an’— SFX: [Radio Static] Hah? Can’t hardly hear youse! Put altitude window down to how many thousand feet? An’ stinkin’ don’t pay no attention if lights come on? Seriously? SFX: [Radio Static] LVL CHG? Hah? Means level change? If youse say so… An’ my name ain’t Roger, awready told youse, it’s Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey. I proboobably sign your paychecks! SFX: [Radio Static] Hah? Youse didn’t hear nuthin’ I jus’ said ’cause I proboobably didn’t press the button? ILS frequency an’ course selectors? What, slow down to how many knots? I got knots in my stomach ’cause I can’t find where to do that…You’re sure there ain’t no flight or fright mechanism on this lousy dashboard? I need the bathroom again, but I’m strapped tight in this lousy seat! An’ speakin’ of slowin’ down, slow down tellin’ me what to do! Indicated airspeed? Hah? Autoland ILS? Set up difooferent frequencies? I really don’t wanna mess with that an' lose youse guys! An' what about them flaps? You’re goin’ way too fast even though I’m a certifiable genius and now I can’t hardly hear youse—this is a stinkin’ nightmare! SFX: [Radio Static] An’ what? I’m still goin’ way too fast? What flaps? Auto brake an’ speed brake? I’m lookin’! I’m lookin’! Yeah, I stinkin’ know youse told me to turn ’round an’ go back to Perswayssick City, but I can’t do that. SFX: [Radio Static] I see that little window but the button that goes wit’ it is perhaphoops quite possiboobly the dopey button that popped off. Bimbus Air 333 to Air Trafoofic Control! Bimbus Air 333 to Air Trafoofic Control! Youse are breakin’ up on me, now! Are youse guys mad at me or somethin’? I proboobably didn’t really mean whatever I might’ve said that could’ve got youse so maaad! Hey, if the radio thing ain’t workin’ for us, perhaphoops mayboobee we could do a Zoom call? After all, me an’ this here plane are zoomin’ all over right about now! Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! All I see is water—an’ lots of it! Looks like H two O wit’ extra two! An’ it’s all comin’ up at me—right in my face—real, real faaast!
SFX: [Water Splash] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience]
G: All that swimmin’. My lousy arms are compoopletely worn out, an’ I’m extremely waterlogged. Thank Bogelthorpe I found them overwing exits before the dopey plane sank. Next time I fly—if I ever stinkin’ dooo again—I’ll pay attention to what the flight attendants say before we take off. The seat didn’t seem like no flotation device like I think they might’ve said when I wasn’t payin’ detention ’cause I didn’t think it was important, an’ anyways, I didn’t have no time to try an unscrew the dopey chair from the floor before the stooopid plane sank, an’ I didn’t have no screwdriver anyways. Thank Bogelthorpe at least there was this land here close by…looks like some kind of island…it ain’t Guadalulu, though. Don’t look devlopped enough or big enough…. Lousy election’s in less than a fartnight, an’ I stinkin’ gotta get to Guadalulu an’ that General John J. Krapp buildin’. That’s the only way that I, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, leader an’ Grate Gizzy of Perswayssick County, can officially delay this election, or the bad guys will get in an’ it’ll all be a bridge under the water—my whole county will go down the terlit! Look at all them there trees. Perhaphoops I can bust some of ’em up to build some kind of boat. I believe, from my extensive geographoophical knowledge, that my plane went down in the middle of the Stomachian Sea, an’ that faraway land mass I can see from here is proboobably Guadalulu…. I wonder if this place is even inhaboobited. Looks weird, like some kind of prehysterical island. Hmmm…looky over there… I see some peopoople walkin’ toward me….
SFX: [Crunching Leaves] [Hyena Spotted Laugh]
G: Well, they ain’t really peopoople…. They look kinda like them spotted hyenas I seen in books, but they’re walkin’ upright like me, an’ they even got arms an’ haaaands. Well, I guess if us canine-humanoids descended from regoogular dogs back on my Planet Eccchs, them spotted hyena-humanoids could’ve evolved from regoogular spotted hyenas… Guess that’s jus’ another one of them biological idiotstinkracies….
SFX: [Crunching Leaves] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Don’t seem like their language is very sophistiphoosticated.
SFX: [Crunching Leaves] [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Hiya, guys! Whazzup?
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: They’re all bowing like I’m some kinda royalty! I betcha they think I’m some kinda god. Proboobably ’cause of this beaudiful, really cool lookin’ waterlogged Bimbus Air pilot’s hat still on my brain-filled head. Well, let ’em all think that! Yupperooney, they’re pointin’ to my noodle. Maybe they can also sense from the delusion of grandeur I constantly project that I’m the Grate Gizzy of this whole dimension. I see they’re pointin’ at my waterlogged red high-top sneakers, too. I am special, an’ they know it! Heya, guys, I am your king! I am king of youse hyenas! I am king of all I see!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger]
“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Doctor Idnas… Grandma…I don’t know what we’re gonna do. Zig’s plane still ain’t nowhere to be found. They say it may go from bein’ a search and rescue effort to bein’ a search and recovery operation. SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] They gotta find him—he’s my best friend! My favorite fellow canine-humanoid! My childhood buddy! I love the guy! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] An’ as usual, my defective superhero ESP ain’t workin’….
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Flea, Flea, I am sure dey vill find him. Vee are just as heartbroken and upset as you about our Zig Gneeecey, right, Ingabore?
THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah, Alexandra. Vee are. But I do have a feeling dat our Zig Gneeecey ees not stupid—you look unsure of dat, Flea?
F: Well…uh….
IS: Anyvay, I tink Gneeecey vill be found.
DI: Yah. He ees vary resourceful. And vee don’t vant to talk about dis too loudly vit’ poor Nicki in dis bed here, een and out of consciousness, trying to recover from her head injury. She does not need to know about dis right now. Eet vould greatly upset her.
F: Yeah, Doctor Idnas. Poor Nicki. To think, Zig made this special trip to try an’ delay the election ’cause since when we were away in them other dimensions for so long, they secretly passed that amendment sayin’ Zig couldn’t run for Grate Gizzy for a third consecutive term. So now that Nicki is incapacitated an’ can’t run in his place like he wanted her to, he had no other choice but to go on this mission—y’know, to keep all the bad guys from takin’ over this here Perswayssick County.
DI: Vee know, Flea, vee know.
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
DI: Ees sounds like somevun ees at dee door.
F: I’ll go see who it is.
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Downstairs] [Bodyfall Human] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Fabric Tear] [Duck Horn] [Cuckoo Clock]
F: Ow—jus’ fell on my bimbus! Might’ve busted my tail—sure busted my trousers!
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
F: Comin’, for Bogelthorpe’s sake! Comin’!
SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Scary Ambience]
REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: Hey, it’s me, y’know, Dorothy, from the Perswayssick Girls Club, sellin’ stuff to do lotsa good junk to this here community.
F: Dorothy, this really ain’t a good time now—
M: I heard the doc’s plane went down. Does dat mean I ain’t gonna get paid for them forty bags of them eat-now-pay-later Freak O’Nature snacks dat he ate but ain’t paid for yet?
F: Like I said, Dorothy, this ain’t a good time.
M: Well, it better be a good time real soon, or else. Hah, hah, hah….
SFX: [Door Slam] [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]
M: Hey! Before ya so rudely slammed the door in my face, I was gonna tell ya dat I heard the search an’ rescue ain’t goin’ too good. If they don’t find Gneeecey, you’re gonna hafta pay up.
F: Y’know, I saw a buncha guys that looked kinda like your relatives boardin’ that plane. Even the flight crew looked a lot like you.
M: I ain’t worried. My brothers can always make themselves new bodies. They always do. Heh, heh, heh…
SFX: [Door Slam] [Magic Spell] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Well, guys, thanks so much for your hospoopitality an’ all that good food youse brung me. SFX: [Giant Burp] Reminded me of them tasty goonafish melts, Rotzels, an’ Slug Nuts we serve at my popoopular Gneeezle’s Restaurant!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Now, I’m really exzaustipated from what I gone through, so I’m gonna rest here while youse guys build me that boat wit’ them trees I had ya bust up. The boat don’t gotta be beaudiful—it jus’ gotta be able to float. An’ I’m so hapoopy that youse got all them hammers an’ nails, an’ youse know how to use ’em.
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Hammer Wood]
G: I posilutely absitively gotta set sail in the mornin’, y’know, for Guadalulu. I have a responsiboobability to the snitizens of Perswayssick County! I must delay this election! I am now gonna lay down while youse guys finish buildin’ my boat… Lemme take off this soakin’ wet flyin’ hat an’ these waterlogged red high-top sneakers so they can dry out while I sleep….
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Hammer Wood]
G: Ah, the soothin’ rhythm of them hammers bangin’ is puttin’ me to sleep….
SFX: [Hammer Wood] [Piano Rockabye] [Cartoon Snoring] [Magic Spell]
G: It’s mornin’ awready? I musta slept fast! Wait—somethin’ here ain’t right—yaaaaaah!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh]
G: Them lousy hyenas—while I was sleepin’, they built a stinkin’ cage around me, an’ now I’m trapped! An’ looky! One of ’em’s wearin’ my flyin’ hat an’ my red high-top sneakers—an’ they’re all bowing in his direction! Halp! Gimme back my stuff! Stinkin’ get me outta here! Maybe I do need one of them voice transplants so people take me serious! Halp!
SFX: [Hyena Spotted Laugh] [Hyena Laugh] [Nasty Laugh] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###
