Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy

Happy Hatchday, Part 2

June 27, 2023 Season 14 Episode 6
Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy
Happy Hatchday, Part 2
Show Notes Transcript

“Happy Hatchday, Part 2” – Episode 99

It’s nonstop mayhem as Gneeecey prepares for a 3 a.m. flight to General John J. Krapp Airfield on the island of Guadalulu—on the very edge of the dimension of Perswayssick County. The canine-humanoid county leader should be more tight-lipped about his urgent secret mission having to do with delaying an upcoming election.

Still floating in and out of consciousness as she recovers from a concussion, Nicki continues to recall the bizarre birthday party Gneeecey had given her. Before Gneeecey leaves, he promises her an early Happy Hatchday when he returns…if he can fulfill his mission.

Troubles worsen exponentially as Sooperflea drives his pal to the airport.

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!) (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!) (Interview with Vicki Solá) (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And many thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo!

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

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Transcript / Happy Hatchday, Part 2 – Episode 99, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock] [Doorbell Ring]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Hey, Fleaglossitty, will ya go downstairs an’ answer that lousy door? I’m busy packin’ for my very important trip!

“FLEA” FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Sorry, Zig, I’m in the bathroom now…kinda indisposed….

G: Awstinkin’right. I’ll go…. 

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Downstairs] [BodyFall] [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Fabric Tear] [Duck Horn]

G: Yaaaaah! Jus’ fell on my lousy bimbus!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]

G: Stinkin’ comin’ awready!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Misgivings & Misfortune]

G: Oh, it’s yooou, Wallbanger. What are ya doin’ here, darkenin’ my doorstep?

PROFESSOR WILLARD WALLBANG: That would be Professor Willard Wallbang, director of the esteemed Perswayssick Superhero Academy, producing hundreds of heroes.

G: Well, ya jus’ made me bust my bimbus. An’ my tail. Again. Must be the elvelventh pair of trousers I’ve torn up this week.

PWW: I dare say, graceless but legendary awkwardness seems to be a rather unfortunate trait shared by members of your, uh, household—canine-humanoid and human alike.

G: I really don’t depreciate your snarkasm.

SFX: [Flushing Toilet] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Downstairs] [BodyFall] [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Fabric Tear] [Duck Horn]


SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]

F: Why, hello, Professor Wallbang.

PWW: Mister Floppinsplodge.

F: What stroke of luck brings you to our humble abode today?

G: This is my abdomen, an’ it ain’t humble! It’s my beaudiful, ostentatious four-story mansion. Now what brings ya here, Wallbang? I’m busy prepooperatin’ to go on a very important, secret trip. To Hokuspokusville an’ the General John J. Krapp buildin’. Far away on the island of Guadalulu. So far away, it’s all the way out on the edge of our dimension of Perswayssick County. If ya go too far, ya could even fall off! Not too many people can even afford a trip like this.

PWW: I do apologize for interrupting your preparations for your costly and now not-so-secret excursion—

G: It ain’t no igscursion. It’s a do-or-die mission for the very survival of our county!

PWW: Whatever. This is merely a courtesy call on my part to inquire about Ms. Nicki Rodriguez’s condition after that hapless calamity that occurred during training. Beginner’s training, I might add.

F: Oh, yes, Professor, where Nicki crashed headfirst at an incredible speed into that six-foot-tall cinderblock wall she was supposed to fly over? With our prodding an’ encouragement?

PWW: Yes.

F: Well, she was discharged from Holy Krapp. She’s upstairs recoverin’ from a pretty bad concussion. An’ bein’ looked after by our personal physician Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas. Might take two or three weeks for a full recovery.

G: Which brings us to the fact that I ain’t got no time for this now. Election’s in less than a fartnight, an’ since the Ig can’t campaign for the office of Grate Gizzy in my place since they secretly added that lousy amendment to our dopey county constitution that I can’t run for a third consekookutive term, so she has to for me, so’s I can control everything behind the scenes—

PWW: Diroctor Gneeecey, I merely came here today to—

G: An’ stinkin’ furthermore, Wallbanger—

F: Zig!

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty! Like I was sayin’ before bein’ so rudely interrupticated, stinkin’ furthermore, Wallbanger, I’m payin’ her lousy tuition at your superhero academy so’s she can learn enough to help me, but I certaintaneously ain’t payin’ for her to get hurt or seriously kilt!

PWW: Diroctor Gneeecey, I merely came here today to inquire about Ms. Rodriguez’s condition and also—

G: Yeah, there’s always a stinkin “also”—

 PWW: Also, to remind you that at the time of your payment for Ms. Rodriguez’s first semester, among the documents you signed was a waiver relieving our institution of any responsibilities, financial or otherwise, for injuries—or worse—incurred during the course of her studies with us. Good day, sir.

SFX: [Door Slam] [Magic Spell]

G: Well, Fleaglossitty, thanks for helpin’ me pack. 

F: What are best friends for, Zig? An’ may I ask, all this stuff you’ve dumped here on my bed, do ya have a suitcase large enough to hold it all? An’ a extra carry-on?

G: Ain’t usin’ no suitcase or carry-on luggage. Don’t wanna pay no overweight charges. Plus, I wanna be able to keep an eye on all my very important junk at all times.

F: Well, how ya gonna get all this to Guadalulu, then? By wavin’ a magic wand?

G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ meee, Fleaglossitty. 

F: Well?

G: I’m puttin’ it all in my gigaaantical endless pit of a T-shirt pocket. 

F: Along wit’ that phone ya light your health cigars wit’? 

G: Yeah. An’ there’s my pocket plunger here—remember that telescopin’, all-purpoopose plunger I picked up durin’ Squiggleman’s pre-Grimace holiday sale? What if the airplane terlit gets clogged? An’ there’s that trombone part I always carry in case I ever come ’cross one missin’ that very same piece. An’ my new copy of our spiritual leader, the Grand Oogitty-Boogitty’s “Grand Bookitty of Sayin’s.” Y’know, the one I bought to replace the book I chucked over my shoulder out into dark, empty, scary space when my faith waivered? Better safe than sorry. An’ there’s my extra dirtier pair of red hightop sneakers an’—

F: An’ that book of fables we all hadda read as kids where that canine-humanoid was holdin’ a thick roll of bills in his mouth an’ lookin’ down into the toilet. An’ as he flushed it, he said, the roll of money in that guy’s mouth is thicker than mine. But the minute he said it, all his money fell outta his mouth an’ got flushed ’cause he didn’t realize he’d been lookin’ at his own reflection? The canine-humanoid in that picture even kinda looks like ya. White fur wit’ black triangular ears an’—

G: Ain’t bringin’ that. An’ maybe next time they publish the lousy book, Fleaglossitty, they can stinkin’ make that guy a black-furred canine-humanoid like yooou!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]

G: Now, stinkin’ what? I’m so maaaad—at you an’ that lousy Wallbanger—that I’m gonna go get the door myself. An’ whoever’s there is gonna be real sorry!

F: I’d better go wit’cha, Zig!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Downstairs] [BodyFall] [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]

F & G [in unison]:  Yaaaaaaaaah!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound] [Sneakers Squeaking]

G: I’m real, real maaad now!

F: Me too!

SFX: [Door Open] [Scary Ambience]

REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: Hey, it’s me, Dorothy. Y’know, from the Perswayssick Girls Club dat y’know, does such good junk in our community?

F: So, what can we do for ya today, Dorothy? We’re extremely busy right now.

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty. I can speak for myself. So, what can we do for ya today, Dorothy? We’re extremely busy right now.

M: Dis is a courtesy call remindin’ ya dat youse still ain’t, y’know, paid for them forty bags of them eat-now-pay-later Freak O’Nature snacks I sold youse. An’ I gotta inform youse again dat our interest is compounded daily an’—

G: Looky, ya told me that yesterday. This ain’t a good time. I’m busy prepooperatin’ to go on a very important, secret trip. To Hokuspokusville, an’ the General John J. Krapp buildin’. Far away on the island of Guadalulu. So far away, it’s all the way out on the edge of our whole dimension of Perswayssick County. If ya go too far, ya could even fall off! The plane gotta fly extra high—which is more expensive—jus’ to get there safe in one piece! Not too many people can even afford a trip like this one. Or even got the guts to go. But I’m goin’! I hear there’s still tickets available!

M: Oh, really. Heh, heh, heh….

G: Yeah. Really. My trip has to do wit’ our upchuckin’ election an’ so I gotta get back upstairs an’ finish packin’. My Bimbus Air Flight 333 to the General John J. Krapp Airfield leaves from Saint Bogelthorpe Airport terminal three at 3 a.m. sharp tomorrow mornin’. Three’s my lucky number! So, I’ll hafta pay ya when I come back. Too busy now—gotta go!

M: Good luck on your secret trip...heh…heh….

G: Stinkin’ whatever. 

SFX: [Door Slam] [Magic Spell]

F: Zig, I think you’re givin’ people too much information ’bout your trip. It’s supposed to be secret.

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty. Jus’ keep helpin’ me sort all this junk on your bed here so’s I can stuff it in my T-shirt pocket an’ be done wit’ packin’. 

F: I don’t trust that Dorothy. I don’t think she is who she says she is.

G: Who asked ya? 

F: I think she’s really one of them Markmen. Them gangster aliens have infiltrated our county, even all our police departments. [Scary Ambience] In my mind, I swear I can hear this real creepy music every time I see any of ’em. Y’know, Dorothy got the same waxy, amber-tinged skin as all of them, an’ she got them same weird vividly colored eyeballs. She speaks jus’ like ’em, too.

G: Y’know, speakin’ of speakin’, I was contempooplatin’ getting’ a voice transplant once I, y’know, return from this trip. I don’t think people take me serious or even get intimidated when I speak. What do yooou think?

F: It is true, Zig, for a male canine-humanoid, ya do got a pretty high, nerdy voice. I think—

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound]

G: Now, stinkin’ whaaat?

F: Let’s go see who’s there. 

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Downstairs] [BodyFall] [Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Duck Horn]

F & G [in unison]:  Yaaaaaaaaah!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Door Pound] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open]

F & G [in unison]: Oh, noooo!

NURSE MAUDLYN: Oh, yes! Tis I, Nurse Maudlyn. 

G: An’ what are yooou stinkin’ doin’ here? Ain’t got no time for ya! This ain’t a good time. I’m busy prepooperatin’ to go on a very important, secret trip. To Hokuspokusville, an’ the General John J. Krapp buildin’. Far away on the island of Guadalulu. So far away, it’s all the way out on the edge of our whole dimension of Perswayssick County. If ya go too far, ya could even fall off! The plane gotta fly extra high—which is more expensive—jus’ to get there safe in one piece! Not too many people can even afford a trip like this one. Or got the guts to go. But I’m goin’! An’ I hear there’s still tickets available! My trip has to do wit’ our upchuckin’ election an’ so I gotta get back upstairs an’ finish packin’. My Bimbus Air Flight 333 to the General John J. Krapp Airfield leaves from Saint Bogelthorpe Airport terminal three at 3 a.m. sharp tomorrow mornin’. 

F: Oh, Zig…there ya go again…givin’ out too much information….

G: An’ stinkin’ furthermore, we didn’t call nobody for no visitin’ nurse! 

NM: You’ll never win. There are too many of me for you to ever win. This particular me has been sent here by SmellWell Home Healthcare to administer my rather unique style of care to Ms. Nicki Rodriguez after her unfortunate little mishap. So, get out of my way, you two! Now!

F: We ain’t lettin’ ya up them stairs!

G: Yeah—what he said! An’ who ya plannin’ to inject wit’ that gigaaantical needle there?

F: Y’know, Nurse Maudlyn, when we were in Holy Krapp, we overhead a little three-way phone conversation between you, the original Nurse Maudlyn, an’ Doctor Frombilagonga.

NM: Oh?

F: Yeah. He warned the original Nurse Maudlyn that she better never use that secret pharmaceutical Dimeosacion to create another double of herself. Looks like she ain’t listenin’! I could give Doctor Frombilagonga a little call—

NM: Don’t you dare—I’ll fix you both before you can! Now, get out of my way! You let me up these stairs right now! I have a job to do, and I am going to do it!

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Human Walk Upstairs] [BodyFall] [Slip] [Slip & Fall [Duck Horn]

F & G [in unison]: Yaaaaaaaaah!

NM: Yaaaaaaaaah!

SFX: [TwistPopScrunchBalloon] [SnapRubber] [Explosion]

G: She fell on her own needle an’ popped—like a balloon! She exploded!

F: Yeah! Like all them other fake Nurse Maudlyn doubles!

G: All them busted pieces of her all over my stairs are kinda gross! Disgustipatin’!

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock]

F: Well, Zig. now that we got everything packed in that endless pit of a T-shirt pocket of yours, let’s go in the kitchen an’ relax wit’ a cup of Merk Perk an’ a nice slice of Sloggenberry pie.

G: Good idea, Fleaglossitty. Wit’ turkey-flavored ice cream on top. After, I’ll go upstairs an’ check on the Ig—y’know, to make sure she’s not better yet. If she ain’t, I defoofinitely can do my Plan B an take this trip. In a little while, my ticket won’t be refundable, so I gotta go see how she is.

F: I trust ya got that ticket tucked away safe.

G: Yep. Right here in my T-shirt pocket inside my teddy bear Yammicles, along wit’ everything else. 

F: Yep, Zig, along wit’ the kitchen sink. Good thing airlines don’t weigh passengers an’ charge ’em extra.

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] 

F & G [in unison]:  Oh, noooo!

SFX: [Doorbell Ring] [Squeaking Sneakers] [Door Open]

INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Diroctor Gneeecey! Sooperflea! Put your fists down! And dat baseball bat! Please! Eet ees only me, your terapist, Ingabore Scriblig! You know, “Grandma”!

F & G [in unison]:  Graaaaaandma!

IS: I am here to help. You know, Doctor Idnas and I vill be taking turns vit each odder and vit you, Sooperflea, vatching over Nicki as she recuperates! Dis vas a pretty bad accident.

F: Grandma, call me Flea, please.

IS: Alrightsky, Flea. And since you are due to drive Zig Gneeecey here to dee airport, I did my best to get here early.

F: Thank you. 

IS: Vhy don’t vee go upstairs and see how Nicki ees doing…. Vhat ees dat all over dee stairs? 

G: Oh, jus’ pieces of this hot air balloon that kinda exploded.

IS: Vell, eet should be cleaned up. Somevun could slip on dat mess and get hurt. 

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Drone]

G: Is she better? Is she better? Is she better? 

IS: Alexandra, how ees our Nicki doing now?

DI: About dee same as vhen we spoke a couple of hours ago, Ingabore. Still delirious. Still disoriented and, you know, dazed. She continues to talk about dee radder strange birtday party dat Zig Gneeecey gave her shortly after her arrival here een dis dimension. 

G: Y’know, I think the Ig is takin’ so long to recover because she don’t, y’know, take all her vitamins an’ supooplements in alphoophabetical order. 

DI: No, dat ees not eet, Diroctor Gneeecey. Nicki here sustained a substantial head injury vhen she crashed into dat cinderblock vall. As I said, eet may take two or tree veeks for her to recover.

G: Quiet, everyone! The Ig’s talkin’ ’bout that beaudiful birthday party I gave her, again!

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: It was gift time. I remember that Flea handed me a book. “Anyway, Happy Birthday, Nickels,” he said, calling me by the nickname he had for me. “This’ll fit right into one of your coat pockets.” 

“Thanks,” I replied, admiring my new, compact Webster’s Dictionary. 

“Webster started runnin’ outta words by the time he got to the enda the alphoophabet,” stated Gneeecey. “Ya ever notice how there’s so few words in them last X, Y an’ Z sections?” 

Donkey-humanoid Stu Pitt’s mouth opened in amazement. “Wow, boss, you know everything!” And I can see, almost like it’s happening now, Altitude puffing out his belly and mimicking Stu. “An’ Ig,” began Gneeecey, ignoring the overgrown mouse, “these are for you.” He shoved a mountain of packages under my nose. 

“For me?” 

“Yeah. I kinda gotten used to havin’ ya around—in fact, I hope ya never leave.” 

I pinched myself so hard that it hurt. 

“You do all the work but I get mosta your paycheck. It’s almost like havin’ my own indenturated servant.” 

“I’m touched,” I replied, unwrapping what appeared to be a one-armed cardigan. “Oh—a sweater.” 

“Oooooh, boss,” gushed Stu. “It matches the new brown wallet Flea gave ya!” 

“Yupperooney—it’s a lovely color. They say it’s the new purple. My Aunt ReeeUmpa once knitted my mom a couch in that same shade. Nice, Ig, ain’t it?” 

It ain’t, I thought, biting my lip. 

“I put it in a Nurdsen’s box,” continued Gneeecey, “but I actually got it at Oddlottz, ’cause they sell cheap junk. An’ they got a humane shoppin’ cart policy. Never leave the poor guys out in the elements.” 


“Sweater was originally two bucks, but they marked it down to twenny-five cents. I left the tag on in case ya didn’t believe me.” 

“Open the next gift, Icky,” suggested Stu. 

“Uh, that’s Nicki. Hmmmm. . .what an interesting, uh, gift. . . .” 

Gneeecey smiled. “It’s a comboobination birthday-Grimace present.” Grimace, of course, being the holiday equivalent of my planet Earth’s Christmas. The coffee-stained Seemingwhale’s box he handed me was filled with seven empty wooden spools, a peach pit, and a decomposing hot dog stuck to a half-melted purple rubber wallet. “Cleaned out my junk drawer.” 

“How very thoughtful.” 

“Open this one next, Ig.” 

Three pea-green knit snakes peered up at me from inside a yellow Unigeek’s bag.  “My, what do we have here?” 

“Tail warmers—got ’em on sale in Seemingwhale’s, but I put ’em in the Unigeek’s bag ’cause I awready used the box they came in for the stuff I gave ya from the junk drawer.” 

“Which Seemingwhale’s?” inquired Flubbubb. “the one on From Road, near To Street?” 

“Nah—the other one, up the street from To Road, on the way to From Avenue. Next year, we an’ everyone at my GAS Broadcast Network can all chip in an’ buy the Ig a tail!” 

I groaned. If I was still stuck in Perswayssick County, I’d deserve one. 

“This last gift here is the coop de grass,” announced Gneeecey, rubbing his palms together. “Thought you’d enjoy the disappointment of receivin’ it.” Curious, I tore the toilet paper off a Martian’s gift box and lifted its warped lid. My mouth opened wide. “Diroctor, this stuff’s already mine!” 

“Yeah. Found it in your room.” 

“You were in my room?!” 

“Lookin’ for my sock repair ticket that ya lost—an’ while I was in there not findin’ it, I found all this extra junk to give ya. Knew you’d like it, bein’ it was awready yours.” “

“How dare you—” 

“Look,” continued Gneeecey, holding each item up. “Your red sweater, your waste-of-mon-ney deodorant, a toothbrush ya ain’t used yet but I tried, plus summa your underwear—” 

Altitude snickered as I slammed my possessions back into the box. 

“Well,” said Gneeecey, “at least y’know it’s really yours—ya got it twice.” 

“Yeah, right,” I replied. 

“Oh, an’ I almost forgot.” He tossed a tangled mess into my lap. “Free gift.” 

“It’s not a gift if isn’t free, is it?” 

“Could be, Ig.” 

I raised an eyebrow. 

“Irregoogoolars,” he whooped. “Three-legged pantyhose—thirteen pairs!” Kelly green, like the ones he hawked on his TV show, “Shopping at Home With GAS.” I said nothing. “Oddlottz’s said I could jus’ take ’em—said I’d be doing them a favor.” He smiled. “See? It was a free gift.”  

Oh….. Where am I? I think I see two Gneeeceys again….

G: See? Well, like they say on her planet Earth, I’ll be a unkey’s muncle—she aboobsolutely loved that party I gave her, an’ all her beaudiful gifts! What a Happy Hatchday party I gave ya, Ig! I’m the bomb diggitty! An’ time really flies—it’s almost your hatchday again! Almost time for another party! I’m goin’ on a important trip this mornin’—y’know, my Plan B since you ain’t well enough to hit the campaign trail—an’ when I come back, I should have some real, real good news for ya! It’ll be like an early Happy Hatchday for ya!

N: Uh…. What…are…you…talking…about….

DI: Diroctor Gneeecey, I really tink vee should let Nicki rest now.

IS: Ya, Alexandra, I agree. 

F: Me too. C’mon, Zig. Let’s go catch a few winks. We gotta be at the airport in a few hours.

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Pouring Rain With a Thunderstorm] [Car Engine] [Car Horns]

G: Well, Fleaglossitty, what are ya, waitin’ for that stop sign to turn green? C’mon, step on it!

F: I gotta let the pedestrians cross, Zig.

G: Well, toot your horn! Make ’em go faster! I’m gonna miss my stinkin’ flight! We would hafta be havin’ a stinkin’ storm this mornin’, too! An’ the Ig did not like your gift better than mine! Looky, Fleaglossitty, ya almost missed the lousy exit for the Perswayssick Thruway there! 

F: I did not almost miss it! We’re awready on the thruway!

G: Well, pay detention! Exit for the airport is comin’ up in five miles! 

F: I know, Zig, I know. The Bovine Boulevard exit. Now, calm down, will ya?

G: Nooooo!  SFX: [Screeching Brakes]

F: Looky, Zig! Stop screamin’, will ya? Ya almost made me lose control of this vehicle! 

G: Be more careful, Fleaglossitty. Now, remember all them dimes I sneezed out all over the floor when we were in the hospoopital ’cause I was allergical to them flowers that Dorothy brung us?

F: Yeah, Zig. 

G: Well, while I’m away, I want ya to go to the hospoopital an’ collect all them dimes. I sneezed out a whole lot of mon-ney that day! 

F: That’s impossible, Zig…. I’m sure someone’s picked up all them dimes awready. Anyways, I think we got much bigger things to worry ’bout now, don’t we?

G: Stinkin’ yeah—hey! Ya jus’ missed the lousy Bovine Boulevard exit—

F: ’Cause you were distractin’ me wit’ your nonsense—as usual! 

G: There ain’t another exit for another five miles! Plane’s boardin’ soon! I’m gonna miss my flight! An’ our lives will be ruined! All of Perswayssick County will go down the terlit! An’ since when is mon-ney nonsense? If you were a real superhero, you’d fly us to the lousy airport. 

F: Actually, if I was a real superhero, I’d make ya get out an’ walk.

G: Oh, yeah?

F: Yeah. Now, them five miles flew by while you were runnin’ that big yapper of yours. Up ahead there, that’s the next exit. Sign says “The Back Way.” 

G: Well, stinkin’ take it, Fleaglossitty! We gotta take The Back Way for a while before we can turn around an’ get back on the thruway goin’ the other way. 

SFX: [Car Horns]

F: Uh-oh…. Looks like everyone else decided to take it, too….

G: Oh, stinkin’ noooo! The Back Way’s jammed up for miles—it’s a parkin’ lot! My flight—ain’t no way I’m gonna make my lousy flight! Everything’s stinkin’ lost! We’re all gonna die!

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Slot Clunk]

F: Nonsense! Hey—Zig! You get back in this vehicle—right now! Whaddaya think you’re doin’, climbin’ ontoppa this car like a wet hen? Ya look like a hood ornament havin’ convulsions!

G: Yaaaaaaaaah!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through 


And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###