Transcript / Dotting My T’s and Crossing My I’s – Episode 89, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell][Wind]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In our last episode, “The Shocking Truth,” although she’s literally hovering above her old Earth neighborhood, Nicki Rodriguez makes the heart-wrenching decision not to return to her life and family in “regular” New Jersey but to go back to the dimension of Perswayssick County and her two canine-humanoid companions “Sooperflea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge and “Zig” Gneeecey. However, she agrees to consider her antagonistic double’s scathing assessment of her life choices. Nicki even reaches out her hand to make peace. The split-second the two doubles make physical contact, they merge, becoming one again.
SFX: [Laser] [Sci-Fi Laser] [Closing] [Heavenly Drone]
Then, finding herself in a strange intermediate location, blinded by its brilliant golden light, Nicki encounters Planet Eccchs’s leader, the wizard-like Zinfandel.
ZINFANDEL: The truth that will shock you is as follows. You and that other Nicki are one and the same. She is but your shadow side. We and our shadow sides are usually inseparable. Confronting our shadow selves is a rare gift afforded to few. In your case, and in Gneeecey’s and Sooperflea’s cases, this has occurred most likely due to severe dimension burn coupled with extreme stress.
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: I—I don’t know what to say or even what to think….
Z: You don’t have to say or think anything. You are a conflicted person, as many of us are. You will, in time, reconcile with yourself. You will then grow into your powers. Be true to yourself. Be your own friend. See and accept both sides. And don’t ever forget, as your shadow self admonished, that you possess considerable powers. Use them or lose them. Now, what say you?
N: I—I don’t know what to say. This is all kind of beyond my comprehension—
Z: I will give you one more gift before I let you return, of your free will, where that larger part of your heart chooses to be right now. If you truly choose to utilize your powers, you will be able to function in both of the worlds that you love, whenever you wish, with success.
N: Huh? Is there—is there a way that you and I can stay in touch?
Z: Now, I’ve probably told you too much! Be off, then!
SFX: [Closing] [Magic Glitter] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Next thing we know, Nicki comes crashing back into Gneeecey’s high-tech vacation cabin hidden away in the wooded mountains of Perswayssick County’s region of Booolabeeezia. She lands atop the debris-covered floor of Gneeecey’s kitchen. Gneeecey and his double continue to fight with each other, but Flea and his other self seem to be getting along pretty well.
Nicki informs the four canine-humanoids that she has an astonishing revelation to share.
N: Well, here’s the shocking truth. Our doubles are not really separate from ourselves. Our doubles are our shadow sides! They’ve manifested as separate entities to teach us! They’re trying to teach us to make peace with ourselves!
“SOOPERFLEA,” AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Well, me an’ my double been gettin’ along priddy good lately, right, my other self?
F2: Yeah, other me. I helped ya figure out why we been havin’ trouble wit’ our superhero flyin’ feature!
F: Yeah, other myself. We discovered that we’re afraid if we take off an’ fly, we might not be able to land wit’out crashin’! High-five me, my other self!
F2: Sure, pal!
SFX: [Laser] [Sci-Fi Laser] [Closing]
F: I’m back into myself! There’s only one of me again!
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: The Ig always brings trouble! Stinkin’ get away from me, ya other me! I don’t like youse, an’ I never will! Nebberd-kinnezzard, like we say back on Planet Eccchs! Means extra-never! Stinkin’ get away from me!
SFX: [Magic Spell]
F: Well, Nicki, Zig an’ his other self—
G: He’s not my other self—he’s a baaad guy who jus’ looks like me!
F: Okay, Zig. Uh, Nicki, Zig an’ the bad guy that jus’ looks like him have been bickerin’ an’ fightin’ for the last hour. I think it’s time to make a move here.
N: What do you have in mind, Flea?
F: Now that we have a clearer idea of what’s goin’ on, I think we should make plans to return home, y’know, to Zig’s mansion in Saint Bogelthorpe Parke.
N: I agree, Flea. We need to return to some kind of normalcy. But we don’t have transportation. My old Splodge was totaled, and now we’re stuck out here in the sticks.
G: Don’choo stinkin’ dare incinerate that here in Booolabeeezia where my beaudiful high-tech vacation cabin’s hidden away is the sticks! This is a sophistiphoosticated vacation paradise!
G2: I agree, my stinkin’ other meee!
G: You ain’t my stinkin’ other meee!
G & G2 [in unison]: An’ it’s my lousy cabin!
G & G2 [in unison]: Oh, yeah?
F: Well, Nicki, while them two continue to fight, lemme tell ya what I have in mind. Thanks to my other me, I’m more confident when it comes to my superhero flyin’ powers. I wanna fly back to Perswayssick City an’ borrow a car from Zeke’s Pizza an’ Transmissions.
N: Sounds like a plan, Flea.
F: But I’d have to leave ya here, y’know, wit’ them two fightin’ Zigs.
N: Don’t worry. I deal with them. Somehow.
F: Okay. I’ll be as quick as I can.
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] [SuperPower FlyBy] [Magic Spell] [Fist Fight]
N: Flea’s already been gone for two hours, and these two Gneeeceys won’t stop fighting. Guys! Guys!
G & G2 [in unison]: Shaaadup! Shaaadup! Can’cha see we’re fighting?
G: Stop interrupticatin’ us awready!
G2: Yeah! Stop interrupticatin’ us awready!
N: Well, I see you two at least agree on something. Don’t you understand, Diroctor Gneeecey, these doubles are actually our shadow sides? Part of us!
G: I refuse to understaaand! I haaaate this other meee an’ always will!
G2: An’ I haaate him too, always will! Now, gimme back my bear! Gimme back my Yammicles!
G: Awready stinkin’ told ya, the lousy bear ain’t yours! He’s mine!
SFX: {Fabric Tear]
N: Now, look! The two of you finished tearing the teddy in half! Y’know, I don’t freakin’ believe myself. I must’ve been crazy not to return to my own dimension when I had the chance. My shadow side was right. I am a stupid fool!
G: We all can agree on that, Ig!
G2: Yep, that’s certaintaneously somethin’ we can all agree on!
G & G2 [in unison]: Heh hah, heh haah, heh haaah!
N: And the name would be Nicki.
G: It would be if we wanted to call ya that, Ig, but we don’t!
G2: That’s right! We don’t!
G & G2 [in unison]: Ig! Ig! Ig! Ig! Ig!
G: An’ you’re gonna clean up this lousy kitchen, Ig! Whassamatter? Ya look real funny, but I ain’t laughin’!
G2: That look in her eyes is real, real scary!
G: Hey—that stinkin’ white light’s blindin’ me!
G2: Meee toooo!
SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Jet Engine Start-up] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Glitter]
G & G2 [in unison]: Wow, Ig! How in Bogelthorpe’s name did ya do thaaat?
G: The whole lousy kitchen’s put back together again, an’ it’s all cleeean!
G2: Yeah! Nuthin’s even busted no more. Even the refrigerator ain’t knocked over no more.
G: An’ all the junk—I mean food—is back inside it!
G & G2 [in unison]: Wowzickles!
G: Now, get that scary look off your face, Ig! I remember, a long time ago, back in your dopey Earth basement apartment, ya did the same thing! Ya cleaned up your whole kitchen that I messed up while you were at work, jus’ like thaaat! Scared me then, too!
N: You wanna see more?
G: Yeah! Ya didn’t do a complete job, Ig. Perhaphoops ya can remove that lousy helicopter I crashed into the livin’ room picture window here a few months ago.
N: The copter you decided to fly after watching a couple of videos on how to fly a copter?
G: An’ after readin’ Stu’s notes which flew out the copter window before I could refer to ’em all. Gimme some credit. I did most of it right. Got that lousy GAS-TV Channel Three-an’-a-half chopper all the way here.
N: Lousy is right.
G: Ya don’t hafta say it so oogdimonious, like thaaat. Now, would ya please remove that chopper from my livin’ room window in there? Blocks out all the sunlight.
N: I’d say that’s above my pay grade.
G2: An’ I’d say it was real, real stooopid of ya in the first place to even attempt that so-called flight, my other self! Ya put both our lives in jeopoopardy!
G: I didn’t stinkin’ ask ya, an’ ya ain’t my other lousy self! You’re a poor imitation!
G2: An’ I’m tellin’ yooou, furthermore, it was real, real stooopid of ya not to take care of this whole thing. Not to get that copter dislodged from your window. Bet’cha didn’t even bother contactin’ your dopey insurance company. Y’know, Cleopatrick at Purple Pelican Insurance? Their motto is, “You fall on your butt, we take a cut!”
G: That’s “bimbus,” not butt! An’ you made that up!
G2: Stinkin’ whatever.
G: Stop always tryin’ to sound like meee an’ be like meee!
G2: I aaam yooou!
G: No, ya ain’t an’ ya never will be! Nebberd-kinnezzard, like we say on our Planet Eccchs! Extra-never!
G2: But you’re always doin’ junk wrong! Not payin’ attention to details!
G: You accusin’ me of not dottin’ my T’s an’ crossin’ my I’s?
G2: Yeah!
SFX: [Fist Fight] [SuperPower FlyBy] [Door Lock Unlock] [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking]
F: Hi, guys. I’m back.
G & G2 [in unison]: About stinkin’ time!
G: Don’t never leave us wit’ her again. Nebberd-kinnezzard. The Ig here, she don’t understaaand us.
N: Hi, Flea. Thank goodness, thank Bogelthorpe, or whatever, that you’re back.
F: Hey, Nicki, Zeke himself lent me this ’75 Blimmbutt, Runs real good. Kinda looks like your ol’ Splodge. He’s gonna see if he can fix it. C’mon, guys, I’m parked right down the hill. Let’s go.
G & G2 [in unison]: Aw-stinkin’-right.
F: You’re welcome.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Car Engine] [Car Horns]
N: You’re right, Flea. This ’75 Blimmbutt drives pretty well.
F: But it is kinda unsightly. Looks a lot like your ol’ Splodge. Orange an’ purple. Big fins. Same year. Guess that’s why.
G: He’s touching meee!
G2: You’re stinkin’ touchin’ meee!
G & G2 [in unison]: You started it! No! Yooou started it! Are we there yet?
F: Youse two Zigs in the backseat there—I’ll tell youse somethin’ that’ll shut youse both up! On my way up here, I stopped by Doctor Idnas’s office.
G: You been a busy little Iggleheimer, ain’cha, Fleaglossitty?
F: While youse two been busy fightin’, I been busy takin’ care of business.
G: You tryin’ to say you’re more deficient than us?
F: Well…. Anyways, Doctor Idnas would like to see all four of us once we’re settled. She has a theory ’bout all of this. Remember the time we were patients at Florence Ferguson Memorial? An’ Doctor Frombilagonga an’ that nasty Nurse Maudlyn supposedly took care of us?
N, G, & G2 [in unison]: Yeah!
F: Well, like I said, Doctor Idnas has a theory ’bout what’s been happenin’ to us. She has access to our hospital charts at Florence Ferguson, an’ she’d like to do some new blood work on us!
G & G2 [in unison]: Nooooo!
SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###