“Duck Flying Upside-down Has Crack-up” – Episode 78
Ducks flying upside-down, nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clowns riding unicycles, blue donkeys riding red tricycles, thunderous crashes coming from the garage, and rogue nurses appearing out of nowhere…. What’s to fear but beer itself? asks Gneeecey.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)
https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)
https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)
https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)
And many thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/
This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies. For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!Support the show
Transcript /Duck Flying Upside-down Has Crack-up – Episode 78, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2023 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Door Open] [Fast Circus Loop] [Donkey]
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe! Fleaglossitty! Fleaglossitty! Ig! Ig! Stinkin’ get over here—now!
SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: What now?
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: What now?
G: Jus’ get over here, youse two— stinkin’ now!
F: Okay, Zig, okay!
N: Okay, Diroctor Gneeecey, okay! This had freakin’ better be good!
SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers] [Donkey]
F: —Saint Bogelthorpe!
G: I told youse!
F: It’s that evil, nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clown named Three—
N: —riding a unicycle—and—and—
G: An’ I smell him bein’ followed by a blue donkey ridin’ a red tricycle!
F: Zig, you’re still smellin’ what’cha see? Well, actually, I smell the donkey, too!
N: Me, too, Flea, me too!
G: I’m tastin’ trouble!
N: We kind of thought we got rid of the bad guys—
F: Yeah, Nicki—we kind of thought we vaporized ’em all! Y’know—Three, his buddy Sulak, the Demon Clown of Bathrooms, an’ them rotten no-good gangster Markmen!
G: Guess youse two didn’t vapooporize ’em propooperly! I bet’cha all them baaad guys are proboobably back! Like I said, I’m smellin’ real trouble!
SFX: [Donkey] [Comical Scary Clown Laughter]
G: Looky, that lousy clown’s laughin’ so bright it’s hurtin’ my eyes! Stinkin’ get outta here, ya stooopid oversized clown! Git!
SFX: [Donkey] [Door Slam] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock]
G: Look what time it is. Lemme stinkin’ see what’s takin’ Fleaglossitty so long!
N: Aww, Diroctor Gneeecey, let him be….
G: Me an’ him, an’ you too, if I decide to invite ya—we’re supposed to be havin’ a conference in my upstairs third-floor lyeberry, y’know, to see what he’s found out ’bout who’s tryin’ to blackmail me wit’ them recordin’s of my most embarrassin’ moments!
N: I think I hear Flea in the kitchen.
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open]
F: Oh, hi, Zig.
G: Don’t “Hi Zig” me! What in Bogelthorpe’s name are you doin’ wit’ that mop an’ bucket? You’re supposed to be—
F: I’m moppin’. I’m sick an’ tired of my socks stickin’ to the floor.
G: Well, finish up! An’ try not to kick the bucket! Heh hah, heh haah! SFX: [Metal Crash 1] [Splash Water 1, 4 & 5] Stinkin’ ow!
F: You jus’ did! An’ ya made a real mess, Zig—
G: Ya wanna see a mess, haaah, Fleaglossitty? You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!
N: C’mon guys, c’mon. Don’t we have enough trouble already?
SFX: [Crash Metal] [Metal Crash 1] [Terror Tension]
F & G [in unison]: What was thaaat?
N: Sounds like it came from the garage!
F: Let’s go!
N: Yeah, Flea, c’mon!
G: I ain’t goin’!
F: Good, Zig. You jus’ stay here in the kitchen, all alone, all by yourself, wit’ no one to help ya if anything crazy happens in this house!
G: Ya mean mansion!
F: Whatever, Zig. An’ Bogelthorpe knows, there’s a whole lot of craziness goin’ on around here. But you’re brave. You stay here by yourself while Nicki an’ I go investigate what that was.
SFX: [Sharp, Eerie, Scary Logo]
G: Awright, aw-stinkin’-right. Youse two convinced me. You guys will be in real danger if I don’t come out an’ keep youse safe.
SFX: [Door Open] [Squeaking Sneakers]
F: Okay, guys, stand back. I am gonna open this here garage door.
N: Ow—Diroctor Gneeecey, what are you doing?
G: Hidin’ behind ya, Ig. Y’know, in case any of them baaad guys come runnin’ out—they’ll get yooou first! I’m also, uh, protectin’ your back.
N: Your concern is much appreciated.
G: Thanks, Ig!
F: Okay. Here goes….
SFX: [Metal Door Open] [A Car Crashing – end] [Crash Metal]
F: —Saint Bogelthorpe! It’s—it’s—
N: It’s my car! My ’75 Splodge—
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger]
G: Ya mean, it was your ’75 Splodge, Ig—
N: That I’m still paying you for every two weeks when I get paid—if you can call it that!
G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ meee, Ig!
N: That would be Nicki.
G: Okay, Ig.
N: So, Diroctor Gneeecey, it was my car that got wrecked—destroyed—when that evil clown Three fell on his bimbus, right onto the roof of your garage.
G: Heh, heh, sure smells like it, Ig….
N: What was my car doing in the garage?
G: I, uh, had some peopoople comin’ over that I wanted to, y’know, impress. An’ your ol’ Splodge smelled so, y’know, ugly on my beaudiful driveway that I thought it would smell better—an’ even taste better—if I hid it away in the garage till they left. Then I forgot about it.
F: Oh, Zig….
G: Don’t “Oh Zig” me!
N: Well, what am I supposed to do now? How am I gonna get around?
G: I’m sure Zeke’s Pizza an’ Transmissions can fix it. An’ your Purple Pelican insurance policy that I got ya might cover some of it. Jus’ looks your car here needs a whole ’nother engine, transmission, chassis, steerin’, suspension, radiator, catalytic converticator, gaaas tank, an’ brakes. An’ body….
F: Ya mean, she needs a whole new car, Zig!
G: Yeah, superhero. Ya got somethin’ to say? Come up in my face an’ say it!
F: I am in your face.
N: Guys! Guys! C’mon! I don’t even know what else can go wrong around here!
N: What’s that?
F: Looks like a duck—flyin’ upside-down!
SFX: [Quack] [A Car Crash] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cuckoo Clock]
G: Where’s that Fleaglossitty? We ain’t had that conference ’bout who’s stinkin’ tryin’ to blackmail me yet!
N: I think he decided to step out for a while, y’know, to cool off after that fight the two of you almost had out there….
SFX: [Door Open]
N: Oh, here’s Flea now.
G: Fleaglossitty—where in Bogelthorpe’s name you been?
F: Zig, I felt so bad ’bout wantin’ to punch your lights out, out there by the garage. I thought it would be best for me to take a walk an’, y’know, cool off. An’ Nicki, don’t worry, we’ll figure somethin’ out, y’know, ’bout your car.
N: Thanks, Flea.
F: An’ here, Zig. Picked this up for ya to show there ain’t no hard feelin’s. It’s a late edition of today’s Perswayssick Pooper Scooper. Y’know, “All the poop that’s fit to scoop?”
G: Smell the headline: “Duck Flying Upside-down Has Crack-up.” Says the duck flew right into Florence Ferguson Memorial’s ER—through a closed window. Luckily the duck is jus’ a bit banged up, but the hospoopital window is busted…. Well, don’t worry. We ain’t got nuthin’ to fear but beer itself….
G: That was a clue from yesterday’s curse word puzzle.
F: Ya mean crossword puzzle, Zig.
G: Stop always tellin’ me what I mean, Fleaglossitty. I’m cursin’ ’cause I’m still tryin’ to figure it out. Now, what famous person said, “We got nuthin’ to fear but beer itself?”
N: Would sure be nice if we had nothing else to fear but beer.
SFX: [Door Bell Ring] [Door Pound] [Door Open]
N: What the—
NURSE MAUDLYN: Thought I’d knock and ring the bell first before letting myself in. Door wasn’t locked.
F: It’s that horrible Nurse Maudlyn from Florence Ferguson Memorial!
NM: That would be me—more horrible than ever!
F: What are you doin’ here? I thought you worked ER an’ ICU!
NM: Oh, I’m a visiting nurse as well! We’re stretched thin at the hospital these days. Gotta double up and even triple up.
F: An’ why are ya holdin’ that mug of beer? Drinkin’ on the job?
NM: Rough day! Had to take care of this upside-down flying duck that crashed through our window—luckily right into the ER where it needed to go. He’s already been released—just lost a few feathers. Thought some suds would soothe me.
F: So, uh, Nurse Maudlyn, again, what are you doing here?
NM: Doctor Frombilagonga wrote an order prescribing home care for Doctor Gneeecey here.
G: That’s Diroctor Gneeecey—I am the director, y’know, big boss, of this here lousy county in addition to bein’ a dopey doctor!
NM: Okay, Diroctor Gneeecey, Doctor Frombilagonga wrote an order prescribing home care for you. And as I report to him, I am going to give you home care here in your home whether you want it or not! No worries! Your Purple Pelican insurance has authorized my services.
G: Doctor Frombilagonga’s orders are not aplooplicable to meee!
NM: Oh, yes, they are! Now, siddown, an’ lemme take your vitals!
G: Stinkin’ noooo! You ain’t takin’ nuthin’ of mine! I need my vitals!
NM: You know. I’ve got ways to calm you if refuse to cooperate.
G: SFX: [Cartoon Baby]
NM: And by the way—
F: Oh, these by-the-ways are always good!
NM: Put a sock in it, you two—I remember both of you! I can have all three of you readmitted to the hospital! Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I thought you might be interested to know that on my way here, I saw this giant, laughing clown riding a unicycle followed by a braying blue donkey on a red tricycle. Followed by a duck flying upside-down. You don’t believe me? Look out the door—I left it open! They’re headed toward the house!
G: SFX: [Cartoon Baby]
SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Accent Cartoon] [Boing] [Duck Horn]
NM: Diroctor Gneeecey, how dare you snatch my beer? You made me fall on my bimbus!
SFX: [Slow Circus Loop] [Donkey] [Duck] [Fail Horn] [Carnival Creepy Music Box]
F: To be continued!
SFX: [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###