Riding Off Into the Sunset: Whatever-You-Want-Land, Part 5

“Riding Off Into the Sunset: Whatever-You-Want-Land, Part 5” - Episode 60

Still stranded in that strange, magical dimension where you can have anything you wish for, earthling Nicki Rodriguez and her canine-humanoid companions Diroctor “Zig” Gneeecey and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, otherwise known as Sooperflea, wake up on its pristine white-sanded beach. Nicki and Flea feel strongly that they should make a wish to return to Perswayssick County. Gneeecey, who has mysteriously awakened with a veterinary medical cone around his neck, disagrees vehemently. He believes Flea intentionally desires to deprive him of any chance to reconcile with ex-fiancée Goonafina Blopperdang. Seems the glamorous Golden Retriever-type canine-humanoid is accessible only in Whatever-You-Want-Land.

Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick County, inside Gneeecey’s four-story Saint Bogelthorpe Parke mansion atop Bimbus Crack Drive, Gneeecey’s protegé, Gneeezles’s Restaurant delivery mouse Altitude is breaking teeth as he attempts to chew his way through the bars of a metal cage.

A couple of doors down, Gneeecey’s evil Planet HyenaZitania lookalike Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeeceygnay and Sulak, the Demon Clown of Bathrooms, continue to plot to double-cross boss Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark, leader of the evil federation STEM. The two notice that Mark, covertly hypnotized by Doctor Alexandra C. Idnas, suddenly seems weak and vulnerable.  

And back on the surreal glistening beach, Gneeecey refuses to face reality and makes a wish that horrifies Nicki and Flea.

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And much thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, pl

Transcript

Transcript / “Riding Off Into the Sunset: Whatever-You-Want-Land, Part 5”- Episode 60, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Drone] [Magic Ringing] [SciFi Glimmer]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Still stranded in that strange, mysteriously magical dimension where you can have just about anything you wish for, earthling Nicki Rodriguez and her canine-humanoid companions Diroctor “Zig” Gneeecey and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, otherwise known as Sooperflea, wake up, not realizing they’d fallen asleep on the pristine white-sanded beach.  

SFX: [Heavenly Crystal Balls with Music] [Beach Surf Ambience]

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Hey! What’s this stinkin’ thing doin’ ’round my lousy neck! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] 

SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Good mornin’ to you too, Zig. 

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Diroctor Gneeecey, it looks like one of those medical cones that, y’know, veterinarians put around the necks of dogs and cats to protect them and keep them from—

F: —from bitin’ their bimbus!

G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty! This dopey piece of plaaastic wasn’t around my dopey neck before I fell asleep. Yooou proboobably wished it on me so I’d look less attractive to Goonafina! That’s ’cause yooou’re stinkin’ after my stinkin’ girl! You’re attracted to my Goonfina!

F: No, I’m not, Zig—an’ I swear I had nothin’ to do wit’ this! 

G: You’re not attracted to her—ya sayin’ she ain’t good enough for ya? 

F: Zig Gneeecey—

G: An’ I’m better lookin’ than you! Your ears are long an’ droopy—make ya look like a hound! My ears are triangular—gives me a very intelligent look to go wit’ my superior brain! 

F: Zig—

G: An’ my tail’s less scruffy than yours! An’ ya smell like a stinkin’ zoo!

F: It ain’t cleaner than mine, an’ I do not!

G: Ya proboobably must think I’m some kinda jackass!

F: I prollabee do.

G: Proboobably?

F: Prollabee.

G: Proboobably?

F: Prollabee.

N: Guys! Guys! Please—stop! The three of us have some incredibly important stuff to discuss here. We’ve gotta make some sort of decision. We can’t stay here forever—

G: Why not? It’s a stinkin’ paradise here. We can have any lousy thing we wish for!

F: I know, Zig, but we gotta think of our Perswayssick County and the future. Ain’t ya worried ’bout the future, Zig?

G: Nah, Fleaglossitty. The future ain’t never gonna be here yet.

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, back in that other dimension of Perswayssick County, in Gneeecey’s four-story Saint Bogelthorpe Parke mansion atop Bimbus Crack Drive, Gneeecey’s evil Planet HyenaZitania lookalike Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeeceygnay and Sulak, the Demon Clown of Bathrooms have trapped Gneeecey’s protegé and Gneeezles’s Restaurant delivery boy, the sulky giant mouse Altitude, inside a cage. The hapless rodent has been working really hard, for hours, to free himself, using his teeth to saw through the bars of his metal prison. 

SFX: [Scary Background II] [Sawing]

ALTITUDE: Ow! Broke anudder lousy tooth! Maybe I can buy me a secondhand pair of choppers if I ever break outta here. I can use some of the money I been savin’ up to buy myself a used last name. Plus, that two bucks an’ fifty cents the boss owes me that I’m gonna take out of his Gneeezle’s cash register when I get outta here. Gneeecey ain’t gonna get by wit’ not payin’ me for three weeks. I don’t care if he’s outta town… I done the work for him…. SFX: [Sawing] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, in Perswayssick City, back on Murgatroyd Avenue, Dr. Alexandra Idnas and Ingabore Scriblig, otherwise known as “Grandma,” are taking a few deep breaths and regrouping. Dr. Idnas has just succeeded in hypnotizing evil alien gangster Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark—through her office door. She’s made the drowsy kingpin return home without arresting her and Grandma. And her suggestion to her easily spellbound subject to forget why he even showed up in the first place was pretty effective. 

SFX: [Police Siren] [Fire Engine Siren] [Ambulance Siren] 

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Vell, Ingabore, as I said, vee cannot afford to remain complacent. Vee have bought ourselves a little more time, but dat Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark vill eventually come back to his senses. 

INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah, Alexandra, vee do have to put our heads together now and come up vit some sort of a plan. 

DI: Yah, indeed vee do—and radder qvickly. SFX: [Cell Phone Ring] I vunder who dat could be…. SFX: [Cell Phone Ring] Hallo? Doctor Idnas speaking.

SFX: [Scary Ambience]

REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: Heya, Doc, I think I talked to ya, don’t remember when. I was out, don’t remember where, but my guys drove me back home an’ I fell asleep right away an’—an’, I’m still real tired, but I wanted to tell ya, ya got a real soothin’ voice there….

SFX: [Body Fall Human]

M: Man, I’m so tired, I jus’ fell down again….

DI: Yah, Mark, you are vary tired. Vary, vary tired.

M: I was thinkin’, maybe I could come see ya one of these days. Y’know, to help me relax…. SFX: [Body Fall Human] Oh man, jus’ fell again….

DI: Dat ees okay, Mark, you are so vary tired. Vary, vary tired. You vill fall asleep again….

M: Yeah, okay, Doc…. But when I wake up again, I think I’m gonna come an’ visit ya. I’m gonna bring some of, y’know, my guys wit’ me. Ya could help them, too…. I remember a little from before, how ya helped me….

DI: Mark, maybe some group terapy vit a few of your guys vould vork. But now you vill fall asleep. You are falling into a deep sleep…you vill forget dis conversation….

M: Yeah… I’m fallin’ asleep…. But we will be comin’ to see ya for, y’know, some of that there group therapy that ya mentioned. Ain’t gonna forget that…. SFX: [Snoring]

IS: Alexandra, vasn’t dat a radder dangerous idea—you know, about dee group terapy?

DI: Eeef he and hees men show up, I have a little plan….

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Scary Background II]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, back in Gneeecey’s mansion, Altitude continues to chew away, trying to break out of his cage. SFX: [Sawing]

A: Can’t wait to get outta this here lousy cage an’ get back into that good smellin’ sewer. Perswayssick County got the best stinkin’ sewers…. SFX: [Sawing] Ow! Jus’ broke anudder lousy tooth! My rotten boss Gneeecey is gonna pay for this—I swear on Saint Bogelthorpe! 

SFX: [Sawing] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Crystal Balls with Music] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Magic Ringing]

F: So, Zig, ya mean to tell us ya ain’t worried about the future? Ya ain’t even thinkin’ ’bout it? 

G: Nah, Fleaglossitty. It’ll be this time again next year. 

F: Hah?

N: What?

G: Wouldn’t expect youse two dopes to get it. It’s a rheumatical statement. An’ remember, ya can’t argue wit’ us PUNI graduates. Perswayssick University of New Ideas only turns out the best thinkers! An’ I’m a proud graduate! Got a certificate statin’ so! PUNI, PUNI, rah, rah! 

F: Zig, like I said last night, Nicki an’ I been talkin’. Since in this dimension we can have anything we wish for, we agreed we should make a special wish to go back home, y’know, back to Perswayssick County. Like I said, my superhero ESP is tellin’ me that some very, very bad things are happenin’ there. We’re really needed back home.

G: Fleaglossitty, like I stinkin’ said last night, you’re always tryin’ to wreck our fun. An’ since when is your lousy, defective superhero ESP workin’ again? 

F: Now, Zig, since now. I wished it back.

G: Yeah, stinkin’ right. An’ I wished for a jackass to ride outta town.

F: Ya don’t believe me? I’m gonna wish for a special TV that will show us exactly what’s happenin’ back home!

G: I don’t wanna see it! I know what you’re stinkin’ trynna do—you wanna get me away from here so I don’t get another chance to win back my beaudiful Goonafina ’cause yooou want her!

F: Not true, Zig! Not true! I swear!

G: I am gonna fix you!

N: Guys! Guys!

G: I’m comin’ at’cha, Fleaglossitty! SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow! Jus’ fell on my lousy bimbus! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]

F: Zig, ya did it again. Ya never always always never seem to learn, do ya never?

SFX [Cartoon 1][Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Cartoon Slow Sadness Stinger]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick County, in Gneeecey’s four-story Saint Bogelthorpe Parke mansion atop Bimbus Crack Drive, a couple of rooms away from trapped mouse Altitude, Gneeecey’s evil Planet HyenaZitania lookalike Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeeceygnay and Sulak, the Demon Clown of Bathrooms continue to plot to double-cross Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark, leader of their evil federation known as STEM. 

SFX: [Scary Background II] [Cell Phone Dialing] [Dial Tone]

M: Hallo…. Who dis? SFX: [Body Fall Human] Man, I’m so tired, I keep fallin’…who dis?

EBEGNEEEZER GESHUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Oh, hello Mark, old chap. It’s only me, Ebegneeezer. I was wondering, when shall we commence implementing the next bit of our, you know, rather ingenious little scheme to take over Perswayssick County?

M: I dunno…. I’m so tired…you guys figure it out…later…guh-bye.  SFX: [Body Fall Human]

E: Sulak, old boy, I do believe that I detect a certain weakness in our leader. He seems somewhat vulnerable at present. I do believe he fell on his bimbus.

SULAK THE DEMON CLOWN OF BATHROOMS: Yeah, Ebegneeezer. Perfect opening for us to make a move. SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Scary Background II]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Meanwhile, two doors down, inside Gneeecey’s mansion, Altitude the mouse continues to chew away, trying to break out of his cage. SFX: [Sawing]

A: Ow—broke some more lousy teeth on these stupid metal bars. Eight of ’em, I think. Well, eight’s a lucky number. Gneeecey always says so. Eights are two threes put together. SFX: [Sawing] Ow! Nine! Hey—looky here—I didn’t see it till jus’ now—this lousy cage has a door! This whole time I coulda jus’ opened that door an’ run out, which is what I’m gonna do right now! 

SFX: [Metal Door Open] [Sneaker Squeak] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Heavenly Crystal Balls with Music] [Beach Surf Ambience] [Sci-Fi Glimmer]

F: Here, Zig, here’s that interdimensional TV I wished for. I wanna show ya what’s goin’ on in our Perswayssick County! Take a look! SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Metal Click 4]

G: An’ you take a look, Fleaglossitty—I jus’ stinkin’ turned it off! 

F: Yeah, Zig, ignorance is bliss, ain’t it?

G: Yeah. I wanna be happy!

N: Diroctor Gneeecey, I assume you don’t care about doing the right thing, then.

G: Assume means to make an ass outta yooou but not meee!

F: Oh, Zig, you’re really—

G: I’m makin’ a coupla more wishes now! I’m wishin’ for this stooopid medical cone to disappear offa my lousy neck. An’ I’m wishin’ for a horsey again, like them horseys I ride in them big parades as Grate Gizzy Galumpaggis of Perswayssick County!  But I’d even be happy to ride a lousy jackass outta here! 

SFX: [Angels from Heaven] [Closing x 2] [Donkey]

F: What the—Holy Saint Bogelthorpe—it is a jackass—

G: When the goin’ gets tough, the tough get goin’! So, I’m outta here! Bye! SFX: [Donkey] An’ this medical cone’s on toppa my head now, like a cowboy hat! Yee-haw! SFX: [Donkey]

N: Diroctor Gneeecey! No—wait! We’re in another dimension—we’ve all gotta stay together!

F & N [in unison]: Come baaack!

G: Yee-haw! SFX: [Donkey]

F: There goes our Zig Gneeecey—off into the blood-red sunset on a runaway jackass! 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###