“Showtime, Mutts: Monster on the Loose, Part 7” - Episode 54
Nicki’s powers have transported her from Dworkvilletown police headquarters to the Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter, where she believes her canine-humanoid pals Fleaglossitty “Sooperflea” Floppinsplodge and “Zig” Gneeecey are being held against their will. Nicki is distraught when she’s informed that there’s no chance she can reclaim her friends—they have been adopted.
Meanwhile, their new “owners,” dog catchers Matt and Dave, are not caring for them properly. They only care about exploiting the two talking animals (who have mysteriously turned into regular dogs) as they prepare to display them in carnival freak shows.
Back in Perswayssick County, in those deserted woods on Street Road…the last place Nicki, Gneeecey, and Flea were seen…a federation of villains, STEM, has assembled. As usual. They are up to no good, plotting to inject political chaos into an already dire situation. The gigantic replicating kangaroo monsters destroying Perswayssick City have, like a virus, become weaker. Still, nonetheless, the devastation they’ve caused remains.
Defeated and despondent, exhausted on every level, Nicki stumbles down FishyFlock Road and comes upon a carnival.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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Transcript / “Showtime, Mutts: Monster on the Loose, Part 7”- episode 54, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Magic Glitter] [Magic Eerie Gong] [Magic Ringing] [ShoutFx Alien][Dogs Barking in Shelter]
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Wow…yeah…my powers…they worked! Don’t know how long I was out…I do know that I’ve escaped from the Dworkvilletown police headquarters… and here I am…right in front of the Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter…on Fishyflock Road. Lemme try and stand up…I feel weak...don’t remember the last time I had anything to eat. Gotta get back on my feet and go in there—easier said than done! Gotta get in there and rescue Gneeecey and Flea! Oooph…here I go. SFX: [Door Open] [Dogs Barking Louder]
WOMAN AT DESK: Hello, can I help you?
N: Uh, yes, please! I believe that two of my, uh, pet dogs were taken here, and I need to reclaim them.
W: What breed?
N: Uh, mixed. They’re unusual dogs—they walk on two legs. One’s a black hound, and the other’s a white-and-black terrier—sort of a Jack Russell. I really need them back!
W: I don’t think we have any here now that fit that description. Sorry.
N: Oh, please! Can I have a look?
W: Well yeah, alright. I’ll take ya back there, an’ ya can take a quick look.
SFX: [Door Open] [Dogs Barking Louder]
N: Oh, wow…so many beautiful, poor, homeless dogs…just like where I come from…it breaks my heart.
W: Yeah. I guess it’s like that everywhere. I’d take ’em all if I could. We’re pretty much at capacity here. If you don’t find yours here, maybe you wanna adopt a couple.
N: I see an empty cage there.
W: Oh yeah. Just filed the paperwork—two of our employees did just adopt a couple dogs, just brought ’em home.
N: Those could be my dogs! Please, can you check the paperwork for me?
W: We don’t usually do that.
N: Please? I’m begging you!
W: Even if they turn out to be your dogs, it’s too late now. You didn’t get here in time. The fees have been paid—they’re adopted. No longer yours!
N: But—but that’s crazy—don’t you put strays on hold around here for a few days? In case someone’s looking for them? It’s been less than twenty-four hours!
W: Hours? What are hours?
N: [sighs] I’m sorry. I’m not from around here….
W: Evidently. Okay, now, I found the paperwork for those two animals that were just adopted out. I can show you their intake photos, but I can’t give you any more info. Here, take a look.
SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Orchestra Cliffhanger]
N: Oh. My. God….
W: Numbers 102 and 103. I actually do remember them now. Especially that black one with the torn-up red cape around his neck. Cute. And nicer. The other one—the white and black one—was kind of a behavior problem. Lucky to even be adopted.
N: They’re both mine! This is a big mistake! Please, who adopted them? I have to talk to them—I’ve gotta get my dogs back! Please, let me have their contact info—or please, can you contact them and let them know—
W: Like I said, even if they turn out to be your dogs, it’s too late now. You didn’t get here in time. The fees have already been paid—they’re adopted. They’re no longer yours!
N: But—but—they are mine—you don’t understand—they’re part of my family—
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Scary Background II] [Chickens]
SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Zig! Zig! Wake up—you’re havin’ another nightmare!
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Chickens in my bed! Chickens in my bed! Haaalp! Haaalp! Chickens in my bed!
F: Zig! Zig! There ain’t no chickens—you’re dreamin’! Wake up!
G: For once, you’re right, Fleaglossitty. Must’ve been a dream. Another stinkin’ nightmare…. This is such a creepy, scary place. It proboobably causes nightmares.
F: Yeah. I jus’ had a weird dream that you went to the dentist an’ replaced all your teeth wit’ these dental crowns that looked like skyscrapers!
G: Interesticatin’, Fleaglossitty. Very interesticatin’. If we ever get back to Perswayssick County an’ our own lousy dimension, I might jus’ look into that. SFX: [Rumbling Stomach]
F: What in Bogelthorpe’s name was that?
G: Jus’ my lousy stomach rumblin’, Fleaglossitty. I’m starvin’.
F: Me too, Zig. These two bad guys Matt an’ Dave ain’t givin’ us enough food.
G: Yeah. We heard ’em say they’re cuttin’ corners, feedin’ us each half as much of the cheapest dog food, to save mon-ney. We stinkin’ had better conditions in the lousy dog shelter.
F: Yeah. An’ I notice every time ya sneeze them dimes out, they come an’ take ’em all.
G: Yeah! My dimes! Uh-oh—ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins] They’ll take these too. Ain’t got no pocket to put ’em in—them diaboliboobical guys stole my lousy T-shirt too!
SFX: [Flies Buzzing]
F: An’ this place sure ain’t sanitary. It’s cold an’ damp. Look at them flies up there.
G: This dumpy basement’s dilapoopidated an’ filthy. Shelter was way better. Here we are, starvin’, sleepin’ on skinny blankets ontoppa dirty concrete, an’ havin’ my mon-ney stole.
F: Y’know, Zig, we don’t know what’s gonna happen to us. I do wanna make sure I thank ya for somethin.’
G: For whaaat, Fleaglossitty?
F: Thank you for your loyalty—back in the shelter when them two guys tried to split us up. Y’know, adopt you but leave me there? Ya refused to leave wit’out me. Thank you, Zig.
G: Oh yeah, Fleaglossitty. Not that I didn’t think about it for a minute. Y’know, I almost told ya, when the goin’ gets tough, the tough get goin’, so, guh-bye! But I—I couldn’t. Me an’ you been best friends since we were kids back on our precious Planet Eccchs—before we got straaanded in the dimension of Perswayssick County. An’ me an’ you are still best friends—we always will be. I couldn’t an’ wouldn’t stinkin’ leave ya there.
F: Aww, Zig….
G: Now, don’t get all mushy on me. Don’t get sentimentrental, or you’ll start cryin’. SFX: [Annoyed Cartoon Character Crying x 2] Y’know, I wish that the Ig—
F: Ya mean Nicki—
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. I wish the Ig was here so she could see me now, y’know, not actin’ horribooble like I usually do. I wish she could see—I’m showin’ real empoopathy right now!
F: Our poor Nicki…. I wonder where she is. My superhero ESP ain’t workin’ well, but I got a feelin’ that she’s in trouble wherever she is, an’ she’s very upset. Extremely worried a bout us.
G: Yeah. I’m very worried ’bout us too. Let’s stinkin’ change the subject. Do ya suppose, back on the Ig’s plaaanet, y’know, Earth, that them gigaaantical dinosaurs had high, tweety voices like them birds they’re supposed to be related to?
F: I dunno, Zig. Only you could come up wit’ somethin’ like that at a time like this—
SFX: [Toilet Flushing]
F: Uh-oh—it’s them two bad guys, Matt an’ Dave—they’re comin’ our way—
MATT: Rise an’ shine, you dogs! It’s our day off from the shelter, so dat means it’s time for youse two to go to work! Ya wanna eat? Ya gotta work, jus’ like us.
DAVE: That’s right! C’mon! Showtime, mutts!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell] [Scary Ambience]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, back in Perswayssick County, in those deserted woods on Street Road…the last place Nicki Rodriguez, Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, and “Flea” Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, AKA, “Sooperflea,” were seen…a federation of villains has assembled. They call themselves STEM. The acronym stands for Sulak, the Demon Clown of Bathrooms, and his pal, the evil nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clown known only as “Three,” plus Gneeecey’s evil lookalike from Planet HyenaZitania, canine-humanoid Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, and Redheaded Broken-nosed Mark, one of the nasty Jersey-style gangster alien Markmen from Planet of the Marked Men….
SULAK THE DEMON CLOWN OF BATHROOMS: Had a real nice phone call wit’ dat Gneeecey’s Doctor Idnas, hah, hah, hah. She’s charming.
THREE: Really nice findin’ that Earth human Nicki Rodriguez’s cell phone!
S: An’ her ID! Hah, hah, hah! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Monster Reverb Laugh]
REDHEADED BROKEN-NOSED MARK: An’ a real stroke of luck findin’ dat Sooperflea’s phone, too! Got all their contacts now. I’m gonna phone dat Jacob J. Qwertyuiop next. Hah, hah, hah….
EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Oh, a positively brilliant idea, I must say, Mark, old chap.
M: Yeah, Ebegneeezer. That canine-humanoid Bassett Hound Qwertyuiop is this here Perswayssick County’s Vice Quality of Life Commissioner, under that Gneeecey. An’ he’s a lot easier to push around than Gneeecey.
E: Affirmative. He is much more easily manipulated.
M: Yeah, a whole lot easier to control.
E: Additionally, I can safely assure you that Gneeecey does not approve of or trust him. The two are bitter rivals. Speaking of my lookalike, I anxiously anticipate my venturing out into our community and impersonating him—you know, to fulfill my part of our rather ingenious plot.
M: Yeah. Now, lemme place a little friendly phone call to Qwertyuiop to inform him of some information. Hah, hah, hah.
SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
E: Jolly good idea, I say!
SFX: [Cell Phone Dial] [Dial Tone]
JACOB J. QWERTYUIOP: Hello, Qwertyuiop here. How may I help you?
M: Hey, Qwertyuiop, you’re in charge now that Gneeecey’s outta town somewheres, right?
J: Who is this?
M: Let’s jus’ say, a concerned citizen. Wanna give ya a heads up ’bout somethin’ real, real important. Y’know, some top secret information ’bout what’s goin’ on here. But, if ya ain’t interested, jus’ say so, an’ I won’t bother ya no more—
J: No, please…go on….
M: Well, a group of us concerned citizens want ya to know dat Doctor Alexandra Idnas an’ therapist Ingabore Scriblig, y’know, dat meatball lady Grandma? Their office on Murgatroyd Avenue in Perswayssick City, it’s the epicenter of where all them ten-foot-tall kangaroo monsters are bein’ created by your boss Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey. Y’know, them big monsters destroyin’ our beaudiful city, smashin’ it to bits? Makin’ your life an’ ours miserable! Your Gneeecey does more than jus’ go to dat office as a patient! He got plans for a total takeover. An' he’s gonna fire you an’ everyone else. Someone should pay Doctor Idnas an’ dat Grandma a little visit, don’cha think? Qwertyuiop, ya still there? Qwertyuiop?
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: And back in that other alien dimension, an exhausted, starving, and defeated Nicki Rodriguez has just left the Dworkvilletown Animal Shelter and is stumbling down Fishyflock Road.…
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Magic Eerie Gong] [Magic Ringing] [Sci-Fi Glimmer] [ShoutFx Alien]
N: This is freaking worse than the freaking worst nightmare, being stuck in this horrible dimension…. Flea and Gneeecey are gone…I may never see them again…. And I know the cops are looking for me. I know for sure they’ll lock me up when they find me. Got nothing to eat, no money, or whatever they use around here… And I feel so weak…I can hardly go on…but I have to. I gotta find Flea and Gneeecey…. And we’ve gotta get out of here…all three of us, together!
SFX: [Car Engine] [Car Horns] [Motorcycle Rumble] [Police Siren]
N: Talk about an adrenaline rush! I’d better walk in the shadows here, close to these trees lining the road. I’ll be less likely to be noticed…and picked up again…. What’s all that up there? I see a crowd… and a Ferris wheel… and other rides…and concession stands…I can smell food, all the way from here…food…food…but I have no money….
SFX: [Circus] [Circus Win 3] [Circus Win 4] [Audience Applause]
N: A carnival! I can get lost in this crowd! Gotta blend in—there are cops all over the place!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###