“Stinkin’ Licked It, so It’s Mine: Monster on the Loose, Part 3” - Episode 50
Already insecure, a stunned Sooperflea’s flying powers fizzle out when he sees that the monster he’s been following has replicated. Now, there are two ten-foot-tall kanga-dyno-roo monsters named Bob! Having crashed atop a towering tree, the helpless canine-humanoid superhero finds himself hanging from a high branch by just a couple threads of his red cape. Below, the two roaring, leaping Bobs compete as they attempt to snatch him out of the forty-foot oak.
Meanwhile, Sooperflea’s kidnapped pals, Perswayssick County leader “Zig” Gneeecey (the monster’s creator), and stranded earthling Nicki Rodriguez are being held hostage inside one of the two kanga-dyno-roos pouches. As an additional note of interest, the zany Gneeecey has programmed the original Bob’s brain with information from his own, making both monsters’ behavior exponentially more unpredictable.
Can Sooperflea complete his mission to rescue his two friends? First, he must save himself.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean and Sammie for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)
https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)
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Transcript / “Stinkin’ Licked It, so It’s Mine: Monster on the Loose, Part 3”- episode 50, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Boing] [Crunching Leaves] [Monster Screams]
SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Jus’ my luck! I can’t believe it—there are two of them ten-foot-tall dyno-kanga-roo monsters down there! Two Bobs! I was flyin’ priddy good, but seein’ two of them monsters Zig created made me crash ontoppa this treeeee! Looks like a oak—must be at least forty feet high! An’ I can’t get down! Me, Sooperflea! Perswayssick County’s most famous red-caped canine-humanoid superhero —here I am—I’m stuck! Hangin’ off this real high branch—by my cape! SFX: [Fabric Tear] Which jus’ ripped some more! SFX: [Shocking Revelation 1] Now I must be hangin’ by jus’ one thread! SFX: [Shocking Revelation 2] [Crunching Leaves] [Monster Screams] An' I got two Bobs grabbin’ at me! SFX: [Crunching Leaves] [Monster Screams] How can I save Nicki an’ Zig when I can’t even save myself? I don’t even know which Bob’s got ’em! Which monster’s pouch are they in? SFX: [Crunching Leaves] [Monster Screams] Help! Help! Help! Help! Oh, nooo! Bob—lemme down! Ow—you’re grabbin’ me too tight! For Bogelthorpe’s Sake, let go of me!
SFX: [Monster Scream]
F: Ow—oh noooo—he’s stuffin’ me in his pouch! SFX: [Fail Horn] [Shocking Revelation 3] How am I gonna get out? SFX: [Shocking Revelation 4] Lemme see if my powers are workin’ again, even a little! SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] [Passing Swoosh Exploding x 3] Ain’t workin’! My superhero powers ain’t workin’ at all!
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: They stinkin’ are, Fleaglossitty! But the magnetronical ooglemetronic fields I invented are jus’ causin’ ya to dig yourself deeper into Bob’s pouch here!
F: Zig! Nicki!
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Flea! Are you alright? I heard you yelling for help!
F: I’m really not sure, Nicki. It’s kinda frightful when a superhero has to call for help. Are you awright?
N: Well, kind of, Flea—y’know, but—
G: Whaddabout meee, Fleaglossitty? Ya didn’t ask meee if I was awright! Don’cha care how I am?
F: Of course I care, Zig—I jus’ risked my whole life to come try an’ save ya! An’ why are there two of these, uh, Bobs?
G: I think I kinda musta forgot to turn off some dnah in one of his dopey chromosomes.
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. Us scientists, especially us diroctors—y’know, doctors who are also directors— know all ’bout dnah.
N: You mean DNA, Diroctor Gneeecey.
G: Don’t stinkin get intelligent wit’ meee, ya Ig. So, yeah, the DNA I kinda musta forgot to turn off…. That’s proboobably why Bob is able to repooplicate….
N: You—you don’t think that each Bob is gonna continue to replicate, do you?
G: I know lotsa junk, Ig, but I honestly dunno. From a scientifoofical staaandpoint, an’ I’ve told ya this before, everythin’ in life is fifty-fifty. Either somethin’ will hapoopen or it won’t.
F: Zig, we were awready in big trouble wit’ jus’ one Bob! Two of ’em make it that much more worse—an’ now you’re tellin’ us each one of these monsters may go on to replicate themselves?
G: How many stinkin’ times do I gotta tell youse? All has to do wit’ mathemetratical proboobability! In my News Guessin’ seminars, I learned everything’s fifty-fifty—either somethin’ll hapoopen, or it stinkin’ won’t. I’m a senior news guesser! Got a certificate statin’ so!
F: Why are ya smilin’, Zig? Ain’t nothin’ to smile about right now!
G: Well, always bein’ half right’s priddy good—an’ bein’ only half-wrong ain’t bad neitherwise. An’ stuff happenin’ again’s fifty-fifty, too! Either stuff’ll hapoopen again, or it stinkin’ won’t!
N: Guys, please, we’ve gotta do something here!
F: Yeah, Nicki—we’ve gotta come up wit’ some kinda plan! We gotta find a way to get outta this kanga-dyna-roo’s pouch! An’ we gotta stop both Bobs before they destroy more of Perswayssick County—or us!
N: And before they can replicate!
F: Doesn’t that scare ya, Zig? The quite probable possibility that these, uh, kanga-dyno-roos that you created might keep replicating?
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty, there certaintaneously is a proboobable possiboobability that my kanga-dyno-roos will continue to repooplicate. Now, ya still ain’t asked me how I am!
F: How are ya, Zig?
G: Thought you’d never ask—an’ don’t say it so snarkastical! But now that’cha did ask, I’ll tell ya. I built this here kanga-dyna-roo pouch to be ekookonomical—but it is a bit cramped. Jus’ meant to carry a few electronics an’ weapons. Never stinkin’ thought I’d be inside. An’ speakin’ of stinkin’, it don’t smell too good in here, neitherwise, an’ Bob’s constant hopping is kinda makin’ me seasick—I think I’m gonna—
N & F: [in unison] Noooo! Don’t you dare!
N: Now, we’ve gotta do something—we can’t just—
SFX: [Boing] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Metal Crash] [Duck Horn] [Monster Scream]
G: Ow! I feel even more seasick!
N: What the—
SFX: [Boing] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Metal Crash] [Duck Horn] [Monster Scream]
BOB 1: Ow! My lousy bimbus! Jus’ fell on my bimbus! Just like my creator always does!
F: Sounds like our, uh, Bob One here’s are back on his feet again! Now, Zig, I sure hope that the you an’ the Nicki inside this Bob One haven’t replicated inside that second Bob, y’know, Bob Two over there. An’ if this Bob One replicates, then the three of us might replicate in each of his following generations.
G: Again, from a scientifoofical staaandpoint, an’ I stinkin’ said it before, everythin’ in life is fifty-fifty. Either it’ll hapoopen, or it won’t.
F: Zig, ya sure don’t sound overly concerned about what is surely a disaster in the makin’—on many levels!
G: Quite prakooktically, such repooplication would proboobably make sharin’ of resources—y’know, food, mon-ney, an’ power, an’ even oxygen more difooficult an’ scarce. Not that I agree wit’ sharing.
B2: Ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Metal Crash x 3]
F: Uh-oh! Bob Two might be throwin’ up that stop sign he ate, back on Edgar Vompt Boulevard, y’know, in front of your GAS Broadcast Network buildin’—
G: Nah, Fleaglossitty, I rekookognize that sound. Rememboober, I programmed his brain wit’ elements from mine! How cool—my brain might live on in perpoopitooity! Bob’s sneezin’ out mon-ney—like I do. Only bigger mon-ney, which might be worth followin’ an’ checkin’ into!
F: Yeah, Zig, right...if we don’t get killed, first!
N: Look, Diroctor Gneeecey, money’s not gonna mean very much in a world that’s destroyed! We gotta do something! We’ve gotta come up with some kind of plan—like freakin’ now!
G: Uh-oh! Ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins]
N: Uh, bless you, Diroctor Gneeecey—
B1 & B2: Mon-ney! Mon-ney! SFX: [Monster Screams] [Crunching Leaves]
G: Makes me real nervous when they do that! We actually do need to come up wit’ a plan to stinkin’ get outta here! But I can’t think on a empty stomach!
F: Thought ya were nauseous before, Zig!
G: Now I need the bathroom, an’ I’m hungry! Starvin’ hungry! SFX: [Rumbling Stomach]
N: I, uh, have this chocolate fudge protein bar. I was saving it here in my pocket for when we really got hungry. As you can see, courtesy of the LED light illuminating this very cramped space, it might be a little smashed, but we can still split it three ways—hey—Diroctor Gneeecey—what do you think you’re doing?
SFX: [Crinkling Sound]
G: SFX: [Dog Eating Noises] Stinkin’ licked it, so it’s mine! Heh hah, heh haah! [Belch]
F: I’ll say it again! Zig! Let’s show a little canine-humanoid dignity and decency!
G: Well, Fleaglossitty, maybe then ya shouldn’t have wasted all them peanuts ya always carry, y’know, by feedin’ ’em to them crows all the time! Ya dope!
F: Oh yeah? Come over here an’ say that!
G: I aaam over here, ya dope! Stinkin’ bring it on!
N: Guys! Guys! C’mon! Pleeease!
F: Sorry, Nicki…. You’re right….
N: Okay, now. Listen up. Please. I think I have a plan. Only one I can think of. Now, I’d tried to activate my, y’know, special powers, but to no avail.
G: Awready told ya, Ig, it’s that electronical ooglemetronical shield I created to coat the inside of Bob’s pouch here. Indestructibooble. That’s why your dopey powers ain’t workin’, Ig.
N: That would be Nicki. Nicki Rodriguez. Now, hear me out! Please!
F: Yeah, Zig, let Nicki finish.
G: Let Nicki finish!
G: Okay, Ig, heh, heh…. Finish.
N: So, I was thinking, what if Flea and I, y’know, together, tried to activate our powers. It might have a synergistic, exponential effect, and then—
G: An’ whaddabout meee? What am I supposed to do?
F: Jus’ listen, Zig. Jus’ listen.
N: So, as my powers work to try and bust this pouch open, Diroctor Gneeecey and I will be physically holding onto you, Flea, as you attempt to activate your flying feature. The pouch will hopefully disintegrate, and you can fly all of us out of here. Then, in a safer location, we can regroup. Try and figure out a way to neutralize both Bobs before they can replicate or cause any more destruction here in Perswayssick County!
F: Sounds like a plan, Nicki. Can’t think of no other option!
G: Guess it’s worth a try, Ig.
N: I think it’s our only chance. Now, at the count of three—
G: That’s my favorite number! Threeeeee!
N: Diroctor, please! Now, Flea, at the uh, count of Diroctor Gneeecey’s favorite number, he and I will both clutch onto one of your arms.
F: Got that, Zig?
G: Stinkin’ whatever, Fleaglossitty.
N: And then, Flea, you and I’ll both try as hard as we possibly can, giving it our all, to activate our powers so that we can all explode out of this pouch and fly away. Ready now?
F: Yupperooney, Nicki. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
G: It’s now or nebberd-kinnezzard. Y’know, extra-never as we say back on our Planet Eccchs!
N: Okay, guys. One…two…three!
SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] [Passing Swoosh Exploding] [Hollow Spooky Fear] [Jet Engine Startup] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Monster Scream]
F: Ain’t workin’! I gave it my all! I tried my Planet Eccchs best!
N: I know you did, Flea…. I did too….
G: I coulda told youse two, your powers ain’t gonna work inside this magnifooficent electronical ooglemetronical shield that me the genius invented!
SFX: [Human Whistle] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Magic Summon] [Monster Laugh Reverb]
G: I stinkin’ rekookognize those sounds!
[Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
SULAK: Them three gotta be somewhere around here! SFX: [Clown Laugh 6]
THREE: We’ll find ’em! Them three are their own biggest enemies! An’ look at these monster kangaroos! They’re only about a foot taller than me! But I got me three arms an’ three legs! SFX: [Trumpet Music] [Comical Scary Laughter]
G: I rekookognize them evil voices, too! Sooooooolak, the demon clown of terlits! Shatterer of porcelain! Destroyer of lives! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]
F: And his rotten sidekick, that three-armed, three-legged nine-foot-tall clown named Three!
EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Oh, say, Mark, old chap, I’ve got a rather winning idea! Just observe those seemingly perpetually bouncing kangaroo-like creatures! Are you perchance thinking what I am thinking?
MARKMAN: Yeah, Ebegneeezer. Deese monsters would be a real asset to STEM! Haah, haah, haah, haah….
G: An’ I rekookognize the lousy voice of my hideous double from Planet HyenaZitania, Ebegneeezer Eeeceygnay! An’ that alien gangster Redheaded Broken-Nose Mark, too! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying]
N: The members of Perswayssick County’s new, evil federation, STEM—Sulak, Three, Ebegneeezer, and Mark! SFX: [Carnival Creepy Music Box]
F: Now we’re in a real fix! Trouble’s comin’ at us from everywhere! SFX: [Monster Screams]
G: An’ we’re in trouble, too! Litooterally inside trouble! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] [Chattering Teeth] An’ now my lousy knees are knockin’!
M: What’cha say we take a look inside dem pouches, Three? You’re tall enough to do dat!
E: Smashing good idea, I do say! Have a look, Three, why don’t you?
T: You got it, guys! My pleasure! SFX: [Monster Laugh] [Monster Screams]
G: SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] There’s only one stinkin’ thing we can do now! Three-forty-two blue!
SFX: [Fail Horn]
N & F [in unison]: Nooooooooooo!
SFX: [Explosion] [Jet Engine] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Summon] [Magic Glitter]
F: Everything’s gone black!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Orchestra Cliffhanger] [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###