“Thrown in the Clink: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 6,” Episode 37
Things go from bad to worse for Gneeecey and Sooperflea—Nicki’s not the only one missing now! But an undesirable individual does show his purple face—and create considerable havoc.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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Transcript / “Thrown in the Clink: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 6,” episode 37, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey!
And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Car Engine] [Car Horns] [Motorcycle Revving]
SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Oh, Zig, I still can’t believe that our Nicki is missin’! An’, wow, traffic’s priddy heavy here on Vompt Boulevard this mornin’—jus’ when we wanna get somewhere quick.
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: Yeah, on both counts, Fleaglossitty. An’ careful! Watch that guy over there in the purpoople shirt—an’ the woman pushin’ that King Oggle’s Supermarket grocery cart piled high wit’ them wonderful Freak O’Nature products—
F: Zig, for Bogelthorpe’s sake—they’re on the sidewalk—across the street—
G: Remember, it’s my car you’re drivin’!
F: Zig, I, uh, haven’t driven the wrong way on any roads, hit any trees or trash cans, gone five times the speed limit, or got stopped by cops yet!
G: No need to get personal, Fleaglossitty. Last night, I was jus’ a little offa my game, y’know, stressed ’cause the Ig is still missin’—
F: Ya mean Nicki. Nicki is still missin’.
G: Yeah. The Ig. The Ig is still missin’. Ah, hah, haah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins]
F: Bless you, Zig.
G: Thanks. An’ remember, this is my car an’ these dimes I jus’ sneezed out are mine. All mine.
F: Yeah, whatever. Now, if we ever get through all this traffic an’ finally get to 98.6 Normal Radio’s parkin’ lot, we’ll see if Nicki’s Splodge is still parked there. My heart’s racin’. I’m nervous either way.
G: An’ I still say you’re hidin’ somethin’ from me. You stinkin’ know why she was up there at my superior GAS Broadcast Network’s compoopetition! I’ll betcha she was there for a job interview! I saw the ad in the Perswayssick Pooper Scooper—they’re lookin’ for a producer! Whassamatter, I don’t pay her enough or treat her good?
F: Zig, none of that matters now. Our Nicki was up on Normal Radio’s second floor when that big fire broke out, an’ she’s been missin’ ever since! We can only hope an’ pray she’s okay! That she found the keys I hid under her car mat, an’ that she’s on her way back to your house!
Z: I see the stinkin’ Normal Radio buildin’ now. Damaged priddy bad….
F: Oh, no…Nicki’s car…it’s still there…. SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn]
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Door Open] [Police Station]
POLICE PRECINCT OFFICER: Can I help you two with something?
F: Yes, Officer. I’m Sooperflea—my real name’s actually Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge. An’ this is my associate an’ pal Diroctor Zig Gneeecey—he’s a doctor an’ a director—
G: I’m stinkin’ Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of this here Perswayssick County, plus Quality of Life Commissioner, an’ owner of GAS Broadcast Network an’ Gneeezle’s Restaurant, an’—Fleaglossitty, stop kickin’ me! I’m in the exact right place to file assault charges!
F: Officer, yesterday I filed a missin’ persons report. Our friend Nicki Rodriguez—
G: She ain’t really a friend—she’s jus’—ow, Fleaglossitty!
F: Nicki was at 98.6 Normal Radio, up on the second floor when that fire broke out, an’ she’s been missin’ ever since! We jus’ came back from there—her car, an older model orange an’ purple Splodge, is still there. Plates are “G-I-Z-Z-Y-3.”
G: Yeah, an’ I gave her that beaudiful vehicle. She’s still payin’ for it—ow!
F: They found her keys on the second floor after the fire—I left ’em under her mat, hopin’ that—
PPO: We actually just got a report—about two minutes ago, right before you came. One of our officers spotted that exact vehicle—same plates—traveling north on the Perswayssick Turnpike. Already up in Knapsackville. SFX: [Cinematic Boom A]
F: She’s leavin’ the area, then—headed for Booolabeeezia, on the outskirts of Perswayssick County! Geewhizzickles—I was sure she’d head home once she picked up her car!
G: The Ig’s stinkin’ up to somethin’! Officer, can’t ya, y’know, go find her an’ bring her back? She works for me! Arrest her!
PPO: I’m sorry, sir, but she’s over eighteen, with no special conditions, so, legally, she doesn’t have to return home.
G: She stinkin’ has to—ow! Stop, Fleaglossitty!
F: Our Nicki’s from Earth. Wouldn’t that be considered a special condition?
PPO: No, not really. Most missing person cases are resolved within a couple of days. If we don’t find her in a few weeks—
F: A few weeks?
G: I’m Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of this here lousy county—I stinkin’ sign your paychecks—ow!
PPO: Yep. After a few weeks, we can, y’know, hand the case over to our missing persons squad. But unless we can prove that her disappearance was involuntary, we really can’t do much more beyond filing the paperwork.
SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Car Engine] [Car Horns]
F: Well, Zig, we just returned to Normal Radio’s parkin’ lot again ’cause we couldn’t believe our ears when that policeman said Nicki’s car was gone, an’—
G: An’ even though it was kinda a waste of my gas, it was still worth it. Why ya lookin’ at me like thaaat, Fleaglossitty? I was jus’ sayin’ it was still worth wastin’ my gas ’cause we saw wit’ our own stinkin’ eyes that the cop was right. The Ig’s car is gone….
F: It’s amazin’ that in the short time it took us to drive back from Normal Radio the first time an’ then right to the precinct, Nicki managed to pick up her car an’ drive away.
G: An’ make it all the way up to Knapsackville…she musta been drivin’ as fast as me last night.
F: Talk about wastin’ gas, Zig—your driveway here must circle ’round your mansion for miles!
G: Don’t pick on my beaudiful driveway. An’ it’s only a half-mile. It was recently repaved by Manny Meantwell’s Good Intentions Pavin’.
F: Repaved again?
G: Yeah. Mark, Mark, Mark, an’ Mark, an’ his brothers all chipped in to pay for it again.
F: Zig, I’ve told ya time an’ time again, I don’t trust those weird, waxy-faced creeps—all named Mark! These Markmen ain’t really your friends! They’re a buncha no-good gangsters—they’re after somethin’! I’m even wonderin’ if they’re in cahoots wit’ your shady lookalike Ebegneeezer Eeeceygnay, who also jus’ happens to be missin’!
G: I didn’t ask for no comments from the peanut gallery, Fleaglossitty!
F: Well, you’re gettin’ ’em anyway! SFX: [Metal Crash]
G: An’, looky—ya jus’ hit my trash cans—all three of ’em! Ya got real nerve talkin’ ’bout my lousy drivin’!
F: Yeah…whatever, Zig. An’ Nicki’s car ain’t here, either, like we hoped…not that we really expected it would be, after our visit to the precinct….
SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Crows]
G: Listen to all them crows, Fleaglossitty. It’s your fault they’re here. They know you feed ’em peanuts. They reckookognize that Iggleheimer fuzz face of yours!
F: Whatever, Zig…. Now, your house here looks okay on the outside.
G: I stinkin’ hope it’s okay on the inside. I been gone for a whole night ’causa them evil clowns.
F: I didn’t see any sign of that obnoxious clown Three out in your backyard when we parked jus’ now. He’s nine feet tall an’ real loud. Priddy hard to miss.
G: But, that diaboolabolical Sulak, he’s our size. He could be lurkin’ around somewhere! Anywhere!
F: Well, let’s jus’ go inside an’ have a look, then….
SFX: [Door Open] [Audience Laughter]
G: What the—where’s thaaat stinkin’ comin’ from? Who’s laughin’ at me?
SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Scary Background II]
SULAK: It’s me, Sulak, Demon Clown of Bathrooms! I’ve been squatting here in your big mansion!
F: You need to leave! Right now!
G: Yeah—what he said! Get outta here! Right stinkin’ now!
S: Aren’t ya gonna thank me?
G: For whaaat?
S: For guarding your house while you were away! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] Guarding all your bathrooms! And they’re all pretty messy! Dirty towels scratch more than they dry! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
G: Who stinkin’ asked ya? I want ya out of my sight—right now!
S: Oh, I can manage that! Easy! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Magic Summon]
F: Look, Zig! He’s gone—jus’ like that!
G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty—jus’ like that! Speakin’ of bathrooms—he reminded me when he was talkin’ ’bout ’em—I need the bathroom. Lemme use my first-floor bathroom down the hall here. Ya better come wit’ me. SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]
F: I’ll, uh, wait outside the door.
G: I hope that lousy Poe Crow you attracted here wit’ them peanuts ain’t gonna be sittin’ on my windowsill out there screamin’ “Nevermore!”, ’cause then you’ll be standin’ outside the door a real long time. An’ you’ll have no stinkin’ one to blame but yourself.
F: Whatever, Zig…jus’ open the door an’ go in.
SFX: [Door Open] [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!
G: Get offa my terlit, ya lousy purpoople clown! [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Magic Summon]
F: Now, he’s gone again! Jus’ like that!
G: C’mon, Fleaglossitty! Let’s try my second-floor bathroom! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
F: Wowsickles! He’s in this bathroom now!
G: On my lousy terlit up here! Get outta here, ya lousy evil clown!
[Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Magic Summon]
F: He’s gone again!
G: Unstinkin’believable! Let’s go try my third-floor bathroom! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Cartoon Chattering Teeth]
G: Hey! Who do ya stinkin’ think ya are? Get your miserabooble bimbus offa my lousy—
S: Why are your knees knockin’, ya canine-humanoid dummy? SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
G: I resembooble that remark! SFX: [Cartoon Chattering Teeth]
SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6][Magic Summon]
F: He’s gone again—probably on his way up to your fourth-floor bathroom! Let’s fool him an’ go back down to your second-floor bathroom!
G: Good idea, Fleaglossitty! C’mon! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow! Jus’ fell on my bimbus! Now, I’m maaad! Real, real maaad!
SFX: [Door Open] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Cartoon Chattering Teeth]
G: I am stinkin’ outta here! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow! Flopped on my lousy bimbus again! SFX [Evil Clown Laugh 6] Fleaglossitty, I ain’t stayin’ here at my place tonight—I’m stayin’ at your place again! Fleaglossitty! Fleaglossitty? Where are ya? SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Horror Scary Moment] Fleaglossitty! Fleaglossitty? Where are ya? SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] Oh, stinkin’ no!
SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Car Engine] [Car Horns]
G: Yupperooney, I am stinkin’ outta here! Now, Fleaglossitty’s gone! He usually saves me! An’ now I got that evil bathroom clown Sulak squattin’ in my house, monopoopolizin’ all my bathrooms! I pay the bills, but he’s stinkin’ livin’ there! What am I stinkin’ gonna stinkin’ dooo? It’s all the Ig’s fault for disappearin’!
SFX: [Car Engine] [Car Horns] [Screeching Brakes]
G: Look at all them lousy drivers—proboobably got their license in a junk shop! Oh, no! Now, that stinkin’ Sulak is jumpin’ ’round on the hood of my car—right in front of my dopey face! An’ he’s teasin’ me!
S: Nah, nah, nah, nah! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Car Crash]
SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Fire Engine Sirens] [Police Sirens] [Ambulance Sirens] [Emergency Scene]
POLICE OFFICER: You again! I should’ve taken you in last night!
G: Didn’t ya see the clown? He was jumpin’ around on my hood! He’s gone, now!
PO: Only clown I see is you! Do you see what you just caused?
G: I was busy drivin’ to my office here on Vompt Boulevard ’cause Fleaglossitty an’ the Ig are missin’ an’ I’m too scared to stay in my big mansion all alone ’causa them evil clowns, an—
PO: And you hit that manure tanker—split it right in half! Lucky for you, no one’s injured! It’s gonna take hours to clean up this foul-smelling mess!
G: If that stuff’s what I think it is, it’s proboobably highly flammabooble, ain’t it?
PO: Ya got that right, Diroctor Grate Gizzygalumpaggis. An’ you’re not, uh, wreckless, either, like you claimed last night. You already had a wreck under your belt. Did a little research on your, uh, driving record. You hit a milk tanker recently—split that one right in half, too.
G: Oh, yeah, ya must be talkin’ ’bout my little mishap on Plunger Road. At least I helped clean it up—I was dunkin’ my aminal crackers in all that moo juice to try an’ sop it up.
PO: That collision was caused by your wearing an animal cracker box on your head. Operating a motor vehicle while wearing a box on your head—that’s a seven-fifty-nine, o-six, section four A, article thirteen. We don’t usually see too many of those…. Y’know, it’s miraculous, there’s not a scratch on your little sportscar here—must be made of rubber!
G: Heh, heh….
PO: I’m gonna hafta take you in this time.
SFX: [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Police Station Jail] [Bang]
G: It was the Ig’s fault—she was distractipatin’ me even though she’s missin’—
PO: You get one phone call—I suggest to your attorney. Here.
G: Yupperooney, I’ll stinkin’ call my attorney, John Smiff, Equestrian.
SFX: [Dialing Phone] [Dial Tone]
PHONE VOICE MESSAGE: You’ve reached the Law Offices of John Smith, located on five-ninety-five Shady Deal Drive in Perswayssick City, in the other New Jersey. We are currently and usually unavailable. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep, and someone might get back to you. SFX: [Beep]
G: John, it’s meee, Zig Gneeecey! When ya have a chance, get back to me right away! I been thrown in the clink—y’know, the hoosegow! They say I was drivin’ bad! I’m at the third precinct. I’m waitin’ for your call.
PO: Okay, we’ll let you know when you get a callback. SFX: [Bang]
G: I stinkin’ better get a callback...hmmm…I wonder what’s on these papers here on this uncomfoofortable wood bench. SFX: [Rustling Papers] Says, “Thank you, Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte, for being generous supportin’ members through BuyMeACoffee.com!” I could sure stinkin’ use a lousy cuppa Freak O’ Nature Merk Perk Coffee right about now.
PO: Ya got a phone call. Might be your attorney. Here.
G: Smello? John?
CRANK CALLER: I vant to buy some cryptocurrency.
SFX: [Bang] [Cinematic Boom A] [Fail Horn] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Magic Spell]
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Hallo, Doctor Alexandra Idnas here. For some reason, I have a vary funny feeling dat someting strange ees going on vit my longtime patient Bizzig Gneeecey. Dat ees usually dee case, I’m afraid. Sometimes he ees sneezing out dimes, sometimes he claims to have airplanes buzzing around een his pants, and sometimes he ees refusing to come down from my ceiling fan.
Vell, in dee meantime, vee hope dat you enjoyed dis veek’s episode of “Persvayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy!” And vee tank you for listening. Please do help us spread dee vord—please tell a friend about us! Vee appreciate every single download!
Eet’s time now to turn it back over to our dear, missing Nicki’s alter ego, Vicki. I really hope vee find Nicki vary soon, and dat she ees okay! And dat she vill be back next veek! Until den, please be vell and stay safe!
SFX: [Magic Spell]
Vicki here again. Thanks so much for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to subscribe and tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###