Where's Our Favorite Human? Pop Went the Weasel, Part 5

“Where’s Our Favorite Human? Pop Went the Weasel, Part 5,” Episode 36

Disaster strikes right after Nicki arrives for her secret job interview at Gneeecey’s GAS Broadcast Network rival, 98.6 Normal Radio. The building catches fire a second time, and Nicki goes missing! Only her car keys remain—along with her old ’75 Splodge, sitting all by itself in the parking lot!

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com (right here, our Buzzsprout website w/episodes & transcripts!)   

And much thanks to disproportionately cool artist Jay Hudson for our podcast logo! https://yojayhudson.com/

This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / “Where’s Our Favorite Human? Pop Went the Weasel, Part 5,” episode 36, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey!

And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Fire Engine Sirens] [Police Sirens] [Ambulance Sirens] [Emergency Scene]

SOOPERFLEA, AKA FLEA, AKA FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE: Nicki! Nicki! Pleeeaze, Nicki! It’s me, Sooperflea—y’know, Flea! Are ya there? Lemme hang up an’ dial again! 

SFX: [Cell Phone Dialing] [Dial Tone]

FEMALE VOICE: This BlunderBuxxComm user’s voice mailbox is full and cannot accept any new messages. Please try again later.

F: Oh, man! I’m gonna go into that buildin’ an’ look for her myself! 

FIREFIGHTER: No, you’re not, sir. Only authorized emergency personnel are permitted inside. 

F: But, I’m Sooperflea, I got these superhero credentials here, see? I gotta find my friend—Nicki Rodriguez—she had a job interview up on the second floor at 98.6 Normal Radio this morning! 

FF: I do recognize ya—you are one of our local Perswayssick County’s superheroes. Are ya sure your friend came here today?

F: Yeah. An’, her car’s over there—only Splodge in the lot! I was on the phone wit’ her when she went in! She was takin’ the escalator instead of the elevator. We were talkin’—then, when she got to the second floor, she said suddenly thick black smoke was pourin’ out all over the place! An’ she started coughin’, an’ that was it—she didn’t answer me anymore! Now, every time I call her cell phone, it says the mailbox is full! Pleeeaze—ya gotta lemme—

FF: I’m sorry, sir, you’ll hafta wait out here. 

F: But—but—

FF: We’re makin’ sure the fire’s extinguished, an’ we are searchin’ every floor—every nook an’ cranny of this buildin’—right now, to make sure everyone got out.

F: She’s not a canine-humanoid like me—she’s a human, like you! Blond hair, young—early twenties, and about five-foot-five—I come up to about her elbow! An’ she’s probably wearin’ this navy-blue jacket fulla zippers that I gave her! Pleeeaze, pleeeaze, find her!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell][Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Emergency Scene]

FF: Sir, we’ve combed thru every floor, every room, every closet, an’ the basement. The building’s been completely evacuated. But I did find these keys.

F: Where?

FF: Up on the second floor—layin’ on the tiles. Must be hers. Splodge makes these, uh, very, uh, distinguished keys. We don’t really see too many like this these days. Here, why don’cha put ’em under her driver’s side floor mat. I’m sure your friend will show up and get her car.

F: What if she doesn’t?

FF: Then, I suggest that you file a missing persons report. 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell]] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] 

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: Meanwhile, back on Edgar Vompt Boulevard in the GAS Broadcast Network office of zany Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey….

DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: SFX: [Clinking Coins] Thirty-a-zillion-one…thirty-a-zillion-two…thirty-a-zillion-threeee…thirty-a-zillion—

SFX: [Large Shatter Window] [Glass Shatter]

G: Oh, stinkin’ no! Now, I gotta start countin’ my mon-ney all over again! SFX: [Clinking Coins] One…two…threeeee—

F: Zig! It’s me! Flea! Somethin’ horrible has happened!

SFX: [Splash Water 1] [Dish Ceramic]

G: Heya, Fleaglossitty, I see your superhero flyin’ feature’s workin’ again—kinda. Worked good enough for ya to shatter another lousy window again! An’ when ya called my name jus’ now, ya made me knock over my coffee cup! 

F: Zig! 

G: Whaaat?

F: Nicki—she’s—

G: Fleaglossitty, my name’s Zig or Bizzig, or if ya wanna get formal an’ show me the real respect I stinkin’ deserve, it’s Diroctor Gneeecey!

F: Zig! Our Nicki is missin’! She—

G: Yeah, where is that huuuman? I been trynna call that Ig ever since she dropped me off this mornin’! Over an’ over again! I need her to pick me up some fermented jackass milk—ain’t got none for my stinkin’ coffee here! Freak O’Nature Merk Perk’s even too bitter for meee wit’out—

F: Zig, lemme talk—this is extremely—

G: An’ I left her lotsa messages! Now, whenever I try to call, it says her lousy voice mailbox is full and can’t accept no new messages! Can yooou go ’cross the street an’ pick me up some—an’ this time, use the door? The Ig ain’t gonna be here till five an’ this can’t wait till afternoon—

F: Zig! Nicki ain’t comin’ to pick ya up at five! There’s been a fire, an’ she’s missin’!

SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] 

G: Whaaat? Fleaglossitty! What hapoopened? Why didn’t ya tell me?

F: Been tryin’! After Nicki, uh, dropped you off here this mornin’, she, uh, headed out to 98.6 Normal Radio’s new buildin’—y’know, the one they rebuilt after that suspicious fire, an’—

G: What was the Ig stinkin’ doin’ there? Normal Radio’s our GAS Broadcast Network’s biggest stinkin’ competitor!

F: Uh, I dunno, Zig….

G: I think ya know more than you’re sayin’, Fleaglossitty! I think she was there ’cause—

SFX: [Cell Phone Ring]

G: I don’t reckookognize this number, but it might be the Ig. Smello?

CRANK CALLER: I vant to buy some cryptocurrency.

G: Ain’t got none! Stinkin’ guh-bye! So, now, Fleaglossitty, tell me what the lousy Ig was doin’ at 98.6 Normal Radio this mornin’—

F: Does it really matter? There was another fire while she was there an’ now she’s missin’—

SFX: [Cell Phone Ring]

G: Stinkin’ smello? 

CC: I vant to buy some cryptocurrency.

G: Awready tol’ ya, ain’t got none! Stinkin’ guh-bye! Now, Fleaglossitty, what was the lousy Ig doin’ at 98.6 Normal Radio this mornin’—

SFX: [Cell Phone Ring]

G: Jus’ stinkin’ tol’ ya, I ain’t got no lousy crypooptocurrency! Stinkin’ guh-bye—oh, it’s you, Doctor Idnas—heh, heh—here, I’ll give ya to Fleaglossitty! He got some real bad news for ya!

F: Hello, Doctor Idnas, like Zig jus’ said, I got some real bad news here.

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Flea, vhat ees wrong? 

F: There was another big fire this mornin’, y’know, in the new Normal Radio buildin’—while Nicki was there—she was on the second floor when black smoke started spreadin’ all over. I was on the phone wit’ her an’ she began coughin’, an’ that’s the last I heard of her!

DI: Oh, my goodness—

F: An’ the firefighters wouldn’t lemme go in, despite my superhero credentials—an’ they said it looked like everyone got out okay, but there’s still no Nicki! They found her car keys up on the second floor, an’ the Splodge is still there—it’s the only vehicle left in the whole parkin’ lot! Her phone’s voice mailbox is full, too! 

G: Heh, heh…

F: Doctor Idnas, I don’t know what to do!

DI: Flea, you absolutely must go to dee police and file a missing persons report!

F: I awready did! An’ I left her car keys under the driver’s side mat. I hope an’ pray she’ll come back for her car an’ surprise us!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

F: Okay, Zig, we gotta decide what we’re gonna do tonight—I can’t stay overnight in your mansion again an’ not get any sleep, but I feel I gotta protect ya from them evil clowns—

G: Jus’ a minute, Fleaglossitty—looks like I got a message on my landline here. Might be from the Ig!

SFX: [Electronic Cash Register Buttons]

MALE VOICE: You have one new message. Press play to listen. SFX: [Electronic Cash Register Buttons]

CC: I vant to buy some cryptocurrency.

G: I stinkin’ tol’ ya awready, ain’t got no lousy crypooptocurrency! An’ if I did, I wouldn’t sell it to yooooou! Stinkin’ guh-bye, ya Iggleheimer dope!

CC: Don’t get mad at me. I’m just a recording.

SFX: [Bang]

F: Now, Zig, we gotta decide what we’re gonna do tonight! Like I said, I ain’t gonna stay at your place again, but I ain’t gonna leave ya alone, either.

G: Lemme think ’bout it while I pop in this replacement window for the one ya jus’ busted. Got a whole box of ’em at home an’ here at work, jus’ ’causa you. SFX: [Slot Clunk] I use these so much—’causa yooou—that I should stinkin’ buy stock in ’em. SFX: [Slot Clunk] Okay, there, till next time ya come zoomin’ in here like a deranged rocket. SFX: [Glass Debris] I’ll clean up all the busted glaaass later. Now, Fleaglossitty, I don’t wanna stay in my place either. Y’know, ’causa them evil clowns Sulak an’ Three lurkin’ about. How’s about we stay at your place tonight?

F: That sounds like a plan—my apartment’s right here, in Perswayssick City. Only, we need a vehicle to get there. I could fly back home, but you’d hafta pay for a cab.

G: Ain’t payin’ for no cab. Got my little white sportscar in our company garage here. Don’t use it much. I have the Ig drive me ’round in her ol’ Splodge ’cause that way, she pays for the gas, not me. Why ya lookin’ at me like that, Fleaglossitty?

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell]] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] 

F: Oh, I remember this little car, Zig. Ya used to keep it in the trunk of your white thirty-two-door limo, in case of emergency. That limo’s so cool—slithers ’round corners like a snake!

G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty. But ya know how fragile them fully articulated vehicles are. Limo dislocated itself again—makin’ that sharp turn on Diaper Pin Drive. It’s back in traction at Zeke’s Pizza an’ Transmissions. So now, I store this little sports car here in my company garage. Bill myself every month, so I only gotta pay meee. An’, of course, I give myself a hefty discount. Real win/win situation. Okay, Fleaglossitty, get in, let’s go. SFX: [Slot Clunk}

F: Ya want me to drive, Zig? 

G: Nah, don’t worry. I ain’t drove for a real long time, but I’ve watched you an’ the Ig, plenny.  SFX: [Car Engine] [Car Horns] [Screeching Brakes]

F: Careful, Zig—din’cha see that tree there?

G: Oh yeah, Fleaglossitty—jus’ when the tree stepped out onto the road wit’out lookin’ both ways! It was jaywalkin’!

F: Can’t wait till Nicki’s back. She’s a good driver!

G: Whaaat? 

F: I hope an’ pray we find her!

SFX: [Screeching Brakes] 

F: Zig! Ya almost jus’ blew through another red light!

G: Yeah, but I managed to stop ’cause I woulda hit that trash can rollin’ in the middle of the street. Woulda dented my car! Ah, light’s finally green! SFX: [Screeching Brakes] 

F: Zig! Now, you’re drivin’ on the wrong side of the road! Into oncomin’ traffic! 

G: Stop worryin’ so much, Fleaglossitty, it’s easy enough for me to get back on the other side of the stinkin’ street! Sheeesh! 

F: Well, do it—now! 

G: It’s good for me to be out on the road every now an’ then—y’know, so I don’t get rusty!

F: Zig! Slow down, for Bogelthorpe’s sake—slow down!

G: But’cha told me to get back on the other side of the road real quick, so I did, an’ I’m stayin’ quick!

F: Slow down—you’ll miss our turn onto Veggie Burger Avenue—you’ll pass my street! 

G: Don’t worry, Fleaglossitty, if I miss it, I can always find it again! SFX: [Screeching Brakes] Ah—missed it!

SFX: [Police Siren]

F: Well, Zig, looks like the cops ain’t missin’ you!

SFX: [Screeching Brakes]

POLICE OFFICER: Do you know how fast you were going? 

G: What a dopey question! Of course, I stinkin’ knew—how could I not? I’m the one doin’ the goin’!

F: Zig—

G: Officer, please igscuze my dopey friend Fleaglossitty’s rude interrupticatin’. SFX: [Belch] 

PO: Let me see your license, registration, and insurance. Take ’em out slowly.

G: Ain’t showin’ ya nuthin’, ’specially not slowly. Ya know who I aaam? I’m Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of this here county! I’m the one an’ only Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeeecey! A proud canine-humanoid! I sign your stinkin’ paychecks! I’m in charge of findin’ a way to get you an’ all of us stranded Planet Eccchs snitizens back to our Planet Eccchs!

PO: Oh, I know who you are. And, I’m giving you a nice fat ticket here for speeding and reckless driving. 

G: I aaam wreckless—ain’t got no wrecks under my belt! 

F: Yet….

G: Shaaadup, Fleaglossitty!

PO: Here’s your nice fat ticket, uh, Diroctor Grate Gizzygalumpaggis!

G: Kiss my left foot.

PO: Better yet, I’ll see you in court. Time and date are on the ticket!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Crash Metal]

 F: Well, we’re here, Zig. Miraculously, in one piece. An’ ya jus’ knocked over the trash cans here in front of my buildin’, but at least ya didn’t hit the buildin’. 

G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ meee, Fleaglossitty.

F: Let’s jus’ get out an’ go in. SFX: [Slot Clunk x 2] [Squeaking Sneakers]

G: How many stinkin’ steps do we gotta climb?

F: Forgot to mention, Zig, it’s a walk-up. Sometimes I fly up. Ah, here we are. SFX: [Door Open] C’mon in. Welcome to my humble home. 

G: Where’s the rest of it? 

F: It’s an efficiency apartment. Everything’s here, in this one room, ’cept the bathroom. 

G: I don’t see no bed—jus’ a couch. Where do ya sleep?

F: I got this Murphy bed, right here by the bathroom—it folds up real nice into the wall here. Has springs an’ opens an’ closes wit’ this special switch here. See? SFX: [Beep] [Boing] 

G: Oh, I think I seen those, in some ol’ Earth movies! Enchantin’ly quaint! I’ll take the couch. That Murphy bed of yours might stinkin’ spring back into the wall, wit’ me in it! I could get hurt or seriously killed! An’ end up missin’, like the Ig!

F:  Zig, I’m beside myself wit’ worry ’bout our poor Nicki! I don’t know how I’m even gonna sleep tonight! What are we gonna do?

G: I need the bathroom.

F: Right over there, Zig. 

SFX: [Door Open]

F: Feel free to shut the door, Zig.

G: Nah, awready got claustrophoophobia. SFX: [Cell Phone Ring] Smello? Who is it? [Splash Water] Fleaglossitty, halp! 

F: Oh, Zig, now what? SFX: [Squeaking Sneakers]

G: My smellphone jus’ jumped into your terlit!

CC: [under water] I vant to buy some cryptocurrency.

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Toilet Flushing] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Squeaking Sneakers] 

G: I’m baaack. Phone’s dryin’ out in your sink. 

F: Ya wanna use these spare pajamas? 

G: Nah. I’ll sleep in my stinkin’ clothes. Hope my beaudiful mansion’s safe wit’ them lousy evil clowns hangin’ ’round outside there, y’know?

F: We’ll find out tomorrow. Aren’t you worried about our Nicki? I mean, she was caught in the middle of a fire, an’ now she’s nowhere to be found! Haven’t heard anythin’ from the police yet.

G: I’m priddy sure she’s okay. There’s still plenny of juice left to squeeze outta that ol’ lemon.

F: Zig! 

G: Our poor ol’ Stinkagick will be okay! 

F: Stinkagick?!

G: Yeah. That’s one of my pet names for her. 

F: I’d say you’re really upset ’bout her bein’ missin’, but you’re trynna act like a tough guy. We been best friends since we were kids back on Planet Eccchs. So, I know ya priddy well. 

G: You ain’t Doctor Idnas or my therapoopist Graaandma—stop tryin’ to analyzate me! Now, turn out the light, Fleaglossitty.

F: Easy enough—there’s only one light switch here. Bad night, Zig.

G: Bad night, Fleaglossitty.

SFX: [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] 

G: I need the bathroom again.

F: You know where it is, Zig.

G: SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Slip and Fall] [Duck Horn] Ow! Fell on my bimbus! So stinkin’ dark in here! Lemme turn on that stinkin’ light! SFX: [Beep] [Boing]

F: [muffled] Yaaaaaah! Zig! Ya hit the wrong switch! Haaalp! Wall swallowed me up! Hit the switch again! Pleeeaze! Wall swallowed me up! 

G: Stinkin’ uh-oh! SFX: [Beep] [Boing] Sorry, Fleaglossitty!

F: Oh…Zig!

G: Ya remind me of one of them pancakes my Aunt ReeUmpa used to make! SFX: [Fail Horn] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] 

G: Heya, Fleaglossitty, I caaan’t sleeeep! 

F: I’m havin’ trouble sleepin’, too.

G: The poor Ig is missin’! Who’s gonna bother me? Who’s gonna drive me around? An’ who am I gonna drive nuts? Who will I aggravate? Whose foot will I drop cups an’ dishes on? Who am I gonna be maaad at for goin’ over to our compoopetition, 98.6 Normal Radio, I bet for a secret job interview? Will I ever see her again? Will I ever get to yell at her? Who will I call “Ig”?

F: In the mornin’, we’ll check in wit’ the police—I’ll drive. An’ we’ll go over to Normal Radio’s parkin’ lot an’ see if her car’s still there. Bad night, Zig. 

G: Bad night, Fleaglossitty. 

SFX: [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]

F: Where’s our favorite human?

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Magic Spell]

Your friendly neighborhood red-caped canine-humanoid good guy Sooperflea here again! We hope ya enjoyed this week’s episode of “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy!” We thank ya for listenin’. An’ please help us spread the word—please tell a friend about us! We appreciate every single download! 

And again, thank you, Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte, for being generous supportin’ members through BuyMeACoffee.com!

Time now to turn it back over to our dear, missin’ Nicki’s alter ego, Vicki. An’, gee—I really, really hope we find Nicki, an’ that she’s okay! An’ that she’ll be back to read all these papers for us next week! SFX: [Rustling Papers] An’ until next week, be well an’ stay safe!

SFX: [Magic Spell]

Music/Outro: Thanks, Nicki! Vicki here again. Thanks so much for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to subscribe and tell a friend! And keep on laughing!

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###