Chickens in His Bed: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 3

“Chickens in His Bed: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 3,” Episode 34

After a frantic search turns up an oddly behaving Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey hiding out in his attic, barking and chasing his tail (unbecoming behavior for a canine-humanoid), his “nervologist” Dr. Alexandra Idnas recommends that the zany Perswayssick County leader not be left alone. 

Gneeecey’s pal, red-caped good guy Sooperflea, and his stranded reluctant employee/renter, earthling Nicki Rodriguez agree to stay the night and look after him. Complicating matters, the sinister nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clown known simply as “Three” continues to stalk and terrorize Gneeecey. And once again, Nicki demonstrates that she possesses some, as Sooperflea puts it, “considerable powers.”

We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say! 

https://buymeacoffee.com/Perswayssick (Please support us with a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship amount—various levels available—to help keep us coming to you via BuyMeACoffee.com! We’ll shout you out during our podcast episodes and in our show notes here, plus supply you with more fun perks!)  

https://www.amazon.com/Vicki-Sola/e/B07J29RVMQ (Amazon Author Page, check out our Gneeecey/Nicki e-books and paperbacks!)

https://www.nfreads.com/interview-with-author-vicki-sola/ (Interview with Vicki Solá)

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This Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy podcast is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Ardelle Institute, providing Executive Coaching for aspiring and established professionals who want to develop their careers, including upwardly-mobile executives, professionals who may be in between jobs, and college graduates transitioning to the workforce. The Ardelle Institute helps with resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, interview skills, and effective job search strategies.  For more information, please call (201) 394-6939, that's (201) 394-6939, or visit them on the web at ardelle-institute.com, that's A-R-D-E-L-L-E dash institute dot com. Take it from me, Gneeecey!

Transcript

Transcript / “Chickens in His Bed: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 3,” episode 34, written by Vicki Solá. 

All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.

Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey!

And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] 

DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C. IDNAS: Vall, Nicki and Flea, Grandma and I are so vary relieved dat you bot vill be staying vit our Gneeecey tonight and looking after him.

NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Yes, Doctor Idnas. As you know, I do live here in this mansion with Gneeecey, in a little guest room, but I can sleep on that air mattress he has in his room up there on the fourth floor. 

THERAPIST INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Dat ees so wery good of you. As Gneeecey’s terapist, I can say dat dis vill make him feel much more secure. Vee are all so tired after vhat vee vent trough today, vhen Gneeecey vas missing.

N: Yep, Grandma, we sure are. Thank goodness we found him. And, while Gneeecey’s, uh, out of the room now, I can tell you that I really need to get a good night’s sleep tonight. He doesn’t know—and now I feel kind of guilty—but tomorrow morning I have to be at my very best. I have a job interview over at 98.6 Normal Radio. They’re looking for a producer. The hours and pay are much better than what Gneeecey offers me at his, uh, GAS Broadcast Network. 

DI: Nicki, you should not feel guilty. You have to do vhat is best for yourself vhile you are stranded here in our dimension of Persvassick County. Don’t you agree, Ingabore?

IS: Yah, Alexandra. And, Nicki, vee certainly understand how much you miss your family and your life back on your Planet Earth. Doctor Idnas, myself, Gneeecey, Sooperflea, and fifteen million odders are also stranded here in dee dimension of Persvayssick County. Vee miss our Planet Eccchs, don’t vee, Sooperflea, uh, Flea?

SOOPERFLEA, AKA, FLEA, AND FLEAGLOSSITTYFLOPPINSPLODGE: That’s right, Missus Scriblig—uh, I know ya want us to call ya “Graaaandma.” And I’m real, real sorry that you and Doctor Idnas had to see our Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey behave in such an undignified manner—barkin’ and runnin’ ’round in circles, tryin’ to catch his tail. As a fellow canine-humanoid, I’m extremely embarrassed.

DI: Don’t feel embarrassed, Flea. Vee have seen dis type of regressive behavior before. As I mentioned earlier, deese recessive qvalities sometimes surface een canine-humanoids vhen dey are exposed to extreme stress, vhich Gneeecey has been experiencing. 

F: Like I declared when we finally found Zig hidin’ up there in the attic, he an’ I are canine-humanoids from Planet Eccchs—much more advanced than regular dogs! True, we descended from dogs, jus’ like dogs descended from wolves, zillions of years ago, but we are canine-humanoids, not dogs! We keep regular dogs as pets!

IS: Flea, don’t feel bad. Eet all goes vit dee territory as far as Doctor Idnas and I are concerned. Vee vere only glad dat vee vere bot able to take dee day off and help you find Gneeecey. 

N: Doctor Idnas, Grandma, we thank you both so much for making such a super-duper house call today!

DI: Our pleasure, Nicki.

IS: Yah. Vee vouldn’t have had eet any odder vay.

SFX: [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Flushing toilet] [Sneakers Squeaking]

G: I’m baaaaack, everyone! SFX: [Belch]

F: Oh, Zig….

G: Whaaat, Fleaglossitty? 

F: ’Scuze you?

G: Yeah, Fleaglossitty, I ’scuze yooou. 

DI: Now, Diroctor Gneeecey, I’m sure dat you vill be fine. Nicki and Flea vill be staying vit you, up in your room tonight.

G: I hope they stinkin’ let me sleep tonight! They better not cause me sleep deprooprivation!

F: Zig—for Bogelthorpe’s sake—we’re doin’ ya a favor! I hope ya let us sleep! I got an early class tomorrow—gotta be at my best. I’m preparin’ for an extremely important exam. I’m real close to gettin’ my chiropractor’s license. Can’t keep this superhero stuff up forever!

DI: Vall, vee hope you all get some good sleep after dis challenging day. And please, eef dat giant nine-foot-tall clown named Three comes back here, I’m afraid dat you must call dee police.

G: But, every time I call the cops, that lousy stinkin’ clown Three disappears before they get here—the cops proboobably think I’m nuts!

SFX: [Cuckoo Clock] 

DI: Oh, Ingabore, look vhat time eet ees! Vee must get going! Goodbye for now!

IS: Yah, Alexandra. Bye, bye, Nicki, Flea, and Diroctor Gneeecey! Sleep tight! Don’t let dee airplanes bite!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye]

N: Uh, Diroctor Gneeecey, what’s with this air mattress of yours? It won’t inflate.

G: Oh, forgot to tell ya, Ig, it don’t inflate no more. Jus’ scrunch it up an’ make believe it got air in it. 

N: How can I possibly—

G: If you’re really that tired, Ig, you’ll manage to fall asleep. Ya can always sleep in a chair, like Fleaglossitty. 

N: Ugh…. And will you stop calling me Ig? I keep telling you, I’m not one of your Planet Eccchs’s legendary, clumsy three-legged troglodyte Iggleheimers!

G: Well, stop always callin’ me Doctor Gneeecey when ya know I’m a stinkin’ doctor an’ dopey director of this lousy Perswayssick County. It’s Diroctor Gneeecey.  Okay, ya Ig?

F: Uh, I like those fleecy maroon pajamas, Nicki!

N: Oh, thanks, Flea. I decided to sleep in my workout clothes tonight. I see you’re sleeping in your superhero pajamas.

F: Yeah, Jus’ removin’ the red cape, so it don’t choke me durin’ the night. An’ Zig, I like your green footie pajamas dotted with all them dimes.

G: Stummix Bank gave ’em to me for bein’ such a good customer. Even got a trap door in the back. See?

F: But why are you puttin’ ’em on over your clothes?

G: Dumb question. I’ll get to bed faster, Fleaglossitty.

N: And why are you putting footie pajamas on over your, uh, red high-top sneakers?

G: In case I gotta run somewhere in the middle of the night, ya Ig. Okay, lights out! Bad night, Fleaglossitty. Bad night, Ig.

SFX: [Metal Click 4]

F: Bad night, Zig. Bad Night, Nicki.

N: Bad night, guys. 

SFX: [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Metal Click 4]

F: Whassamatter, Zig?

G: Forgot to call my puppy Spot, up in Seemingwhale Towers!

N: Ugh…. For the life of me, I don’t know why you don’t let your sweet pup Oxymoron—

G: I call him “Spot”—conservates vowels an’ consonants!

N: Okay, Diroctor Gneeecey, I don’t know why your sweet pup Spot can’t live with us in your mansion here instead of being all alone in that four hundred-fourteenth-floor condo! There’s plenty of space here—four floors! 

G: How many times do I gotta tell ya, Spot has his own big boy life. I get all the fun of pet ownership without any of the resposiboobability! The doorman over there takes care of him.

N: Yeah, that strange Transylvanian-type guy, Bogelthorpe. Greasy guy gives me the creeps! 

G: I didn’t ask for no comments from the peanut gallery, ya Ig. Bad night!

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Metal Click 4]

N: Ugh…. Now, what?

F: Yeah, Zig, what she said. Now, what? Why’d ya turn the light back on when we’re trynna sleep?

G: I heard myself say somethin’ ’bout peanuts. I’m hungry—need a bedtime snack! Gotta have me some peanuts!

F: Ya got any? 

G: Nah, think I ate ’em all. The ones I got when I visited Alababilababilababilabama. 

F: You mean Alabama. 

G. That’s what I stinkin’ said. Aboobilababilaboobilababilabama. On the Ig’s planet. Y’know, Earth. I travel to her planet every coupla months. Got a timeshare there.

N: You—you—you visit my planet that often?

G: Told ya I do, Ig! Now, Fleaglossitty, yooou got any peanuts?

F: Yeah, Zig. In my overnight bag. My ESP was workin’ good enough for me to bring that bag here today. Had a funny feelin’ I’d need it. Lemme go downstairs an’ get it. 

G: Okay. Take your time but hurry up.

F: Okay. Be back in a minute.

SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Falling Down Stairs] 

F: Yaaaaah—these lousy stairs!

SFX: [Accent Cartoon] [Duck Horn]

F: Ow! My bimbus!

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Cartoon 1]

F: Here, Zig. Here’s your peanuts. 

G: Stinkin’ took ya long enough.  

F: You’re welcome.

G: Haaah? For whaaat?

F: For thankin’ me for fallin’ down the stairs and practically breakin’ my bimbus, rushin’ to get you your peanuts. Thanks a lot.

G: You’re smellcome, Fleaglossitty.

F: Haaah?

G: For thankin’ me that I didn’t thank ya for fallin’ down the stairs and practically breakin’ your bimbus rushin’ to get me my peanuts. Now, give ’em here! An’ how come you got all them peanuts?

F: I always carry peanuts, Zig. I share ’em wit’ all them crows whenever I’m around your place here. They’ve become my friends—lots of ’em even seem to recognize my face! Especially this real big one who screams “Nevermore!” all the time. Crows are highly intelligent creatures.

G: So it’s your fault, Fleaglossitty! Your fault that I have chronic constipation!

F: Whaaaa—

G: Yooou been attractin’ that lousy Poe Crow here!

F: Poe Crow?

G: Every day, he sits on my bathroom windowsill an’ screams, “Nevermore! Nevermore!” An’ sure enough, he’s right! I can’t never go! I’m there for hours! An’ it’s all your stinkin’ fault!

F: It may be stinkin’, but it ain’t my fault!

SFX: [Crows]

G: It is! An’ listen, they’re all out there now, even though it’s night. ’Causa yooou! They should all be sleepin’ now!

N: We should all be asleep now!

G: I ain’t even hungry no more. Youse all took away my apoopetite! Bad night!

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Metal Click 4] 

N: Now, what? 

F: Yeah, Zig, for Bogelthorpe’s sake—now what? 

G: Forgot to call Spot. SFX: [Cell Phone Dialing] [Phone Ringing] Hi Spot, how ya doin’?”

OXYMORON, AKA “SPOT’: SFX: [Barking Puppy]

G: Sorry ya don’t like your new food. Freak O’Nature jus’ sent me twenny more cases. You’ll get used to it. It’s a inquired taste. 

S: SFX: [Barking Puppy]

G: Didn’t call to hear no complainin’. Jus’ called to say bad night. See ya soon. Guh-bye. Stop lookin’ at me like that, youse two. Bad night. 

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Metal Click 4]

G: Ah, hah, haah, haaah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins] 

N: Ugh…. Bless you, Diroctor Gneeecey….

F: Yeah, an’ for Bogelthorpe’s sake, don’t pick up all them dimes ya just sneezed out. That can wait till mornin’.

N: Which is coming pretty soon.

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Human Whistle Rock-a-bye] [Crunching Leaves] [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Metal Click 4] 

G: Oh, stinkin’ nooo! It’s him again—that miserabooble nine-foot-tall evil clown Three! He’s out there—walkin’ around on my propooperty! Proboobably in cahoots wit’ Mister Tree—y’know, that gigaaantical oak out there that’s always stalkin’ me!

F: Zig, I really think you should call the police, like Doctor Idnas advised.

N: I agree, Diroctor Gneeecey. Time to call the cops. 

G: Who stinkin’ asked youse? Lemme turn off the light. Maybe he’ll think I ain’t home.

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Human Whistle Pop Goes the Weasel] [Crunching Leaves] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Metal Click 4]

G: Oh, nooo! Halp! Haaalp!

N: For cryin’ out loud—now what?

F: Yeah, now what, Zig?

G: Chickens in my bed! Haaalp! Haaalp! Chickens in my bed! SFX: [Chickens]

F: That’s impossible, Zig! 

N: Yeah—we don’t see anything in your bed—

F: Except for pizza boxes, half a tire, an’ piles of dirty laundry an’ ol’ sneakers, an’—

N: And tire tracks on your, uh, bare mattress.

G: Can’cha hear ’em? Can’cha see ’em? Chickens in my bed! Haaalp! Haaalp! Chickens in my bed! SFX: [Chickens] 

F: There ain’t no chickens in your bed, Zig! 

G: There stinkin’ are! I ain’t hallocinoocinatin’! I swear, this ain’t no hallucinization! Chickens in my bed! Haaalp! Haaalp! Chickens in my bed! SFX: [Chickens] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Crunching Leaves] Looky, even that evil clown Three hears ’em—he’s baaack! Haaalp!

N: He’s back ’cause he hears you. He knows you’re home.

G: Haaalp! Haaalp! There’s even more chickens, now! Stinkin’ haaalp! Chickens in my bed! Chickens in my bed! SFX: [Chickens] 

F: Uh, here, Zig, I always carry this in my travel bag. It’s a bottle of, uh, anti-chicken spray! 

G: Are ya sure ya ain’t trynna fool me, Fleaglossitty?

F: Works great in restaurants when they serve me chicken insteada goonafish salad. Lemme spray this, uh, effective anti-poultry remedy all over your mattress. SFX: [Graffiti Spray]

G: It worked! They’re all gone! The chickens are all stinkin’ gone!

N: Good. Now let’s try and get some sleep. 

F: Yeah, Zig, it’s three a.m.

N: Ugh. Alarm clock goes off in three hours. 

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Insect Flies] [Metal Click 4] [Bang] [Glass Debris] [Dish Ceramic]

G: Stinkin’ got it!

F: Ya got what, Zig? Ya got what?

N: Ugh. This had better be good. It’s four a.m.!

G: Them airplane insects! Y’know, them little bugs we got here in Perswayssick County that mutated into lookin’ like high-flyin’ airplanes to fool us so they can bite us? An’ their bites are horribooble—worse than your mosquitoes back on Earth, Ig! Youse two should thank me that youse ain’t gonna get all bit up in your sleep!

N: Doubt that we would—we’re not getting any sleep! Now, can we please try and get some before we have to get up? 

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] 

G: Frombilagonga! Frombilagonga! 

N: What now! 

F: Ow—Zig—ya jus’ fell over me!

N: Lemme put the light on. SFX: [Metal Click 4] He’s sleepwalking! With both arms stretched way out in front of him! And he’s got this funny red nightcap on his head!

G: Frombilagonga! Frombilagonga! 

F: Zig—Zig—for Bogelthorpe’s sake, wake up! 

G: Frombilagonga! Frombilagonga! 

F: I better go after him—oh, no, he’s headed for the—stairs—

SFX: [Cartoon Slip x 2] [Falling Down Stairs x 2] [Accent Cartoon] [Boing x 2] [Duck Horn x 2]

G & F [in unison]: Ow! My bimbus! 

G: Frombilagonga! 

N: Guys, I’m comin’ to help you! SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Falling Down Stairs] [Accent Cartoon] Ow—I think I broke my leg! 

SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] 

N: Now, Diroctor Gneeecey, please! Flea and I have to get some sleep—we have to get up, like in an hour!

F: Yeah, Zig, this is like a nightmare ’cept we ain’t dreamin’ ’cause we ain’t sleepin’! Now, turn off that light so we can get some sleep—please! 

G: Aw-stinkin’-right.

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Metal Click 4]

G: Oh, looky!

N: Now, what?

F: Oh, c’mon, Zig—this is ridiculous awready!

G: No, it ain’t. There’s some papers in my bed, makin’ me uncomfoofortable. 

F: More uncomfortable than the half a tire, empty pizza boxes, an’ dirty clothes?

G: Don’t get intelligent wit’ me, Fleaglossitty! Let’s see what is says on these here papers. [Rustling Papers] Says here, “We wanna thank our good friends Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, an’ Toni Aponte for bein’ generous supportin’ members of ‘Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy,’ through BuyMeACoffee dot com.” 

N: We’re gonna need more than coffee to stay awake tomorrow! Now, turn out that light so we can get some sleep!

SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Snoring] [Large Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Metal Click 4]  

N: What the—

F: Looks like a giant clown’s size twenny-seven shoe jus’ sailed through this window!

G: Yupperooney! It’s a clown’s shoe awright! It belongs to that evil stinkin’ nine-foot-tall clown Three!

N: I’m going over to that window—I’ve just about had enough—

F: Nicki, be careful!

N: SFX: [Glass Debris] Oh, I’ll be careful. You! Hey, you out there—ya three-armed, three-legged nine-foot-tall red-nosed jerk! 

THREE: No need to get personal! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]

N: Your laugh doesn’t even match your stupid voice! Listen, you, I’ve had enough! 

T: I’ve had enough, too! Can’t a clown get any sleep around here? Why ya lookin’ at me like that, ya human Earth girl? Like I got four arms an’ four legs? Only got three arms an’ three legs! Stop starin’! Feels like your eyes are burnin’ holes through me! Will ya stop lookin’ at me?

SFX: [Hollow Spooky Fear] [Jet Engine Startup] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh] [Magic Glitter]

G: Wowzickles, Ig! He jus’ dematerialized!

N: Yeah. Now, maybe we can get a few winks of shut-eye before we hafta—

SFX: [Digital Alarm Clock] [Fail Horn] [Toy Piano Rock-a-bye] [Comical Scary Clown Laughter] [Carnival Creepy Music Box] [Magic Spell]

Nicki Rodriguez here again! We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode of “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy!” And we thank you for listening. Please help us spread the word—please tell a friend about us! We appreciate every single download! And again, thank you, Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte, for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com!

Time now to turn it back over to my alter ego, Vicki. Until next time, be well and stay safe!

SFX: [Magic Spell]

Music/Outro: Thanks, Nicki! Vicki here again. Thanks so much for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to subscribe and tell a friend! And keep on laughing!

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###