“Gneeecey is Missing: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 2,” Episode 33
After being terrorized by the sinister nine-foot-tall, three-armed, three-legged clown known simply as “Three,” Perswayssick County leader Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey goes missing. His “nervologist” Dr. Alexandra Idnas, therapist Ingabore Scriblig, stranded earthling Nicki Rodriguez, and red-caped good guy Sooperflea mount a frantic search for the zany canine-humanoid.
We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sandi Solá, Sal Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members via BuyMeACoffee.com! We appreciate their sponsorship and support more than words can say!
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Transcript / “Gneeecey is Missing: Pop Went the Weasel, Part 2,” episode 33, written by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2022 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey!
And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Doorbell Ring] [Door Open]
NICKI RODRIGUEZ: Oh, Doctor Idnas! Grandma! Thank goodness you’re both here!
DOCTOR ALEXANDRA C IDNAS: Nicki, vee got here as qvickly as vee could vhen vee got your message dat our favorite vhite-and-black Jack Russell canine-humanoid Gneeecey has gone missing! I canceled all of my appointments for dee rest of dee day.
INGABORE SCRIBLIG, AKA “GRANDMA”: Yah, Nicki, I even closed my veggie meatball shop for dee day! As Gneeecey’s terapist, I feel a certain responsibility.
DI: Yah, and as Gneeecey’s doctor, I feel dee same. And veee care about you as vell, Nicki.
N: One second, I was talking to Gneeecey, then the next second, he was gone! It’s like he disappeared into thin air! I don’t know what to do! He doesn’t even answer his cell phone—I—I just get his voice mail! Y’know, in my message to you, Doctor Idnas, I mentioned the nine-foot-tall clown that’s been stalking and threatening him—this one’s real! I saw it, too—it has three arms and three legs! Y’know, I really don’t wanna call the cops—
DI: Calm down, Nicki, please! I’m sure dere has to be a logical explanation for dis.
IS: Yah, Alexandra, vee vill surely find Gneeecey and—
SFX: [Large Glass Shatter] [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Scary Background II]
N: Oh, my God—now what—
IS: It came from over dere!
N: Yep—the Grate Room, down the hall! Let’s go! I hope it’s not that horrible giant clown again—breaking in, this time!
SFX: [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
SOOPERFLEA, AKA “FLEA” & “FLEAGLOSSITTY FLOPPINSPLODGE”: Hi, guys! It’s only me, your friendly black-furred, red-caped canine-humanoid neighborhood superhero!
IS: Sooperflea! You certainly know how to make an entrance!
F: Yeah, Missus Scriblig. Sorry….
IS: Please, I’ve told you before, call me “Grandma.”
F: Okay, Grandma. An’ please, everyone, jus’ call me “Flea.” Heya, Nicki. Heya, Doctor Idnas.
DI: Flea, vhat brings you here?
F: My superhero ESP don’t always work properly these days, but I had a real bad feelin’ that my good pal Zig—y’know, Gneeecey—is in big trouble an’ needs me!
N: Flea, I’m so glad you’re here! You’ve earned that red superhero cape of yours today—your ESP is right on target! Your best friend—your fellow canine-humanoid pal Zig Gneeecey is missing!
SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Fail Horn] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo] [Glass Debris]
F: There, I think I swept up all the broken glass. Now, lemme pop in Zig’s replacement window here. SFX: [Slot Clunk] Luckily, he got a whole box of ’em. Now, fill me in, Nicki, please.
N: Oh, Flea, you don’t know the half of it—
F: Maybe I do—
N: —your best friend Zig Gneeecey is being terrorized by a—
F: —nine-foot-tall clown—
N: —with three arms—
F: —an’ three legs—
N: —and he’s evil, and he’s—
F: —blackmailin’ Zig—
N: —with a recording of a conversation Gneeecey and I had—
F: —that night you both spent in that prison cell on Planet HyenaZitania—
N: —and the clown—
F: —whose name is Three—
N: —is threatening to ruin Gneeecey’s whole life by telling everyone how, when he was working his way through medical school back on your Planet Eccchs—
F: —in the Office of Threes, he pocketed valuable threes, even cutting pricey eights in half, when he was supposed to be loggin’ ’em all in an’ lockin’ ’em all up—
N: —and I’m sure that Gneeecey’s evil lookalike, Ebegneeezer Gesundheit Eeeceygnay, who accidentally transferred himself from Planet HyenaZitania to this dimension of Perswayssick County—
F: —an’ has been livin’ here wit’ you an’ Zig, here in Zig’s four-story mess of a mansion—
N: —and who’s recently pulled a disappearing act but still has a key to this place—
F: —is behind all of this! See, Nicki, I did know the half of it!
N: Yep, Flea, your superhero ESP is working pretty well today.
DI: Poor Gneeecey! Dis ees a serious situation indeed!
IS: Yah, eet ees! I am even more vorried about Gneeecey now, hearing all dis!
F: I wish my superhero ESP could tell me where Zig is! And where his rotten lookalike Ebegneeezer is.
SFX: [Door Open]
EBEGNEEEZER GESUNDHEIT EEECEYGNAY: Did I hear someone mention my name?
DI: Oh, my goodness, dee resemblance ees startling!
IS: Yah, eet most certainly ees!
E: That would be Mister Eeeceygnay to you, Earth Girl!
N: Mister Eeeceygnay, you pulled a disappearing act on us. What brings you back here now?
E: It is not that you are fortunate enough that I decided to grace you with my irresistibly charismatic presence after an extended absence that is really none of your business. If your rather faulty Earth memory would somehow learn to serve you properly, you would doubtlessly recall that I am residing here. You know, until I discover the formula that will enable me to return home to my superior Planet HyenaZitania, which I rule.
N: It is my business!
F: Yupperooney, it is our business because we know what you’re up to, and you’re not gonna get away wit’ it! And neither is that dopey nine-foot-tall clown pal of yours! Now, where’s our Zig?
N: Yeah! Where is our Zig Gneeecey? Why don’t you try and refresh your so-called superior memory, Mister, uh, Eeeceygnay?
E: You insolent miscreants, I have no idea what you are talking about. Now, if you will, I would like to go upstairs to my room and—
F: You’re not goin’ anywhere till ya tell us where our Zig Gneeecey is!
E: I have no intention of humoring you halfwits by continuing to participate in this rather useless conversation. Now, if you’ll excuse me—
F: No, buddy, I ain’t excusin’ ya! We want answers!
E: You dare to stand in my way and obstruct my path, you inferior canine-humanoid?
F: You are what ya call me! Now, ya see here, I’m unclippin’ these handcuffs from my superhero utility belt, an’ they’re gonna be around your high-fallutin’ inferior canine-humanoid fur wrists in half a split-second!
E: Surely, you jest—you don’t honestly think I’m going to stand here and allow you to—why are you staring at me like that, Earth Girl—why—why—it feels like your eyes are actually burning holes through me—and causing me paralysis—
SFX: [Hollow Spooky Fear] [Jet Engine Startup] [Supersonic Aerodynamic Whoosh]
F: Wow, Nicki! You’ve got some considerable powers of your own, there!
DI: I saw her do dis vunce before—eet ees nothing short of amazing!
IS: Yah! She got dis bad guy to totally stand still! He appears to be in some sort of trance!
F: Yep! Now, I can cuff the snooty creep! SFX: [Metal Click 3 & 4] And, we’ll be able to get some answers outta him!
E: Not so fast, you fools!
SFX: [Magic Glitter] [Metal Clunk 5, 4, & 6]
F: Oh, no! He totally dematerialized—those handcuffs jus’ clunked to the floor!
DI: He disappeared into thin air, right in front of our vary eyes!
IS: Yah—he ees gone, like our Gneeecey!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
N: Oh, no. With Ebegneeezer gone again, we’ll never get the answers we need to find Gneeecey.
F: Don’t worry, my favorite Earth human. I am gonna find my best friend! Now, I’m gonna call his cell phone, jus’ in case he might answer. An’ if we get his, uh, long voice mail message, we’re all gonna leave him a message, together. Hopefully, my real expensive superhero phone that I’m still payin’ for will be able to pick up a ooglometronical signal indicatin’ his location.
SFX: [Phone Dial] [Dial Tone]
GNEEECEY: You’ve reached the voice mail of meee, the one an’ only Grate One, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey. An’ that is spelled G-R-A-T-E. I’m director of this here Perswayssick County, wit’ the title of Grate Gizzygalumpaggis, shortened to Grate Gizzy, to conservate vowels an’ consonants, for the welfare of our community. An’ I am also a doctor—earned my credentials back on our Planet Eccchs before we all got straaanded here—so that makes me a diroctor. An’ I’m also our county’s Quality of Life Commissioner. Press one if ya wanna leave me a message ’bout any pollutical or county stuff. Press two if ya wanna leave me any messages ’bout any quality of life junk. Press that beaudiful number three if ya wanna leave me a message ’bout my Gneeezle’s Restaurant, press four if ya wanna leave me a message concernin’ my GAS Broadcast Network, an’ press five if you’re a friend of mine an’ it ain’t that important.
SFX: [Phone Tone]
F: Okay, Zig, we’re your friends, an’ this is important! Real important. Please, if ya can hear my voice, pick up! We’re goin’ nuts tryin’ to find ya! [Whispers] Here, Nicki.
N: Diroctor Gneeecey, we’re all worried sick! What happened? Where are you? Please, when you hear this message, call Flea or me. Or call our landline here at home! We care about you! Now, here’s Doctor Idnas. She and Grandma are here with us, and they’re very worried, too!
DI: Hallo, Diroctor Gneeecey. Vee are extremely concerned about your vhereabouts! Vee understand dat you are vary upset, and vee vant to halp you! Here’s Grandma….
IS: Diroctor Gneeecey, if you hear dis message, please, please, do let us know someting—anyting! I vill make you a special batch of my veggie meatballs! Smoddered in dat veggie cross-eyed cheese sauce dat you love, vit’ a side of veggie turkey ice cream!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
DI: Flea, did your phone pick up any ooglometronical signals?
F: Yupperooney, Doctor Idnas! Zig’s definitely here in this house somewhere!
N: I think we need to search each room on every floor of this four-story mansion.
F: I agree, Nicki. An’ don’t forget, there’s the basement an’ attic, too!
DI: And I tink, due to dee dangerous nature of dis situation, vee should all stay together!
IS: Yah, Alexandra! Vee should all search together.
F: Okay, agreed. Let’s go down to the basement. Be warned, it’s, uh, not exactly pleasant down there.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
N: You were right, Flea. It’s not very pleasant down here.
DI: Yah, eet ees radder musty in dis basement. And dat ees putting eet nicely.
IS: Dere are so many piles of junk to step over!
SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Bang] [Wood Demolition] [Metal Crash]
F: Yeah…lotsa stuff to fall over!
N: Let me help you up, Flea.
F: Thanks, Nicki. Y’know, I think slippin’ on these papers here is what made me flop over this pile of junk!
DI: Let me see deese papers dat caused dee calamity, Flea.
F: Sure, Doctor Idnas. Lemme give ya some light here. SFX: [Metal Click 4] Geewhizzicles, I think I busted my flashlight when I fell. It’s dangerousical down here, as Zig would say.
DI: Don’t vorry, Flea, dere ees still a tiny bit of light coming from dat dim bulb up dere. SFX: [Rustling Papers] Eet says on deese papers, “Vee vant to tank our good friends Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte for being generous supporting members of ‘Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy,’ tru BuyMeACoffee dot com.” How nice! Friends of our Gneeecey!
F: Yupperooney, and any friends of Zig’s are friends of ours!
SFX: [Whistling] [Leaves Crunching]
N: [whispers] Uh-oh—you hear that? He’s here again! That giant clown Three—he’s walking around out there again!
SFX: [Pouring Rain with Thunderstorm]
F: An’ now, we got a storm—
DI: And vee just lost electricity, vhat little light vee had! Eet’s pitch-black down here!
SFX: [Scary Background II] [Whistling] [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
N: [whispers] I wish he would just go away!
DI: [whispers] Me too, Nicki!
IS: [whispers] Yah! And who knows how long deese lights vill be out!
F: [whispers] All we can do is remain calm and wait it out….
SFX: [Dish Ceramic]
N: [whispers] What was that?
F: [whispers] Jus’ some junk fallin’. Plenny of that around here.
SFX: [Whistling] [Evil Clown Laugh 6] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell]
DI: Dose lights must have been out for two hours. I’m glad ve’re finally back upstairs.
N: Me too. And it’s so creepy knowing that Three is out there, skulking around.
SFX: [Bang] [Wood Demolition] [Cuckoo Clock]
N: What was that?
F: Oh, that’s jus’ Zig’s cuckoo clock, down there in his famous Hall of Clox—y’know, by the first-floor bathroom here. Falls over every now an’ then. Top-heavy.
N: Oh, yeah—I’m so jumpy—I forgot. Speaking of that bathroom, we haven’t searched it yet.
SFX: [Door Open] [Electronic Button] [Cool Digital Alert] [Intarface 2]
F: What in Saint Bogelthorpe’s name—
N: Those are electronic audio capsules—they contain recordings of that conversation that Three got hold of, that Gneeecey and I had, back in the prison cell on Planet HyenaZitania. He’s using this recording to blackmail Gneeecey. Three says he has the original recording. He had to have gotten it from Ebegneeezer, who is taking advantage of the fact that he’s Gneeecey’s lookalike.
DI: Yah, vhere else could he have gotten eet?
IS: Poor Diroctor Gneeecey….
SFX: [Electronic Button] [Cool Digital Alert] [Intarface 2]
F: Lemme try somethin’. SFX: [Splash Water] [Flushing Toilet x 3] It won’t go down!
N: I could’ve told you, Flea, it won’t.
F: Guess my superhero ESP ain’t a hundred percent, yet….
THREE’S VOICE: It will never go down! It’s unsinkable! Totally and utterly unflushable! You guys, have a real nice evenin’! SFX: [Evil Clown Laugh 6]
F: Holy Saint Bogelthorpe!
N: [whispers] These electronic audio capsules are like two-way radios, too.
F: Lemme pick up Zig’s bent golf club here an’ smash these little—
N: No, Flea—each time Gneeecey hit one, it replicated! That’s why there are so many of ’em! SFX: [Electronic Button] [Cool Digital Alert] [Intarface 2] [Fail Horn] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
F: Well, it’s been four hours now since the lights came back on. We’ve searched everywhere from the basement to the fourth floor here, but no Zig….
N: That just leaves the attic….
DI: Nicki, eef vee don’t find Diroctor Gneeecey up dere, I’m afraid vee vill have to call dee police.
IS: Yah, in dat case, vee vill have to contact dee autorities.
F: We’ve been tryin’ to avoid that, but we may have no choice…. Let’s just take a little break here an’ regroup before we go up there to the attic. Breathe, everyone.
DI: You know, I cannot believe dat our Diroctor Gneeecey actually sleeps here. I mean, look at his bed—he shares eet vit half a tire, several pizza boxes, a pile, from vhat I can smell, of dirty laundry, plus soiled paper plates, and a half-dozen pairs of his old red high-top sneakers.
IS: And a deflated purple plastic chair. Dee rubbish in here is ankle-deep.
F: As we saw, the second an’ third floors here are knee-high wit’ junk. I fell over half a bicycle hidden in all that rubble. An’ some heavy, life-sized Halloween skeletons fell out of a closet up here, right on toppa me. Made enough noise to wake the dead. I’m growin’ a bump here on my head. An’ I hurt myself sittin’ on a cactus. The plant blended in wit’ a chair…until I sat down.
N: I thought that the six-foot-long periscope welded to that sofa on skis, y’know, in the third-floor library, was an interesting piece. Unique.
F: Yeah, Zig’s an inventor, too.
IS: Dee kitchen is really a disgrace. Unsanitary. I tink dee disorder here in Diroctor Gneeecey’s home represents a disorganized mind. But, under deese circumstances, I feel bad saying dis.
DI: I know, Ingabore, but maybe dis gives us better insight on how vee might halp him.
IS: Yah, Alexandra, I tink you’re right. Let us hope and pray vee find him so dat vee can help him.
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Music Box Cinematic Logo]
F: If my memory serves me right, the attic door is down there at the end of this hallway.
N: Okay, Flea. Let’s go. And let’s hope he’s up there!
IS: Yah, let’s hope and pray dat vee find Gneeecey up dere.
DI: Yah, Ingabore, all vee can do ees to hope and pray.
SFX: [Door Open] [Cartoon 1] [Audience Laughing] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Accent Cartoon - Slip and Fall][Boing] [Duck Horn]
DI: Vhat ees all dat racket? Eet sounds like a TV ees on up dere!
F: Yeah! A sitcom! C’mon, let’s go!
N: Yeah, let’s go!
IS: Somevun ees up dere for sure!
DI: Oh, my goodness! Look at our Diroctor Gneeecey!
F: Zig! Why are you nibbling your wrists like that?
G: Woof! Grrrrr! Woof!
SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]
N: And now, he’s running in circles—
F: Zig, stop chasin’ your tail like a—like a regular dog!
G: I caaan’t! I caught it once! Haaalp! Someone’s after me! I’m after me!
F: We’re canine-humanoids from Planet Eccchs—much more advanced than regular dogs! True, we descended from dogs, like dogs descended from wolves, but we are canine-humanoids, not dogs! We keep regular dogs as pets!
G: I think this is from all the stinkin’ stress I’m stinkin’ goin’ through!
DI: Yah, dat vould explain eet—dee severe stress of dis whole situation, coupled vit Diroctor Gneeecey’s odder issues, ees bringing out deese recessive qvalities.
IS: Yah—you know, I’ve seen dis, too, back on our Planet Eccchs!
F: An’ look, his sneaker laces are yellow!
N: Poor Diroctor Gneeecey…. I’ve seen that before, too.
F: Now, Zig, why didn’t ya answer your phone when we called?
G: Because a nine in time saved Stitch!
F: C’mon, Zig, it’s me, Flea—your best friend. Why didn’t ya answer your phone?
G: Lousy battery’s dead, Fleaglossitty. Forgot to charge it. Too much else to worry ’bout.
N: Diroctor Gneeecey, we were all so worried about you! Thank goodness you’re here—and okay. Kind of. We’re all gonna help you!
DI: Yah, Diroctor Gneeecey. Ingabore—uh, Grandma—and I canceled everyting today to come and halp find you! Vee are here to halp you. And together, vee vill get you tru dis situation.
IS: Dat ees right. Vee vant you to know dat you are not alone.
G: Thaaanks, Graaandma. I feel better awready, wit’ all of youse here. Don’t gotta chase my tail no more. Uh-oh—it’s priddy dusty up here! Ah, hah, hah, fiduciary! SFX: [Clinking Coins]
DI: I know eet’s dee least of your vorries, but you are still sneezing dimes!
G: Yupperooney—an’ I better stinkin’ pick ’em all up before any clowns try an’ steal ’em! SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Cartoon Slip] [Accent Cartoon - Slip and Fall] [Boing] [Duck Horn] Ow! My bimbus! To be continued, everyone!
SFX: [Fail Horn] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo] [Magic Spell] [Comical Scary Clown Laughter] [Carnival Creepy Music Box]
Nicki Rodriguez here again! We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode of “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy!” And we thank you for listening. Please help us spread the word—please tell a friend about us! We appreciate every single download! And again, thank you, Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, and Toni Aponte, for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com!
Time now to turn it back over to my alter ego, Vicki. Until next time, be well and stay safe!
SFX: [Magic Spell]
Music/Outro: Thanks, Nicki! Vicki here again. Thanks so much for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to subscribe and tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###